yes it's me again. I've been so bored, apparently, that I seem to blog everyday. and this entry will technically be the 3rd entry of the day. but actually the previous two should have been made yesterday. the problem is my sister needed to use the laptop and thus I surrender it as always.

I came to update once more because after all the ljs I read, I thought I needed to let out here. some points. matsuda shota is the brother of matsuda ryuhei!!! AHHH!! okay shota acts as nishikado, or 西门 as we know him in meteor garden. and ryuhei is the one who acts as nakashima mika's ex in NANA the movie! woot! and indeed they look alike. unfortunately, somehow or another shota looks better...heh. and I think oguri shun looks better in longer hair. short hair makes him look younger and all but the longer hair thingy is better. just like hanazawa. *dreamy look* AHEM back to reality...

I want to kick johnny's for their LOUSY and STUPID rule to ban all johnny boys' pictures on the web!!!!!! fine if you don't like people using them unofficially, but I think it would have been decent enough if they could be like ps company, allowing pictures to be SEEN at least, and that people could actually use a particular set endorsed and permitted by the damn company. that's better than seeing the comic version of doumyouji rather than matsumoto jun himself. argh.

ARGH! I have this urge to go to heeren tomorrow and get my hands on something matsu jun.

OH NO that's the wrong section of the shop...I'm really turning mainstream, no? to a certain extent I guess I can be. ah well. matsu jun, matsu jun...don't ask why I'm so fatally attracted to matsu jun. I have been since I borrowed kindaichi 3 from ky. fatal. at first I thought oh man oguri looks kakkoii too but OH NO he just can't beat matsu jun. heh.

next part of rambling gets a little less cranky and fangirlish. I don't know why, but I had this sudden urge to check my comments. okay after I disabled the 'email me when I have comments' option, I fail to check. I don't receive much anyway, so not much point. to me, that is. I missed one by yuting the other time, and this time I thought I'd check. and indeed I missed yet another one. but I'm way too lazy to reply to the comment in the usual way, or rather, I think I'll make an essay out of it so better not. so here we go:

dear maril.
yes I know I've been an idiot and still haven't replied your mail. but you see, the document is stuck in my other comp and somehow or another I'm pretty lazy, because after my terrible rambles, I somehow or another push myself to write a damn damn long letter to you, which requires much inspiration.

if you're worried about this public blog nonsense, actually few get here. and the few who get here don't necessarily survive it. so I'm proud to announce you as one of the survivors!! yeah I know my incredible rambles and amazing blocks of text aren't the friendliest, but hey I write stuff okay...

I think all of us go through a period where we realise that we aren't that uber popular, or that we can't keep all our friends. and then we realise that not everyone around us ARE our friends anyway, and sometimes we doubt we want them around after all. and then things get worse. one comes to a point where we realise that our friends are changing. AHHHH! I hate this the most. but it happens. and then we don't know what to do. so two things happen. either we pretend we are busy or we ARE busy, and slowly lose touch, or we crazily hang on to the relationship like we'll die without it.

and then after all these years, you look at the friends you kept, the friends you let go, the friends you shouldn't have let go of, and the friends you should have thrown away long ago. and then you come to the next point in life:

let's stop screwing this up.

so you decide that perhaps it's time that we get all this sorted out, and you try to discern the people around you more carefully. and thus you end up trying to categorise your friends, and avoid people you really don't like, leave not so nice acquaintances as acquaintances, make nice acquaintances into best friends, and take the effort to keep the contact going and things like that. and we thought we were real smart.

but sometimes things just don't seem to go straight. people you really hate keep popping out again and again and then the not so nice people turned out to be lovely, and then you realised you've judged wrongly AGAIN and then although you took the effort to keep in contact, the other party doesn't respond. and then you wail again.

and we wonder why we cry.

did we really cry because it's been stressful at school? did we really cry because there's too much to be done in too little time? do we really wish for 36 hour days? were we really upset that the teacher picked on you?

or did we cry because our bloody classmates made fun of us? or did we cry because there's so much to do, but nobody's cooperating? or did we complain because you're doing all the work and your supposed friends are finding excuses? or did we wish that there were better people around us? or did we wish some great friend who's in the next faculty were in your class instead?

it's difficult to decide whether you're a good friend or not you know. I guess you can measure if you're a loyal friend or not, because you stood up for your friend. and I guess you could decide that you're a nice acquaintance, because you always say hi and help out a little here and there. but how do you decide if you're a good friend?

and one more thing: not all your church friends may stay. it's sad but true. it happens now and then. and it gets upsetting. and that brings me to my next point. and also the next point in your short little life of 2 decades.

the next point, if you haven't already realised, is when it has finally hit upon you, with real lightning and thunder, the difference between your christian and non-christian friends. yes yes we all know that kind of stuff, and we're always on the lookout for it. but it must come to a point where it hits you VERY hard. so hard that you realise you may lose MORE friends for it. that you realise that the world's value system is all wrong, that what your friends believe in is not just 'aiyoh so childish' or 'aiyoh so nonsense also they believe' but also that what your friends believe in, or not believe in, is very sad. to the point where you think about what they've said, what beliefs it implies and you don't know what to say. there is much you could have said if the person were a christian, and there is much to advise and pray about. but because the person is a non-christian, suddenly you don't quite understand what to say. and depending on how tolerant, or understanding, the other side is, you find that conflict may occur.

after this long story in the 2nd person (and sometimes using the royal we), I guess it's time to come to a proper point. sometimes friendships screw up, and sometimes we realised that we made wrong choices after all. and I guess it takes both sides to make things work. and the worst part is that no matter how many promises are made to remain forever the same, till forever, humans have simply no concept of eternity.

but anyway even if emails stop and phonecalls stop and time goes on, my livejournal lives on. comment all you wanna. remember, I love you too! =)

yun

and that's it. my butt hurts from sitting on this lousy chair of my sister's for so long. let's hope I don't turn fangirlish tomorrow. this stupid string of jdoramas is getting to me. the onslaught of matsumoto jun, norimiya hiroki, oguri shun, yamada takayuki, yamashita tomohisa, matsuda shota, moriyama mirai blah blah blah is just catching. brrrr....

