30th September
ah...felt like blogging yesterday but gave it up for a greater and much more 'noble' cause. nah it wasn't noble at all. in fact it just proved that I didn't have enough determination. so sad. broke my own promise. but maybe it's the stress. yeah right. as if. so what did I do instead of faithfully blogging about the people I love most, especially since I really wanted to blog yesterday?
I called avril.
heh. talked a lot of rubbish. and helped with her GP. again. ah well saw her too much yesterday, so really wanted to call her. I thought that maybe after calling her I'll stop ranting and wailing so much.
I was so wrong.I think it did me a disservice. today I kept looking out, looking here and there and everywhere despite knowing that I had zero premonition again. and today really really dead zero. I only saw a little of her when she walked past my classroom to the lt during my econs for her pccg. and that's about it. she was with serena I think, followed by chris and chris. ah never mind. must learn to focus. nono not focus on her. focus on what I was doing originally. and that is like so hard. ah wel. let's carry on with yesterday, then today. like normally. yesterday...all my troubles seem so faraway...garbage you. talking rubbish already. oh dear. yesterday. I remember when we were having a practice for the syf performance for the school, the guitar ensemble was playing this piece. then nuha tried to be funny by sitting in the extra seat they had and started to sing. and then the mike started to give feedback and all of us were like rolling on the bed. ahahhaa. so dumb. and she was like so eager and singing so dramatically and this had to happen. but it was fun. those were the days. ahaha like I'm very old. anyway...about yesterday. he didn't come. maril was laughing. and I was like never mind...saw avril, very obviously, to the point where I couldn't help BUT call her...then after school, went to study with maril and mae. it was meant to be only the three of us, then meida joined in. so cute right, maril, meida, mae and me. 4M! ahaha. so lame. people I love so much. like yayayayayay! though not the one I love the most but never mind, still at least the ones I love. and it was fun anyway. the four of us ate together and sat down, bitched a little, talked lots of rubbish, and it was nice really. so nice right? then this morning ALL disappeared. maril and mae didn't come to school, although mae appeared later in the afternoon to study, and meida was coming late. she went to get her vaccination for her yunnan trip. and the doctor was so freaking mean to her. but that aside, all these idiots went MIA and I was like wah lao eh....never mind. I am kind today.so many absentees today. like whatever. and guess what? no school tomorrow! ahaha! in celebration of childrens' day. like real. the last time we had a childrens' day holiday was like in primary school. so dumb. but I'm still coming back to school anyway. don't want to come for econs. don't really know what to ask her. and the I got all the workbook questions wrong because I haven't studied and I tried to do it without reference at all. it's amazing it wasn't entirely wrong. and I actually knew sort of what she was talking about in class today when she went through the book. oh well never mind for now. must study it soon. so I'll go for intensive math and maybe do some econs tomorrow. listening to FIR's revolution. I think I know what's wrong with all these english rock songs, which the chinese are trying to copy. I think I know why they've lost to the jrock arena. they aren't fast enough. neither are they crazy enough. and I think that's where tai ke song has won. ahaha. it's crazy and catchy and rubbishy and everything I love. not bad right? good. heh. went straight off tangent. had fun during PE. really. it's a nice game. played aussie rules football again. and it was crazy. we were screaming the whole field down and laughing at kurseth running in the wrong direction. after we finished laughing the first time, she did it again! so loser. ahaha. but never mind she's cute about it. talked a lot to jashan during recess. we were talking and talking until the first bell went and we were like oh dear. because she hadn't eaten, I hadn't bought my food either and I had to change. we were like laughing and laughing and we went off our separate ways. beginning to miss el. speaking of which, imran just dyed his hair and man he looks really good. I mean he doesn't look bad at all, just so long as he keeps his mouth shut. his voice totally throws you off. blast you away. yeah right. listen to him and you can't stop laughing. after a while you do get used to it but man it's funny the first time. I feel like telling him 'mran you look good for once...but his head might grow bigger and he'll say something like I've always looked good and I cannot bear it. ah well I know a lot of people like him but once again,NEVER MIND.2 days ago my catch phrase was 'it doesn't matter'. today it's 'never mind'. oh dear. I want to type but...never mind. ahahaha. before I deviate once more, let's carry on. lit, gp, math. negligible. math tutorial! ahaha. my so called only chance last time, on thursdays to see avril, were blown...ah it fitted with my premonition anyway. because the class was at e4-6, my class decided to take the e block stairs, which is on the other end, nearer to the classroom. and the strangest part is, whenever I have a strong feeling I'm going to see that girl, my class would automatically take the spiral staircase, which is the stairs that they hate most, yet they would actually take it sometimes. and it goes by the other way, more crowded, and certainly more giddy. but it goes past e4-3. and that's her classroom. heh. of course there were occasions where I pushed my friends into the spiral stairs so that we could walk past e4-3. but whenever that happened, she would either be still in class, still having class, or disappeared. so the moral of the story is, don't push it. you know my premonition thingy is so cool, yet it's so freaky. why? it's cool because somehow it's almost always true. and freaky for the same reason. like why is it like that? and only her. I have a powerful radar, no doubt. after much training of looking out for eewei, my radar is very highly advanced. but the premonition thing has never been this powerful before. oh yes I have very incredible premonitions and overdose of deja vus. and it really kinda sucks. I don't fancy deja vus. it just gives me this really creepy feeling. somehow. don't ask so much. deviated again right? get back here. right. after school stayed behind to study. meant to study with meida crys and joyce, but joyce got detained by scm again. it's scary you know. joyce hates scm so much. and it's weird, because joyce doesn't hate anyone. it's not her. it's not IN her. for crys, ah well she hates everybody so it's okay. even meida is scared of him. actually, if you really really want to know, I don't think he's that bad. we don't like him, why? because he's such a typical chinese teacher. he thinks that by pushing us and maybe insulting us, we may do better. well sometimes it doesn't really work that way anymore. and of course he's super irritated by the fact that 1) we don't give 2 shits about the tian xie han zi. we just give those 10 marks back to the teacher. and 2) we don't quite care about this chinese promos, because it doesn't affect our chances of getting promoted. joyce was having spelling with him today, and crys and I moved over, in hope that we could 'save' her from his firing. but it turned out that he was just kinda exasperated but he wasn't scolding her at all anyway. well he shouldn't. she made some effort. jk didn't. ha. and joyce said he got scolded real bad. scm told him to go and die. well something like that. qu ni de. quite close right. we couldn't care less. anyway he does care about us but not in the way we like. so sad. too bad.
cannot bear this any longer. I shall type just what I want to type and that's that. even if you diss me for this I don't care. even if you get hurt I really don't care. I don't know if you'll ever read this okay, but I can't care less anymore. I'm not sitting here and waiting for you to open your damn mouth.
C minor - You enjoy your own company and tend to be
glum and depressed. You have the ability to
modulate to a more content key, your mellow and
pitying attitude is probably not the way to
reach it!
you know something? it's bloody true. I'm okay if you're on the introvert or anti-social side. but it's come to a point where it's creepy. listen boy. if you don't want to become another jk, open your mouth. I don't care how much effort it takes. if you're not happy, say so. if you want to be part of the class say so. if you think kurseth and marli hate you, ask them why. don't just sit there and think shit I'm stuck with j ko and everybody hates me like hell. it isn't going to work dammit. you want to know something? kurseth stumbled upon your blog. and she picked the quote up. she was telling us, it's so freaky reading your blog. you want to know why? it's because your complaints and accounts and thoughts are so similar to us but you never say anything. hey if you know people don't seem to like you, do something about it. talk louder for one. I don't know why your throat is stuck but it has been stuck for too long. you can speak damn loudly I don't understand why you don't.
never mind. I just don't like the idea that you might end up like a jk. because you aren't. or at least from what I can gather you aren't. nobody really knows you. you know people get super freaked out by you. you appear here and there and god knows where, and then you don't stick to the class, you appear for class late, you don't seem to do your PW and you appear weirdly in class pictures. stop giving people a chance to hate you. stop giving people a chance to pick at you and ostracise you as badly as jk. because if you really want to know, the class much prefers you to jk okay. coz jk is ultimate ridiculous. but you know sometimes you really can be of help. you give proper ideas and contribute to the sports we play during pe and all and it seems like you're not bad at CO too. so hey you've beaten jk in this way.
and I support you. get better results than jk okay. bloody idiot thinks he's freaking smart. your GP's really good. and I think your lit will make it better than his. and your math. mrs yow hopes you'll do well too. she always asking me how's you coping in class. open up. talk louder. wake up. do your PW. don't make kurseth really hate you. I don't care if you think she's a slavedriver or not, do work. yes we know about the slavedriver thingy okay.
okay I've incredibly dedicated 3 FULL paragraphs to you. do something about it. do something while you're still in school and rather protected. you're not going to survive like that in the outside world. not possible. unless you're going to be an artist who coops himself up all day and not have contact with the outside world, I suggest you seriously consider doing something.
gosh I didn't realise I had so much to say. honestly I have more but enough for now. if he still doesn't do anything whatsoever I will blast. and hey at least we don't keep like 1 m radius from him. we'll rather sit next to him than jk. not bad already okay. don't ever let me catch you say you're becoming another jk. no, okay.
tired. anyway while reading his blog I found this quiz. it's taken from joel's blog, who I don't quite like anyway. but never mind...
