sunday, october 29

How Machiavellian Are You?

I didn't really expect to be machiavellian, really. I'm such a nice girl. snort.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitude, then too bad. So sad.

Your Quirk Factor: 65%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

You Are 36% Lady

You tend to make up your rules of etiquette, throwing all conventions aside. And while you try to be a lady (sometimes), your behavior is often quite shocking.

You Are 60% Cynical

Yes, you are cynical, but more than anything, you're a realist. You see what's screwed up in the world, but you also take time to remember what's right.

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

Your Power Level is: 61%

You're a very powerful person, and you know that all of your power comes from within. Keep on doing what you're doing, and you'll reach your goals.

saturday, october 28

right. I'm like typing in the dark, because my grandmother's over for the night and she's trying to sleep. so here's the real challenge for my typing skills. I'm pretty okay, because I type so much anyway. just that if I want some unusual punctuation mark I'll be in trouble. so I'll avoid that sort of thing.

and oddly I'm very sleepy. don't ask why, because I don't know why. I'm just tired today. quite a long day, in a sense. went for spa in the morning, crapped with aileen and candice, went home to get stuff, got back to church to study, played the piano on demand for aileen, went for dinner with her and walked about too. gosh. then finally home, bathe, here I am! and I actually think my nails are too long. I suddenly realised just now that my fourth fingernail is so long, the white part is almost the same length as the pink part. sounds scary? perhaps. I think my long nails are as eeky to my buddy as is her running to me. which reminds me, I owe her a letter. an abstract lesson.

but I suppose sometimes I'm too assuming. as in overly confident of my little theories. I like theorising so much, and finding answers to behavioural traits, but sometimes I guess I need to learn that I'm not always right. proud me. and it's getting oddly hot in here. at first I was feeling nice and cool after my bath but now I'm beginning to feel warm, and thus getting a little sweaty. like eew. I want to go to bed CLEAN!

and I suppose I'll turn in soon. and I need to get started on my philo term paper! my gek term paper can wait awhile, after I watch yojimbo on tuesday. let's see what daniel goh sees in it. AHAHA. and then xin tian was talking to me about kurosawa akira films being horribly violent, and she couldn't take it. so perhaps it's a good thing she didn't take either gem offered by japanese studies. I know the postwar film and anime has quite a bit of kurosawa akira, but didn't check if there's kitano takeshi in there too. and then of course the samurai and geisha is all about sex and violence, as told to us by avenell, so...

but speaking of xin tian. my soci group met up for assignment 5 yesterday, and boy was it a laugh. it was just ben, shiqi, xin tian and myself, but we still had a good laugh. and I realised that 1. ben is taller than I thought, 2. he's one of those idiot guys with incredibly good complexion. hurrmph. besides that. I discovered that xin tian can talk. a LOT. and I mean A LOT. she talked from arts fac to science fac, then from science fac back to arts fac, and then we took the bus home together, and she talked all the way home. so I listened to her for like nearly 2 hours straight. yes, I did talk some, but she talked like 80% of the time! so incredible. she talked and talked and talked and talked and I couldn't believe it. and I was pretty tired. but never mind, at least there wasn't a weird silence between us and I didn't have to think of anything to talk about. just left it to her. =) she can really talk. which is a little frightening, in that sense, because she seldom talks. in class, that is. but I suppose the moment she realised that I don't mind talking, (don't mind listening, rather) and I have not problems with mandrin speakers, that was it. I guess it wasn't annoying, since she isn't a whiny bitch sort, but it was just amazing how she talked on and on, nearly non-stop.

I suddenly realised that next week is going to be one hell of a week. I have to churn out 2 term papers, I have soci presentation on wednesday (last tutorial! wail!), I need to get my nm project together by tuesday and I suppose avenell should reply by then, so it's project time. but after next week it's pure studying and gek project time. everything will be over by the 7th, and then just pulling my gek project together. and then it'll be the 14th, when I turn in the gek project, and the sem will be thereabout done. and so it'll just be studying, studying, studying.

oh and I finished reading all the required readings for nm! so I'm no longer 9 weeks behind schedule! congratulate me. yes I didn't read any of the readings at all until tuesday. yeah I skipped a few pages here and there, and there was one article which repeated, but hey I finished it. but suddenly (today is full of suddenlys) I recall that there's actually one reading missing from the coursepack, so...crap. but at least I'm not 9 weeks behind! 2 readings behind isn't as bad. smile!

and I think I should sleep. my eyelids are getting heavier, and heavier. oh well. I shall watch the nuts and bolts lecture tomorrow. holbo might say something useful. usually he does, really. ugh sometimes I'm disgusted with the way I do things.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 2321 it's silent tonight...my itunes, that is.

thursday, october 26

I realised I died for a long time. and no my previous post doesn't really count, because I didn't bother typing anything much other than linking out to my livejournal. yes buddy, I still use livejournal, because I keep that account alive to join communities and to sustain my blog when my server dies. and lately, to post icons. and yes I make them for fun. perhaps that's a sign that I'm too free? not really, in my opinion. just means that I'm still sane. which is a good thing, really.

anyway. monday was actually alright, because my english project was good, and then there wasn't stupid nm tutorial (which actually DID piss me off), and then I went to meet my buddy because I was feeling pissed. and apparently when I was complaining like crap along citylink mall, fiona low passed by. and buddy says she was like staring her eyes out. yeah I was probably freaking loud. I don't disagree. but whatever. she does not concern me.

and then tuesday was hari raya puasa holiday, but I still made my way down to the airport to meet gladys, vicks and kayan to study. got some stuff done, so it's not too bad. but now I suddenly realise that I have only like 1 week to do 2 term papers. so I'd better move my ass. it was quite funny, although I was thinking about a lot of things after that. and then my mp3 player battery died on the bus, which was irritating. but then again it was my fault for not charging it even though I knew it had only 1 bar left when I left the house. and I let it play through the entire afternoon while I was studying. hmmm. so my fault.

