March 2005

was in a really good mood to blog just now. seriously. but now the stupid winmx is getting on my nerves and so is google searches. never mind.

anyway. feeling better now. supposed to blog yesterday. but obviously didn't. and it doesn't matter anyway. yeah I have 'loyal readers' too (ahaha), but gah. it's MY blog. ahaha.

a bit nuts already. my mood has swung up and down. told maril I'm okie okie and closer to happy but I'm not again. in fact I'm still a little unhappy since yesterday. but not so bad.

my internet's screwing up. I can see it coming. time to start burning a lot of things again. but I'm scared it'll end up like last time. must seriously check my files this time. make sure that everything gets burnt in.

and now I'm feeling so stoned. dang. I hate it. really. I live in a dream. a dream where I actually know that I'm in a dream. ugh this is beginning to sound like do androids dream of electric sheep. you know, the sentient thing. brain in a vat. ahaha.

I'm not talking much sense anymore. and I think I've got hooked to boulevard of broken dreams. all avril's fault. gah. it's quite nice lah. or maybe because the sort of song fits my mood now. the lyrics don't. just the music.

and the lousy paper cuts are still there. yeah I cut myself on the manipulated life. speaking of books, I want that book I saw in kino! it's called The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy : and Other Stories by Tim Burton, the director of Edward Scissorhands and Beetlejuice!! it's a...bit erm sick book, but not bad. something macabre and dark and very goth. kayjal would like it. ahaha. I mean seriously. dark thing. it's exaggerated to give some sort of very very dark humour (which carissa would LOVE), but you know it brings out some other issues. I WANT IT! AHH!! but it's so sick. hmmmmm....

gosh that was like the longest paragraph today. and I realised that my entry ain't short today. or at least not as short as I thought it was going to be.

right. about my downloading spree. and then came the review spree. or rather, killing yifang's ears. heh. well you see, I'd finish watching video after video and then I'd tell yifang all about that video and all the new things I'd discovered about diru. like great.

so thus I have ALL of dir en grey's videos. I think. well everything that's available online. I'm just short of 2 concerts. okay now it's three, because they've completed another one. like oh great, right?

oh and I saw the manipulated life today. I don't feel like buying it. it isn't one of those diru merchandise which AHHHHHH must BUYYYY!!! no it isn't. so I think I'm not buying. the pictures aren't really wonderful (well it's the...usual), scans of the b/w pictures are available online and it's difficult to scan the mag itself, anyway. so...no.

and that seems to be all I want to say for now. and right now, I must finish up the last bits of bleeding berry and then I can upload it!!! yayayaayyaayy. this must be the fastest website I have ever done man. seriously.

by the way, update on my wishlist. I have actually decided on wanting things that are more attainable. which is amazing. my birthday coming soon ah...ahahahaha

yeah it's me once more. on the way home after eating with my buddy, listening to my zen touch again. and thinking about all the jrock madness I've had over the years. and I mean years. and you know I was listening to dir en grey (as usual) and thinking and thinking. that's what I hate about long journeys home. I think too much.

ANYWAY, I realised something. I've always listened to jrock like some years after they've debuted, or I listened to their debut album and perhaps the one after it, and stopped. but there's 2 (at first I thought just one. after talking to yuting I realised TWO.) which I listened from the beginning and haven't stopped. one is dir en grey, the other is miyavi.

but I don't really want to count meev, because to count him, I should have started from his dlq days. but I only started when he went solo, after dlq split. so...not really counted. like this I should count hyde too. and GACKT! ahaha.

so dir en grey. let's talk about dir en grey. sheesh I am ALWAYS talking about diru so why am I talking about them again. well, I like mah. the first album of diru I heard was gauze, which was their debut album. you know at that time I really couldn't understand how on earth a good band's vocalist could scream and wail in the studio. you know, artistes sometimes make a lot of noise and scream during concerts, but they do studio recording properly. but dir en grey didn't. they let kyo scream and chant and wail. little was I to know that gauze has some of the mildest screams dir en grey was to produce.

but I enjoyed the headbanger sound diru produced anyway, so I stuck with gauze. and somehow I liked the album more and more as I listened. I don't know why. gauze used to be my oh so favourite album, but I don't really know if it is anymore.

later macabre came out, I bought it. but didn't really bother about it. when kisou came out in 2002, sister bought it. didn't really bother either. it was the NEXT YEAR which became the great diru discovery.

