blade 27
just had to blog. looking at the amount that my buddy has poured out, and the torrential anger which has absolutely ruined some part of her days, just compelled me to blog.
honestly I really really shouldn't be here. but somehow I've a compulsion to clean up my archives too. but I know somewhere along the way I will give up again. perhaps all I should do is to perhaps clean up this year's entries. they're so precious. and I think I might like to look back at them now and then. gah I live on memories. feed on the past.
okay. must move faster. honestly I don't have that much to blab about. just that I kinda just realised why my entries are not the same as before. but strangely enough recently my entries are becoming more and more like how they were before. and I know why. it takes a certain degree of stress and tiredness for that sort of entry to turn up. where I dig deep into my life and think about what I've been doing and all the crazy little implications of it all.
but today I'm not quite in that mood. had fun at meida's house today. and in fact, all I want to do is talk to my buddy.
seriously. I shall message her. I hope she's willing to talk tonight. I know she's pissed and all. and I know she's tired, she's busy etc.
but I wanna talk to her.
but it turns out that she's not free.
and I'm upset over something that I don't know of. as in I don't know why I'm upset, but I'm just upset. and it really sucks. I hate it when I feel like that. it just shows that I'm tired. and there's things that I must attend to that I don't want to bother about. the obligatory feeling just feels terrible. I sent a long long message to my buddy but it just doesn't work. I'm trying to keep up my mood and not affect the way I talk to people over msn. but it's so darn hard.
yeah I had a happy day. had 2 happy days. finished school with a bang, watched a cute little movie during gp which really was like a jacky chan movie with the 3 guys running like nuts from the truly lousy policeman who's joining the damn soccer team, and of course, had his final tutorial. and he's bloody odd. he's anti maths, I know that much, but here's where it gets really funny. he said that he hated math, dropped it, but when he grew up he realised he understood differentiation. and that's not the funniest yet.
he doesn't understand integration.
like how the heck could that be, right? since integration is simply differentiation backwards, and that since differentiating is to separate, integrating is obviously putting the pieces back together. if you insist, differentation is simply the bloody gradient, which direction it takes and its behaviour as the values of x grow bigger or smaller. and integration is simply the area under the curve, whose gradient is determined by differentiating. yay.
but oh wth. my last informal conversation with him of the term had to be about math, huh? oh and ec2 came to school. which totally proves yuhan's point about him being a guai kia. and yuhan seems terribly disappointed. but don't know what happened. something must have happened for her to insist that she should just give up and turn les and after all the girls in mj are prettier.
like oh dear.
and I just spotted this on somebody's blog. won't say whose. ripped:
I will say goodbye ~ Sarah Vaughan
I will say goodbye
I will walk away
I will speak the words
You would have me say
I will walk away
I will walk alone
I will not look back
For I'll turn to stone
More than just farewell
More than just goodbye
It will be as if we never met
You will hear the words you would have me say
You will have me say
You are not my love
You are not my love
I will say goodbye
I will close the door
I will close my eyes
I will love no more.
A wonderfully spare interpretation of the song by Carmen McRae had me in tears. In that version, the final line is "I will love YOU more."
I'll dedicate that to my buddy. as in not saying to her, but for her. it's up to her whether she wants to say she will love no more or love [him] more. you know what I mean.
January 01 - 09 ~ Dog January 10 - 24 ~ Mouse January 25 - 31 ~ Lion February 01 - 05 ~ Cat February 06 - 14 ~ Dove February 15 - 21 ~ Turtle February 22 - 28 ~ Panther March 01 - 12 ~ Monkey March 13 - 15 ~ Lion March 16 - 23 ~ Mouse March 24 - 31 ~ Cat April 01 - 03 ~ Dog April 04 - 14 ~ Panther April 15 - 26 ~ Mouse April 27 - 30 ~ Turtle May 01 - 13 ~ Monkey May 14 - 21 ~ Dove May 22 - 31 ~ Lion June 01 - 03 ~ Mouse June 04 - 14 ~ Turtle June 15 - 20 ~ Dog June 21 - 24 ~ Monkey June 25 - 30 ~ Cat July 01 - 09 ~ Mouse July 10 - 15 ~ Dog July 16 - 26 ~ Dove July 27 - 31 ~ Cat August 01 - 15 ~ Monkey August 16 25 ~ Mouse August 26 - 31 ~ Turtle September 01 - 14 ~ Dove September 15 - 27 ~ Cat September 28 - 30 ~ Dog October 01 - 15 ~ Monkey October 16 - 27 ~ Turtle October 28 - 31 ~ Panther November 01 - 16 ~ Lion November 17 - 30 ~ Cat December 01 - 16 ~ Dog December 17 - 25 ~ Monkey December 26 - 31 ~ Dove
If you are a Dog: A very loyal and sweet person.Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends,all of them being quality-personified.
If you are a Mouse: Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder, people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-togethers. However, you are sensitive, which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!
If you are a Lion: Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well, well... hence some people could even take an advantage, flatter you to the maximum and get their work done. So be careful.....
If you are a Cat: An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy,with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool, when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.
If you are a Turtle: You are near to perfect and nice at heart.The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people.You, too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return.You are generous enough.Seeing things in a practical light is what remains the best trait of you guys.
If you are a Dove: You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life.Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected.In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware, it is easy for you to fall in love....