yesterday. I woke up at 1130 when I had tutorial at 12. so I flagged a cab and went to school. I'm quite glad I rushed. if it were a normal 1 hour tutorial I wouldn't have bothered, but it's the rare gek tutorial, which lasts 2 hours, and it was interesting anyway, so it's good I got there as early as possible. crys called at 1145 to ask if I was in school yet, and I told her that darling I've got bad news for you. I'm still at home. AHAHA crys was like WHAT?! oh my gosh...but oh well. and then went for soci lecture which was a blast because we got this 'guest' lecturer. I swear he's no 'guest'. he's a freaking trainee lecturer! he's due to get his phd in a couple of months, and will probably be joining the lecturing staff, and so the lecturers probably decided to give him a chance to lecture. and what a laugh it turned out to be. he was so nervous in the front half, and spoke softly, his voice trailed (oh everything harry would have slammed him for) and he has this sheepish face and keeps smiling as if in embarrassment! oh my gosh. and then later on we spotted daniel goh sitting in the lecture, amidst the student population, and he was smiling too.

but what a painful smile it was.

because while dan and anne make us laugh by letting us watch amusing clips off youtube, see radical pictures and fish out funny articles from various sources, this guy made us laugh by letting us laugh at him. and we so pity his wife. and at the end of the whole lecture, we know that he hates jay chou, because he mumbles and sings poorly, and all his songs sound the same, he is an avid fan of star wars, and marvels at the fact that yoda is 800 years old, and he like guo mei mei, and her stupid BU PA BU PA. oh my gosh what an idiot lecturer he is, to allow such a foothold on himself. my goodness.

and what a painful smile daniel had. really painful. but really funny.

and since we're talking about daniel, let's read the following very interesting passage:

I am tired of poemizing and analyzing. Since the academic year restarted, in what is my very first term of professing, my life has reached an intensity I have not known in a long while, the flavor is indescribable, a scent, a taste once imbibed does not leave my consciousness, but becomes part of my being. I bask in the intensity. I revel in the delight. I am addicted to its exquisiteness. And thus I need something tangential to draw me away from dissolving in the maelstrom of eternal moments. I need something transient and incredulous. And hence I thought of combining two things, the impending general elections looming like the teasing monsoon and tangential episodes suspended in my memories that remain clear as day, drawing spurious connections between the public and the personal as a form of critical disdain.

As good fortune has it, I schooled for two years in the old St. Joseph’s down in the current downtown civic district. Conserved as a historic building, it is now the Singapore Art Museum. I remember the ridiculous art lessons that we have to sit through. I guess some old hat in the Ministry of Education thought that a well-rounded education included learning how to watercolor some insipid still-life object in an authentic way. Seriously, there was never an ounce of art theory, history or technique taught to us. This was how it went: teacher comes into class, we drag ourselves to stand up to greet him, pull out our art equipment, he puts the stupid object on the table which only those on the front row can see and orders us to paint the damn thing as realistically as possible. It wasn’t even about realism, just an exercise in wasting papers and pigments to give some bureaucrat sitting on his grand ass pedagogical satisfaction.

So it was to be peanuts one day. And my art teacher, a really nice guy who probably believed in the innate goodness of humankind, swaggered in with peanuts and exactly five of the brownish pods. He placed the five pods on the table, arranged them in some enigmatic aesthetic manner, and told us with a smile that he would be leaving us to render justice to the peanuts with our standard 12-color paint set. And so off he went to do what he needed or wanted to do, leaving us 40 boys with five peanut pods in a severely enclosed space, probably thinking that we were angels since we were in the top class in the school. It took a while for us to warm up though. Chattering, flicking of water and then restless boys walking to the teacher’s table at the front of the class to take a closer look at the peanuts.

Inevitably, someone broke the invisible barrier protecting the peanuts from the hormonal mob and moved the pods slightly to fit in with his own aesthetic judgment. All hell broke loose. Intellectual charlatans and sniggering rebels moved the pods in complete disagreement with the judgments of others. Very soon, the pods began to look used. Then, an iconoclast decided that there was no reason why we should paint unopened pods, since by definition “peanuts” referred to the juicy nuts inside the pods, and therefore pried open the pods. Now that the nuts were out, an entrepreneurial first-mover grabbed and ate a couple of the seeds before demand set in. Before we know it, the nuts were gone, leaving behind nine shells lying scattered and desecrated.

Inexplicably, the art teacher did not see the humor in the missing tenth shell that could have been eaten up by mistake in the frenzy nor the logic in the natural union of pubescent boys and nutritious peanuts. Being of a delicate nature, he got terribly upset and pleaded with those who have done the terrible deed of consuming the nuts to own up. He was met with a stony silence, a class of bored youths holding back their laughter at the ridiculous situation. We only realized the gravity of his emotions when he broke down, wept and told the class before he stormed out that if no one was to own up to the atrocity by the start of school the next day, the whole class would be punished.

We returned to our dysfunctional abodes with no trepidation, or at least, my closest friends and I did not give a shit to this ludicrous issue. Bloody peanuts. It is not even about honesty, integrity, malfeasance or misappropriation. If anything, the teacher was most culpable, failing to provide proper oversight and surrendering the peanuts and the art lesson to a blind faith in the innate ability of intelligent boys to behave well. But at least two boys were known to have confessed to the deed. And they were resolved by sheer virtue of their good repute, namely that they were among the most studious and articulate boys of good upbringing. Thus, the peanuts incident passed without eventuality, and emotions were calmed, lessons declared learnt, meritocracy restored to its pedestal.

So this is my suggestion for issue I of the ever-coming elections, that is, the tangential analogy between the NKF episode and the peanuts incident of my own personal past. Perhaps the art teacher is like both the guardians of our social system and the public that is the very constitution of the system. To focus on the peanuts, like TT Durai’s salary and perks, is to lick the finger that points to the moon. The real issue is, how come the supposed guardians were out doing what not when the peanuts were being consumed en masse by a whole bunch of trusted elite managers and entrepreneurs? And perhaps more importantly, what kind of system do we have that allowed such elite managers to be given such trust carte blanche? Is meritocracy really working or have we bred a culture of blue-blooded elitism that equates high ability with assumed moral fiber?