I went completely mad over diru. poor yifang. I think she listened to so much of me exclaiming about dir en grey that she jumped on the bandwagon (literally) and went gaga over gackt. okay out of point. I started copying lyrics, getting all their songs (because the above 3 mentioned albums got out of the house), and marked the beginning of my downloading frenzy, aka killing my computer.

I shan't say why. she's just an idiot. don't know she stupid or stupid. okay maybe the other side should also be scolded. and so should the friend.

sheesh I'm being so horrible. when it's none of my business, in that sense. but honestly man, dude, please. just say. otherwise when it implicate gtc into the mess and the situation gets messier and you get more confused, it's gonna get even worse.

WOOT! block test over. no no wrong. it's an exam in disguise. heh. mrs yow got such a shock. I called her yesterday at like 12 plus and asked what was the earliest time I could have tuition. and she asked ME what time I wanted to have MY tuition. I said anytime. then she was like erm where are you? I said at home. and she was like AT HOME??! a mother's worst nightmare. child didn't go school. ahahaha.

ooooh that's so pink. told ya it was gonna be big. anyway...YEAH it's back in action! I've got it up and running...not yet. not so fast. I've completed the index02, the frames, the profiles, the lyrics and translations, half the gallery, the discography page

and I'm very tired. I've been staring at this damn thing for too long. too long today. oh and if you were wondering what on EARTH is bleeding berry (especially if the pages I completed didn't make sense to you), it's my beloved dir en grey site.

yes it's nearly fully built by me (stole some stuffs from sister) but fully updated by me! and gosh is it HARD to update. there's like TOO MUCH...well sister didn't get very far you see. quite far enough, at least up till kisou (which is album 4/7), and I did six ugly, the next album. so I have to push the galleries (due to the extra pictures I have collected since since) and push A LOT for the lyrics and translations. thank goodness for myself, diru has published their own translations. yeah the english is a bit bad (fine VERY bad), but there are people out there who've helped correct the typos, and the recent ones are pretty okay and needn't be corrected too much. the thing is, I need to get down to begging dear visual-ongaku's webmaster to let me use his/her romanised lyrics for withering to death. yes they are OUT THERE already!!! AHHHHHH!!!!

so much for my diru craze coming back. yeah yeah yuting will ask me why you don't do miyavi site???? no darling. the gallery for miya will kill me before I get to do anything else. for the record, I have 207 pictures of that boy and counting. I said this before, right?

and ANYWAY. actually I don't know what else to say. I just meant to make that wonderful announcement because it means that I have lots to do online and that I can refresh ALL my html all over again and it marks the incredible merger between lyricist kyo and bleeding berry (which was previously close to impossible because I simply refused to let go of my kyo site)!

and now I must eat. my stomach is very bad. and then after that I may continue to do the rest of the site. this time I shall finish up EVERYTHING then I will upload it. gah.

and I think I shan't insist on people paying for me giving files to them. unless they want me to burn the files for them and then mail it across. well you need to pay me for postage at least, right?

supposed to go out with eewei tomorrow night. but I have no idea where we should go.

okay it's me for the last time till wednesday. yeah. had better be. some things I wanna say.

3. I have decided to revive bleeding berry. like huh? yeah. revive as in it will be a diru site ALL OVER AGAIN.

6. my archives page is NOT working not because I can't get it to work, but because I'm moving it. 2 years of blog entries can't fit into a geocities account. I'm moving them to topcities where it's 10 times the amount of space. cool huh?

8. (to my buddy) please ask him if he likes you. I'm sure he does. =) don't act like you don't know it.

aha. it's me once more. and today I won't talk too much. it's picture post day! waited a long time to do this. but first things first.