Eb major - you are warm and kind, always there for your friends, who are in turn there for you.You are content with your confortable life and what you are currently achieving; if you keep in this state you will go far.
what key signature are you? brought to you by Quizilla
ah whatever. I'm content? really...go far? really....never mind. many quizzes aren't accurate. in fact sometimes I skew the results toward what I want. terrible child.
go sleep. supposed to do math actually. but now I feel like sleeping. so tired and drained. I've said so much today. I just keep on going don't I. oh but before I forget. I know which advert is was that used Time is Running Out. it's actually punk'd. heh. stupid show. but nice song to use! sounds like us and promos. ahaha.
nah actually I'm not sleepy. not at all. and plus the fact I can wake up late tomorrow. but I need to talk to people. this won't do. I feel like talking to mae or maril. am I breaking down? nooooooooooooooo...............I can't. not now. goodness me. I don't break down. ah actually I do. I cry too. and avril will come with a sorry card. hahahaha. sorry, internal joke. but darn it it's like 2356 already and like who the heck can I call at this hour. eewei is like so darned tired. and it doesn't help that our environments are so different and we don't really go through the same stuff anymore. it's not the same anymore. yeah I still love her, she's still one of my best friends but it different now. I don't what's going to happen when she goes to germany. will it make a difference whether she's here or not? I don't quite know. actually I think it does. I was reading her postcard to me the other day. that was when she left for thailand, sadly to face entertainer without me. and then I remembered that I felt weird when she went away. it's like there's no one to call like at weird hours and talk rubbish. neither is there the person whom I can just decide to go out for dinner with. heh.
don't rant anymore darling. please. it reminds me of avril. and it hurts. you know I'll never forget what victoria said. yeah that thing about me being too happy to be true. and better still, what angela said about me being screwed and shrewd. like oh thanks darlings. yeah I know I'm a total nut out there who is so superbly bo chap about everything and nothing seems to matter. I'm happy everyday and crappy and insane every single day and I don't seem to worry. take note, the word is seem. I always tell people that some things they do are useless. like the other day I was telling meida not to worry, but do something about it, because worrying and not doing anything doesn't help. it's stupid in fact. but in actual fact I'm like that a lot too. I worry and panic and scream but refuse to do anything about it and the problem gets worse. duh.
and about the screwed and shrewd thing? yeah I know. screwed here doesn't refer to being messed up okay. angie meant it as being twisted. yeah I have a twisted mind. I admit that. in fact it's super twisted. just that I don't say much about it. crys has a twisted mind too. and it's twisted the same way as mine. well at least similar. we were laughing like shit today during chinese. scm has this disgusting habit of slamming his palms on somebody's table and bending down and leaning forward towards the person sitting there. it's damn gross and freakily scary because his face IS freaky. he always does that to sean. and crys' twisted brain cranked up today. she was like oh my you know something, he looks like he's going to kiss sean. we totally cracked up and were like what if he did?? oh the horror!! I was like sean is going to be oh so traumatised for the rest of his life man. but crys was like that's never going to happen. she said maybe between delon and him okay, not scm. not in his next life. ahaha. and then scm added to that fact by his stupid example. he was saying something about let's say sean gets dumped by his girlfriend, and delon can understand his feelings. this therefore shows that 1) delon is seriously a sympathetic guy who deeply understands sean, or 2) he has a similar experience. and the crys and I cracked up again, because we were thinking maybe this is how they can turn gay! ahahaha! couldn't stop laughing man. I wasn't helping by saying that this way they end up crying on each other and then...and then...ahahahahha. you know what's next.
okay twisted children. enough. now it's REALLY getting late and my back is beginning to hurt. I feel like some old woman. you know after the promos I'm going to play badminton, swim, and maybe play squash with meida. seriously. I can't run, never mind, but I'm like getting weird aches. in fact I'm beginning to suspect that I have some sort of mild arthritis or something. I get this weird dull ache now and then, especially when it rains or when it's cold, in my finger. usually just one at a time. then after a while the pain goes away, then comes back on either the same finger, or a separate one. ah and it hurts quite a bit.
go sleep. sister will be out of the shower soon. and she needs the comp. as usual. so yeah. sleep..................................while you can.
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 0013 (oooh...happy childrens' day!!)
28th September
must type fast fast. not much time. and no more amendments after this. I'm pretty sure sister is going to scram through her history essay like some nutcase because since the gramps need to sleep, she needs to hurry. I don't blame her. they do sort of upset our lives a little when they come. but gramps are gramps. they only come now and then. let them be.
talking to maril about vril. talking about wasted. heh. called her just now. and I chose to call her on a zero premonition day. so obviously no matter what I do wouldn't work right. and as predicted, she just, I emphasise, just went into the toilet. like oh GREAT right. this morning also. I thought that perhaps there's this little chance that my premonition would be wrong. instead trying only broke my heart. here's what happened. yeah other than the stupid toilet thing. chinese class was at f4-2, and I kinda guessed that she still had class. so meida and I went up to 4th floor, and meida wanted to go to toilet. and I thought oh great toilet, because toilet makes me go past e block. and vril's in e4-2. the classroom was empty but I let it go. I thought heh, maybe when I come out she'll go past.
and my my SHE DID.
too fast. when I emerged from the toilet with meida, nearly her entire class had already walked past into the e block corridor. heh. it means I missed her by about half a minute or so. or maybe less. ah thereabout. which is like shit lah! shouldn't try this sort of things. it hurts more. that's why after school I decided to stop looking around because she isn't there. even if she is I wouldn't have the chance to see her because my radar tells me that detection will fail the entire day. even on the phone. ah dammit. stupid right. things I do.
let's hope for a better day tomorrow. my premonition is coming back. it tells me something. ahaha. terrible. somehow I think I'll see her tomorrow. and she'll see me too. ahaha. aiyah....miss her so much. should stop. really should. have an early entry. have an early night's rest. arrrgh. and I was supposed to do work?
oh speaking of which, I must rant. godbrother's not happy lately. I think it's us. I really think so. he's so disappointed. he doesn't know how to scold. I feel so bad for him. norvin was like hey people better hand in assignments tomorrow. even tomorrow is like so bloody late. he's done so much for us but we don't seem any better some how. and what meida said about kh. sigh. really feel bad. but don't really know what else to do other than perhaps stop talking so much in class and do some work. and of course, the best is to do well for promos. but somehow I have something bad about that. brrr....
get off.
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 2242
27th September
okay. I've looked back and realised the last time I ranted really badly about avril was 5 entries ago. in fact the last 2 entries didn't have her name at all. oooh. but guess what. today I must mention her again. haiz. well let's start with the whole day okay?
in the morning. all the year 2s were there. so nice to see them behind us again. ah well it's just that it's nice because I know she's there. so bias right. whatever. had double econs, stupid observation. is it me or is it that the hods enjoy observing my class? they're always there. somehow. there's always some sort of observation now and then. they even wanted to observe my pe class. can you beat that? goodness me. crossley at the track. for what? to observe pe!! haha! never mind...
recess, lit lecture, GP...ah all negligible. but after first period of GP the bell went and this whole gang of year 2s went past. I didn't care initially. then I spotten karishma amongst them and was like darn vril should have been part of that whole gang that went past right? since they looked like they were going for some lecture of some sort. ah never mind. I was duly disappointed but it didn't really matter at first. I was more interested in trying to complete my AQ under 5 minutes. obviously it didn't work out. but that didn't matter either.
after that was lunch, but I didn't eat much. or so I thought. it was just glutinous rice and a packet of chrysanthemum tea. not much right? and I was with meida crys wk and joyce only. aha. then we had math lecture. and after that we made our way all the way up to e4-4 for math. I was hoping so hard to see her you know. I didn't know if she was still in school because most of them finished by 12 plus. and in the morning I saw the lights in e4-3 and I was like ahhh....but my only chance was that period after math lecture. heh. and guess what?
I saw her!!
hiak hiak! we were strolling out of the lt initially. and I wasn't pinning too much hope on seeing her. but as we approached the E block corridor I saw her!! with christine and...someone else. heh can't remember who. not one of her usual people. or maybe it was jocelyn I didn't remember. heh. it doesn't matter. she looked like she didn't see me and was about to go toward the spiral stairs. then,
she turned left towards my side.
like yayayayayayay! I was like avril...she had that ultimate sianed in 1/2 look and she was like math like shit...shall not further elaborate. anyway she gave me that ah bloody hell don't talk about it look and I needed to go for math and I let it go.
and I got stuck the rest of the day thinking about her again. aiyah how can I get by without her. must find a way. otherwise I'm dead next year. or maybe next year would be better because I know I'll never run into her again. you know perhaps it may work out that way. then the blog entries won't run into paragraphs of avril. but you know that may work against me too. like if I see her somewhere dumb like white sands or something, I tell you I may write a 1000 essay on her here. it'll become so extreme. like either write nothing or write hell lot of stuff. my day didn't end with math tutorial. but it felt like it did anyway. thought so much of her. sigh.
no more avril. please. it will kill me one day. I'm beginning to sound really crazy. you know I always laughed at those silly little love songs about how the persona can't live without someone and how the other party seems to fill up their mind and there's nothing else really. I used to laugh real hard at them. I mean I listened to either crap stuff like arrogant worms or hard core angsty cutter songs by dir en grey. love songs. didn't mean a single thing to me. but look at my latest selection of lyrics. other than tai ke song that is. okay it's beginning to sound really really sick. I'm still alive. it's been weeks since I talked a lot to her. the last time I talked really much to her was the wednesday of the september holidays. yeah that day when she came to my place. I nearly cried when she left.
there must be a way to stop this. time? nah. that's eewei's logic. I don't believe in that. or do I? heh. must try then I will know. I saw her too recently. once during the holidays, once last monday, and once today. I tell you after promos the phone will start operations again. and she is so going to kill me. I don't know whether HER phone can operate, but mine can. haiz. and it doesn't help that her stupid computer is becoming more and more unhappy. so she isn't online a lot anymore. and even when she is, she can't stay on for long.
and that sucks.
did I just say no more avril? yeah 3 paragraphs ago. what did I mean to talk about then? the other person. arrrgh, he's getting prettier and prettier. the more I see him the prettier he seems. double arrrrgh. especially when you put him in between norvin and sean like today....haiz. so pretty. terrible right. ah it's just me and my thing for pretty boys. and they were having a little argument about his name. mae thought it nice. I think it's terrible. but whatever. yah I know,
it doesn't matter.