After all, contrary to its material connotation, moral fiber is an ephemeral substance that cannot be measured but which is only evident on historical hindsight and only controversially so. The whole point is that we cannot presume anyone bred by any system to be upright, erect gentleman, Confucian or Asian or otherwise, and that institutions of check, balances and democratic oversight are needed to ensure maximum public integrity. Incorruptibility cannot be bought and can only be maintained by a conscientious and participatory public. The NKF issue is indeed peanuts, the real question is who or what placed the peanuts there and allowed them to be stolen.

now wasn't that fun? I thought it was. in fact I found it immensely amusing. tsk tsk to the sji boys. AHAHA. kidding. and I just found out that daniel and loy are wonderful friends. or at least, they're friends somehow. and they're from the same batch of kids, which makes loy only 33, by right. which is hmmm. because loy looks older than that. but whatever.

there's something about his language that tickles me. something. this odd profoundity and sarcasm that makes me laugh. but I don't know why that would make me laugh. that's new. I actually know the reason behind my laughter, but I know not the reason behind my action.

and after that day at the airport, and observing each other, I was asking vicks: what if we were all ignorant bums who couldn't be bothered much with life and what we really had to do? what if we were all escapists who knew there was stuff to do but couldn't really be bothered very much about it or decided that we shall pretend we didn't see it.

or basically, what if we weren't thinkers about our lives?

ignorance is bliss. no, ignorance is STRENGTH. but we don't live in an orweillian world of 1984. we're not oceanians. so what makes us persist in our failure to think? did we choose it? are we unable to? and I wrote a very fast letter to my buddy. the words kept going. what would we be like if we didn't think so much? if we weren't able to analyse so hard? if we didn't observe the world, if we didn't observe people, if we didn't care for history, didn't care for literature, didn't care for anything?

what would we do?

but I guess it's one thing to choose not to think. but it is another to think about what if you couldn't, in the first place? I assume that's possible. but what would happen? what wouldn't happen, rather? am I talking in circles? perhaps.

and I was reading some of my old blog entries. oh they are ever amusing.

19th sept 2004:

crys asked me what other choice I had. I had like what, CLA and GSC together as my other choice. then I thought about it, then said, then I would have ended up in 301. crys was like oooooh...why didn't you take it then...then things would have been different today. I thought of GSC and said:

not worth it

I mean I know there are people all out to kill me. NOT LIKE THAT!! please. I don't mind taking CLA, but no GSC please. and it's definitely not worth taking something like that because of him. and I didn't give him even half a shit then anyway.

and actually, I realised that crystal's name has actually been popping up on my blog since then, and actually pretty much often. more often than I thought, that is.

stolen from my email:

I prefer to describe myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair. Besides...."stalker" is such an ugly word.

come on people, CLAP! I love this definition! ripped from a different email:

Erotomania: When a person develops an unreasonable love of a stranger or acquaintance who doesn't reciprocate.

and then there was the whole string of crap about how freaky vio is. but now we all know how lovely he's been, and how much we all admire him. HA. sounds so weirdly ironic, how things have turned out. including crystal changing camps! from irving to wlt! defector! just like from joseph to avenell. poor joseph. and then apparently I did such a gp essay:

"Obsession is a necessary evil." comment.

I vaguely remember it. how amusing. and then there's all the complaints about willis in econs class, and how badly he sucked at trying to be friends with us all, and k lin's amusement with willis' crush on jolyn. jo didn't find it funny, really. none of us did, actually. but k lin was like all out about the gossip, and I think sabrina caught on. but whatever. and then here's a rant:

well for one I've become less mean (I think my jc peeps are like oh my you could be meaner??? and the tkgians huh you can become less mean??), and I've actually become less miserly (which the tkgians will have another uproar). although sometimes I feel that I've become a tad too nice (which will cause an outcry from mj people, knowing I'm mean), hey I'm not abusive no more...(another burst of laughter from the tkgians. so sure)

but I miss something. something that tkg had and mj doesn't. the music. back then there was all the band and string ensemble and choir (fighting like hell over piano space and music rooms) everywhere, the pianos tinkled like every time there was a break, there was mep, there were people who sang in class, like duh, and somehow mj has like zero of it.

I was telling vicky of some people's fascination for the band through the fact that learning music is so high class seeming and she was like shock. but then we thought through again and we were like yeah...actually...yeah....

I don't know. I came from a primary school which had a reputation that said all girls from the school could sing, and music classes were our favourite. oh yeah I joined instrumental ensemble and we loved the keyboard so much. although there were friends who hated learning the piano because they were forced into it, it wasn't the same.

and then secondary school took on a whole new dimension altogether. suddenly I had to study the damn subject, and there were like super child prodigies, like zhiying and the like. their grade numbers were like astronomical and we just loved making saadnah perform for us. well her violin was way more portable than our pianos, yeah? and then second instrument started and man was it fun. yeah I didn't fancy having to play my trombone (and no I don't treat it like my husband. more like scrap metal), but oh well. it was quite fun playing some less demanding pieces. but stress ah, which is why I'm so glad I was in bass so I didn't have solos and such. super stress.

and then I'm here now. with all the pop culture I never knew before. you know suddenly I felt like saadnah, the girl who didn't have a pop life beyond vanessa mae and knew only classics? well of course I wasn't that extreme, but somehow I never bothered about all this stuff. in primary school no one cared for the radio, in secondary school the bunch I hung out with were like the chinese pop bunch and the jap pop/rock bunch and we just listened to the english hits on radio and sang stupid things like spongebob squarepants (biying and I were like so bored) and now suddenly there's this super influx of new chinese pop (which I barely know and barely anyone knows), and the high flux of english pop/rock I NEVER knew existed, the underground bands, MTV (international. I have ASIA) and all of a sudden I'm like huh? well maybe you'd call me lousy. perhaps you'd call me backdated. but I don't know. for a while I thought hey let's try blending in.

but it was so silly. I don't know why I even bothered.