I finally completed my may 2005 layout! and it is SO WHITE. I could barely bear it. I think I've never done something so white before. the closest I can think of is the september 03 with a very light sky blue and december 03 which was baby pink/peachy colour. this time it's WHITE! woot! and I'm so sorry to people who don't have a scroller mouse, because I have very evily removed all signs of a scroll bar. yeah basically it's there but you can't see it...

PICTURES! went out with mother the other day. actually I meant to go out by myself, listen to chemistry and take my pictures. but never mind. it was fun with mother too. and I got to eat delifrance. heh. like so deprived.

that's the flower for you. it came out in the chinese papers the next day. should have sent my pixies in. might have gotten some cash. heh. they call it the singapore sakura. and I know why.

the fake sakuras aren't the only flowers around...the spiderlilies looked so damn perfect I had to take a shot.

and after the beautiful flora which is freaking near my place really, let's look at some people. naturally I don't enjoy taking pictures of people and buildings. but these people...ahhhhhh..make me spend money.

okay taking photographs of a photograph is really jialat. anyway, from left to right, that's kyo, gackt, hyde and TOSHIYA...I meant to get totchi only...yes meida that's why I went heeren for. hee. but they were having an offer, buy 3 get 1 free..and I am such a sucker for these things so...yeah. anyway they all look so good! wahahaha.

and my fingers are itchy. yifang didn't tell me the results from my woot.zip. I shall unravel some mysteries of the jrock world...nonsense lah. I'm going to scare people. if you can't take it, please don't scroll any further. I know people like yuting would scroll down furiously but not everyone is like her. heh.

that's shinya. and the right picture is the only one I have that can prove that shin-chan's a guy.

somehow when it comes to toshiya we're always like looking for the guy...where....

no matter HOW hard I try...miyavi looks...like that. there're a gezillion pictures right on top of miyavi on this blog. yeah they're all HIM.

this is another case of HOW DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU IT'S A GUY?! anyway, this is NAO.

hyde just rocks lah. catch him on MOONCHILD!! channel U is screening it sometime soon...the trailers have been going on and on and on...

for inoran, it's just the pure power of makeup. he doesn't look like THAT really...

here's...gackt! he's on moonchild too!! the pic on the right came out in U-weekly before. we bought that issue for this. heh.

and I guess that's it. just 8 people. well mainly because I don't fancy sugizo nor yoshiki very much, and some like mana and takeo are...like that. especially mana. honestly nobody really knows whether mana is male or female. he doesn't even talk. and he's still dressing up really well. I shan't scare people with mana. his dressing is TOO amazing.

nothing much to say today really. didn't do much. just went for breakfast with lydia, watched a lot of dir en grey when I got back, and played too much of sajou no uta, then went for tuition and came home. normal yeah?

sometimes I wonder why I blog anymore. haha. I'm at it again right?! okay okay I shall not dwell on this topic. let's try talking to people.

meida! is the layout supposed to BE like that or did you forget to upload the images somewhere and that's why they don't come out? there aren't even links! it's just...purple. ahaha. should pull such a stunt one fine day right? or perhaps I'll make it JUST like livejournal. you know, the double colour interface, with my user picture on top and a little info, navigate 20 entries back and forth and stuff like that. that is so livejournal.

and maril! I don't know if it's late. you free on friday night, yes THIS friday 18th march from 7-9pm? there's going to be a full bible study on the first 3 chapters of genesis. don't know if you're interested. tell me if you are!! I'm lazy to call you as you can tell...but I think I'll drop a line tomorrow or something. heh.

gone crazy over chemistry! nono not that accursed subject, but those two RnB guys who sing absolutely well. ahaha. yeah they sing the theme and ending song for double score, the show on sunday nights channel 8 11pm. listening to that song now in fact. always appreciated chemistry but never really bothered listening to them. and now I've finished download one album, another 2 on the way! I've decided not to download the 2 strange albums. they aren't called their official album, but neither are they unofficial in that sense. one is between the lines which is a 'summer premium' album, whatever that means, and the other is the latest one, hot chemistry released in january called 'winter premium'. doesn't make sense. but whatever.