I meant to blog yesterday but I didn't. sounds familiar, doesn't it? I'm always saying that. somehow or another. oh and I think my nails are getting a bit long for the keyboard. my pinky nail is beginning to bend whenever I attempt hitting a key by itself.

anyway, I finished hana yori dango. heh. yeah I finished watching it. and after watching 1.5 serials with matsu jun in it, it's still amazing how stupidly irritating his face is in hana yori dango, when it never used to be. hmmm. right? and I think sister has the episodes of gto with oguri shun in it...ahaha that totally didn't cross my mind man. gto seemed so long ago. and actually it was. since oguri shun is the same age as my sis, gto was filmed a good 8 years ago. and we watched it a couple of years later I think. sheesh. but I guess I shall go back to watching gokusen again, and watch matsu jun and oguri change their roles back. heh. no more doumyouji and hanazawa. it's going to be back to sawada and uchiyama. and of course, the yankumi and not makino tsukushi. but stupid thing is, I've watched the end of gokusen. oh heck. it's still funny anyway.

back to the original topic. I think subjects are a difficult thing to decide on. because perhaps half the entire entry may be on topic, but the rest might be skewed lines. but whatever. just that vicky and I made our way down to buona vista yesterday, and the three girls actually entered crystal jade. vicks was like WHAT they are WHERE?! because it's higher end and the three office ladies don't go there usually. but I explained to her that they're probably there because they think that since we made the extra effor (so to speak) to go down and have lunch with them, it's sort of a 'special occasion' and thus we all ought to go somewhere nicer that sort of thing. so it's like a nice gesture to them.

yeah it's not necessary at all. my point precisely.

but then again, it's them, and since that's their culture (in that sense), then we just take it as it is. but because of a low budget, we got them out of there and went to bk instead. which was perfectly fine with all of us anyway. we didn't go upstairs to say hi, even though we seriously did want to disturb some people up there, also because of this politeness thing. I didn't mind -- vicks was like huh don't want, then must say hi to mag. and then I also felt the weariness and both of us concluded we weren't going up. we bummed around a little then we went home.

and then when I got home, I continued my hana yori dango. I was on the verge of finishing it, then mummy called me to eat dinner. dad had come home from work, which surprised me, because I thought he would come back with my gramps, since he sent them to my grandaunt's house. but no, my gramps weren't home. then my dad's face was so black, I didn't ask him. in the end he began to explode anyway. turned out that after he sent them there, they arranged to wait for him to pick them up after work. however, at around 5 pm, they called dad and told him that they'll make their way home themselves. my granduncle was with them, and so my dad was like okay, no problem, because my granduncle knows his way better and at least he has a handphone. but then in the end, my dad reached home at 7 plus, we waited until about 8 and they still weren't home.

in the end they actually took the damn mrt home.

which is going to take them a MILLION YEARS!

okay fine. although they called at 5, my grandaunt didn't want them to go (she's quite a lonely old lady really), so they took time to aiyah her and aiyoh there. gosh. then after that because the three old people decided that taking taxi is expensive, they decided to take the mrt home. which took them like more than an hour, because of the walking, the waiting and whatever lah. the funniest part? when they reached the mrt station at my place, there's still about 2 more bus stops worth of walking to do. but that's too much for my grandma. so what did they do?

they took a cab.

oh like what the hell. gosh I tell you my dad was exploding. and then they didn't tell my mum whether they were coming back for dinner. luckily my mum decided to assume they were, and cooked a lot. she cooked so much that there was even enough for my granduncle, who wasn't technically part of the plan. my granduncle was supposed to only hail a cab for them and give the driver some directions, because when the taxi reaches nearer my side of the island, my grandpa would know the way home already, so that's not a problem.

and then my gramps went on this 'I shall eat less because there's a guest in the house who needs to eat too' campaign. good heavens my granduncle isn't technically a guest and the worst part was that he was no better, because he has this 'I am an extra here so I shouldn't impose so much' thing.

oh gosh it was absolutely annoying me. absolutely. it's one thing to be courteous and polite, and it's another to overdo it. or to do it when it ain't necessary. argh.

which somehow reminds me of my buddy and I that day. grah. argh and grah are the same four letters. hmmm. oh dear. there's something senseless within me already. I feel like playing avalanche. shall go load it. heh.

本来 - 同恩

下雨了站在玻璃门里头
并没有总是挂念着我
你带着雨伞来接我
夜晚了只剩老板跟我
像从前你抽着烟皱眉头
不知怎么安抚太任性的我

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼爱我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再庇护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后
来不及了
手写的留言对象
已经不会是我

停雨了不必再躲雨了
已经过了该打烊的时候
还是不太想走
太晚了只能坐计程车
为什么想念着摩托车
常常会半路熄火的后座

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再庇护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后
来不及了
长长的简讯对象
已经不会是我

走在湿漉漉红砖道上
沿着导盲砖试着假装
的确有点困难
也许我就这样走路回家
反正你不再在乎几点
该几点回到家

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你再也不疼我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再保护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
来不及了
对不起长大太慢
害你遗失了我

抱歉让你白费了这么多

(actually -- tong en

it's raining, I stand on the inside of the glass door
not always thinking of me
you bring an umbrella to pick me
it gets late, only the boss and I are left
last time you would smoke and frown
not knowing how to soothe the overly stubborn me

I didn't think you doted on me particularly
until you didn't dote on me anymore
it's in the past -- the umbrella and raincoat
will no longer protect me
I didn't think you doted on me particularly
until you didn't dote on me anymore
it's too late
the receipient of the handwritten memos
will no longer be me

the rain stopped, there's no need to take shelter
it's past the closing time
but I still don't really want to go
it's too late, I can only take a taxi home
why do I miss the back seat of the motorbike
which breaks down halfway most of the time?