and now I'm back to square one. I'm listening to a chinese song that's dated back to the mid 90's (crystal's cry of ugh cheena rings), I finished watching the hong kong drama on channel 8 (hey it has meida's favourite actor), I only downloaded almost here by brian mcfadden and delta goodram because my daddy wanted it, I don't watch mtv really, I continue my mad hat race keeping up with dir en grey and the rest of jrock, looking for mana pictures, kagrra pictures and such. I still refuse to step into the usual shops (OP, roxy, billabong, ripcurl) and continue rummaging through the jrock images in misc-sxclusive (the dear shop on heeren level 5 annexe). I remain anti pink (no I don't tell you it's quite nice anymore unless I don't like you) and oh well, just about the same.

the only thing that's really different is that I'm so much quieter now. yeah there are people who wouldn't believe it for their lives are worth but it's true. vicks agrees too. we're both quieter. I wouldn't say we're quiet (no that wouldn't happen), but somehow just more silent, less outspoken and more reserved in comments and laughter. and for me, abuse. turn for the better? perhaps, after all.

okay now I sound sadistic. like oh wow making hell lotsa noise and whacking the bits outta people is so much more fun. no I didn't mean it that way. it's just that through all the loud laughter, spontaneous jokes and mean comments and bad jokes and worst case scenarios and whacking of each other and out-screaming each other was just something that came naturally, I mean, we didn't actually have to think of our reaction and all it's consequences before reacting.

I guess most people react 'correctly' (as in socially acceptable) like naturally, but somehow or another I need to think a lot. which is why sometimes I just don't react. I remain the same -- I don't say thanks or sorry. unless I really mean it. or it's something really really big. and no I don't say hi to you. unless I need to. I'm such a horrible kid right. I maintain some 'friendships' for very commercial like reasons. or at least very selfish reasons. and that sucks, doesn't it. especially when I know some of my 'friends' are still my 'friends' for very superficial and very...how to put it. they have the relationship and maintain it for exchange purposes. like oh I'll give you this if you can give me this. so we maintain this diplomatic exchange of intangible goods until the point where either we don't want the goods anymore, or we just can't decide on the terms of trade.

oh wonderful we're all economists, aren't we?

and then I did some stupid survey (which I do now and then because I'm either bored or I just have the mood for it) with so many stinking questions, and here's one of the answers:

23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
yeah. I guess. ahaha. I confuse myself sometimes and I falter but usually I'm pretty confident about myself.

and then I remember what ym said. because we were leaving (well so was he, really) and awaiting for school in university to begin, and so he was just saying that you need to be confident and all, and then he said that vicks wouldn't have a problem, since she has no qualms about stomping through the entire 6th floor and laughing the entire level down. and then he looked at me and said, "you...maybe you won't have a problem, I don't really know."

I think perhaps I remember too many unimportant quotes.

oh my gosh! a stupid quiz this time. and the results are absolutely HILARIOUS:

What you really think of your friends

and that was the most hilarious quiz result I remember ever. ever.

and I think I must stop here. I shall continue another time. digging through my archives. this may or may not be the last entry of october though, seeing that it's nearly the end. I think I'll have one more. over the weekend. even though I'm supposed to be rushing 2 term papers in 1 week. what am I doing?

masters in procastination. I will surely achieve that. but do I want to? no. then? I don't know.

more icons, by the way: this way

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 2346 allegro dance - kra

monday, october 23

for those of you who come here but own a livejournal account, lookie here: my lj

because I just stashed 8 icons there. yeah I just said that. cool.

and I'm too lazy to type what happened today. I shall update another day.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 0025 shinshoku ~lose control~ - L'Arc~en~Ciel

sunday, october 22

october 22nd. so familiar. my primary school's founders day? I think so. why do I remember weird dates?! we all have selective memories after all. some people have more. I had very good memory. now I think I still do, but it's split all over the place, and so I remember random things, and very odd things, and beginning to run out of space for important things. which is not good. not good at all.

there's something up with my blog, but at least it's okay now. I don't know how it produced another layer by itself and thus covered the top part of the blog with my first entry of the month. so weird. and this month's quota is really hitting it. it's presently at 127kb. and it's only the 22nd. well well, soon enough it'll be the end of the month, and then it's byebye to miyavi and hello to matsuda shota. yay! I like shota. better than ryuhei. although at first I thought ryuhei wasn't too bad. but I think trapnest's bassist didn't look to bad. takumi. but they got black stones' bassist to act in death note instead. L. he still doesn't look o_O in death note, but still funny anyway. and I swear he'll die of diabetes earlier than I will.

and I'm feeling so escapist tonight. it's already half past 11, and I'm still not going anywhere near bed. but I should, because although I took a lovely nap in the afternoon, I'm still a little sleepy. and I have a good mind to buy death note. oops that was not related. and I'm right there are 13 books. 12 are the official story, and there's a 13th one which was released on 13th october, which is friday the 13th, also the date I went to see harry (oh that was SO unrelated) and it's actually a guide to death note itself, including how to spell certain character's names, L's real name, and extensive interviews with the author and illustrator of death note.

and I'm beginning to yawn. signs that I should sleep. only english tutorial's proper tomorrow. we're supposed to have that online tutorial nonsense for nm tomorrow, and I haven't a clue how it's going to work, really. and because my teacher's one week behind, nothing makes sense. and other people don't have tutorial this week. and then we don't have next week? or did she know in advance that we'd have one week break like this and then she won't give us the break? hurrmph.

sleep!