If you are a Panther: You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk.You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group.Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.
If you are a Monkey: Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quick as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique. You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!
haha I seldom do this, but it's ripped from the same guy's blog so there. I'm a panther, if you're wondering. and it's...almost there. which is funny. doing this is like doing horoscopes. which horrifies me, because I absolutely do not believe in horoscopes nonsense of that sort.
perhaps it is telling that I am seriously not in the right mind tonight. there's something inherently wrong. and somehow I can't get rid of it. I've tried. I don't know.
and I sincerely believe it's time to sleep.
plunge the blade of weakness @ 0031
blade 24
I am honestly not supposed to be here. but since I'm already here, let's talk.
some funny things happened. wrong. ONE funny thing happened. poor mr yeo though. but I have yet to figure out exactly what causes his gigantic reaction. but at least mission accomplished. turned out funnier than I thought it might be. and I was still thinking if all else fails I'd get him a yellow furry friend for teacher's day, but seems like I need to get him some cacti instead. oh actually that's a bad idea, because they'd all commit suicide. heh.
just completed my new layout picture! so proud of myself! it features DAISUKE the daaaarrling boy of kagerou and the background colour is simply marvellous. as usual, the nice stuff is found by accident. but this is one accident I won't forget how to do! woot! it's here:
skipped pe on tuesday, so I had to act sick today. but then again, mr tang is damn nice about most things. if it were foofoo I don't know what he'd say. or worse, aidil. he totally pms-ed the other day. let's hope tomorrow will be better.
it's the last week of the term. I'm getting upset. I think I'm getting the same syndrome. the "leaving school" syndrome. didn't really get it in secondary school. don't really know why it's coming this year.
oh FINE actually I DO know why it's here. despite my incredible complaints about every single damn thing in my life and all the asses around me, there are people whom I will miss dearly.
I got the sickness last year really, when avril had to graduate. it started there. and now I realise that 15th october is not far anymore. it's terribly near. august is ending. then it'll be september. after the prelims, it'll be only barely a month to 15th october. then give that another barely a month and it'll be As, and then it'll be all over.
and now I'm getting the sickness. somehow I don't really like the prospect of getting out of this school. yeah loads are DYING to runaway. they can't wait. but to leave so many things behind...I don't know. I don't know what life would be like next time. perhaps we all wouldn't go into the same school, perhaps we'll choose different roads. no wrong. we WILL choose different roads, and then we'll all grow up and everything will change. you can say that no, we can make the effort and nothing will change much. I don't believe in that. maybe it's my disbelief that makes it a self fulfiling prophesy.
my years of math tuition. 6 years. it's going to be over this year. sounds terribly sad to me. which reminds me. YS! 1 sept HOW?!
and of course my dear eye candies will pay a visit to tekong for 2 years, and I will have to settle for new ones. but that's alright. there's worse.
I'm leaving vio behind.
pretty much of a wail really. heh. and you know these few days I've thought of another storyline. but I couldn't finish it. quite a painful one. which is rather unfair on all parties. sounds quite dramatic. but wth. why on earth do I make time for this sort of thing?!
and I think I ought to open up this page. it's my layout archive. since I'm way too lazy to get my archive together till the damn As are over, I thought I'd let you kiddies see what I've done these 2 years. my blog's been around for slightly more than that, but my own layouts only started just about exactly 2 years ago. and watch it evolve!
and I mean EVOLVE. look at how ugly my old layout pictures were! okay some weren't really ugly, but they were so...mediocre. FINE I'm still terribly unprofessional but hey it's improved okay...the link is RIGHT on top of this page. remember to clicky!
wee! it's time to sleep! er no pun intended.
plunge the blade of weakness @ 2353
blade 21
paid a visit to glenn's blog. and I spotted this.
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live
I hope he's fine. it seems so, yet not. buddy take care of him okay? I know he's far, but...
you know somehow although I don't know glenn at all I just feel for the poor felle. just...somehow. and reading his blog...I don't know what to say. and perhaps I shouldn't say anything when I don't know him. just that I think that funny quiz thing he took (which I believe is highly similar to the one maril had) was simply hilarious when it came to my buddy. but never mind.
listening to kagerou. somehow I know why they say that daisuke sounds like kyo. but somehow he reminds me of sakito. and I miss sakito a lot...sigh. there's miyavi overload, and sakito's gone missing.
but anyway found a couple of nicee kagerou songs already. they aren't too bad. well. for me to decide to download 24 songs in ONE night (or rather, in less than 45 minutes really), something good had better come out of that crazy madhat decision.
and honestly it's time to sleep. can't go through the entire list of kagerou. too much. barely even know why I even bothered about kagerou in the first place. or perhaps I do know why.
because kagerou means dragonfly.
only my buddy would understand. the two words 'hu die' are found in japanese, but I haven't found out how to pronounce them.
wait. babelfish is turning my original thoughts upside down. it claims kagerou means dayfly, and dragonfly in japanese is actually tonbo. which is seemingly nonsensical. I insist it does mean dragonfly. babelfish isn't all that powerful. ahaha so self consoling.
and honestly I'm not supposed to be here. sleep! can't afford to oversleep tomorrow. so tired anyway. even though I think I'm more mentally tired, I think some physical tiredness is piling up too. but I can't think of why. it doesn't matter. there's too much suddenly, I think that's why.