I keep saying that today don't I...what can I do. it really doesn't. well it DOES, but it pales in comparison to an issue like avril. aha. her name's back. you know sometimes I wonder if I miss her because I think I ought to. no that can't be. it isn't a psychological thing. it's a psycho thing alright, but not something that I've programmed myself to. it can't be. because I've never been like that before. well not to say that I've never missed anyone badly, but this is like the ultimate.
"I Miss You" ~ blink 182
(I miss you, I miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends
(I miss you, I miss you)
(I miss you, I miss you)
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
[x3]
(I miss you, I miss you) [x4]
OH so sick. heh. but then again, what's new? it's coming from me. so take it or leave it. not really. it's accept it or get lost. most choose the latter. or some wish to choose the latter but it's too late. aha. by the time they uncover the worst side of me it's way too late. by the time they make a decision they realise they've landed too deep in mud. ahahaha.
hey girl. am I that bad? that I have to make myself sound like that? I think I do suffer some sort of identity crisis. not from wondering if I'm male and female (that's a rhetorical question) or from liking handsome girls and pretty boys (that has become part of me). more like wondering exactly what sort of person I am. I know who I want to be. I know what kind of person I wish to be. but who in the world am I? oh gosh I hate these kinds of questions. you know I used to think I was a schiz. maybe right? ahh weird child. the cynical idiot who splashes more cold water on people than she uses to bathe herself with. the one who overindulges in gothic stuff and all sorts of weird stuff without actually exhibiting anything on herself. and yes the one who refers to herself in the third party context. which is basically why she believes herself to be a schiz. but of course I tell myself I'm not. and some thought she was autistic. but it turns out she isn't. it isn't a bad thing to be autistic. some are seriously intelligent. but hey I'm smart too. I'm just freaking lazy. heh. that's it right...lazy bum.
need to stop typing. very late. and I couldn't wake up this morning. it hasn't happened for the past 2 weeks already. maybe the thought of having a chance to see avril this week makes me more settled. ahahaha. no lah. just a joke. otherwise you'll be so appalled and suffer and attack of some sort. ahh I'm talking to no one. or rather, SHE talks to herself as a third party, and yet there seems to be an imaginary reader. you know honestly I don't believe any outsider reads this shit. I think all who reads this garbage are all my friends. I think so. if you're someone I don't know please mail me okay? I'll like to know you. I'll like to know a person who can stand this crap. because the irritating thing about this blog is that you have absolutely no idea who the heck I am unless you either know me, or know my friends mentioned. so if you're in my school you'll probably have some sort of mental image of me. but that's where it stops. and if you want to confirm that the mad child here is the sane child you see in school, please always remember this phrase I love very much:
character contrary to image
don't forget it. heh. I just enjoy saying heh. ah if I go on like this I'll never finish. I meant to finish earlier but sister intervened. actually what if sister read this? ahaha. I keep little from my sister you know. but somehow I don't quite enjoy the idea of my sis reading this stuff. she's either going to laugh her life away or tease her head off or something more drastic or dramatic. either way it's bad so yeah explains my point. ENOUGH! go sleep. hopefully I might see her tomorrow. oh my SO hungry now!!! goodness me. you know everytime I'm hungry I'll think of the shrek oreos that I haven't eaten. I don't rightly know if the reason why I'm not eating them is because I'm 1)too lazy to open them, 2)not hungry enough to finish them all and there's no one to share with, or...
3) I can't bear to eat them. they're from avril.
ah shit you lah girl. they've been there since 11th may. that's your birthday. and that was MONTHS ago. 4 months in fact. and it will be 5 soon. you're going to leave it there to rot? I don't rightly know. it sounds crazy to eat up the stuff and keep the wrapper or something. yet that's better than leaving the entire tube there and end up throwing the entire thing away. yet it's really dumb to keep the wrapper just because she gave you the cookies. but I'm scared that if I really throw it away I'll regret it.
must stop being sentimental. MUST. GO SLEEP! how many times must I say that?
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 0040
25th September
ahaha UTTERLY hooked on tai ke song! six plus!! gosh that song just dissed every single ABC in taiwan as well as those who went to america to study. and that is like so funny. because a lot of what xiao ren has written is terribly true of these people. so sad right? shall stash the lyrics here later. gosh it will be so terrible to translate. heh. part of it is in hokkien in fact. sigh. does that mean that 6 plus will never be brought to singapore? I hope not.
speaking of bringing to singapore, there's this advertisement on channel 5 that uses Time is Running Out by muse!!! goodness me! you know muse has been around for so long but somehow their songs never got here. in fact I knew about them only through toki...because one of her blog layouts featured that song and then I went all crazy over muse for a while...really liked that song. and stockholm syndrome. their lyrics are a little crazy too. but nothing beats 6 plus man. so patriotic. goodness. so funny. apparently their other stuffs have very strong taiwanese influences and I guess it's good. well something different for once. they're a little like ah niu then. writing about stuff that people normally don't market. I mean there aren't any really lovey-dovey sort of songs. they're all talking about things they see everyday and that sort of song. some of it's funny of course, and some really crazy. and I really like this song. I shall wait for all the songs to be downloaded then I'll listen to them all properly. well hopefully I'll listen to them and find something else that's nice from them. usually I like the first song I download from the group and don't seem to really like anything else from them. heh.
don't really feel like typing anything now. wait. went to maril's blog and mae's to find muses. didn't find any. so I clicked on maril's links. well I went to char's and didn't find much, other than the fact that kagen no tsuki's coming out in japan like today and this link to an eyecandy blogger site. heh. then I paid a visit to rathika's blog. ah well maril's link was just ra and I kinda guessed. and it is anyway. and I found an interesting paragraph:
da time i spent in sufi's hse wif her delon liza and shakir was so memorable. da funnest part was dressing delon up. da first was when we made memories of him suffering under da hands of his sister resurface. *fingernails= black/yellow highlighter/pink/reddish/purple , sufi's huge hoop earring , purple lipstick , purplr hairband :)* and den in da crazie arab camel driver outfit.
what can I say? nothing really. must send to crystal. she has something about painting his nails black and I have this fascination with the earhole. hey how many guys in school go around with a black earstick? like ooooh I don't even have a hole. I really mean to get one but ah well...it's not easy for myself to poke one. I don't want to poke a normal one like him. I mean it's normal on me, not on him. but I'm not willing to poke somewhere terrible like marli. that little bit of flesh near the face is a really horrid place to pierce. all it takes is a little brush of the hair and your ear gets scratched. and it hurts, doesn't it? silly marli. heh. but I'm crazier. if mother doesn't kill me, I'll poke one at my lip. heh. and if I don't get killed, I'll poke one at the top of my ear. but if I do poke one at the top, I'll pierce another normal one. then I can have the chain earrings like miyavi. you know the one where he links the earring on top to the one below with this lovely metal chain. gosh that IS nice. nicer than the chain that links the bottom earhole to the lipring. miyavi is full of chains. so am I anyway. no better. but like why do I care...
great. so now rathika's blog became my muse. ahaha. I've typed a gigantic paragraph on it. and it's all because I saw his name. AAHHHHH....there must be a way to stop this. there must be one. I need to stop it. it will be the death of me very very soon. there must be a way to stop my obsession. there must be a way out of this silly mess. there must be a way to stop myself from turning right during morning assembly, to stop myself from sitting so close during chinese, to stop myself from looking for him during lit lectures, to STOP looking. actually that's the suckiest about this entire issue. I don't like him. I just think he's eyecandy. and that's DAMN sad. okay fine diss me if you think he's downright "tall, dark and ugly" like angela yong says, or have something against pretty guys, I don't give two shits. I simply think he's got the loveliest hands and nails and lashes and that's that. end of story. ah of course he's got the loveliest horn too...that natalie used to have...I liked that colour so much. even though the alexander horns were so expensive, and the holton horns inferior, they looked so beautiful. the colour is just mesmerising. you just stare at it and go hey that's such a nice shade...and you follow the horn...not the person. heh. gary carries a similar one. I wouldn't look at him for nuts. goodness I see his bag first or I hear his horrid voice first. somehow his physical self isn't worth the extra time. if he's really nice inside I don't know. and I don't care. his girlfriend can give all the extra shits he's due.
tai ke song anybody? I'm leaving it here. gosh I've left so many chinese lyrics behind here...I usually leave lyrics but seldom do I leave chinese ones. in fact I think never. ahaha. like whatever. before the lyrics. delon again. ahaha. paid a visit to a301's blog. ahaha. the pictures are nice. and they had one of weiling and leena. heh. they looked good. and sis says sean looks like someone she knows...hmmm. never mind. blowfly II. haha. lyrics!
(other countries' culture, a family's culture, you don't simply spend a few taels 7 to 8 times and your culture will be converted it's said that it's always better to see things for yourself, no matter where you are it's fun as a stranger in another land, but remember to go home are the taiwanese happy? no. are they? defintely are the taiwanese happy? really. are they? happy enough a beautiful island, earth's paradise, taiwanese should be proud of this our country, our homeland, why do we pollute ourselves with western culture? and you still don't realise this, and everyone around you feels annoyed that unsightly look of yours causes irritation are the taiwanese happy? no. we have the same roots so stop grilling each other are the taiwanese happy? give it an A grade. you know this is our culture are the taiwanese happy? really man. voice out your unhappiness if any are the taiwanese happy? happy enough. it's getting late so go home I say, some of those demented ABCs don't understand why you fork out so much money and put on a patronising look carrying that western culture worship look, I cannot bear seeing it don't tell me you wish to become a bunch of idiots? speaking weird mandrin and hilarious mei lan yu and so-called good english thinking of using this to get a free meal and simply say anything you want I've opened my ears wide and I don't understand much of what you say that unsightly look of yours makes me pity you are the taiwanese happy? no. are they? defintely are the taiwanese happy? really. are they? happy enough happy? no. happy? A grade. happy? very. happy enough. living in other countries can't be as good as your own, with a bowl of rice and a bottle of taiwanese beer, lift up your head and see the television emits a soothing greeting: friends, may all things go well! are the taiwanese happy? no. the young ones failure to work hard causes heartache are the taiwanese happy? A grade. you know this is our homeland are the taiwanese happy? very. take the chance while you're young to turn back are the taiwanese happy? happy enough. fellow countrymen, rush home! other countries' culture, a family's culture, you don't simply spend a few taels 7 to 8 times and your culture will be converted are the taiwanese happy?) heh. that's my interpretation. don't like it? tell me. against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 0026
24th September
I meant to say a lot a lot yesterday. well at least it looked like that. so in case I end up with incomplete entries once more, I decided to start early. but then again, starting early doesn't seem to grant me much muse. darn. but I'll still try anyway. listening to the tai ke song. terrible. don't really know why I seem to like this song so much. it's absolute noise. ahaha. but sometimes I need this sort of noise. I think I shall stop ranting about the past and myself for a while. for the first time in a long while I shall actually talk about the day. not too bad a day anyway. worth talking about? perhaps. we shall see.