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 2350 isolation - nakashima mika

saturday, october 21

what a day. I woke up early this morning, reaching EH at like 0930 (when I was only supposed to appear at 10, really), to find myself unnecessary. okay the thing is, lian sze asked me to play the piano for romans trail, since she couldn't (she's in confinement for crying out loud), and ivana couldn't make it today. so I decided to turn up earlier today, since it technically starts at 10. then when I got there, I told jac what was going on, and jac was like "AH THAT WOMAN!!!" in her usual dramatic tone and face to go with it, and it turned out that lian sze didn't tell her that I was replacing her, and so jac had actually frantically found another pianist instead.

but anyway. went to watch a movie last night. haven't watched a movie for some time, and it's been some time since my sis and I were this enthusiastic about one. we watched death note I last night. heh. yes it's I, because II will be released sometime in december. it will have an official release in japan in november, then singapore will bring it in by december. they've done a good job out of the first one, and I hope that the second one won't disappoint. and they've made yagami raito more evil than in the manga really. because of shiori's death, really. oh well. but the cast is pretty good. and matsuyama kenichi is growing on me. as L, that is. that that diabetic. gosh the entire cinema was laughing their heads off as they showed L's hotel room, and all the sweet stuff that was in there. it's amazing that it isn't ant infested. sweets, chocolate, dessert, everything sugary. very sweet. really.

and I need to sleep, because marcus has asked for early practice. man.

oh and my latest layout: december 2006

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 0019 real face #1 - kat-tun

thursday, october 19

my stupid ftp cheated my feelings. it told me the file was uploaded, but obviously it wasn't, so wednesday's entry isn't here. and because I get so much access to the darn computer, this html file is getting very big. and really big now, because I realised that the byte size has gone happily over 100kb and it's around 120kb now, apparently. that's the only problem with atspace. the file size. but I've never tried to see if ftp would allow something bigger than 200kb to go up. but I guess not, since they build whatever walls to filter all the files and ensure they all fall below a certain size. hurrmph.

I just read through all my entries for october. I don't know why I did that but I just did. oh well. what to do. and I've just finished downloading all the philo practice mcqs, so perhaps I shall turn friday into philo day. should I?? sounds horrid, doesn't it? I was thinking of going for philo lecture on friday, since it's his second one on descartes, but I'm feeling so lazy. and then I've a nm project meeting at 10 anyway. hmmm.

and somehow I think I'm not in a blogging mode today. my typing is just not flowing. and it isn't smooth either. and then I suddenly thought of something I was reading just now. one of my earlier entries was talking about how meida always found me studying nothing but soci, and has an increasing fear of taking it, because it seems so heavy, apparently. and then I thought of what shiqi was telling me yesterday, saying that they've actually seemingly spent a lot more time on soci than anything else, even though soci is like the least of their priorities. they're just taking the module to fulfil their requirements for graduation and nothing more. it's a cross faculty module after all. and because they've s/u-ed it, they only need to pass it to add to their modular credits.

and then I think about it myself. indeed, so much time has been spent on soci. so much. and so much of my poor brain.

and speaking of soci, remembered something else from my tutorial. which was simply hilarious. I didn't see it that way actually. what happened was that dan goh put up a set of instructions for the final tutorial assignment online, and basically we're supposed to attend a religious/pop culture event before the tutorial and then write down some observations and link it to sociology. so he listed out some events we could go for, saying

For example, it may be a prayer session on campus, a fashion show in a shopping centre, or even a neighbourhood pasar malam. You may also observe the events of the two holidays, Deepavali and Hari Raya Puasa, for example, go down to observe Hari Raya shopping and...

he smiled at this part:

marketing in Geylang

and was telling us AHEM be careful what you do there...then he wanted to read on but couldn't, because he was trying so hard to stop laughing. and everyone was like huh why what happened what's written there?? and he apologised, saying it's so funny, because the next line reads as:

or holiday house visits.

and then we ALL burst out laughing. AHAHAHAHA suddenly reminded me of jon's geylang fishtank visit. and how his boss told them not to go beyond a certain road because the remaining 'fishtanks' were all for homosexuals.

another funny quote here, from aural candy:

Nao's 09/28 diary entry (translation credit to Miyabi_Melody of Batsu J-Rock Forum):

I ran out.

AHAHAHA poor poor dear pooh-san. you know I just can't imagine nao in fatima. after looking at kanoma and daisuke, nao just looks impossibly cute to be part of a unit like fatima. and yes even though the number six PV is really lame, it's still really cute. but I'm surprised that it's shou and hiroto vs tora and saga. then nao as always, is the peacemaker. I thought tora would go with hiroto (since tora has this THING for hiroto) and then saga would go with shou (because saga has a THING for shou too), and so it was really funny. but I don't mind at all, because shou and hiroto are the cute pair, because they both have that stupid smile and funny face, while tora and saga are the act cool (but not always cool) kind.

and I finished watching 2 episodes of kimi wa petto. AHAHA it's such a funny show. even matsujun as doumyouji can't beat this man. and his hair is WORSE than doumyouji!!! I couldn't believe it. to the point where koyuki looks at him, and decides that his curly hair resembles a dog. so sad right. oh well. but it's a cute show, so far. and after watching eita as a idiot prefect who became part of a synchronised swimming team in waterboys, then eita as a young and fast climbing executive in the advertising world who falls for his senior's wife in sapuri, here comes eita once more, as matsujun's buddy in modern dance class!

diru's single will come out on the 15th of november. and the title is simply priceless.

agitated screams of maggots

as aural candy puts it (what would happen if dir en grey went to an english consultant about their titles):

Dir en grey: "So, what do you think of 'Agitated Screams of Maggots'?"

Consultant: "..."

Dir en grey: "Well?"

Consultant: "This is the most stupid ass song title I've ever heard."

Maggots: X__x "You hurt our feelings! Maggots have a right to feel agitation, too!"

AHAHAHAHAHA. that must the funniest thing I've heard man...especially the maggot's part!! AHAHA. but it really sounds dumb, in my opinion. they have never come up with a dumber one. of course, there's gazette's rich excretion, but never mind.

yeah yeah these jrockers are all terrible at this. really they are. and it's time to sleep, since it's a long day tomorrow to study and get work done and I am going for BOTH lectures okay. philo looks promising tomorrow. I hope it is. it had better be, because I'm actually bothering to attend it! hurrmph!