I didn't think you doted on me particularly
until you gave up doting on me
it's in the past -- the umbrella and raincoat
will no longer protect me
I didn't think you doted on me particularly
until you didn't dote on me anymore
it's too late
the receipient of the long text messages
will no longer be me

I walk on the red brick pavement
following the path for the blind, trying to pretend nothing's wrong
it is indeed difficult
perhaps I should just continue walking home like this
since you no longer care what time
what time I should reach home

I didn't think you doted on me particularly
until you never doted on me anymore
it's in the past -- the umbrella and raincoat
will no longer protect me
I didn't think you doted on me particularly
until you gave up loving me
it's too late
I'm sorry I grew up too slowly
and caused you to lose me

sorry that I caused you to waste your efforts)

yes, youtube has screwed up again.

why else would I be typing away here AGAIN?! and at such an hour. terrible. and the crazy itunes went, well, crazy just now. I just decided to listen to lu:na, so I double clicked the track. so after the track from the moon album finished, the next one was the live recording from the sixth day and seventh night concert! and as if that wasn't enough, the next track after that was the studio recording once more, just from the sixth day singles album!! oh my goodness I nearly killed it. and sister was like I thought you like the song very much?! this is TOO MUCH!!

ANYWAY. today was my sister's convocation, called commencement by nus. whatever. my butt hurt so much after the whole thing and I nearly fell asleep. oh well the names went on and on and on and on and then I was bored to death. and then actually I messaged vicky for entertainment but the idiot girl only awoke at 10, and replied my message at like 11!! argh. oh well.

and then it turned out that ailin's will only be tomorrow, because apparently tomorrow is the commencement for psychology and sociology department. oh whatever. mel's was today (I didn't spot her name inside that tiny little alumnus book though) and so was yafen's sister's. yeah the teo yating wasn't exactly the least mistakable. ah well.

and the episode is taking like SUUUUPPPPPAAAAA long to load!! ARGH ARGH ARGH. oh well tomorrow I'm out again. oh no that means I'll be seeing vicky one more time! well our chicken rice date shifted from tomorrow to thursday, because carr can't make it at 1 and by the time she can make it, our chicken rice will be high tea instead of lunch. which is not ideal. so we postponed it to thursday. and thus I asked vicks if we want to eat at buona vista instead tomorrow. and we're all set to go down to that nostalgic place once more.

and I asked ah hoon to do illegal stuff for me. better call her tomorrow to make sure she opens that mail. I'm sure it'll get there by morning. for all the slow lotus notes is worth, it will get there.

ah youtube youtube youtube, mou sukoshi HAYAKU wo kudasai!!!

just a little will do. the dumbest part? my sister is taking the torrent files for episodes 6 and 7. which is like ARGH. but by the time they're downloaded, I'd have finished the series. luckily, the last episode is already downloaded. otherwise I'll scream if I can't finish the last episode properly or something like that.

oh but just now we opened episode 3, and realised the amount of foundation they put on the actors!!! ahhhhh their faces are super ruined kind! so sad, but usually inevitable. not everybody has a face like hyde's. gackt's face is like the moon, and even miyavi's face is terrible. I mean, the complexion. of course the face is good. very good. heh. oh well. poor dear oguri shun and matsu jun.

oh no I'm turning mainstream!!

okay calm down. my sister wants to sleep. so I shall continue watching tomorrow.

doumyouji BAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying to watch hana yori dango. and stupidly, I decided to load 2 episodes at one shot, because I realised that I didn't finish watching one of the previous parts. so silly. traffic is so high today. argh.

and I guess I'm hooked. and I wish it would load faster. but it doesn't really happen that way. anyway, gramps are here, and I don't know how long they'll stay. I didn't check out how big their bags were. heh. oh well. their presence always means something extra in our lives. I hope that they'll be careful with the floor like that. daddy got a shock. oh well so did all of us.

going to see vicky again tomorrow, and the day after. so that's 3 days in a row. heh. looks like she never did get rid of me, right? I guess God sends very odd and unexpected people. vicks wasn't exactly on the list you know. but then again, neither was my buddy. neither was a lot more people than I remember.

argh it's really taking long to load. and I'm getting impatient. suddenly thought of patience is a virtue. which is a phrase I enjoyed using since primary school, owing to the fact that I hail from 5/6 patience. and then hana yori dango used it too, because that's what tsubaki told doumyouji. and that part was hilarious. I think after watching matsumoto jun in gokusen, watching him again in hana yori dango is an absolute laugh. and as if they needed to change places, oguri shun is an absolutely cool hanazawa rui!!! better than the baka uchiyama. heh. yeah his role in gokusen is like EHH??!!

ack it's still not done. hurrmph. but a pity that for now, hanazawa has gone to france, and won't be back for a while. but then again, I'm supposed to be the matsu jun fan, no? heh.

ACK IT'S DONE! and chuan is not replying me. oh whatever. and he's gone offline without a word AGAIN.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

something stupid happened and the damn thing is not loaded properly again. so irritating!!!! and it's always at some super climatic part. but then again, with a serial this short and so much happening, every part is climatic. good gracious. aileen was exclaiming about how fast it was moving. but I guess I didn't watch enough of the taiwanese version to know exactly how slow it was. all I know though, is that doumyouji didn't say that oh so famous line of his:

如果道歉有用的话，那我们需要警察来干什么？

or something to that effect. that line was made famous by jerry yen, I suppose. oh well. but gokusen used it and it was super hilarious.