morning started with prayer meeting with lydia and weng leong. I thought we were going to be late for school. haha who knew mr tng was in such a good mood he let us go....ahahahha. thank God. I was like kinda praying that we wouldn't be late for school despite lydia's long conclusion, and we weren't. we were actually detained at the pavement. I was thinking darn need to run again. somehow it's always fridays. then heh heh don't need. so happy.
math, econs, recess, gp...nothing much really. then it was lit. ahhh the presentation was finally over. hate all those lit presentations. extra stress only. I'm glad we finished it today. we're probably the lousiest group, but luckily we went first. gosh mariam's was so darned good. it had like 26 slides and so much elaboration...mine was 10 slides and nothing much really. but never mind it's over already so don't bother anymore.
after that was pccg. and oh man the stuff my class said. I don't know what they're trying to do. no actually I DO know what they were trying to do. but the way they did it was utterly shooting themselves in the foot. they're trying to save themselves and find something else to blame in the case whereby they fail the promos or something. first they said that the syllabus was rushed way too quickly and that it isn't fair that we don't get enough revision lectures. but actually the year 2s did the exact same thing in less time than we did. and they complained that the math syllabus did too much and we haven't finished syllabus yet. and they complained further that we're the only arts class in lt 5 with all the physics/f math classes and with fresh graduate lecturers. that is stupidly turning against ourselves. why? because lt 4 is way faster! with SO many classes including the other arts classes which take math. so dumb right? we had an extra math lecture during the holidays. didn't anyone of them realise that it was only the bunch in lt5 that required that extra lecture? lt 4 didn't need it and yet they're still faster than us. think about that.
and then they actually told ms k about the math integration thing. that is like damn stupid. oh well not really. we trust her to say the right stuff, but they shouldn't have let that out. never mind. let out already so it's too late to regret or take it back. and then they screamed about the 60% pass thing. it's not that they really intend to kick 40% off. it's just that based on our mid year results, they predict that 40% will fail. which teacher in the world wants their students to fail? tell me! I will kill that felle. really. even ms k was outraged by the weird assumption they made. meida and I were just sitting there not knowing whether to say anything or not. well in the end we didn't. oh and the strange statistics about the bottom 40%. they heard the bottom 20% will get kicked out, the next 20% will be retained. rubbish. their criteria is 1A 2AO. if you don't meet it, then you don't. even if just 10% don't meet it, they won't push 10% more down. they aren't that crazy. it's true that esther lai wants to pull the standards up a lot, but they can't just kick out and retain who they want. they set a criteria, and they must follow. if they don't we'll just report them to moe and they'll die a horrid death.
ahh don't know whether they know exactly what they've just said today. I don't wish to add. yeah I sound freakily condescending but honestly there is nothing to complain about. it's natural to try to find some other factor that could add to our list of reasons behind why-we-fail-promos. but this isn't the way. poor ms k was absolutely outraged by everything they said and although the facts are there, about the lt 5 thing and the syllabus express train, but they tried to skew it in such a way that all these things honestly add A LOT to their chances of getting promoted. I give up.
arrgh. bad mood now. never mind. then it was lunch....lit screening! they were screening The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. great cast man. and the story was nice. one of those deep things that cause your heart to wrench pretty badly at the end. nothing will ever be as heart-wrenching as count cain (or at least I think so). nothing. count cain was really...I don't know how to put it. it was so complicated yet disturbing and beautiful. you know it's at the end when you realised all the hurt that the brothers had fuelled over the years came out in very different ways. jezebel thought he hated cain to the point of plotting for years to murder him. but he gave up his life to give lifeblood to riff so that he could help cain one last time. cain, on the other hand thought he could love jezebel and forgve his father. but he ended up the one with the most grievances. jezebel trusted no one, but yet one remained so loyal to him. cain trusted riff with his life, but riff betrayed him. and the incestuous fact behind cain's birth was actually alexis' way of protecting august. gosh. I will never forget that story for as long as I live. you know I really cried after I finished reading that comic. yes it was a comic. goodness. especially the last part, where the truth is finally revealed that cain and merryweather weren't real siblings, and in order for merryweather never to inherit any of the hargreaves' cursed blood, cain arranged the entire thing such that literally,
not a single drop of blood will mar her hand
and not a single drop did. cain chose to die even though he could get out of the crumbling building. he promised riff he would die with him, and he did. but the sad part is, he also promised merry that he would see her again, but he didn't. and merry waited and waited, year after year, at the hilltop to await her brother's arrival. he promised her he would come back and have tea with her on top of that hill. but he never came. but she went there every year without fail. so akuro no oka right.
haiz. the truly heart-wrenching stories that pull the heartstrings and weigh heavily upon myself. after reading count cain I couldn't sleep properly for the next few nights. some nights I thought too much about it and cried. other nights I just lay in bed and couldn't sleep.
enough about cain. I've cried enough about it. and over it. get on with the day. after that was more lit. then it was chinese. so dumb. 301 insisted on getting it changed...I was like whatever. anyway sean was singing an jing NON STOP and he's been singing it since...since. and then the song got stuck inside my head thanks to him.
yeah then I went for math consultation as usual. supposed to study and eat with mae and maril but both of them pangsei me...*sobz*. ah well maril couldn't make it somehow (didn't hear her reason clearly) and mae needed to go home for dinner or something (also didn't quite hear her reason clearly). so sad. thought it would be so nice to have dinner with them. my 2 dear friends in mj. although I think I'm spending more and more time with maril instead of mae. heh. ah at least mae has eva. the other day meida didn't come so I stuck to maril. and my wonderful whining kept her with me. so terrible right?? I'm such a professional whiner. even serena said that no matter how she whined, avril insists I'm better. oh no I've actually blogged so much without typing that name but I still typed it in the end. blog entry FAILED. still mentioned avril. hey but the previous entry doesn't have her. aha!
I'm not trying to forget her. she isn't some old flame of mine. she's my friend. one of my best friends, in fact. it's just that I'm trying to reduce the level of obsession. calm down darling...I need to. otherwise how in the world am I going to survive next year? goodness me.
I think I shall stop here. stop this entry. let it be complete. finally. wait. leave gui hua niang with you.
(present to you a bowl of osmanthus extract; the bottom of the bowl is entirely pieces of petals the sweetness is somehow bland; my heart hurts so much my face is full of tears, yet you do not even cast a glance just to have happy meetings with you, I dare not tell you my sadness your heart is dulled, but my passion continues how to believe that our relationship will go on? please finish drinking the osmanthus extract; and I will never think of you again I fear that you will remain close to me and I will always feel so confused, so confused please finish drinking the osmanthus extract; if you can really forget don't talk about who owes who; it doesn't matter whether we love or not, it doesn't matter anymore)
so sad. the lovely osmanthus extract. drink it and we shall forget each other. but can we really forget? ever?
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 0005
23rd September
better type whatever I want to say fast. actually I don't really have anything to say. great right? I always say that and then I type a lot. actually I'm very tired now and I'm trying to study econs and it sucks. really. there's no one I want to talk to online, I got stuck in my math assignment and I'm tired of doing the promo paper. and I haven't started on lit yet. gosh.
outcasts. are we that doomed? maril mae and me. wow triple m. all the weirdos who don't seem to fit in properly with our class. so jia lat. but I've talked enough about this subject. enough. I've ranted enough about all the stuff I can't stand about my class. and the stuff I love about them too. don't worry. I'm pretty bias but can still make it.
hooked on gui hua niang. I'll never get rid of this chinese song thing right? well not for the moment. it seems that I just keep adding to my database. I have so many songs now. and it doesn't seem to end. I just keep thinking of more songs and downloading all of them. my poor computer is bursting and I don't seem to care. my promos are here in a week and I don't seem to care too. I don't seem to care about anything.
unfortunately, I do.
well I do, in a weird way. you know I'm the sort of person who's freakily easy to talk to, and seemingly open, but highly unpredictable and contrary to image. I seem to tell you anything and everything I can. I mean I blurt out the dumb things I do, the stupid stuff I said and everything you want to know. or at least you think you know. I'm so deeeeep...deeper than you think. hiak hiak. sounds sinister right. well maybe it's my strange life philosophies that make me like that. I strongly believe that I've grown up too fast. and now I'm going backwards. I used to be overly mature for my age. either that or I strangely refused to cry over stuff. I was so indifferent. or perhaps I had mastered the art of stoning. and what's happened now? I'm such a nosey-poker with something for gossip, I moan and wail. whine too. goodness. and I insist obnoxiously now and then like some spoilt brat. worst of all,
I cry.
like darn right? how could that happen? I didn't cry when I fell under the swing in kindergarten, I didn't cry when my first hamster bit me, I didn't cry when I whacked my head on concrete floor in primary 5 (okay I was feeling really groggy), I didn't cry...then. I didn't cry when I took my bcg jab (man it took 5 seconds to go in and another 5 to come out) and I didn't cry when I didn't get into dunman high (thank goodness actually). I didn't cry last time...then later I cry so much. I cried over lousy results. I cried when that prawn scolded me. I cried when my seniors scolded me. I cried so hard at syf. couldn't stop in fact. but I cried so much that I could fake it. I cried badly when we were told about the 'theft' case before syf. my section was so frightened. then I shooed them into a classroom and started to laugh. then I was trying to teach them how to pull a really long face...so funny. shall stop. sister needs to use.