and jiabi just dashed my hopes of being the only one in singapore to own the kyo book! oh well not that I didn't expect that. apparently kino DID fly in a few copies, and misc*exclusive DID fly in a few copies as well. and she got hers for much cheaper. but I got to preorder! I don't know why, but it seems so much more fun to preorder and know it's coming and it's coming instead of going to the shop yourself and checking if they have it and buying home yourself. heh. maybe that's why some people find that online shopping is terribly addictive. luckily I have neither money nor means (well the means is very expensive) to do so. otherwise merchandise after merchandise will come into my house...and yifang is going to have a field day. yeah because she's the one who collects all my registered mail. ahaha. easy mah...she's in the same school. otherwise I'd have to go out to meet whoever it is to get it. and yifang is just as excited as me so it's super fun! and I still haven't let her see the kyo book. must do so someday. I'll let her see it when I get the manipulated life from jiabi. then we can see everything together.

so much for saying nothing much to say really. as usual right? and I still haven't finished clearing my mail yet! ahh!!! and the nine o clock show is starting sooooonnnnn....

my head is spinning like nuts. I don't know if it's the overload of math and lit I need to complete, the poor air in the room or bad sleep. most likely not bad sleep, because I woke up at like 11 plus this morning, making it about 10 hours of sleep. maybe sleep too much. very tired. no not tired, head very pain.

anyway, finally finished replying maril. I have this feeling I went in a few circles partly because I replied over 2 days and partly due to headache. sorry darling.

downloaded the arittake no ai de PV! goodness it is SO FUNNY! it's so lame, actually. I kind of expected it already...could see it coming, right? the sort of song, the sort of singer, the style and all makes up ultimate lame! which it was. hahaha.

listening to it now, in fact. cute song. really cute. and it's something refreshing after all the hours of obscure. which reminds me. I wanted to look for the translation. wait...ooh can't believe centigrade j doesn't have it...aww...continue with my search.

as I thought. it barely makes any sense. but it doesn't make sense only because I don't understand it, I don't understand certain phrases and certain imageries he uses. it's not like the nonsensical miyavi, where he plucks lyrics from the sky. not that kind.

sigh. but some of the things he write don't make sense yet they're lovely. I would have liked to put something from my very precious Zenryaku, Ogenkidesuka. Saihate no Chi yori Mei mo Naki Kimi e Ai wo Komete but it's with jiabi now...and it will be away for a week or two. but she said she might be coming next week JUST to let me see the manipulated life in order that she can hopefully sell it. heh. but I may decide to be unkind...honestly speaking I am thinking of buying it from her, but I don't know. I think I've been like supplying that girl with some benefits. I paid for her earplugs, I burnt some stuffs for her, lent her my OH SO PRECIOUS kyo book and now I'm considering buying the photobook from her. like thank me. ahaha.

ANYWAY..better go finish typing my silas marner notes TODAY...I intend to finish typing them by evening and do math tonight. and then tomorrow I have breakfast with lydia and back to math again and then to tuition. then it's econs at night...sigh.

that's it. continue to await my file downloadings...I'm back at killing my computer again...

realised I had more to say. hyoten finished last night. although it had this super happy ending, which made it oh so cliché (I'm not sure if it happened the same way in the book), the whole process was like wow. and all the twists were utter madness. but it was a VERY VERY nice show. seriously.

gackt is still singing the same old song...I don't know how long it's been. but arittake no ai de has been going on and on for a long long time...and must watch the pv again someday. it's one of those hilarious things that gackt films which makes my day sometimes. you know, when I'm feeling a little sian and in dire need of a laugh, I just open the gackt folder or get the gackt video disc out and laugh the day away. it's fun.

and you know what? I feel like selling those burnt vcd thingies online too...yeah I know it's like freaking illegal and there are other ways of making money but...I just don't seem to save enough. or oh FINE I just spend too much...RIGHT?!