fel said I look like one who can take emotional stress well. cool. what can I say? if you say so...although it's pretty much true that I can take a lot of it, there's a limit. and there are certain limits that remain untested, and I don't quite intend for them to be tested. unfortunately not everything in life runs the way you want it to run. which really sucks actually. but honestly if you decide that not everything in life can be planned and worked out right, I think we'll all live a happier life.
as for now, I'll just finish off the website on methods of suicide and sleep.
oh so MORBID.
kidding. just go sleep.
plunge the blade of weakness @ 0046
blade 20
right. it's a lovely saturday afternoon.
yeah you bet.
honestly it's not. started the day by going to school for mock paper 4 exam. great way to start the day, no? actually it wasn't bad when I arrived. I came about 10 minutes early, and decided to stop by shujun and tracy's bench. and heh ec1 was there. no I'm not reviving anything but just that his lashes still nice lah. gah people born with it, alright?
so we stoned a while, talked shit a while, then mr wee came and opened the lt door and we all decided to troop in. and then we didn't know where to sit, and ra suggested the second last row. I went in, and there was like exactly enough space, including leaving a seat for caroline as well as sean. cool right?
NO.
in fact I think that was like the biggest mistake of my life. sitting there, that is. I think ash was irritated too. I didn't ask trace. basically, 201 usually takes the last freaking row. but sitting in front of 201 isn't the disaster. it's who in 201 you sit in front of that makes the disaster.
I, was stuck in front of 1. peixin, who can't talk quietly, 2. wai leong, whose voice really sucks and IS loud, and 3. mingyan, whom I really can't stand. and she bloody kicked my chair by stretching her damn legs. FINE. and then somewhere along the way I could hear jiazhao too. which was pretty sheesh.
why couldn't eva or junyang or khairah or rohani sit there or something? or sarah? somebody else dammit? it had to be them. great. I'm fine if they wanted to talk when mr wee (I'm so sorry) stupidly left us in the lt for like nearly half and hour (I think), but SHUT the damn trap when he's back! I should have stuck to my class, no? they were like 3 rows down, I believe. but I think they could hear the noise too. but at least at a lower volume. I think. they were freaking loud anyway. and so super irritating. they can't even visit the toilet quietly.
and I have this feeling wee was pissed too. I mean, who wouldn't be? grah. although clarence says that only people you truly care about make you pissed, I think we should refine that phrase a little more. it's only people you truly care that make you truly pissed but also truly compel you to forgive them. but it's those people whom you don't like and not wish to care about but they pop up in your world which TRULY piss you off. it's true that getting pissed with them (when they don't know you and they're not affected in the least) is a real waste of my time and energy, but I can't help it. which is why I came here to let it all out.
then again, other than the damn noise they were making, I was pretty pissed by the fact that they decided to give up on the damn paper. yeah fine, all of us wanted to just pretend we didn't see the last page and not write the freaking essay but since you decided to step a foot into the lt and endure 3 hours of the morning you could have jolly well spent sleeping in your lovely bed, do it. yeah yeah maybe it's better that we didn't write anything at all, since writing anything is so shitty that we might as well not write, but perhaps you would like to write for some practice sake and then maybe you'd realise what the heck you don't know.
but noooo....they went on.
WL: wah luckily I decided not to study last night! PX: huh? I thought somebody downloading notes??! WL: yah, but cannot work... PX: *dubious look* WL: aiyah it's fated
fine I didn't study either. honestly I think they might as well not come. then we'd have less noise pollution in the lt today.
gah. actually I'm in a bad mood today. I'm so freaking tired, and still a little sick and it's so freaking hot. I thought it was going to rain but looks like no water is going to leak out of the sky today.
and I realised that I haven't been in a bad mood for some time. that's why I think it's dangerous to be in a wonderfully high mood for a couple of days. later the depression will come. I work like a sine curve. somehow. and it sucks. and it's really hot.
somehow I just feel like turning myself into bed, with the air con on and sleeping. but I know that I'm just tired, but not sleepy. which really sucks. and then I tried to occupy my freaking brain by playing stupid pinball on my handphone but obviously the damn battery died.
bleagh. I'm feeling just a little better now. perhaps a bath might do me some good. or actually I don't know. I just feel like stoning alone. and then I'll lapse into my stupid questioning self who answers her own questions and picks herself apart and then realises that in the end everything she's done is an absolute waste of time and she'll want to kick herself again.
gosh this sucks.
and I wanted to talk about somebody else. suddenly I realise that despite what I told felyna, this stupid issue is still so pertinent.