I guess the strangest thing that I have done today is to write an entry and then not talk about what I've been doing the whole day, besides coming home and watching hana yori dango. yes yes yes I went for the band fiesta in botanic gardens. and boy was it funny. okay it was difficult to decide between funny, silly, or plain embarrassing. well first of all I was horridly late because I was stuck at home with aileen and watching hana yori dango. and for a moment I didn't want to go anymore because it was pouring like shit over at home. but then I thought again, and I remembered that I told vicks that I won't ever pang sei her, so I called and they were both waiting like crap for me already. which is oops. the wrong way round, really. I think all of us are beginning to exchange roles. heh.

and anyway we all got there, listened and watched what we were there to do, and then we went for dinner at pepper lunch. it's not that bad, really. yeah it's a tad expensive for what you have to cook yourself, and it's not as if they gave me half a plate of asparagus, but I guess it always boils down to the company after all. and we were laughing at the stupidest jokes. yeah we had our fair share of stupid and super cold jokes, and we laughed until the waiters and waitresses were probably simply waiting for all of us to get out. but oh well. then we walked around aimlessly for a while and we went home. actually come to think of it, we weren't walking very aimlessly. we were basically heading towards orchard mrt station. what a great sense of direction we have.

and my sister and daddy are trying to figure out how to get that huge graduation gown is going to fit into the blazer holder without crumpling it to bits again. and I think daddy cannot help but think that nus is stupid. or actually, whoever decided on the blazer holder and design and crap like that was stupid. is stupid. oh whatever. just get it in.

and the episode is taking uber long to load! although typing all the crap here is helping to stall for time, and daddy and sister trying really hard to get the gown in using the most strategic way is helping too. heh. but I fear they take too long. wow and they're trying to figure the silly bag which is made nonsensically. very unfortunately but true.

oh help. they're still at it. and it's been 15 minutes of fighting with it. and then daddy concludes that it still isn't right. oh well. whatever. she's just going to wear it tomorrow anyway. and then mummy came in and decided to comment on the leaky air con. which is very sucky. argh.

yeah I'm just wasting some time here. I've about an hour to kill. after that I'm going to freaking bathe and get out of the house again. again, because I had spa right early in the morning. okay it wasn't early -- jon put it at 10. but argh it was still early. and a lot of us couldn't make it anyway. I ended up being 20 minutes late, and aileen tumbling in about 10 or 15 minutes later. ah well. whatever. I think it must have been our most focused and fastest meeting though. well there wasn't much to do, honestly. heh. then we watched youtube a while. jon was still going on and on about that stupid hardgay idiot, and so we watched one episode. gosh it's so bloody sick. I guess one or two episodes is quite alright, as in it's still quite funny. but I think beyond that you'll probably puke. oh and matt has the painful english lesson! yes the one where the guy counts 10 10 10 instead of 30. what a joke. or at least my sis and I couldn't stop laughing about it. and then when sis went to tokyo she showed that clip to her team and then they couldn't stop their 10 10 10-ing. oh gosh. and then I showed them the clip where aiba and ohno from arashi were trying to answer the girl in english, and absolutely couldn't make it, and it was such a laugh.

but basically I walked to his place, then I walked back, and felt damn tired and sticky. I'm not so tired now, but still sticky. no longer feeling warm, but just in need of a bath. therefore I've tied up my hair in this disastrous mess, because I'm going to wash it all out later. heh. good idea right. but usually I'm too lazy to bathe before leaving the house. but this time I'd better. otherwise I'll feel really really dirty.

and then later I'm going out for dinner with buddy. yeah man. 2 documents to pass to her. better not forget to bring them. otherwise she'll fly don't-remember-where and then I don't see her for another month or something. and then when school starts it's going to be different all over again. argh.

talked till late with vicks again last night. I think it's addictive, the phone. but then again, I've always been secretly addicted to the phone. in times of boredom, in times of stress, or after I've been thinking quite a bit and moments like these, I just love to pick up the phone and dial someone suitable to rant to. unfortunately the latest victim has become vicky. heh. I guess sometimes it's not that you're not willing to share with somebody else, but it's hard to start. that was what wendy chua said, and it's terribly true. she was telling me about how she got closer to people in office, because only people in office would really know what's been going on, what you're going through, what kind of people you've been meeting, and somehow conversation goes on better than others. when you meet an old friend, you've loads to say, and so does your friend, and then after that you end up barely saying anything, or talking pure nonsense and crapping the night, because there was too much to say, and you don't rightly know where to start from and how much to say and everything. so I guess somehow we all lose our lives beyond the office or school, but it is oddly inevitable. unless your best friend or someone like that is kept regularly updated, like buddy and I, it's not easy I suppose.

but even buddy and I fail to some extent. but it can't be helped. but sometimes I don't know if things can't be helped because I chose to think them helpless, or that it really can't be. but those are more rounded arguments which I don't enjoy very much. sometimes they conclude fast, sometimes they don't. rounded arguments are part of life, and we ought to conclude as many of them as we can. the problem is sometimes there are arguments we don't know how to close, and there are some we don't really want to close. there are even some which we pretend do not exist, and face the inner struggles ourselves.

I guess somehow we're all self destructive. we're our very own little ticking devices which threaten to break down or explode or basically disintergrate. how it happens is one thing. why it happens is another thing altogether.

ack! behind schedule! time to bathe!

I don't know what to write really. but anyway I went out yesterday. yes, out, finally. so stinking bored and tired at home. I guess some going out does people good after all. reached parkway early, very unfortunately, but ate some good food, had some good laughs, and had a good drive to east coast park. alas, I came out with crystal, feeling like two walking cigarette butts. I think almeida and mae must have come out feeling like two cigars or something. oh well.

but I think the waitresses there (although mae says that working there will probably cause some life shortening) don't go through an interview to get the job -- they probably go through more of an audition. a couple of them sing pretty well, especially this alto pitched girl, whom mae thinks is malaysian. well I think so too. time for lunch! continue later.

righto. waaaay after lunch. the lady is still cleaning the house. and it's been about 6 hours already I suppose. but since the freaking house is bigger than xinying's, I guess she can stay for dinner as well. heh. might as well. my mummy cooks good, okay...ahaha.

and I realise that I'm beginning to reach the brink of sian-dom, if you can consider that a word. because I realise that I'm rattling very little, on a lot of nonsense. there's nearly nothing much left inside my brain to let out already. although I think that perhaps I should start erm, addressing the thank you letters which are oh so overdue. oh well. but now I'm trying to talk to oreo man. I think the mere 2 weeks of knowing him is utterly unjustified. so I must attempt to gain that back. hurrmph. my yi chuan studies is terribly incomplete and I'm not too happy about that.