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 2308 kemono michi - cocco

wednesday, october 18

hmmmm. sticking around in central library again. in my good old 3rd floor. finding a chair wasn't as hard as I had thought. and tutorial today wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. and I think I must be in some terrific mood these 2 days. I actually like helped to compile the presentation notes, contributed, came early (for crying out loud I came 15 minutes early) and then I actually presented. hmmm. and because shiqi didn't contribute, she offered to present. lovely seniors, really. and just found out that she and janice are actually year 3s already, which explains why they're so awfully busy. and terribly stressed. shiqi told me that she s/u-ed this module, along with some others in the class, because they really have so much to do. they're actually science kids, so they have numerous tests, laboratory tests and lab reports to do. which is really a lot more than most of us think really.

and harry's latest nickname: holey moley. utterly man.

so funny. all because his room is stuck in this holey moley place where crystal says they can have seekrit AHEM gatherings and meetings to do some illicit stuff. and then it was so funny this morning during tutorial, because poor cassandra was trying hard to present as best as she could, and then she said something along the lines of that transsexuals and transvetites are homosexuals, and then holey moley had to stop her right there, because it isn't true. and he said something I didn't think about actually. because he was saying that these people don't feel like their natural sex at all, and so they believe themselves straight. because even though biologically they are male, they feel female, they decide to change sex to female and fall in love with a guy. that's considered straight to them, because after all they believe themselves female.

so what was so funny about that. he wanted to tell us this point, but he wanted to qualify the idea that he was accurate in presenting this point, and he said

I don't know why I'm telling you all this, but I have a lot of transsexual friends.

and after he was done with the point, there was still this odd smile on all our faces, and most of us were either on the verge of laughing or snorting, because it's just the way he phrased it. his point is good and all, but the way he qualified it was simply hilarious. he was like oh my what have I just done to myself...and quickly told cass to carry on, carry on, so that he could pretend that he didn't say anything.

which is a stereotype in itself actually. if you think about it, what's so seekrit about having transsexuals for friends? you get what I mean? it makes it sound as if associating with them is disgraceful, or that they spoil your reputation of sorts. which is oddly accepted, because in the end everyone in class was like having that little smile on their faces, and they know why he feels like oh my gosh why did I say that for?! and of course, coming back to myself, I had a good laugh too. like everyone else. I think the odd thing in school is that sometimes, or rather, practically all the time, we've never considered if we end up laughing at somebody in the class to begin with. like what if there really were a transsexual in the class or something along those lines. then what are we going to do?

to a certain extent it seems to bring me back a little into yesterday's discussion with jiu rong. I wasn't the main person arguing, I left it to yong hui, because my brain was so tired. and the point was that yong hui and I accept homos and what have you on the basis that they are human too, and that we ought to love all. but it doesn't mean that we accept everything that they do. you can associate with someone who's nice and all, but if they do something you aren't comfortable with, then you aren't comfortable with it. there are some things that you can change your mind about, but there are also many things that you simply will not agree. and one such case is homosexuality.

and then jiu rong was asking us if we would fear a homo, as in if you got to know some bung out there and then you might get scared that she'll hit on you on something. but yong hui and I, hailing from an all girls school for 10 years straight, and so we seemingly have zero problems on that issue. totally none, if you ask me. I mean being friends is fine, but if she tries to hit on you then you need to tell her no. that's all. it's the same with a guy, isn't it?

and I feel like sleeping. I've been thinking so much again. perhaps more than thinking, but reading, talking. thinking. oh gosh. just finished the two meditations by descartes. and then he goes with his existentialist problems, and finally decides that because he can think, and he can persuade himself, therefore he does exist, as a real person, a real being. whether the senses are real and whether his limbs are true are a completely different matter, apparently. oh dearie me, right? right.

and you know the wireless connection on the 3rd floor really sucks. it keeps coming on and off, and therefore my msn signs in and out and in and out. non stop. and then now and then my page can't load because I suddenly lost connection. sigh. perk point was perfectly fine yesterday. my tutorial classroom was perfectly fine just now. AHAHA. yes I was on msn during class just now, because holey moley finally came up with a way to solve the ungraded assignment 4. the non-existent assignment 4, I'd say. what did he do? instead of writing the assignment individually, he got us to write it in groups. that way instead of like 120 scripts, he just gets about 24. and because it's partially guided, and then it's a group effort, it shouldn't be as hard to mark as the usual assignments. shouldn't be. heh.

and anna tsuchiya's english is really weird. it's oddly worse than angela aki's. but then again, angela aki is half italian and half japanese, while anna tsuchiya is half russian half japanese. makes a difference? hmmm. but angela aki grew up in hawaii. so that explains a little more. oh well. but tsuchiya's english isn't really bad. and she does have that american accent, since her daddy's russian american. and I'm really hooked on lovin' you.

and I have about half an hour more to go. and I really want to sleep. but I'm meeting buddy for dinner later. mother was so funny last night. I told her I'm going out for dinner with eewei, and then she said oh go ahead, I'll find somebody else to eat with. and then she gave me that HUMPH! face. AHAHA. my funny mummy. oh well. everybody's funny in their own way.

just like how everybody's a little deranged, a little disillusioned, a little dirty (or dodgy, by harry's definition), and rather destructive. 4D! AHAHA. everybody, I sincerely believe. it's just how much and how much it's expressed.

perhaps I should start packing now. as in sign off, sign out, upload this file. then shut down, pack wires, pack bag. then go toilet, buy drink, call gladys. then I'd have wasted half an hour by then, right? since I walk ever so slowly. would I? I don't know. AHAHA. and I'm wondering who are those idiots who chose wednesdays 2-4 soci tutorial. what an overload of soci. you'd feel like puking at the end of it man. and then going for soci today is like going for new media, because it's fiona and gladys and no victoria, since vicks has decided to have a self declared holiday. so smart right?! hurrmph.

that's it I suppose. still very very sleepy. and it's terribly hot today. terribly.

a little black butterfly--how could I be beautiful

I believe in my passion, passion is dedication to something you believe

hmmm.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 1533 lovin' you - anna tsuchiya

tuesday, october 17

stuck in central library. silently hacking away at this laptop sitting nicely on my lap, at 4 something in the afternoon. I can't imagine if I had my own laptop. then I'll be hacking away at the keys every single darn day at any hour. because I suffer from this incredible lack of discipline. honestly I think if I weren't so distracted and busy doing so many other things and focusing harder, I'd have finished my soci essay in 1 day. or perhaps I grew a little dependent on victoria. AHAHA. (is she reading this?!)