I guess I won't mention any names then. not nice, since she's a nice girl. it's just that sometimes I feel like telling her things but I feel that either she will not fully understand, or it would hurt her. she's like overly sensitive to the wrong things and she takes certain things the wrong way and thus I refuse to say anything other than the very standard way.
gah the paragraph didn't make any sense, did it? but I guess some of you out there would understand. there are just some people who are difficult to tell opinions to, because they take it the wrong way, or they take it very hard. and then we all get the wrong ideas and it just blows up into something we all didn't want to happen.
and I should just end here. I'm so busy talking to people. there's vicky AND avril online at the same time. I can't keep this up. so there. oh and there's mae too. oh dear.
bye.
plunge the blade of weakness @ 2259
blade 18
I can't believe this. I actually missed out about my dear date with my daaaarling buddy. sheesh. it must have been because of avril's signing in.
anyway, saturday I went for dinner with the girl. and we talked absolute nonsense. it was probably the most unplanned, impromtu rubbish date we've ever had. there was nearly zero organisation, the venue, time everything was off. as in we didn't really plan everything properly out, didn't set agendas properly, and totally didn't cover what was expected usually. you might ask me what's expected. I can't really answer that but honestly it was just crazy.
we went to sakae to eat rubbish dinner, talked absolute rubbish there, and then went on a rubbish walkabout. and in the end I didn't ask her what I wanted to ask, she didn't show me her mp4 player, and and and aiyah it just didn't go the way it would usually go. it was superbly nonsensical and irregular.
and I must say this. POSB. AHAHA. well basically in sakae there was this ice cream flavour menu, and there was this particular flavour called pineapple orange banana. she was so intrigued by it. don't ask why. and then she said that if there was a fruit that started with S, then the acronym would be perfect. so she thought of this:
pineapple orange squashed banana
POSB. so LAME!! then I said that was absolutely ridiculous. then she asked me for a fruit that started with s. I could only think of starfruit (actually there's also STRAWBERRY) and she said not sophisticated enough. so there you go. POSB. rubbish man.
and the next stupid part. I can't really remember what was with us and liver, but because the girl was looking for a potential title for her upcoming composition, I suggested something (or was it her?) like right from the liver. oh oh oh it was HER. because she was talking about some weird drink that clare takes that looks absolutely like BILE. and then I thought of calling the piece right from the liver. oh so it's me. ahaha. and then I continued with this wonderful title:
right from the liver, straight from the heart
AHAHA it sounded so disgustingly horrid. and then when I went home, I thought of something better. buddy check THIS title out alright??
a pinch of foiegras, a little bit of haggis
WAHAHAHAHAAHA. I am SO sorry. liver and heart you see...
so ridiculous. OKAY next topic.
yesterday. I wanted to blog about it YESTERDAY but I didn't have the time and energy so there. yesterday was great. because I started the day with avril (I logged off after midnight) and I ended the day with vio.
ahaha
well after school maril and I had our usual rendevouz but because we were both sick and she needed sam's help for drama, I suggested we stay in school.
which was a SUPERB idea.
well vio was over at the other bench having consultations and then maril was like AH look OVER there. oh well. that was all ok you know. then later on while maril sam and I were still talking, he finished consultation (and I didn't even know! I swear my LOUSY radar is NOT working) and walked over!
I nearly died. seriously. so OKAY...that was that. we talked shit for a while, then some others came looking for him and he went to another bench. then sam had to go home, and I changed from sitting beside maril to opposite her.
I proceeded to tell her about my little chat with avril and how my radar was uber lousy and all, and that I'm still such a fanatic when it comes to her and blah. and she was like NONONONO channel your radar somehow to my 10 o'clock! I was like uh YEAH like so easy huh.
and then suddenly he was done over there and he came again! woot! but terrible. I sweat A LOT. okay. I perspired a lot. after the entire ordeal maril and I walked out of school and she commented
it's quite nice talking to him like that, right?
I was like:
umm yeah. but VERY PRESSURISING!
as in seriously I thought it was super pressurising. other than the fact that it was really hot, I was really perspiring like nuts.
terrible.
I won't elaborate on what he said, but...
oh never mind.
SLEEP!
*daisuke is absolutely WOOT!!!!*
plunge the blade of weakness @ 0117
blade 16
before meida wails that nobody updates their blogs anymore, I shall scribble out some stuff here so that you people know I didn't die, and that I'm still happily alive but just that I'm either too lazy, or that it's difficult to get the computer.
or actually, now it's supposed to be easier. sister can use her freaking laptop, and dad's just left for australia AGAIN. thus the computer's mine once more.
but I must begin my early sleeping regime. that's terrible. it's not quite in my vocabulary. but I don't have a choice. I'm falling sick. wrong. I AM sick. the throat itchy feeling is HERE. which is BAD. and tomorrow is yet another long day. but anyway we'll be seeing him so it's not so bad. heh.
and I think buddy, no need to worry. it's really just the people. over these couple of days I've found some reassurance already. I'll write to you privately, yeah?
and I don't really have much to say here. there's nothing happening happening. just that I thought for other's entertainment sake I'll scribble.
and I think I ought to charge my buddy for taking my entries. heh. charge by the paragraph also make a lot of money. but then again, since you're my buddy, I HAVE to make an exception right. but but but she takes like half the damn entry...ahahaha
oh and I finished my stupid lousy shitty 2.4km run today. thank goodness. didn't pass, as expected (so chicken and egg. but I strongly believe it's because I don't believe I'd pass which is why I didn't.), but made proper friends with angela. and she makes me convinced that I mix better with older kids. AGAIN.
oh and she's from clarence's form class. I hope she's not with the 'friction' books class. heh. that was uber funny. told vicky about it and we just couldn't stop laughing. as usual. yeah we went a-studying yesterday because jolyn had tuition and meida went to spend quality time with her gramma.
and after saying all this, despite the nonono I have nothing to say, I must say this.