I think either I'm too bored with whatever I'm doing, or I'm using it to keep my sanity. but sometimes it fuels my insanity. trying to study my brother absolutely fueled my insanity. it nearly drove me up and over the wall figuring him. while my boss shattered instead. I thought it would have been the other way round. apparently not. which is making me believe that yi chuan may not be what he seems. perhaps I'm being paranoid, or that I'm being overly cautious or something to that extent. but somehow I think as people grow older, mix around in society and all, something happens to them. they never seem what they are anymore. I think we all become like that. even us students go through phases like this. slowly we learn that not all are to be trusted, that we must learn to discern, and we learn the mask to put on whilst observing. we learn how long observation periods ought to be, and learn when to take off the mask, and sometimes we have the mask on forever, and sometimes we realise we didn't need it in the first place.

做人好难。

oh well. stupid vicks made a joke out of oh well. so silly. and I laughed the shit out of myself for it. "my first son, joel. my second son, noel. my third son, OHWELL." and then "my first daughter, farewell. my second daughter, UNWELL." oh man. it's so lame. I can barely believe it. and I sincerely believe that we're going to plan something lamo again tomorrow for spa. confirm. jon's going to plan his next announcement and boy is it going to be worse than before.

looking forward to the weekend though. things will happen. first it's spa, then it's dinner with buddy, then sunday it's church, then day out with vicks and carr again. cool. back to our good old botanic gardens. the symphony lake. cool right. okay whatever. it's not that cool actually but I get to go out so there. hurrmph.

and vicky's in jb, so she's not replying my message. wail. perhaps I shall call her tonight. is that a good idea? I don't know. actually there's something else I can do now: Fe my clothes. yeah man, iron them. heh. but I'm so lazy to do so. but somehow today I'm feeling a little better. perhaps going out last night, not sleeping so much, talking a little more and watching a little tv is helping.

beginning my one song on repeat thing again. it's an old song that I kinda like but never bothered about. heard it again last night and decided that I shall bother about it. well I guess when I heard it I didn't know about the huge cpop downloading sites yet, so now I've got it. a pity it's only 64kbps. but then again, you can't expect everything to be 128 and above. well. oh well. ahaha.

I've run out of things to say again I guess. suddenly realised that even at 64kbps the laptop speakers can't take the vocalist's air. I think it's the pitch. it's that air blare that happens to the speakers. I guess the next thing due to be unplugged from the desktop after the mouse are the speakers huh. that's the next best thing my desktop has.

indeed I am still upset that the computer has crashed. and boy am I upset that I am the one who crashed it. and the most upsetting part is the program which crashed it. oh everything is upsetting. not that being upset is going to help either. I think I shall drag my sister out to funan to check out desktops. I insist that even if I do get a laptop, I want my desktop too. somehow I just like the desktop. somehow or another.

gosh I can smell the kiwi clean thing that's used to clean the kitchen floor. ooooh that means she's nearly done! I think the kitchen is like the last place to clean. okay maybe if she's washing the backyard then it'll be the second last. but almost done. well she actually attempted to clean my table. I wanted to tell her forget it because it's so difficult and I'll do it myself but it was too late. so now I hope she didn't use too much water. and I realised that my right pinky nail is a tad too long, because it's beginning to bend upon hitting a key on the keyboard. which ain't good, since I rely on it for some of the punctuation buttons.

and now my sister wants to use. so it's surrender time. oh well.

yes it's been another uneventful day. ah well. awoke at another bad hour, had my lunch, and then attempted clearing the table once more. not very successful though. cleaned out a little, threw a little, and rearranged a little. but at least I got the stuff on the floor arranged better. it was disgustingly strewn everywhere. soon enough you wouldn't even know that a carpet beneath my chair existed.

argh tomorrow we're meeting at dinner time! ahh! I'm so bored. I want to meet earlier. how's that. I think I should call yap mae out earlier. I don't know. feel like talking to someone, but if I get ah mae out I haven't a clue where to start from. my buddy's going to be uber super busy tomorrow. and even vicks is busy tomorrow. but I can't remember why she is. just remember she is. then in the end buddy is eating with me on saturday. which sucks, because now I don't know what to do on friday. man. this is not good.

no good at all! argh. argh argh argh. not happy. not at all. I still feel like trying that number but I shouldn't. argh. stupid system. why did it have to be his. I swear if it were either of the other two I would have dialed by now. oh gosh this is disgusting.