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 0045
22nd September
don't know what to write again. go through the day? I don't know. well first things first, I was expecting maril. duh. she read this shit. so what happened?
what else? she laughed.
ahahahha. not that I wasn't expecting that. in fact I was SO prepared for her ultimate laughter. she was like why him? darling if I seriously knew why I would tell you. because it seems it's gone beyond the stuff I said last month. there's this table of characteristics I typed in last month. somewhere in there. arrgh. I'm tired of this feeling. GO AWAY. please...and she was smiling to herself because she spotted him right THERE and asked me to look straight down to my right, as if I didn't know what would be there...I mean who. heh. and then we laughed to lt5, and he appeared from the other stairs. maril you must have had superb stomachache.
wednesday. it was my favourite day of the week. why? first, after gp lecture I would run into sleepy avril coming out of lt4 after chemistry lecture. then the day's so short, and we end early. and in fact I end at the same time as avril and we'll talk talk talk talk until 1500 when her class starts and el is going to begin. and I love going for el. lovely wednesday. and wednesday's the lovely little girl in addam's family!! oh goodness christina ricci has grown up so much...saw her in one of the ally mcbeal episodes and woah...to think she was pretty and sadistic little wednesday.
still listening to chinese pop. and I downloaded the stupid 6 plus rock band song. yeah the stupid buay song jing song one. actually the song is pretty nice. I mean if you call that a song. they're just chanting aren't they? ah like who cares. as long as I can appreciate it's no longer your business.
I'm always like that. superbly defensive. I enjoy talking to myself. I was like about to say something like 'I'm sure you think I'm crazy' and retort with a 'whatever...so long as I'm happy'. ahahha. like who am I talking to?? actually, I don't quite know. but I've been like that for so many years. so hard to change. I'm forever talking to myself. my poor family's so used to it. crazy little girl in the house who talks to everything and anything but humans. and the human she DOES talk to is herself. great. dysfunctional kid.
I'm always wishing I was truly dysfunctional. the truth is I'm plain weird. not dysfunctional. and I am not a schizophrenic. and neither am I autistic. goodness the brain conditions people classify me under. terrible. I mean, do I look like I need medication or something like that? the nurses called my sis a retard. or at least they suspected that she was one. stupid man. just because there's a retard condition that makes people grow tall. so what, tall people are retards even though their height is due to genes? now I know why the nurses always ask me about my parents. it's always parents tall? mother and father tall? and I'm like yes yes yes...everything yes. eye test cannot see? yes yes yes...gosh I'll never forget those tests. they always yield the same results because they always ask the same questions and nothing has changed since...since. my eyesight has registered 60/60 since primary school for nut's sake. I'm simply on the verge of going blind. can you tell? so vicky. ahaha. ah miss vicky and gang. it's so normal without them. and I can't stand being normal. I need someone like huda. somebody save me...dying of normality...
no. stop deviating. I've changed topic from dysfunctional to huda. like how did that happen. it's just my superb brain skills which can switch topics and go on and on and on about nothing. dysfunctional. dysfunctional. I'm supposed to be. weird child ah. why the heck does she want to BE dysfunctional. she's warped, she's crazy. she's eccentric. she's abnormal. ah like why do I care about you? actually I do. I care about what people say. I care much less now, but I still care anyway. so no difference right? care is care...degree doesn't matter. so extreme. ahaha measure for measure.
topic shifting again! and I started with what? nothing to write about? look at the amount I've written! goodness me. I remember last time my blog entries were freakily short. I didn't know what to say. and I wasn't used to vomitting out everything in my brain and everything that happened in the day. it just didn't turn out right. it took quite some months to begin my essays. but this kind of essay is bound to fail. my goodness the topic doesn't stay. this is what I call spacing man. really.
checklist! do I still love kyo? yes. love my safety pins? yes! all 4 sizes... love huge cross necklaces? definitely! still want that lipring? duh. still need the black nail polish? obviously. did you bring your penknife to school? of course. what would I do without it. keeping your nails darling? it's definite. that is really WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT THEM. still have the same lines? here we go
slash it burn it kill it bury it
I'm not normal anymore. once again. deranged? maybe. goody....high time I flipped back. but I'm still listening to the old normal predictable soppy chinese songs. I really have anything from 1994-2004. in fact I have 3h14min40s worth of chinese songs in the list. ohmy. never thought I'd be this crazy. and I strongly believe that I'm not done yet. there's bound to be more songs that I want to download. maybe I shall try other 6 plus songs. ahahaha. so stupid. they look not too bad leh. rubbish. they look like 6 punk kids. but then again you like punk kids don't you? especially when 6 plus is in your favourite get up. yeah the black and white classic suit without buttoning the coat and with the shirt tucked out. yeah the stay away look...ah. sister using the comp. must go...
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 0051
21st September
I've waited an hour. I guess she isn't coming back online. yah guess who. dumb question right? ah well another day's gone by without seeing her nor calling her. I think I'm going toward success! endure...2 more weeks then the phone can begin operations again. endure.............................
yeah maril read your blog. you know it irritates me that I can't see the stupid date at the top of the entry. heh. it's not important right? well I think it is. that's why mine is big and bold on top. haha.
your blog's funny. not funnyhaha or funnystrange, but funny all along.
thanks ah. like...whatever. ahaha. I feel philosophical today. but no weird theories of mine come to mind. hmm. I'm drained. again. you know I wish that I could just shoot some people out of the school. leave the people I love in the school and the rest can get lost. oh yeah.
selfish brat.
I'm such a horrid little child. I suddenly thought of my pampered vs spoilt argument with avril. so dumb. but I insist. actually we're both rather spoilt and pampered at the same time. so don't fight. ha.
stop typing her name.
talk about something else! doesn't anything else occupy your mind?? actually not really. nothing much else. she's an escape. ahaha. or maybe because I know she's in a worser state than me. sadistic child. arrgh. whatever. I like that word so much now. whatever.
I don't know what to talk about today. really don't. and I think I know why. I've been listening to too much of chinese pop. there's no more inspiration. I've rejected my muse. ahh!!! what would I do without kyo?! he brings out the angst in me. you know actually I shouldn't have any angst in me. I know such incredibly dysfunctional kids.
thunder strikes. avril's back. after like 1.5 hours. who CARES? she's back. and to make things worse I'm not coherent anymore. why? because I'm feeling philosophical today. I feel like ranting things that make sense to me alone but somehow I've lost it. lost my muse. must I start listening to dir en grey again to strike it up once more? but I must stop listening to deg now and then. otherwise I'll drive myself and other people crazy. there are few out there who can seriously take my other side. few. really. some can't even take my crappy side. how to handle my other side? you know, the side of me that needs to slash up something, that cries under 10 seconds, that has something for pretty lads and has an incredible fetish for kyo's yong tau foo puke. the wrong side of me which causes much uneasiness and makes eccentric my middle name. ahaha. the sadist me.
nah. actually I don't really think I'm sadistic. drive me up the wall. make me cry. make me aim my safety pins at you. and I'll remember you for life. yeah baby I believe I'm masochistic. I'm no cutter, because I'm vain. keloid tissue is UGLY. I have only one piece of keloid and I'm crying. not a physical cutter. but I cut myself so hard for nothing. I don't know. it's so hard to explain. you know sometimes I wonder why the heck I have a blog for. I seem to write so much stuff here that I'm on my way to blackmail and honestly, I haven't written all I truly want to say down. ahaha. betcha didn't know that. bet you thought I've got every single damn thing written down here and all is exposed. muahaha. you're wrong.
oh man I'm like that again. I'm talking to an invisible person. I'm supposed to scream at myself in my blog ain't I? NO. I enjoy laughing at you. because actually I'm laughing at myself. you know I feel like crying again. I'm going bonkers once more. just now I was crying in the toilet. and I was only singing huang hun. haha.
(I will always remember the firm and iron-like way you said goodbye in the darkness I felt something amiss like scalding of my body the horizon in the evening; spells out parting ways; the love enters the night forever I will always remember the extreme sadness of the tears from your eyes in the chaos I felt something amiss like the hot tears running down the horizon in the evening; cut off the happiness; our love is gone forever)
ah...the song is so nice. you know I ought to be sleeping soon. and not thinking of avril and crying. okay that sounded a bit sick. rephrase. ought to be sleeping soon. stop thinking so much about avril, and don't cry over a song like that. there are crazier songs to cry over, remember? like whatever happened to your hotarubi and your mushi and everything else?
nooooooo I cannot take it. I'm listening to huang hun now. that's it. I'm going to print out the lyrics for both superstar AND huang hun. NOW.
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 2359
20th September (part II)
I just looked through my archives. I mean I was just thinking back. I've known avril since may, and her name has never stopped appearing in my blog entries. in fact the major entry in may caused vicky to become frightened. and you know as I go on to june, july and the august entries, I frighten myself. honest. it's freaky. the entries become longer AND longer, and the number of paragraphs on avril get really really really long and personal. the entries don't really describe what happened on the day I meet avril. in fact after syf I didn't meet avril much anymore. yet the stuff I write is crazier and crazier.
don't laugh! it's scary!!!!
you know I thought that since I don't see her so often the madnes would fade and everything. I mean at least I wouldn't pine after her so much. I mean it worked with a lot of people, and it obviously worked damn well with delon. I really sort of forgot what he looked like. then school had to reopen. ah that's another topic altogether. but somehow the less I see avril the worse it gets. oh my. absence makes the heart grow fonder. ahahahahaha. so gross. arrrgh. getting late. must stop this. STOP!!!
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 2331
20th September
just finished looking through my entire month's entries so far. everything is avril avril avril avril avril. I can type that name blindfolded man. let's go through the day. warning: it ends with avril. AGAIN!!
went to school happily. or at least I think so. I had this super premonition that I would meet avril. really!! why did I want to meet her? look below...