didn't watch howl's moving castle because I did something incredibly stupid. never mind. don't want to talk about it. don't like talking about me being stupid. yeah?

tired. thanks to ian. all his fault. go friend's house and play mahjong. if not for the fact that I decided to be nice today, he shall have no slides tomorrow.

had sf bbq today. not too bad. got to know some sfers a little more, talked to this absolutely weird guy which was freaking funny and ate professionally done chicken wings. honestly I walked into pasir ris park and thought of the el bbq. wahah must have been the funniest one I've gone for.

feeling barbequed now. I feel like replying maril but I don't have the time nor much energy. she's written so much I want to talk about. haiz. tomorrow, tomorrow.

going out with carr and vicks tomorrow! yay! like finally. always going out with vicks. and carr's having to study too. wahaha.

and I need to study too. suddenly realised that one week is disgustingly short. life's like that.

should stop here. even though I'm online with avril. there's a time to stop. and she needs to wake up early tomorrow too.

oh yeah. getting a concept for may layout already. but you know what I discovered? I realised that my april one isn't fully done. so after block test (I have long weekend! damn maril has longer), shall finish it properly (feel like changing the lyrics actually...) and do up may and perhaps june, if my concept is there.

yes it's me again. and it's me at an incredibly good time. it's like freaking early. if it were a full day I would have just finished school. or maybe not, since I don't take chinese anymore! wahaha. no more stinky cheeseman. yeah he didn't pick on me but hey he was freaky.

ANYWAY...watching howl's moving castle later! going with sister to watch. I'm supposed to be out now. but never mind...avril DID get her half day off, and she got it at 12 noon. I didn't expect that. she was stoning by herself (awwww) at tampines library (shock) and she hadn't eaten when I called her just now. but the thing is sister wants to go ps, vril's at tampines and I'm at home. it's nearer to go from home to ps than from tampines. so instead of gobbling my lunch and flying off to see avril and flying off very very (perhaps too fast) quickly to ps, I thought I'd just stay at home and rot a while and blog whilst waiting for time to pass.

yes yes it sounds like I've gained my rationality back, but honestly I haven't. I talked to her till 2am last night. I don't know how come I woke up bright and early this morning. I woke up even before my alarm clock went off. can you believe that? especially when I've been waking up late for the past 2 nights and sleeping normally?? phone calls make a LOT of difference. trust me they do.

now that I've realised that rationality isn't completely back, but at least still in motion (hey I did something rational, although sad, today). so now I shall start my little debate.

okay define. what's the manipulated life? it is a new photobook by dir en grey!! AHHH! well it's not quite a photo book per se. it's a collection of photos from their album tour as well as interviews and reviews and accounts of the entire tour. and it's 130 pages mostly in colour and it's close to A4 in size.

what's the problem? I've already gotten my darling kyo book. another piece of dir en grey merchandise? what if the printing is as lousy as [XX]?? at least xx was nearly 400 pages. this is merely 130 pages (not much thicker than kyo's book really) and the interviews and blah are all in japanese and I can't understand that.

what's the great part? it's cheap. heh. well according to jiabi's friend, it isn't dir en grey merchandise so to speak. it's actually a special report by the magazine UV. it's a report on their vulgar tour. but honestly speaking I think I'd rather buy the dvd. haha. oh and it's available in singapore. I just have to hop down to kino (taka) to get it. simple yeah?

but why bother? I don't know. I feel like getting my hands on it but certainly thinking more this time. I don't regret getting my kyo book. it's NICE!! and I love seeing this.

that's what is stated on the yesasia website! WAHAHA! but I want to know exactly how many copies went out. but I can't seem to find it. oh never mind. must go out soon. so cool right. to get something limited edition. somehow econs makes sense in this area. limited stuff is expensive and HIGHLY IN DEMAND. sheesh.