I'm feeling disgusted with myself.

the title's a phrase from avril. basically, I'm bored again. yeah we were supposed to go out today. or rather, I was supposed to go out with vicky and carr today to visit the katong area for some good old chicken rice and darling parkway parade. like what the hell right. why on earth are 3 nineteen year olds trying to do, reminiscing away. ah well. but in the end something happened and basically I've been at home the entire day. woke up at like 11am, plonked a little, read the papers (like oh wow), had lunch, and started on clearing my table. take note that at present it is clearing, and not cleaning. I tried a little, but I realised that not all the dust can come off. some of them are permanently stuck. like some of the eraser bits seem to be embedded in the wood already and there's nothing I can do about them. oh whatever. as long as you can finally tell what material my table's made of I guess that's quite an achievement in itself. yes it IS that bad. you actually can't tell that my table's made of wood because everything is strewn all over. which is very very bad. just that I never made the time nor effort to clear everything off. and now I realise that I actually really have an incredible assortment of accessories. I haven't a clue how to pack them either. and honestly packing my table ain't enough. if I really want to make it thorough, I ought to pack off all the stuff in my cupboards. which is a major project really. which I don't quite intend to do actually. heh.

and I am to continue my clearing table project tomorrow. oh gosh.

my fingers hurt from cracking so many peanuts open. I ate so many just now, but I'm hungry again. but I don't know if I'm hungry because I'm really hungry, or because I have nothing better to do than await dinner. I think it's the latter. my head is beginning to feel achy. which is a sign of nothing to do. the 'you are bored' headache. stupid right, me. and it's going to happen again tomorrow. luckily I'm going out on thursday. some fresh air would do me some good. okay not fresh, but at least some outside air would do me some good. some talking and laughing would do me good too. but I want to have dinner with my buddy. I don't know if she's free on a weekday. go sms her.

smsed. and vicks messaged to ask me to go down to my brother's village to get some ahems. a pity she ain't free this week. but she's helping me to fill up next week's schedule. mummy was talking about people filling your schedule rather than yourself planning your own schedule. I think I form the former quite a bit, because sometimes I just leave every box on my organiser blank, and await people to book a date with me. yeah it makes me sound important, but the actual fact is that I can't seem to handle my own time properly, or I don't know what to do my time so I wait for people to approach me and ask me out. which isn't that great really. because I end up bored a lot of times.

remembered what I originally intended to rant about. chuan's new nick. it reminded me so much of lit paper 4. and YES my favourite teacher remains vio, okay? evil maril. gosh it rhymes. ahaha. anyway, his latest nick is

the sense of past, of history, of memory, is in part the creation of the self.

it just reminded me a lot about how utopias cannot be fully formed, or rather, how utopias fail to stand through time because of the historical baggage that each citizen carries. yes, those exact words, historical baggage. that so long as the people do not morph into one being, one thought altogether, there will be differences which will tear the society apart. so long as people continue to have memories of a life before, of a better time, or have knowledge of a better place or society, the utopia will fail. which is why utopias must be closed off, people must be brainwashed, so that everything can start on a clean slate. the minds must be washed clean, with no pre-conceived ideas, and filled up with the same doctrine in order for the society to work according to plan. and that's because a sense of past, a knowledge of history, and the fact of memory, will create one's mind, and shape the way you decide to live. when things go awry, when there is a better option elsewhere, the natural thing is to go for it, which is how rebellion comes about.

oh gosh I felt like I just threw up everything I learnt in paper 4.

regurgitation. haven't studied for some time now. and the time for studying is looming near. yes, looming, not drawing. I realised that for all my irritation about the studying of vocabulary usage in literature, I do use some words for particular reasons. there are some words which I choose not to use, because of certain reasons, but there are also certain words I intend to use because of ridiculous reasons. yet there are also instances whereby there isn't much reason to use the word, other than the fact that I don't know another word to describe whatever it is.

I'm getting pretty tired of staring at the screen. anyway I think dinner's pretty much done. just awaiting consumption. heh. that's it then. poor maril will have another entry to read. yeah yeah I'm writing some novel here right? ahaha.

yes, today is monday. I actually have to remind myself of the day. I think the time will pass without myself knowing which date is what day and that's bad. but today's monday, because it's one day after church, and the first day without work for me.

yeah there's no more work at moe today. farewell to the ministry of errors, yeah? which is rather sad, coming to think of it. I think I'm beginning to miss them already. so many things will happen and I wouldn't know about them. so many things will happen and it is actually none of my business. so many things. so sad. new things will happen, new conflicts will occur, new fights will be made, new people will come in, new discoveries to find. so fun. I had my share of fun, I suppose. but I guess it's different to be a temp and to be a perm. I guess it ain't so fun if I weren't a temp. oh well.

I realised that my 'oh well' is coming back.

oh whatever. I cut my hair today. nono first of all, this morning I went with sister to meet sam see to watch pl's 90th anniversary celebrations finale at millenia walk. yeah yeah I was a pl lite like so long ago, and this is the secondary school's celebration, so it makes you wonder what the heck I was doing there. and I guess besides the school song (which is the same for both the primary and secondary schools), I didn't really know anything else. but we were just there for the heck of it. and anyway sister and I wanted to cut our hair after that.

and basically I think I cut my hair wrong this time. the last time was correct, and this time it's wrong. okay actually it's just that my fringe isn't too good. it's been too long without a fringe, and this time I cut it a tad short. which ain't looking too good. luckily I forbade him from cutting it further, otherwise I can't even push it to the side, which is what I have done. so now I MUST keep my hair parted to one side, otherwise I will have a retarded fringe. until it grows a little longer, that is.

oh enough about hairy disasters. tomorrow I will embark on my 'clearing my mess' journey, and I hope to complete it within the week, so that I can get my nus packages sorted out and the dates in order and then I'm freeeeeee.

yay.

good plan right? but it will be harder than to do than to say. easier said than done, basically. argh. okay, back to puzzle street fighter I go. yeah I'm going at it again.

random comment: I think yi chuan makes a good jiemei. seriously.

yes, reporting. perhaps some ranting later. oh well. just that yesterday I went out with vicks and carr to attend the military band syf finals. the mass display was quite cute and all, but it was upsetting that tkss won again. yes I know I have been the supporter of tkss all this while, but yesterday they were pretty sucky, honestly. after all these years of better gimmicks, better instrument spinning, the only thing that saved them was probably like their impressive formation shapes and perhaps their good discipline. I still appreciate their discipline. the other bands broke decorum upon the announcement, but tkss stood still. which was good for salvaging purposes. but other than that, I think actually bowen deserved something. even not the best band, at least the best drum major. I thought that girl was good. not just because she's a girl, but because she was really steady and had that air about her, which really deserved a prize. oh well. whatever.