[46157] dir en grey ~shi.ro.i.ko.na.~ says:
u can hope hard hard that tmr won't be too jia lat
[46157] dir en grey ~shi.ro.i.ko.na.~ says:
at most i pray for u loh....
[46157] dir en grey ~shi.ro.i.ko.na.~ says:
hahhahahhaha
avril says:
cool.....
avril says:
got ppl pray for me....
avril says:
yay
avril says:
hahahaha
avril says:
i am so in need of luck....
[46157] dir en grey ~shi.ro.i.ko.na.~ says:
......
[46157] dir en grey ~shi.ro.i.ko.na.~ says:
like wad's new rite
avril says:
yar......
[46157] dir en grey ~shi.ro.i.ko.na.~ says:
if u see me tmr then i'll wish u luck
[46157] dir en grey ~shi.ro.i.ko.na.~ says:
if u don't
[46157] dir en grey ~shi.ro.i.ko.na.~ says:
too bad
avril says:
huh
avril says:
i wont
avril says:
i reporting at like 1130
avril says:
so will be there say round 11....
avril says:
ur recess is like so bloody early lar
I won't? what rubbish! ahahaha. actually I was thinking that I would meet her when I go up late for GP. it was not to be. instead I caught her after lunch, when we were (yes late) going for math lecture. I don't know how. my radar is super powerful. I caught a glimpse (just a glimpse...) of her in the LT level one toilet on the way to the stairs. so I just hypnotically went towards the toilet. wee khee was laughing saying oi the stairs is further to the left lah...but obviously I couldn't be bothered. I promised avril I'd wish her luck if I saw her. and this really really 1% chance of seeing her before the exam came. ahaha. she wanted to drag me to the stairs beside lt 1 to accompany her that short distance because she knew I was going to lt 5. usually I would. well the irrational me would. don't know why so rational today. I screamed nooooo and insisted on me going up the toilet stairs, which is obviously nearer and a smarter choice. but you know it has never been rational with avril. somehow it was a sensible decision today. weird right. never mind...
she told me that she'll probably be out by around 1630. I was rather happy because school ends at 1600. then all I had to do was to stick around for about half an hour to an hour and I would see her. or so I thought. then I suddenly realised that I finish at 1530 instead, thanks to the changes in the timetable. and I didn't have anybody to really stay back with. I mean I was going real cranky today and I needed someone to crank with me or stone with me and all, but obviously there is nobody in class to do that. somehow they are all rational and sensible and everything that I dislike. haiz. not that I dislike being intelligent and grown up, but sometimes I need to let go too. and I just cannot do it in my class. just doesn't fit. ahhhhh never mind. in the end I found darling marilyn and we sat together. crap kayjal came over to join us later. we were like a bunch of insane idiots together. actually just kayjal and I were being really insane. maril was like trying to keep her cool. hahahahha. anyway avril never seemed to appear, even though we saw her class people. so I decided to accompany maril to white sands to get the cake for her mum.
on the bus I talked so much about avril. talked about how sad it would be next year without her, and how hard it already is presently without her, and really a lot of stuffs. so much that if maril had taped down everything everyone would be convinced I'm a les.
but I'm not.
really. I'm not. not not not. insist. well at least I'm trying not to be one. yeah I know I have identity crisis with other people. I have something for pretty guys and handsome girls. everything is WRONG. but arrgh they're the right gender. and that's all that matters. then we hopped off the 358, saw rizal and his girlfriend walk along the pavement, turned into white sands and then...
lightning struck and thunder roared!!!!!
yeah right. dream on. only dr s is capable of doing that. well actually the effect was like that. you know the phrase qing tian pi li...yeah...so drama. but true.
avril was there walking along with lynn and serena.
and I made maril wait with me rubbishly for her.
you know if I could I might have cried. you have NO IDEA, I repeat, NO IDEA how much I missed her. although I saw her in the morning, it wasn't long enough. and christine and her needed to report back to the lt fast. at least now we could just stand there and talk crap. gosh. and she was eating exactly what I would buy if I went to old chang kee.
squid wings
so exciting. told you the day ends with avril. started with her too. well at least for me days don't start without her. heh. no lah...not that bad.
you know, throughout the day, last night and just now I was listening to the S.H.E. song Super Star, which is in yesterday's entry, I realised that although it is true, it's really terrible. very maniacal. really. like some nutcase who doesn't know what else to do in life if her superstar isn't around. she doesn't seem to care about anything else in the world except her superstar. and it applies so badly. sounds sick. jia lat. but what to do. you know me. what can I do about it? nothing really. what's my tagline again?
no matter what, I still love avril the most.
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 2255
19th September
meant to blog yesterday. as usual. I'm always blogging like one day later. but I really wanted to. shall start from the beginning of yesterday. the whole string of events. oh yeah.
woke up like freaking early in the morning to go for maths consultation. so fun. I mean I don't really need it but it's quite fun to go for math class. and I got stuff done so it's 2 birds killed with a stone. not too bad right. better than friday. I barely got anything done. anyway when I came in there were some policemen standing around. then we were like asking why they were there. then I think joyce said that the band was playing in scas and some big shot was coming, so they wanted to ensure that the band wasn't like hiding bombs in their instruments or something. quite dumb but ah well. so I thought hey the band is here...haha. yeah I know. it's him again. darn. then I suddenly remembered rachel moaning something about having to wear all black for some performance thingy. it turned out to be yesterday. yeah saw him alright. in all black. but a pity he was wearing short sleeve. I think long sleeve would have been better. but wth. it doesn't matter anymore. then later rachel herself came down. oh man all of us were like 'wah so pretty ah today'....she was so embarrassed. she probably couldn't wait to get out of those things. and not to mention that gwen's shoes were too big. she was like walking in clogs. but she looked very nice. haha. I guess it's really true that it's a pity rachel's a butch. haiz. but she looks not bad as one. really. jac too. but sometimes jac reminds me of liane. I hope that's of no offence...
anyway after we were finally done yesterday, after 4 hours of math and more math, I flew home so that I could fly out to meet angie and gang for street evangelism. goodness. I ate so fast. then when we got to EH my stomach was protesting already...so pain. then I spotted these 2 girls in EVSS band shirts. one of them saw me too. and I was wearing my house shirt. she asked if I was in year 2. I replied her with a 'I know your senior' and we were like:
ahha...avril right...
like who else. kinda made my day. why? because in the morning, I meant to leave at 1030. then because I remembered that the year 2s finished at 1100, I decided to wait. I was laughing at khairiah for staying and counting down to 1100 just to see k*** when in actual fact I was no better. khairiah was like 'just a glimpse will do...' and all of us were laughing. actually, I just wanted a glimpse too. yeah that would do. gosh I miss her so much. I sound like some stalker and maniac who has gone gaga over her. actually I'm nearly there. ooooh....so dangerous right. she hasn't come online for some time too. haiz. so sad. and you know the whole point became so much avril, I still don't know what that girls' name is. in fact I don't even know which level she's in. terrible right. haiz.
went home to mama! mother came home from bintan yesterday. had dinner and I quickly went to call meida to come online at 9. then we started our not very fruitful literature discussion...so jia lat. actually it's partly my fault. I was more interested in talking to vicky...heh. good friend mah...
it was fun talking to vicky anyway. we were laughing at delon and gary. so fun. and now she wants to come for this year's open house to see them. I was like wah so interested ah...hahaha....gary's taken...haha. pei de hen er xin. really loh. you know the other day crystal and I were talking about whether we should have taken lit econs maths. crys was screaming that she should have taken geog instead. then I started laughing because she might have ended up in gary's class. what an eyesore. every single day man. then I was like saying I didn't have much of a choice. crys asked me what other choice I had. I had like what, CLA and GSC together as my other choice. then I thought about it, then said, then I would have ended up in 301. crys was like oooooh...why didn't you take it then...then things would have been different today. I thought of GSC and said:
not worth it
I mean I know there are people all out to kill me. NOT LIKE THAT!! please. I don't mind taking CLA, but no GSC please. and it's definitely not worth taking something like that because of him. and I didn't give him even half a shit then anyway. that's why sometimes I wonder if jolyn and norvin will ever regret waiting till 1900 to change their choice of stream from science to arts. I really wonder. they don't do particularly well, but you'll never know. maybe they really can do better in arts. I don't know. never mind. that's them.
I guess that's about it. I don't know. so tired. supposed to do a lot of things. but so lazy to do them. just feel like pretending that there's no promos. just feel like not bothering. just feel like taking for granted that I'll pass and get promoted like it's always been all along.
rubbish child. go study. aRRGRGHHH!HH!!!!!
shoot. thought of avril. thought of her lousy brother. and this came out.
(smile, I will sing; frown, I will suffer heartache I don't have the time to bother about myself, I only feel how you feel where are you going? take my soul with you it's been bewitched by you, so it's pointless to cling to it you're the power, you're the light, you're the only legend I only love you, you are my super star you're the leader, I'm the worshipper, there's no better way but to love you, you are my super star your hand, isn't a hand, it's the gentle universe I'm like this little planet turning within your palm please, look at me, so that I can dream about you I've gone crazy over you, so you've got to award me you are meaning in life, my sky, my earth, and heaven's will other than loving you, there is nothing else logical and instinctive fire, you are fire, it is the end point for me as a moth never thought of escaping why should I escape? thanks for giving me a happy dream if I forget myself, please help to remember me you're the power, you're the light, you're the only legend I only love you, you are my super star you're the leader, I'm the worshipper, there's no better way but to love you, you are my super star)
OH NO. this is terrible...
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 1753 (so early!)