I wasn't supposed to be here. as usual. but I couldn't help it. today's the ninth, which means that it's the release of dir en grey's 7th album (wow seven already!!)

yes yes I know the poor album leaked. I felt so sad for them. I mean, I understand piracy, like after the release of the album, some people go out there and buy it, burn it and it passes. but leakage? I feel sad. and it leaked like 2 days before release. the last time it was just THE FINAL's pv. I mean that's just a music video. it doesn't really matter. but an entire album out on the net 2 days ahead? that's horrible.

ANYWAY...finished reading the 3 volumes of gouhou drug that yifang lent me!! AHH! looking for nicee nicee pictures now. and I think I always welcome some shounen ai now and then. heh. as one site says, kazahaya's image screams UKE!! just like rikuou's image and behavioural patterns scream seme. same. right? wahahaa.

but somehow kakei reminds me a lot of umeda hokuto. too much in fact. but then again, all these manga illustrators...I love clamp, but yuki kaori rocks the most. she's like THE best. and the best with the stories too! clamp is quite cool too, but they need to draw a LITTLE faster. they didn't release a single book last year! awwwwww I HATE waiting for the next volume of comics to come out. which is why I generally try to read completed sets. but of course there are just some which are too hard to resist...

like gouhou drug! I'm beginning to understand what's going on already. and I need to go watch my 2100 show! AHHH! so addicted.

1. the other bible references 2. going out with maril on friday 3. talking to avril on friday night 4. breakfast by the poolside. heh 5. koichi and delon. 6. minnie and lydia

yeah agenda. shifted some stuffs. anyway, here's the other verses which pip utton used yesterday. he actually made references to a few more but I can't remember. he used these 3 particular ones in full though. aiyerr...I realised that they're all from john 15. so I shall paste some of it here.

John 15:1-21
The Vine and the Branches
1“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

9“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit–fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other.

The World Hates the Disciples
18“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. 20Remember the words I spoke to you: ‘No servant is greater than his master.’[b] If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. 21They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me.

maril and I on friday. well I needed to run to far east (yeah very far) to get the materials for making the little door gift and managed to drag maril along...hehheh. and the two of us were like silly idiots who didn't know where on earth to go and how to go where we wanted to go and blah. so funny. maril called it muddling. oh well thereabout. I was pretty tired after that because of all that walking. but it was fine. and I've never used that underpass from taka to lucky plaza before! I didn't even realise where it was leading me to...hehheh. so suaku right. oh well I'm not exactly the best person to ask where is what in orchard, so...there you have it. empirical evidence. the rate I get lost in that place (which isn't really very big honestly) is so incredible you feel like taking my head and banging it against the wall. yeah I know...

but I learnt something: maril isn't one to shop with me either. so sad right! well for one she doesn't fancy accessories, so going out with me for shopping will seriously kill her. heh. eewei can tell you how long I spend in perlini's. and sister can tell you how much I SPEND on those sort of things. heh. honestly few people can stand shopping with me. I seem to diss everything I see and scream OMG THAT'S FRIGGIN' UGLY at so many many things and I'm oh so fussy but luckily not so stingy anymore. yeah I'm spending a WEE bit too much sometimes but ah sometimes I think to myself, forget it. the more I save the worse the spending gets. I'll suddenly spend a lot to make up for the loss and then it gets really bad. so don't.

then obviously my fingers were SOOOOO itchy and I called avril. I meant to call her in the afternoon. I was thinking of using maril's phone to dial her or something. then I thought perhaps her phone line was stuck or something because everyone is calling her and she's calling home or messaging like nuts and all. and I didn't know whether it was a great idea to call her so soon after the release of results so GAH don't call. so I called at night. she was uh you ah...and I was like ah who else...heh. but it turned out fine. and guess what? she was at orchard too!!! moan. she went with the gang to sushi tei (yet again).

and that's not the worst part. I expected her to go out with the gang. the thing was, after having tea with them, everyone went off somehow and left her with chris and kw. which was like DUH she wasn't going with THEM. so she went home......and to make things worse, she was heading home at about the same time as maril and I. oh MAN. I was like mumble mumble mumble you should have called maril mumble mumble mumble. yeah yeah how was SHE supposed to know. GAH.