but it was fun with carr and vicks. as always, it's the people who count. the activity is another matter altogether. I want to ask siok hoon how their little hike up bukit timah went, but I realised that I've exceeded the quota for today. which is like oops. we had our usual madness at swensens (since we missed the all important lunch), and yes that includes our nonsense with the earthquake dry ice bottle. we're disgusting kids.

but last night we tried something new. we were trying to make the cover bubble over, instead of just trying to make it bubble, or trying to create a new colour out of the mixture. so we added whatever we had, in fact I think we added less than before, and then we capped it and tried to make it bubble over. in the end the cover bubbled over once, but thereafter it refused to bubble over. so as a result, with the bubbles popping out through the pepper holes and the little dry ice continuing to steam out, it looked more like we were creating an alien which was awaiting exit through the bottle cap. and it was breathing in, out, in, out and waiting to emerge from that dry ice bottle.

I make it sound like a horror show. but I think it IS horrific for the dishwasher.

oh well. I stayed up quite late last night though, and overslept this morning. missed a few songs in the morning. heh. but hey hey ulu has returned! although she seemed still in thailand mode, since the first thing she said when she saw me was

"sawadee ka!!"

oh dear. but it was funny, because even though she paid north thailand a visit, whereas I was in bangkok, the people are thereabout the same. so funny. the same jokes, the same lingo, gosh. how deja vu. which unhappily reminds me that I have yet to give out all my thank you letters, which include victoria's, which has been sitting inside my bag for like the past 4 days or so. I wrote it so early, with the intention of giving it to her before we leave moe but obviously it didn't happen. I'm seeing her on tuesday and I'd better pass it to her. although we will see each other on the 9th and 15th too. oh gosh.

paid bishan another visit today, with the rarely complete set of triplets, ulu grace and huifang. was so tired after that. but I decided against napping when I reached home. instead I did a tiring but fun thing -- call vicky. heh. I was running out of smses. you must understand. ahaha. then after that because yi chuan came online, we decided to talk online instead.

in fact, yi chuan is STILL online, and I'm STILL talking to him. and he just typed in this statement:

i wonder how monday will be like without all of u running ard making noise

he made us sound like toddlers. sheesh. well not that he's exactly quiet himself. and it doesn't help that his secondary school buddy is seated next to him now, just separated by a very short wall (the two are kinda tall). and boy are THEY noisy. pity the new fella. oh well.

and now he has gone to eat DINNER. it's freaking 2232h and he's gone to eat dinner. I never understood how people have such horrible mealtimes. it comes to a point where I'm thankful that they actually bother to eat meals. or rather, actually bother to eat meals spaced apart sufficiently for them to call it lunch and dinner. well most skip breakfast, so fine. eating so late, you might as well not eat at all. sigh.

and since I'm so bored waiting for someone to eat his dinner, here's a long meme:

How many keys are on your keychain? 2
What curse word do you use the most? crap/damn
Do you own an iPod? I own a creative thank you.
What time is your alarm clock set for? when I was working it was 0710
How many suitcases do you own? I don't own them. we share =)
Do you wear flip-flops even when it's cold outside? it's never cold here. and if it rains I'm definitely wearing flip flops because wet socks are gross.
Where do you buy your groceries from? my mummy does that.
Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? depends
What was the last movie you watched? x-men III in the cinema.
Do any of your friends have children? Yeah
If you won the lottery, what's the first thing you would buy? 5 ugly kingdom dvd. yeah I'm never getting over that concert.
Has anyone ever called you lazy? oh you bet.
Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster? nope. never needed any.
What CD is currently in your CD player? I don't use cd players.
Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? Chocolate
Has anyone told you a secret this week? secret nah. scandal yeah.
When was the last time someone hit on you? sorry I don't club. =)
What did you have for dinner? hainanese mutton soup with rice. rocks man.
Do you wear hoodies often? don't have one. although I like them a bit.
Can you whistle? nope.
Have you ever participated in a protest? nope.
Who was the last person to call you? according to handphone, victoria.
What is your favorite ride at an amusement park? Roller coasters
Do you think people talk about you behind your back? that's inevitable. but most love me.
What area code are you in right now? welcome to singapore
Did you watch cartoons as a child? But of course
How big is your local mall? uh, the usual size? we don't have much space you know
How many siblings do you have? my one and only elder sis.
Are you shy around the opposite sex? I've been brought up not to be.
What is your biggest regret? not getting to know zhi hua. AHAHA.
When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt? yesterday? the umbrella accident and the body glove shirt, I suppose. before that was siok hoon's 3 day wedding. AHAHA.
What movie do you know every line to? I used to know nemo. I'm okay with moonchild too.
Do you own any band t-shirts? Nope
When was your last plane ride? bkk trip on roaaaarrrrr airways!
How many chairs are at your dining room table? 6
Do you read for fun? Indeed
Can you speak any languages other than English? chinese, bad japanese and worse thai.
Do you do your own dishes? yeah, because I'm always the last to finish.
What color is your bedroom painted? White white.
Have you ever cried in public? duh. unfortunately, the tears were fake.
Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? my desktop died, so I'm using sister's laptop.
Which do you make, wishes or plans? Both
Are you always trying to learn new things? Depends on what that new thing is
Do you shower on a daily basis? duh. you expect me to stink?!
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? lip pierce lip pierce. heh.
Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date? guys should always pay. period. =)
Can you skip rocks? Nope
Have you ever been to Jamaica? No
What to snack on at the movie theaters? popcorn. woohoo.
Who was your favorite teacher? who else. MR WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Have you ever dated someone out of your race? nope.
What is the weather like? alright I guess. normal singapore weather.
Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? nope.
Do you have an online journal? yes.
What was your favorite class in high school? this is hard. mep?
Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes? I'm alright with it.
What personality trait is a must-have in your preferred gender? intelligence. please.
Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive? I guess, yes.
When was the last time you slept on the floor? I don't remember.
What is your favorite alcoholic drink? anti-alcohol. I'm a teetotaller.
Does your closest Starbucks have a drive-thru? No
Do you like your living arrangement? Yes
What is your mother's hometown? JB
How many hours of sleep do you need to function? >10
Do you eat breakfast daily? I try.
What was the last thing to scare you? the fact that I'm reminiscent of si si. freaky.
Are your days full and fast-paced? I'm on holiday. hello.
Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class? you bet.
What is your favorite fruit? difficult question. durian? rambutan? pears?
Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages? never really did.
How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 20
Are you picky about spelling and grammar? TERRIBLY. siok hoon would agree totally.
Do you believe in life on other planets? no
Have you ever been to Six Flags? no
Who was the last person to piss you off? angeline the ah lian.
Do you believe that God has a gender? God is a spiritual being.
What was the last thing you ate? dinner at home.
Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex? same, unless the guys are sisterly.
What did you dress up as for your first Halloween? not an occasion I care for.
How did your parents pick your name? ask my grandma.
Do you like mustard? depends
What do you tell yourself when times get hard? God has a plan and lessons for me
Would you ever sky dive? no
Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back? Mostly my side or back.
What character from a movie most reminds you of yourself? huh don't know.
Have you ever bid for something on ebay? I haven't a credit card.
What do you think of Angelina Jolie being pregnant? not my problem.
Do you enjoy giving hugs? Only to close friends.
Would you consider yourself to be fashionable? Eh I have moments
Do you own a digital camera? Yeah
If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? scram boy, scram.
What celebrities have you been compared to? none?
Who is your favorite Star Wars character? r2d2? yeah he's pretty cute.
Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do? only if I want that person to call back. sometimes it's better some people DON'T call ever.
What books, if any, have made you cry? books nah, comics yeah. count cain. I cried 2 nights.
Do you think you're attractive? hmmmm...
What are you allergic to? virtually nothing. haven't found a single allergy yet.
Are you a jealous person? not really.
What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? what's the point?
Do you ever feel guilty after eating meat? you must be stinking crazy.
If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been? call me hyde please. =)