supposed to do soci. oh dearie me that sounds like yesterday's entry. and I'm beginning to panic because everyone has contributed (except xin tian and shiqi but shiqi's probably with janice's contribution) and I don't want to present. can't stand presentations really. but it's evil to make benson present again and again, never mind the fact that harry loves him so much.

oh that sounded wrong. but what to do. crystal and I have already made a freudian slip the other day. why not make another. the other day crystal and I were talking about my consultation, and we were laughing like nuts because we realised we were talking about going to his room, the room he shares with his roomie, daniel. AHAHA. so scandalous, no? I thought it was horribly funny. and then after gek lecture crystal wanted to go to avenell's room, because he was asking those people who needed consultation to follow him into his office. and then we were laughing about it since office seems synonymous with room now. so crys wanted to go to his room, then on second thoughts, decided to head for harry's instead.

and then harry's sounds like the place at esplanade. AHAHA. oh this is more and more amusing. highly amusing. and then tomorrow I'm meeting my buddy again for dinner. my mummy's going to roll her eyes. I think she just doesn't understand how my friends and I can keep seeing each other again and again. she doesn't, and oh well too bad.

and I'm like randomly hitting keys. tapping, rather, because I wasn't typing anything. did I make any sense? oh heck. I'm not talking much sense. and I'm in my own world here, because the other 3 are like talking and socialising and then I'm here typing by myself. and pretty boy seems to have disappeared. or is he behind me? I don't know. but somehow something in him irks me. hmmm. and then I was sitting behind this boy in new media class who was on his laptop, and on msn. and then I spotted the guy's nick:

jay chou of arts stared at me again. I'm sure he's 50% gay, and 100% faghole

that percentage doesn't make much sense, but it sure sums up what a lot of people think of him. and oooh he IS behind me. heh. everyone calls him the jay chou of arts. yes some similar traits but he looks better than jay chou. but he's not as gothic as xiao hui. and xiao hui came into class yesterday with like positively miyavi hair. it looked like the freedom fighters era hair, just not as many colours. yeah yeah the chapteh hair. AHAHA. I posted a picture of that here somewhere deep inside the archives. because it simply looked too similar to the chapteh. absolutely.

and we're getting offtrack. absolutely. heh. soci! soci! and I love this song. lovin' you by anna tsuchiya. absolutely beautiful. and I still think slap that naughty body is a terribly amusing song. terribly. AHAHA.

and I just had a lengthy argument. and pretty proud of myself. AHAHA. no we didn't get into a fight and we didn't like scream each other down. very calm, very calm. and very thinking. perhaps calling a discussion is more appropriate. why must christians be equally yoked? because two people of unequal value systems and beliefs can't stay together. really they can't. I guess it's difficult to see that sometimes because it's not happening to us, or we think that we will be able to accept each other's differences and all, but it just doesn't happen. and I believe in that because actually if you look at my circle of friends very closely, my real best best friends are actually christians. I think it'll hurt my buddy, but to a certain extent there are some things that are hard to tell you because you aren't a christian. you seem almost there but you're not there. I guess many things cloud your mind, but somehow that isn't an excuse either. but oh well.

and actually I think I ought to go home. but I don't really feel like it. I just feel like stoning here in school, stone and stone and stone. and continue typing here. but I shouldn't. I should go home. I should go home and count down to tomorrow. I should be. but perhaps I'm beginning to feel tired. tired of school. again. it's the essay pile up again. I think it is. burdensome. indeed it is burdensome.

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reached home and done up with the soci. since when was I so kind? because I haven't been doing anything. and xin tian is hidden talent man. or so I think, from the amazing info she popped up with. and I mean pop, because it all came in less than an hour ago. she promised to contribute and she really did. lovely girl. now I shall go sleep and try to get to class early. at least earlier. I've been nearly running to as3 and walking super fast into the tutorial classroom and getting in at either exactly 10 or just past, and that not good. not good at all. sleepy sleepy time!

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 0000 lovin' you - anna tsuchiya

monday, october 16

I don't know what is it in dir en grey songs. there's something in there. not highly addictive and madhatter like miyavi, not awwwwww-inspiring like gackt, not yay and sometimes rock crash bang laruku, not sedative alice nine, not screaming erratic kagerou.

it's that heart wrenching feeling I get. again and again. keloid milk, really.

absolutely. I love ryoujoku no ame. seriously. and keloid milk. gyakujoutannou keloid milk.

help.

and I'm supposed to do soci. AGAIN. you know meida tells me that she's always seeing me do soci, soci, soci. and I realised how disgustingly true it is. there's this odd inbalance towards soci. very bad inbalance. it's bad because 1. I don't study el until a test comes running along (which is soon enough really), 2. I haven't done my gek readings on time, far from it really, 3. I don't even know what to study for new media, 4. philo is over my head. I'm tired of it. but descartes sheds some new light on the darn module. and hopefully holbo does something good with his blog. I need to make 2 more intelligent comments. sigh. and perhaps it will be better if loy writes something, because so many post on the main blog. sigh and double sigh. but I'm quite glad I got dr loy instead of holbo. I think holbo will catapult into this self-exposition. he looks highly capable of talking non-stop. and his wife is a philo tutor too. oh gosh.

oh well. I'm waiting for yingquan to like finish up his part. sigh. hope he finishes quick quick. because I need to edit and add on if possible. and I'm not exactly sure what to add either. but I'm bringing sister's laptop along tomorrow. there's actually some good use for it. and I thought I wouldn't need it at all. and then harry comes in with an email (perhaps gladys is right after all, harry DOES send emails non-stop) telling us to bring in a laptop for each group on wednesday. hmmm.