breakfast by the poolside was fine. in fact there's practically nothing to talk about. just that the garlic spread was really nice. hehe. should have eaten more. but I ate so much anyway...and if I had eaten anymore I might have seriously fallen asleep at adolf despite it being so interesting. somehow I can really switch off. takes so much to concentrate after eating. sigh. shouldn't eat right. but I can't! then I'll faint from hunger...

after adolf I came home to find sister and mother watching tvbs. and I came home just in time to see kinki kids give some super old chinese new year greetings. great. and cny was like how long ago? okay fine it was just last month. but even then...and goodness knows what they did to tsuyoshi's hair. sister and I were flabbergasted. and when we told my mother hey mummy the guy on the left is the jin tian yi, she was like AH? really? and all of us laughed. and they did something to koichi too. well not the hair. just the makeup. and he looked like delon that way. ahahhaa so funny. I was thinking OH NO the makeup makes him look horridly familiar...well I've always liked pretty pretty koichi...

last point before I scoot off. minnie and lydia today. well I shan't say what happened because it's so personal, just that after that lydia and I went for lunch and we discussed some points that minnie brought up and it was pretty disturbing all in all. I didn't really bother much about that and didn't really look into the issue so seriously. but...here's some stuff that lydia was worried about.

God's Wrath Against Mankind
18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities–his eternal power and divine nature–have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
21For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

24Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator–who is forever praised. Amen.

26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

28Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, Godhaters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. ( romans 1:18-32)

5But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. 6God “will give to each person according to what he has done.”[a] 7To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. 8But for those who are selfseeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. 9There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; 10but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 11For God does not show favoritism.

12All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law. 13For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous. 14(Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, 15since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.) 16This will take place on the day when God will judge men's secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares. (romans 2:5-16)

I'm supposed to sleep now. yeah NOW. as usual. I just came on to send an sms to minnie and check a little mail on the way. and because it seemed like such a ridiculously short errand I still stupidly signed in and then I'm not talking to avril. okay perhaps I should give her a break after all. I talked to her for like 2 hours plus last night. like enough. anyway the girl made it. that was all I was concerned about. and she was so evil to her mother.

mum: so what university are you going?
vril: err either nus, ntu or smu loh
mum: (after hesitation) isn't that like all the universities they have here?!
vril: heh. yeah.

watched adolf today! cool show! and it's so...I don't know. it was so exciting watching it. even though towards the end he talked a little too much without enough action and I nearly fell asleep (oops). it's like it started and you wondered if it really did, and then you thought it ended but honestly it hadn't, and then when it ended you didn't know what else to do but clap like hell.

but some stuff that struck me. well according to the little singapore fringe festival booklet they gave us at the beginning of the show, this play was written based on hitler's mein kampf and table talk. so I conclude that there are some things that pip utton said which belong to those books. he mentioned some bible verses. and boy were they used in a horrid way. I mean it applies if you didn't know that they were bible verses. but knowing that they ARE bible verses makes it worse. I'll find the reference for the rest next time, but the only one I remember right now is the john 15:5 one.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

ugh can you imagine if hitler said this. UGH.....this is what JESUS said. ughhhh....

anyway. I would like to sleep. meeting lydia and minnie (finally!) tomorrow. and I am so super exhausted. should set agenda for next entry.

1. the other bible references
2. going out with maril on friday
3. talking to avril on friday night
4. breakfast by the poolside. heh
5. minnie and lydia (?)
6. koichi and delon.

sounds....long. well, like what's new?