DAISUKE LOOKS FREAKING GOOD!
that's it. I'm making him the next layout. he looks too good to be true. yes, daisuke, the walking disastrous zombie from kagerou, has a new image. he is now what toki calls SQUEAKY CLEAN. the make up has COME OFF and OMG he's so pretty underneath!!!!
why oh why did he make himself ugly????? kyo I understand (oops I'm supposed to be number 1 kyo fan), but daisuke....WHY?! looks like toki has some foresight. haha.
that's IT. I'm going to make daisuke my next layout after darling gackt. I've been thinking for weeks as to who should be the next face. now I finally found someone suitable! and I've never done daisuke before! woot! what a lovely november face! even though I'm not supposed to blog very much during that month, but rest assured I'll blog so much from the 24th onwards that the layout will be wonderfully justified.
WOOT FOR DAISUKE!
okay. that was my fangirlishness coming out once more. as usual. so after being a school girl and a fan girl, let's be the silly girl again.
silly girl here is talking to AVRIL AGAIN!! WOOT! heh. so finally she tells me that she's taking material engineering which is pretty shitty in my opinion, but it's so sad that she's so freaking stinking faraway...
boon lay is just ULU.
and I told her about the silly double period lecture by the professor today. and she was like huh...she's still the same. and I was thinking about her today. looks like my intuition and radar and all those 'gadgets' didn't die out after all. perhaps that's why cranking them up for vio is so difficult. they're still in use after all.
what was I thinking about huh. angela and I were talking about how fast it was, that even though we kinda just made friends and all, school was coming to a close, as it's week 8, and my break starts in week 10.
and then I thought: oh my. this was like the exact same period of time LAST YEAR when I was feeling real upset because it was my last few weeks with avril in the school. and I was thinking how bad life would be without her in the school, and how I'd spend my wednesday afternoons, waiting for eldds to start, without her. and how I wouldn't walk past e4-4 again. and how...oh dear. and then at the bus stop I suddenly pause and realise. it's been a year. an entire year.
and then she asked me what's in store for 31st august. but I told her that because week 10 is study break and apparently we can choose not to come back for teacher's day celebrations, j2s are probably not appearing. then..
avril says:
u all 31 aug wad schedule ar?
me says:
huh?
me says:
31st i...holiday
avril says:
hol???
avril says:
how come???
me says:
er.....wk 10 has been converted into STUDY BREAK
me says:
thus teacher's day can....go and die
me says:
keke
avril says:
no celebrations????
me says:
erm...j1s anybody?
me says:
only j2s get the damn study leave
avril says:
wah liao....
avril says:
den cannot go back n see u (monument)
awwwwww....somebody wants to see me after all. heh. so silly right?!! I told you I'm silly! oh dear oh dear. and the girl has gone to bathe. ARGH so reminiscent!!! and she talked about the one ring to rule the xiao mings again. and then the monument thing. and then she needs 20 minutes to bathe. as usual. and she's gone to play with alkaline. AHHHHHHHH everything is flooding back. it's like time didn't move. it's like everything happened yesterday. like it's still 2004. like I'm still in j1, she's in j2.
but no. she's holed up in a hostel deep in ntu, all the way across the east-west line, I still stay here, 10 minutes from mjc. she's quickly gone to the toilet over there before it gets deserted (especially since the silly girl is so superstitious), when I used to wail and whine and she'd end up bathing past 11pm. it's not even half past 10 now. she needs to think of what mr kwan looks like, and I need to remind myself that prelims is next month. she asked me to visit her, but it's not as easy as waiting at that pasir ris bus stop.
my silliness IS back. it never went away then. I thought it did. and my dear readers probably thought it did too. no? how many months has it been since you last saw her name on this blog? it's the 16th today. two more months and it will be
15th october. once more.
and I told myself that after one year of putting it there on my msn, I'll change it. and I'll miss it I tell you. yet it is ever so frightening that it's come. that it's coming again.
and then I think. the way 15th october started. it started with a phone call. a phone call that lasted till 330 in the morning. and then now I think. I can't do that. unless she suddenly changes the handphone plan to free incoming calls all day. I won't get her at home anymore.
she's gone so faraway. and all she did was go to uni.
and I won't go to ntu. no I won't. if I make it to the U I'll head straight for nus. and then the gap will widen. wouldn't it? the efforts to keep it closed is tiresome.
and I realised something else. off tangent. when my buddy goes to germany the gap will widen too. and the efforts to keep it closed will be more than tiresome. it will be immense. it is too many hours.
is it to be like this? is lifelong friendship just a dream after all then? or is it just myself? is it just that I'm always too lazy to maintain contact, that I make it difficult, that I don't initiate? it IS my fault isn't it? which is why I don't keep my friends. my friends keep me. if not for the fact that vicky keeps calling to ask me out and everything, nothing would have happened.
but then again, I call her a lot too. or is it that I choose too many outside of my path. that I pick darlings which are further off, and thus they go further and further from me?
or..I don't know. nono I DO know, but I haven't the strength to type it out. it will become like a prophecy, and I fear that it will become a self fulfilling prophecy. crap. I'm at it again. I know I am.
the entry is too long. I must stop. stop before I go berserk. I'm sick. must sleep. go.
plunge the blade of weakness @ 2251
blade 12
gah sheesh my blog entries are getting fewer and fewer. and I think someday they might shorten in length somehow. which...I don't know if that's good or bad.
a few things. I fell asleep when I ought to call my buddy right? so the next day I gave her a ring at like midnight and we started talking. then my sister wanted to sleep and gave me the boot. but we were still talking. and then my butt hurt from sitting out in the balcony for so darn long and we were still talking. and then the kitchen stool was so uncomfortable and I decided to stick outside on the sofa instead, and we continued to talk.
and what time was it when I shifted to the sofa? it was already OMG 5am and we were done like not much later. really. it was just...