16th September
just when you thought you wouldn't make another funny friend in a long while, I meet another. another two in fact. and to think that they were on my erm friend list. okay not my 'friend' list so to speak, but rather 'people I want to get to know' list. quite terrible. some of my friends now were on that list. people like eewei, marilyn, AVRIL...heh. quite a few people. of course I have good friends who were never part of the list. people like mae, crystal, who really weren't anywhere near that list. almeida was on the list. so was adam and nuha. heh. but obviously I'm closer to adam. imran was on the list too. avril was on the list and I can't figure out why. I still can't. just had that strange feeling that I wanted to know her, talk to her.
so freaky.
as usual. what's new. when was I NOT freaky?! so who's ticked off the list next? ahaha...yeah got to know jac and rachel today. heh. goodness me rachel is so crazy! oh my so funny! I couldn't stop laughing today. she nearly ALWAYS says the wrong thing! I mean how could that happen man...and she looks damn cute sometimes. haha. and jac was worse. like anyone would care if she announced a booming "wah no space ah the seats all wet"??! gosh that was like stupid! and they actually said it! I thought they were just trying to suggest like an idea to get to the bench next to dawn's bench. and they really did it! oh goodness. and rachel really looks like the s212 guy! the hair and everything...just too alike.
nothing much left to say. just that I need to sleep soon. need to study soon. stop slacking!!! wakey wakey?!
2 more weeks...
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 2330
15th September
no dreams this time. just lots to say. agenda anyone??
1. miyavi's birthday 2. eewei 3. delon again 4. avril (again and again) 5. other things (maril, holiday thingies...)
1. miyavi's birthday. ahhh it was yesteday! so now meev's exactly 23 years and 1 day old...heh. so young. but who cares! I meant to blog about this yesterday but didn't find the time nor the energy. was so sleepy last night.
2. eewei. went out with her during the holidays, but didn't talk about it. this time it was really succesful. haha. so lame. well we really didn't run into people we didn't want to see and anyway we didn't run into anybody. so pretty safe. she said that prawn was in nafa that day and wanted to sabo me by asking them along for dinner...idiot...but it was nice lah. we went to eat at yoshinoya again and my stupid miso soup bowl cover got stuck. we tried and tried but just couldn't get it open. and I was feeling so malu to go and ask the counter for help with the lid. I don't know why. it just felt dumb to bring the black little bowl to them and ask them to help open it. well in the end I did and they gave me that reaction like I was the 101th person who couldn't open the cover, so much so that they opened it within seconds. I just stared and went oh. and I was kinda stunned. never mind....now you know why I'm malu....
then after that paid a visit to the new and nice nafa. heh. the inside is just like jail I tell you. goodness me. the lift opens out to a whole maze of corridors (eewei insists it's easy to navigate...what rubbish) with identical doors leading down every corridor. they are these thick and wide brown doors with weird handles which move upwards to open and have a little window at the left side, like the one in prison cells for the warden to pass food. like jail right?
in the studio itself is worse. the air pressure sound is enough to kill someone. I nearly went crazy. I ended up having to sing lalala to myself. eewei refused to make noise because she knows I couldn't stand it. evil child. bully me. then played some piano, reminiscinced awhile with her stupid eccles concerto that she played for mep exam, played some more piano and then we decided to leave. we went to the nafa branch of tcc. talked so much crap. then again what's new right. we were like going to leave when I realised that I left the bracelet that mae gave me behind at nafa. so we went to get it. well I kinda insisted. then I made her walk me all the way back to bugis bus stop. talk about getting bullied. heh. and the stupid bus refused to come and I reached home so late. I was aiming to reach home by 10 but obviously I didn't. haiz. never mind.
3. delon. yeah it's time to move on with the stupid agenda. otherwise I'll never finish by midnight. you know I thought it was over. eewei asked about him and I was like it's faded, girl. it came to the point where I kind of forgot what he even looked like. and those were good signs. and you should have seen eewei's outburst when she realised -- "huh you all go for looks one ah???" then??! when you barely know a person, what else do you go for? goodness me. I mean come on he's a bunch of lazybones who has an attitude problem. yeah I know marli and her "the few pros can cover the many cons" theory, but sometimes it just doesn't really work. yeah. anyway I really really thought it faded. and then I did the fatal thing on monday morning. first day of school. I lined up at my class line and...
turned right.
stupid. look right only see him. he was like exactly parallel to me. goodness. so much for thinking it had faded. rubbish. ah never mind. I still strongly believe it will fade. after all it's so superficial. it's just sticking around because there isn't any better candidate thus far. I mean how many guys are there...unless one fine day I decided to erm try jac or rachel? ahahahahaha...I'm not that crazy. not yet. yeah yet. no lah....don't get frightened.
4. avril. my favourite topic. ahaha. I annoyed her a little during the holidays by calling pretty incessantly. heh. so terrible right. anyway I knew she had math 1 and chem 3 on monday, so I kinda looked out. during lunch I saw her. but since it was erm chem 3 and she looked so studious I thought I'd better not bother her. but toward the end of lunch...ah thought I'd just say hi. or at least you know ah just say hi. she looked so upset and stressed I also didn't really know what to say to her. she had that so screwed face. and she looked at her chem notes and gave a it's gonna screw face. even serena was a little happier than her. poor lynn was sick and jill didn't look good either. haiz. poor kids. so I decided that I shall try my very best, really best, to NOT call her all the way until after promos.
wah so hard!
but must try. it does both of us good. not fair to disturb her. she's not as bo chap as me. I'm so terrible. I tell you if I get retained or something, especially if it's because of econs, I'm going to kick myself. saw her this morning. and she just told me her prelims will end next tuesday...haiz. but hers really bad after that. lame shit ah we all. look below:
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
wah then finish ah
avril says:
yar....
avril says:
den e scary part starts
avril says:
first is e teachers' lectures
avril says:
den its As.....
avril says:
see e time flying out of e window.....
avril says:
i feel so old....
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
but i tot the truncated timetable starts only in wk 4
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
and yes girl getting old...
avril says:
u r only a year younger....
avril says:
not much better,...
avril says:
haahaha
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
but it feels better to be 17 than 18 doesn't it
avril says:
no
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
somehow 18 like damn old liao
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
i tell u the moment u hit 20 u'll cry
avril says:
i will....
avril says:
i will....
avril says:
see me cry during my birthday...
avril says:
hahahaha
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
ahahahahaha
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
040407 really cry
avril says:
if only i can live till 040444
avril says:
hahahaha
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
can try......
avril says:
y not....
avril says:
i juz might....
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
yeah u'll nv noe
[46157] dir en grey ~ultimate addiction~ says:
can leh actually
avril says:
yar.....58 yrs old.....
avril says:
quite okae...
avril says:
hahaha
silly little girls. actually we're both still so young. she's gone offline. feeling the emptiness. haiz. she won't be in school tomorrow. I think it's some physics paper. haha then khairiah can see her k***! really like bad word. ahahaha. that's like superbly lame.
5. others. finally. I thought I'd never get here. suddenly realised that I haven't talked to marilyn at all since the term started. yeah I know it's been only 3 days but hey think about it, maril is like so damn near to me but I didn't talk to her yet and I get to talk to far far away mae and eva in 201? doesn't make sense.
anyway had a really nice lunch with mae and eva today. so funny. eva and I were enjoying our time suaning mae. ahahaha poor child. victimised. especially the
mae can't cook, but you can!
so dumb!!!!! oh my. but who cares. we had so much fun laughing our heads and stomachs away in macs today. haven't done that in a while. in a long long while actually. so fun. shall try that again one day.
I think I shall stop here. it's nearly 0030 already. and yeah vril's offline. so sad ah, I go online like solely for her. ah well nearly lah. okay after I'm done uploading my x japan gallery I shall go sleep. oh yeah I renamed every single one of my miyabi pictures! yes all 207 of them. two hundred and seven. so solid right, the number. anyway....go sleep...soon. oh and instead of going on a aikawa nanase downloading craze, I went on a chinese song craze. goodness me. found a good place! http://mp3.baidu.com!
shall embed it here. so that I won't ever lose it! yay!!
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 0024
12 September
I won't say much. there's quite a lot to say, but I don't have the time. it's pretty late and I have a show to catch. and econs to study. realised I haven't really blogged the entire holiday but who cares.
meant to blog the other time regarding my dream. my terrible dream. it was pretty bad. really. arrrghh...show started. perhaps may continue later. yeah. must get it down. soon.
back from the show. really must type fast. okay. the other day, had a really bad dream. ah well not nightmarish, but nearly. I've forgotten a lot of it, but here's what I remember. can't remember how it started. it's something like delon broke his right arm or something. and somehow it wouldn't heal right. and he kinda overused it until he landed in hospital (don't ask why it's him. I don't know the answer). then his dad came to see him but he refused to bother about the dad. he was sleeping you see, and the dad was disturbing him or something. then don't remember what the dad said, the dad went over to him. then suddenly he opened his eyes, outstretched that bad right arm of his and the dad went flying. and erm...he died.
I told you it was bad. and it's not the end.
then somehow it changed scene. I was in clara's house, and then I was there till quite late. so the father said he'll send me home. and then don't know how, the father drove so crazily, even u-turning into a dead end, and then later the driver became the mother instead. and can't remember why the father is the president of the country or something.
talk about crazy dreams. that was one.
just had to let it out. so sorry. school starts tomorrow. time to wake up.