woah that was long. and tiring me out. my little toe is healing better than expected. but my calf still ain't looking very good. and I feel like a cuckoo with both skype and msn on simultaneously. my daddy said goodnight to me but he's oddly still online. oh whatever.

feel like playing puzzle street fighter. and I shall. alright man.

yes, I'm bored. right now. I've just finished checking my mail, clearing the damn thing, finished checking my friends' page and finished looking through the usual blogs that I'm interested in. yeah. so now what. I went to plonk on the piano just now but I'm simply not motivated nor inspired today so I refuse to play further. the music's making me sleepy (it's yoshiki and the london philharmonic with amethyst) but I shouldn't sleep anymore. my mummy's not home, weekend tv is disgusting, there's nothing to eat (I shouldn't anyway, bad for my stomach), and I don't feel like picking that phone up. anyway even if I dial someone it's probably vicks, and I'm going to see her later so it doesn't make much sense. I'm out of the senseless ministry so I ought to make an attempt at making some sense. not dollars. oh crap I'm lame now. and actually my buddy's supposedly on msn but something is not working such that she's not talking to me. I'm not going to waste my smses on people, because my month starts again today. there's nobody to waste on anyway, because it's probably vicks again, my buddy's probably busy and my damned brother is probably stuck in buona vista. and then the only number I want to try now is ym's, but I haven't a clue of reaction, so better not. man.

but wow was that one HUGE paragraph. heh. I choke up paragraphs out of nothing, remember? I think I need to make a list of what I want to do this 1.5 months. otherwise I'll be so darned bored after I finish clearing my table.

actually if my comp didn't crash, a lot of things would be different now. first of all, I wouldn't be blogging here. my livejournal would remain as dead as is was. next, I would be frantically changing my layout, because I did up the july layout and now it's stuck in my desktop and it sucks. as in the situation sucks, because I think my july layout is preeety. and it features miyavi! how bad can that get? or at least I believe in my selection of meev pictures. and I have yet to do quite a number of layouts I intended this year. argh. oh and my bittorrent would be up and running by now, and not stuck there. I would be surfing jpopsuki and tonberry now. grah. not youtube. man. I would be listening to realplayer on repeat mode, not itunes with songs I'm not quite interested in. yes my sister's and my playlist differs like hell lot, I think. oddly enough it does. we used to believe that we loved the same people and the same songs. but then as the years went on, she branched on out onto the mainstream jpop and went beebopping with the poppy stuff, keeping minimal jrock other than the usual legends, while I branched on to even more jrock, running into more and more visual bands, amassing a huge collection of jrock pictures, and making them fly all over my blog layouts. I'm sure my sister had a problem with my mp3 player, which is why she wants her own now, instead of borrowing mine now and then when she's sick and tired of her cds.

but then again, come to think of it, I'm getting tired of my own player too. yeah yeah it has like 900 songs but I'm tired. I always think of the songs that are still stuck in my crashed computer and I'm like argh should have stuffed them out back then, instead of thinking of waiting and being lazy to stinking plug a usb port into the damn computer.

I don't know why I'm ranting like shit here. but I have this feeling that I won't rant so much ever again, because it's going to be a less eventful time before school starts and thus a lot less will happen and therefore a lot less to be written. but I guess I won't ever forget my 6 months in the ministry of errors, alongside the HR errors and the atrocious HR errors. heh. I'm so horrid. but it's true.

and my mother arrives home with lunch. so it's time to eat. then I'm meeting carr and vicks to go for the military band syf finals, which I completely forgot about this year, until carr came with an sms to vicks. cool huh. whether adibah will turn up is another matter. the next problem is how to gatecrash, really. heh. we're always doing this. but we have no sob sob story to tell.

mai tu liao. time to eat. =)