6:30am
oops. and I only hung up because I knew mother was waking up soon. heh. and I crawled back into bed, trying hard not to wake my dear sister who was due to wake up at 7. sheesh.
and I swear I am SO going to cry when she goes away. WAIL. like who the heck will let me call them at 3am? and who will I talk to?? WAIL WAIL WAIL.
gah later problems, later then think.
other things. watched charlie and the choc factory at jolyn's house just now. and I guess I know what clarence meant. yeah the parts with wonka and his pathetic childhood and the gaining the family nonsense was really...extra. I don't know. but I could see why carissa is willing to watch it again. but I can't go out with her tomorrow though.
I'm pretty mean huh. carr asked me out first but I decided to go eat dinner with my buddy and thus pushed her aside. sigh. but carr can entertain herself with the little utopia dahl has written. I suddenly kind of realise what it means to say that almost every book is a kind of utopian fiction. it's true. not that the perfect world has loads of chocs or more oompa-loompas, but that greedy asses should just be sucked away, the over competitive idiots should just blow up and look stupid now and then, the spoilt brats should be thrown down the rubbish chute, and the detached from the world should just overstretch and go away.
yay.
and especially when it comes to kids, I suppose carr's particularly happy when veruca went down the chute. bwahaha.
and anyway, speaking of utopia. somebody's got a new black shirt. I thought it was the old one. turned out to be a brand new one. must tell my buddy tomorrow. I hope I can get out tomorrow. better do loads of work in the afternoon.
sheesh there's math test tomorrow. and I bet you 10 to 1 that j ko wouldn't come. ahaha. must go message carr later and tell her that I'm not going with her tomorrow. and must decide where to eat with buddy tomorrow.
oh speaking of that. I went out with vicky on wednesday to heeren and they have that STAR WARS MIYAVI PICTURE!!!!!!!!! but it's sold out!!!!! ARGH! so actually I want my buddy to eat at orchard so I can pop by and see if new stock has come in. should have asked when the new ones (if any more) would arrive, right?
so stupid.
continue later. eat dinner first.
right. so now how. old place or orchard? honestly speaking I'm pretty sick of both places. oh and speaking of my buddy once more, due to her wailing, I have kindly put last month's archive link on top. and I have to hurry. show starting soon. heh.
graah just leave you with this. I just couldn't help it
As her very best was brought out only of the cost of great pain,
Driven by the thorn, with no fear for her death to come.
But when we push the thorn into our breast,
We know…
We understand…
And still…we choose the pain of the thorn…
~the legend~ F.I.R.
*the thorn bird is this real crazy bird that searches for a thorn all its life, and when it finds one, it pierces it into its breast, and sings for the first and last time, the most beautiful song, and then it dies. don't ask me why it happens. God made it that way.
OUCH RIGHT?!
plunge the blade of weakness @ 2158
blade 9
9th of august, it's not ms lai's birthday 9th of august, is national day
yeah it's national day today and I'm feeling a little sick. maybe because I slept too much. and ate too much. there's toolkit later so I think I should feel better by then.
mother's sick too. sigh. and my right leg still hurts. and I fell asleep on my buddy. no that didn't sound right. I called my buddy, but her carbon copy 2 called, so she told me to call again and again without getting answered so that I'd annoy cc2. but unfortunately I called and called and while 'waiting' to call, I fell asleep. sigh. and she didn't reply my message.
and because I'm too lazy to write about the stuff I'm supposed to, since I placed my agenda down last night, I shall do something else.
10 years ago today:
I was 8 years old and probably bumming around at home since it was national day. sheesh primary 2 was a damn long time ago.
5 years ago today:
national day in sec 1? I guess it was alright. I don't have poor memories. but then again, I don't have any memory of that day. perhaps we spent the time watching fireworks.
1 year ago today:
last year national day has zero impression too. just that we finished the stupid lousy skit that yap mae is still raving about and it was real dumb. but wth lah.
Yesterday:
national day celebrations. uhhh it was alright. the dikir barat was good. disregard meida and her "ahhhh he looks like wilber!!!" comments. and we went to jolyn's house to study and sing karaoke, and make fun of copper. haha.
Tomorrow:
supposed to go out with vicky. but I don't know if that's advisable, because my right leg hurts. I'm going to fail napfa again like this I tell you. and I'm supposed to go get a jacket with her. hmm.
5 snacks I enjoy:
pringles anyone? or those 1 dollar little wheelies. or or or salty popcorn, ice cream? and......I don't know. crackers?
5 bands that I know the lyrics to most of their songs:
lyrics is a very bad question because I KNOW most of diru and larc songs but the lyrics are way to hard to remember. duh-h japanese is not a language I learn...but I know lyrics to quite a number of songs by a lot of different people
5 things I would do with $100,000,000:
a 100 million? suddenly thought of rich girl that I just downloaded. well I guess I'll give some away to mum dad sis, get some clothes, get a car, save up? I wouldn't know what the heck to do with so much money.