MYV ROCKS! @ 0013

I don't believe this. it's pink. like wth. make kur happy. ahaha. anyway...that's like not my point. let's talk about today. ahaha.

stop laughing ahaha. right. went back to tkg today. so unbelievable right? like why on earth would I want to go back to that place??!! well I did. I went back with vicky. there wasn't eldds today (although there was supposedly this 5 minute briefing by ms k and I refused to go) so I thought of going back to visit. shocked a lot of people, including my mother. she was like uh you're going back huh...like yeah.

so I went back! I went to eat the chicken rice. heh. but they were running short of roast pork, and I didn't feel like eating roast pork and char siew, so I ordered normal chicken rice and my ice milo...so back to band days. very nostalgic today. but should have brought my camera! oh my goodness the disaster the school has turned into! there are too many study benches on the grass, the furniture that they stole from blue cafe is freaking ugly, they repainted and replace the murals and artwork and it's FRIGGIN ugly, they've extended the general office and now it looks like a polyclinic, they've caged up the basketball court so now it looks like an enclosure, and the worst of all?

they have this HUGE banner at the classroom block to tell them if the week is an odd or even week! AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH now THAT is absolutely RIDICULOUS. so...nonsense! at least if you told them what week it was then it wouldn't be so bad. there must be some rubbish reason behind that odd week/ even week banner. so UGLY TOO!!!! UGH!

then ching huey was also there...with that 4/2 girl whom I simply cannot remember her name for nuts. was it elaine? hey I think so! yeah I think her name is elaine! ah whatever. anyway we went upstairs only to find that she was combining the brass. and combining them for warm ups. like great. but anyway vicky and I went to say hi to her. and sim. but she looked like she used less make up today. maybe sim had some weird breakout after that blue eyeshadow. ahaha.

then vicks and I stoned like nuts and they finally had combine at like 5 plus plus plus until about 6. and then vicky and I rushed to try playing their instruments. AHH so fun. never rushed to play the trombone before. something so new. and the juniors packed everything away like damn fast. we didn't understand why, until later we realised that there's actually a bell that rings at like 6 plus to get everyone out of the school so that they can close the school before 7 or something. gosh they are nuts. we've always like procastinated after band...hehheh...

but they sound decent. well except the lousy trumpeters. GOSH what's wrong with them all. there's these few weirdos which stick out like mad and they are NOT in tune and they are just UGH. the tone sucks too, by the way. the horns are not bad, just that they were pretty tired by the time she combined so the sound not as good. tuba woohoo, saxophone woohoo too, and overall not too bad. they'll make it. at least they'll make the gold. the extra part I don't really know. depends on how the rest play. but they need to do something about those trumpeters. I insist.

and it's not fair. they get to play praise. I wanted to play that song. moan. but unfortunately for them, because praise is a super long song, she has to cut and cut and cut and the song isn't so nice anymore. but luckily she cut and cut and managed to cut the trombone solo out. I still don't understand till this day. why did she put kim as first and wan ting as third when it obviously should be the other way round? wan ting has more air, true, but even if the bass trombone dies there's still the eupho and tuba to save the band, but if the first trombonists die then what's going to happen? AHHHHHHHH what is wrong with her?? we put it correctly when we left...and so did yuhan and gang. what on EARTH made her change. ARGH. never mind. that unfathomable woman.

anyway it was pretty fun after all. perhaps shall go back another time. maybe pick a monday when there's no combine and terrorise sec 1s. that's not bad an idea. heh. oops the sl-ish side of me is being unleashed once more...hahaha. but it's so fun to bully juniors. they're like made to do that. get bullied. well I'm nice like once in a while (like today) so not so bad right?? hey I treated wan ting to green tea...and I let the sec 3s go home when I could have made them stay behind to keep the instrument for me...and I washed wan ting and hui jun's mouthpieces for them... see I'm so nice today!! right?! *blink blink*

I think that's it. I've bullied juniors (and have lived as a bullied, very highly enslaved junior) too much already, so I can't click properly with juniors. they'll always be so small. the sec 4s this year are stuck in my mind's timeframe as sec 2s. the sec 3s this year remain in my mind as those pesky loser sec 1s who can't get anything straight. somehow it's still kinda the same. I've always clicked better with seniors. I don't know.

therefore I conclude, especially after today's episode (and thinking a lot about it on the way home from the bus stop), that me finding a nice nice junior somewhere out there like it happened with avril and I will NEVER happen. why? because I was like made for seniors and avril was made for juniors. heh. that's why we clicked.

so....haiz. never mind. should learn to click with people of MY age. right? not that I don't, just...