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 0007
6th September
collected my registered mail yesterday! thanks a million to aireiko who has a trade and sell site here. I didn't expect the macabre tour dvd to turn out like that. I mean after watching nearly all the other concert dvds I really didn't expect this. there's even a proper tracklisting! but obviously it wasn't adhered to strictly. but it's nice. realised that a lot of the silly little clips that I downloaded last time came from this dvd. so cool. and now I know what they mix into kyo's vomit mixture! gosh it's practically what I like to eat! it's actually tofu, plus the chinese yellow noodle and sweet sauce. sounds familiar? of course! it's....yong tau foo!!! OMG I couldn't stop laughing this afternoon while watching it. come to think of it, my yong tau foo DOES resemble his spit! oh my! never thought of that. and the concert was good. and dir en grey is ULTIMATE LAME. or rather kaoru is really lame. and I thought die and toshiya were bad enough. looks like now we know where it comes from. heh. and they always bully dear shinya...so poor thing. I felt like helping him lengthen his skirt...so short. gosh. no wonder there was a little *ahem* revelation during the 5 ugly kingdom concert when he erm stood almost on top of the camera, wearing that puny skirt of his.
watched so much diru these 2 days. don't feel like doing a daigo layout anymore. then I was thinking hey, haven't done a totchi one for some time...then I was pondering about when the last time was and suddenly I realised something. this month's layout IS toshiya. stupidity. like gOsH. brainless. some wire disconnected somehow. because I'm hooked on egnirys cimredopyh again, I mean hooked on listening to the song, I wanted to do a layout featuring totchi and this song. yeah with the huge numbers
4 6 1 5 7
heh. shi.ro.i.go.na. looks like some prison number from here. for those who don't understand a thing about these 5 numbers, they're taken from the lyrics of dir en grey's song egnirys cimredopyh, which is actually hypodermic syringe spelt backwards. 46157 obviously doesn't mean anything by itself, but if strung together properly, it becomes shiroi gona, or japanese for white powder, which is better known today as heroin. so cool right? not the subject matter, but the way kyo's done it. so cool. not to mention the fact that I've always been rather hooked on totchi. or maybe I shall do kyo instead. but I just did him too. darn. shinya's coming on next month. hey come to think of it, never done a die one before. but I'll rather leave that to december issue. die's birthday. heh. then how? or I know! instead of my constant individuals, I shall finally piece diru together and form the next layout! sorry daigo kun...got to give way to the seniors. wait okae...daigo will appear erm..next year?!! oh gosh so fast! because shiny is october, diru is november, and die is december! oh MY! then daigo kun will be january 2005. scary. really scary.
stop scaring yourself. need to do math tuition homework. was meant to be done before my test last saturday, but ah...lazy. need to go to school again tomorrow. darn.
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 2312
4th September
ah my feet hurt. again. as usual actually. went for sportlympics reloaded today. should have known that my feet would hurt like nuts anyway. haiz. rather tired. got that feverish feeling again. oh supposed to call mrs yow. wait.
I don't have the mood to blog. I'm just blogging because I'm bored. and somehow or another victoria got disconnected and there's nobody to talk to again. I don't feel like talking about the day. not too bad a day but not in the mood to type it all out. feel like calling avril. should I? she just had GP today. heh.
shall call her. heh.
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 2201
1st September
hello darlings. it's me again. after so long. I realised I didn't finish my 28th august entry. so I shall attempt to finish it. as well as finish all I wanted to say in between. which is a total lapse of 5 days. gosh. so much. be prepared for a long long entry my dears...
28th: went to orchard, and realised that I went too early. we were supposed to meet at 1430, not 1330. so I stupidly went at that time, but obviously late as usual, and I thought that they had left without me. actually they were due so much later. and since I'm too lazy to type out everything that happened that day, basically I didn't get anything, and crys joined us later. and we ran into avril and friends. actually I saw serena and lynn first. then I thought hey if they're here...I turned and saw this super hehheh-looking avril. yeah. later I met mae for dinner and she said she saw avril. and she also spotted serena first. haha. poor thing. serena gets spotted first instead of the rightful avril. went with mae to junction 8 for dinner. goodness me it's changed so much I nearly got lost. can you imagine, I can get lost in junction 8. of all the places. got home pretty much on schedule, for once...
29th: sunday. went to jolyn's house after church. clara and gang were waiting for me when I was actually making my way to jolyn's by myself. poor kids. didn't tell them clearly. so my fault. practised the entire formation thingy for the next day. gosh. then went to tampines with clara, crys, joyce and farna. and still didn't buy anything. so I decided I shall just stick to the green dress after all. like whatever...told myself to sleep early, then suddenly remembered that there was shomuni 3 at night. darn. like who cares anyway...
30th: oh joy finally love meridian day. we were like taking pictures as if there was no tomorrow. and yeah we were all in retro clothes and terrible bangles and earrings and blah. and we were bullying some teachers too. except violet. we stepped pretty hard on her tail and she ain't happy. but whatever. school was finally done at 1325 and we went to eat. fiona and others were gaping at some girl who wore this super minimini skirt to school. I looked harder and realised oooh it's weiling. she was cosplaying yuna from FF-X. I wasn't surprised that she turned up like that. she's so much bolder than before. then again, so am I. so what's the difference right? heh. then later had the be yourself day inter-CG competition. quite fun and funny. crys was nosebleeding over her donatello and I was like heh. well raphael DID look good anyway. except for that silly tie...I was so tempted to scream raphael remove that lousy tie! but crys didn't seem to mind, so I didn't bother. and delon was erm..never mind. but he wore his earring! heh. there's something with me and earrings on guys. don't ask. but crys was like he's so gay...ah well I also don't know why he was like playing with his garbage bag hair extensions but yeah it looked gay. at least raphael looked way more normal. but whatever.
maril and I were so sad when we had to leave at 1630. we couldn't even hear the results. so sad. but never mind. we had more important things to do. so we went out there to change and I realised that I shouldn't have brought the U2 pants! gosh they were like 2 inches too small...why on earth is sister so so skinny...should have worn jeans. mae didn't tell me it was possible. to me, when maril says black, it goes all black. and she was all black too. darn it. then I wouldn't have been in such pain. ahhhh. never mind. went plonking placards down onto the assembly plaza floor. then realised so many placards were missing. so I called avril to ask if those classes existed. and eh it seems like all of them did except for s306. whatever...
the entire thingy finally started, really behind schedule, and I did the dance with my class in the end. I was pretty bent on not doing it initially, but ah just have fun with everybody. wee khee smuggled danny in as well. he looked so lost. well it wasn't quite his fault anyway. then after that I waited like an idiot for the donation draw thingy to be over, and finally soiree started.
I was so glad when the benches thingy was all over. when the teacher's skit was on, I was laughing so hard. then I remembered that there were those lousy benches to move. like darn. anyway everything went okay that day. so I can't be bothered anymore. avril was like eh you okay or not...run here run there like so damn busy....well I was. and not to mention it ended so late. and the lousy canteen benches are made of don't know what, so heavy, and the guys were all MIA...so irritating. I ate dinner at like 2300 and got home even later. I was so tired man. I wasn't exactly sleepy, but my feet hurt so much. I talked to mother so long that night. and then finally went to sleep...
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wait I go bathe first. head itchy. continue later.
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31st: finally. was supposed to meet yifang at 1130. but woke up late, so met her at around 12 instead. didn't really see a lot of people. actually I went back for fun. meant more to go eat with vicky carr and dibz. but anyway dibz didn't join us and was replaced by ger. went stoning around in tampines. and I mean stoning. carr wanted to watch 13 going on 30, but I wasn't really keen and the only slot left was rather late. and century square wasn't even showing it. so we landed in pizza hut, after knowing that carr actually ate lunch already and we didn't have to wait at all. so stupid right. had lunch, walked about a bit, but my feet were so achy from monday, and vicky had injured her knee, so we decided to go to burger king to stone some more. then at BK ger was playing with this ketchup packet and it suddenly burst! and the contents went all over the wall, the seat, and very unfortunately, carissa. haiz. it just missed me. we were laughing like nutcases. gosh. and that ketchup spray reminded carr of the stupid coleslaw incident and we just couldn't stop laughing. we were barely able to tell ger what the coleslaw thing was all about. nearly died laughing. then went home rather early. or so I thought. nobody home. so I decided to call avril. she was home, as expected. wanted to go out for lunch today, so I was like okay. then we took so long to decide where to go. we went through the entire east west line and just couldn't decide. in the end we decided my place. I was fine with that. duh. means I don't have to bother. and don't have to bother about coming home late either. coz I'm already home. heh.
at night wanted to go sleep, but ended up watching the last part of Dante's Peak. it was a nice show. but didn't watch the last part. sis said all's well, ends well. as expected. ah whatever. so tired last night.
1st: wow today. aiyoh.....this entry really very long. make up for 5 days. jia lat. ah anyway this morning went to meet lydia at 1000...late again, but not very late. so not so bad. I didn't know it would take this long...and not to mention that I missed the stupid bus. sigh. I'm always missing buses. irritating. never mind. not in the mood to rant about lousy buses. after that supposed to meet avril and mae at mae's stop at 1230. reached at like 1250. avril was rotting and stoning and whatever you want to call it. she said mae would be late. like oh wow she's actually later than me. I was like freakily late already. but at least she called, and she was late because she needed to do stuff. I was late because I needed the toilet. otherwise I would have alighted at mrs yow's stop and either taken another bus, or if it was a little early (it was...) I could have walked there. but heh...
in the end we ate at hougang south instead. heh. then mae had to go off to changi airport to study...like alamak. and I have barely done any homework. no need to sleep tonight. darn. then actually avril thought of taking the bus with mae, then go home. but I was like huh...not accompanying me ahhh....heh. she went home with me. my terrible whining. there should be a job for professional whiners. actually I don't know why I whine so much now. I never whined this much last time. especially when I was much younger, I just hated everybody who whined. well till today I'm still rather particular about whiners. I don't really mind if you whine a little for like fun or something. but it gets irritating when you whine and wail because you really mean it or you really mean to irritate people. or worse still, if you sound terribly obnoxious. careful you don't get slapped by me man.
talked some, listened to some arrogant worms, watched lots of shrek 2, listened more...talked even more...heh. and to think I was cursing last week for the school taking away my last wednesday with avril. heh.
AHHAHHHHAHAAAAAAAA. tomorrow no year 2s. no avril. DAMN DAMN DAMN. ooh haven't done that in a while. haiz.
suddenly something happened to me as I was having my cup of tea suddenly I was feeling depressed -- I was utterly and totally stressed do you know you made me cry do you know you made me die
did you know? I think you do. it's just that...I don't know why. anyway vril left at 6 plus. I walked her to the bus stop I walk to every morning. said byebye. haiz. double haiz.
never felt this way before. it scares me. does it? no. it upsets me.
against my will I stand beside my own reflection @ 2220