5 locations I'd like to run away to:
tokyo disneyland? my BED?! esplanade library? gah anywhere that's nice and quiet.
5 bad habits I have:
- i'm lazy and i procrastinate. oh that so rings of me.
- i sleep too much. end of story. doesn't matter where.
- i waste too much time on the computer, tv, sleep, etc.
- i don't like doing essays. yeah like duh. I'm stealing maril's answers!!
- and..I guess I'm too messy, and too unhygienic. heh.
5 things I like doing:
talking on the phone, downloading so much my computer will BURST, watch tv, listen to diru, plonk my piano keys, eat.
5 things I would never wear:
surfer brands, pink, earrings (I don't suppose so lah), heels beyond 1 inch, revealing clothes.
5 TV shows I like:
uhhhhhh cartoons? heh. I enjoyed music station while it was here...and usually jap dramas, random hk drama serials...
5 movies I like:
another heaven! woot! moonchild!! sekai no chuushin was not bad, X was artistic, and english movies...LOTR? spidey not bad too!
5 famous people I'd like to meet:
Jesus anyone? I'll see him after I die. and I wanna see dir en grey!! and hyde! and meev!
5 biggest joys of the moment:
God, and.....my friends.....and...family..and...is there anything else? vio meh? ahahahahahaha. my BUDDY! waha.
5 favorite toys:
erm, bian bian, barang, MERLOT! guff guff and da mao!
5 victims to tag:
meida, kayjal, yuting, kurseth, yeow sheng
well that's that. and I'm tired. I wanna munch something. and then I must leave at 3. siannnnnnnn
plunge the blade of weakness @ 1405
blade 8
right. 6 days. and I don't really want to write too much today. I don't intend to fully report everything that's happened. just a few highlights.
first of all, my right calf really hurts like nuts. and I hope that it's just simple muscle ache, because it's really bad. I'm limping already. and that really really really sucks. so painful.
so why is it painful anyway? well I guess it's because I went for festival of praise last night at the indoor stadium with vicks, her sis and her mum. and I jumped like hell lot. and I think my jumping was so measured according to the beat, I strained my calf muscles. after the entire thing I was already feeling the pain. jumped way too much. but it was good. (and I sincerely think kong can go be a salesman.) even though I think I didn't know half the songs, and I didn't really get the point of the message (especially when I'd missed the first two to begin with) but I thought it was really good. and I cried some too. although the beginning disturbed me a little, but I think it really makes me apply what I learnt on sunday itself. so the best policy?
close your freaking eyes lah.
and the next thing: a message came in on sunday after pdl. I checked and nearly screamed.
my buddy's back in town.
yeah just after my previous post on the 2nd to tell you that I sent her off, the mad girl is BACK. woot! and I need to cut this damn thing short to talk to her.
and I don't know if I should reply to the forum. *scratches head*. perhaps tomorrow. and perhaps I'll finish this up. still want to talk about going to jolyn's house today. and stupid national day celebrations.
oh. and more on vio. =) akan datang ah...
plunge the blade of weakness @ 2358
blade 2
here comes the shinyayayaya goodness! right. after the mana goodness comes the shinya goodness. pretty one after pretty one. while STUPID mae is STILL wondering why I give three shits about vio when he's not pretty.
you know sometimes I choose NOT to be superficial.
there's loads that happened over these few days. but I refused to blog after the 26th last month because the month was ending, and since my archive page is still VERY shitty (I've something for caps today), thus I must wait for august to come before I update on anything. july has a grand grand total of TEN wonderful entries, and I realised that I really wrote a lot. each entry is like WOO HOO and I foresee that this one will be no better. perhaps worse. I've got so many days to write about. but no worries, I'll pick out highlights and summarise. and I've got 40 minutes to do it.
alrighty. 27th july. sheesh this is AUGUST but I must write about the last days of july...
27th. what else. eewei's concert. and I skipped econs revision lecture. heh. poor darling mae got caught. and I don't know if michelle knows if meida and I didn't go. but whatever. yunqi called again and again to change and change and in the end we were still to meet at 6 in clementi. and I was so darn scared that I couldn't recognise her because honestly I didn't have any face in my memory.
well I was half an hour late, met another schoolmate of hers (which caused some negative reaction from her) and which triggered my memory a little about what yan jun (is that her name?) said in citylink mall the other time. ah well.
I won't elaborate much, but the concert was good. and I mean it. other than the very very troublesome cellist who apparently insisted on playing the piano (which resulted in her madhat trips across the stage and back), the double bass that squeaked, the kinda out of tune trumpets and that stupid blasting trombone, I guess it was good. and oh boy was dear buddy's uncle foo GOOD. real professional. you know, when somebody does something difficult and makes it seem like the easiest and most natural thing on earth, you just stare in amazement. and the sound that came out of that violin was splendid. I'm not a fan of the violin, but he makes me like it. which is...wow. and of course my dear buddy was good too. in fact yunqi was like going to snore soon and was staring at everything else but the stage until wei's solos came and suddenly she focused.
and anyway the mass numbers of violinists made me think of irving. wonder where the heck that felle is now. since he quit being sso's page turner. apparently scolded by the pianist too much. oops.
and then after the concert clarence took out this score and I gave such an evil reaction that yunqi was like huh what happened. he took out salut d'amore. GREAT. not that I dislike the song. just reminds me of entertainer. sheesh.
if I can I'll take a picture of the programme. all those who've seen my handphone wallpaper would know. the butterflies are gorgeous. and the butterfly lovers concerto was simply lovely. just that I can't find the stupid cd anymore. which means that I might have to download it. and I'm so lazy to. I've stopped most of my downloading stints. even though sister is getting her own laptop and therefore the computer is sorta MINE, but gah. all I want is the making of kodou...I wanna see my dearest dir en grey...
back on track please. 28th meida and I went to yoshinoya and did some work and talked hell lot of crap. and that day the back of my foot was being nonsensical. I strongly believe it was cut by those silly little red stones strewn all over the disgusting track. hurt like nuts, and thus I INSISTED that I go back home and change in to slippers at the very least. and I had a real splitting headache after tuition. I don't know why. when I explained to mummy and sister they said tension headache. mummy suddenly became stressed and was like ooooohhhh my are you very stressed??!! and I was like huh? stressed? that's not exactly the right word you know, especially AFTER tuition. felyna was having a headache too, and both of us were like two dead idiots at the back of the car.
29th. crisis day. yeah I had my first proper consultation in my life. honours to vio. meida and I settled down at the benches outside the general office and waited. but because we sat opposite each other, he chose to sit next to me. which was both good and bad really. bad because he was too close honestly, and the stupid fan was blowing my fringe into my eyes, but good because he didn't look at me so much for answers. heh. why good? because I didn't HAVE answers. at the end of it he said, "hmmm seems like you girls don't know the book as much as I thought. (or was it hope?) you all know it just fairly well."
don't be so nice about lah. we only remember main events and vague details. all the nitty gritty things have been left behind. I don't quite call it fairly. and we basically spent the entire consultation trying to save each other from the holes he kept digging for us. how horrid. and maril asked me to go for ANOTHER one with him. I don't mind, but 1. give me time to write those 5 paragraphs nonsense, 2. give me time to read the books somehow! I don't know if meida wants to go (even though in my honest opinion she's too scared of him to go) but if she does, then we'll split again. and I really need maril to save me. badly.
as I told my daaarling buddy, I was there to ensure meida didn't morph into xiao ming because of her immense fear of intelligence, and she was there to ensure I didn't morph into a screaming hysterical idiot, also due to overdose of intelligence.
30th meant my parents were coming back. and we went out for dinner. we happily settled down and then I looked at them and said, "do you all have...money? as in SING dollar?" because my dad came back from sydney and my mum from batam and I can't buy my food in aussie dollar, much less rupiah. but thank goodness they had cash. I totally forgot that it was a possible scenario.
1st august. I don't know if I can do this in 7 minutes flat. I'll try anyway. went to airport to study with meida, because we were going to send pastor jerry and family off to kentucky. no chickens. but actually my main aim was to send eewei off.
and yes we saw yanjun AGAIN. I really think that's her name. at least I remember it being yan something. yan what is another matter. but then again, the most significant thing I remembered about her is that my buddy doesn't like her. heh. and meida got to see her! and my sister too! and I ate subway cookies again. and she told clara NOT to come otherwise she'll never come back. and man did THAT keep him away...
and then she told me that hell lot of people wrote letters to her but nobody can beat my pile! duh!! how on earth do you write like 10 sheets worth in a few days? well it's not impossible, but given the sort of schedules and degree of fatigue the people at nafa have, please. cannot defeat me. and apparently yunqi tried pretty hard. and eewei had to dash all her hopes by saying that I seriously won HANDS DOWN because at the airport I gave her ANOTHER page.
but seriously it's much less already. because she replied me in january with 4 sheets (yeah we count by the sheets, not the sides), then I replied her over 1 month plus with about 6 sheets, then from march till now I only gave her about 10-12 sheets. not bad, right? and some of it are lyrics anyway. those take up quite some space. so actually I'm pretty much a cheat. but poor thing, she didn't bring her magnifying glass along! wahaha. should have gone sought one out to bring yesterday. poor child.
she's still in the air though, since it's going to take her 15 hours to aberdeen. but I don't know whether she's landed in amsterdam yet.
whatever.
and today was nonsense. I was so sleepy. so used to calling eewei every night. shit. beginning to miss her. and stupid clare was like, "HUH write her SO MANY letters, trying to compete with me for her IS IT??!"
clare is NUTS. send him to woodbridge, somebody.
PLEASE LAH if neither of us was straight to begin with, we'd be together LONG AGO, still wait for YOU to appear MEH??!
gosh that paragraph sounded like yuting. ahaha. and I must get off now and do my silly gp compre because clarence yeo didn't come to school. and I must go get my allowance from mummy, otherwise wee khee is going to run into more and more debts. 4 bucks go a long way okay...
oh yeah. today had consultation with ms r. meida and I finished lunch early and decided to adjourn to the atrium, but there was no space, so we went to the benches outside general office to find space. and meida very generously allowed me to sit on the side facing the fan. and then I knew why. she was smiling and said, "look in front, 12 o'clock"
grah. vio lah. and 9 o'clock was ec 2. wah splendid lah.
yes it IS getting late and I MUST get my money before mother sleeps.
plunge the blade of weakness @ 2306