and I am absolutely procastinating here. just typing away, looking for new mail, singing along with my itunes. wonderful, right? and I think the soci essay took its toll on us all, since there was this odd laughter in my new media class today. symbolic interaction. right. we've done waay too much soci. although the more I think about it the worse I think it is, I guess I shouldn't think about it anymore. oh well. what's done is done. and keeping the hard copy with me and not being able to do anything to it is absolutely killing me. and all because lazy harry doesn't want to sort stuff and so we hand it in during tutorials instead of like TODAY. at least I meant to hand it in today. and I printed it and all, and then in comes harry's little mail telling us not to do things like that. instead, hand it in during tutorial so his mailbox wouldn't flood.

nonsense. he just doesn't want to sort it.

took the bus home with gladys today. and therefore basically laughed all the way home. and I think we can applaud ourselves, because I think the bulk of our conversation was harry, harry and harry. oh dear. and she's well prepared to forgo daniel for harry. like ouch. although she doesn't mind sitting right in front on wednesday for daniel's lecture, if she spots harry sitting at the back, to the back she's going. and if he's inside, I think crystal might just crash in too. AHAHA. I've made such a fan out of her. and now she's utterly convinced that she's the unluckiest person on earth.

and I still think harry's a very funny name. never name your child that. or name your child that and never let me know about it, because I'm going to laugh till my sides split. it is oddly english. so english. harry stems from harold, I believe. and then harold makes me think of that stupid computer game we used to have, where we have this really slap-able faced archeologist called harold peabody (should be peabrain, really) who goes poking his nose into egyptian tombs. and so whenever you try to make harold go into some forbidden place or some impossible place (like the sky), the computer will retaliate with a

DON'T DO THAT, HAROLD!

like AHHHH nooooo harroooolllddd....AHAHA. so lame right. and it has this sickening fako accented don't do that, harold! AHAHA but it was so amusing. and it still amuses me. harry harold. right. AHAHA terribly amusing. terrible me.

and I'm so tired of everything. but I need to perservere. seriously. I need to churn out my global page. but then I'll churn it proper tomorrow instead. and the haze is making the weather unbearable. utterly. I don't know if I should bring my jacket tomorrow, because I think my bag's gonna run out of space. I think. can try later. I hope we're like camping at perk point tomorrow like the last time. I think that's awfully advisable. and there's something odd about pretty boy that's beginning to annoy me. utterly. and I don't know what the mid sem break did to him. it made him talk. and made him normal. utterly. utterly.

utterly. so my buddy. that's like her best vocab. oops she'll kill me.

oh well better go sleep. so tired.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 0050 arittake no ai de - gackt

sunday, october 15

sorry about the double entry. but this is so priceless.

here goes a thread in the soci forum, after the mid term question has been released, which is regarding the status attainment model of social mobility and the functionalist theory of stratification. blue for student, green for daniel.

i am really confused about something. i hope someone can clarify this for me. thanks in advance.

the social attainment model (sam) deals with both family backgrounds and individual educational merits and stuff rite. but din the two guys decide that most individuals climbed the social ladder due to their own merits rather than family backgrounds rite. then why does family background affect the social attainment? 

Don't you think that asking such a question in this forum during a take-home examination is not only highly inappropriate but also simply wrong? It amounts to trying to discuss the examination question with the student next to you during a sit-in examination.

I decided to forego making everyone sign some kind of code of conduct and integrity for this take-home examination to ensure that everyone works on the examination by himself/herself, but surely, this is not only a breach of the obvious code of conduct, it is also so blatant that I do not know what to think.

i think that the question [student] posted is more like a confusion over the concept. because not only me but alot of others also have this confusion. i think that she is trying to clear her doubt rather than trying the breach the code of conduct. i hope i do not sound offensive.

Not offensive at all, except for the part that claims representation of many students (see questions below). Yes, I understand it is confusion that is causing Vikneswari to ask the question. But clearing one's confusion concerning a theory being tested in an examination DURING the examination breaches the honor code. Such confusion should be cleared BEFORE the examination. We made the examination a take-home one so that it gives you time to think through the question and your answer, not so that you can have time to clear specific doubts or carefully read particular chapters.

How do you know a lot of people are having the same confusion? Why are some students telling me, when they make a point or when they are defending their position, that they KNOW many others who feel the same? Is this a claim therefore to some kind of legitimacy of your position based on NUMBERS rather than reason? (and how many is many when you make the claim? what percentage of 937 students? if you want to invoke numbers) If "many" are confused, is it justified therefore to breach the honor code?

and with regards to the part in red, here's where daniel's outburst came from:

I received this email from a student preferring to be anonymous,

"hi Dr. Goh. I don't mean to critique the teachers of this module, I think you guys are awesome. I didn't even like sociology to begin with but I am beginning to be more interested now. But the mid term question is so beyond me and I realised I am not alone in feeling that way. Is there any way at all, that some form of relief can be provided?"

Firstly, I would like to ask the student, how did you realise you are not alone in feeling this way? Did you discuss the examination with your coursemates? If so, please read my response to [student] in the thread on "status attainment model". (the first one I put up.)

Secondly, the question is based, very straightforwardly, on, ONE, particular sections of the Brym and Lie chapter on "Social Stratification", assigned for the lecture on Class and Social Stratification, and, TWO, on the outlines of the four main theoretical traditions the textbook have constantly used to analyze the different dimensions of inequality, which we have repeatedly emphasized in lecture. What else can I say without giving away the answer?

and what can I say??

1. daniel must be a complete fool to give us an essay question to take home and do over the weekend and expect us to sincerely treat it like an examination.

2. even if we really did treat it like an exam, there's no crime in groaning about the question to each other, right? so I don't see why he's blown his top. yes it looks rather normal and harmless, but wrath has been incurred, according to dan's standards.

oh well. sigh and double sigh. perhaps the lecturers do have imaginary friends after all. they don't realise how we work. and I doubt anybody really called it midterm exam. more like term paper. nothing I say is justified, really, it's just that dan's been really silly on his innocent thinking, and it's sad. and that it doesn't bode well that he's blown up in the forum. we're going to get it on wednesday, really. we are. and then everyone will begin eye rolling. which is sad, because this is something stupid after all.

sad daniel, sad. you were cursed for giving such a question. now like that. sad daniel, very sad.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 0009 爱死你 - karen mok

sunday, october 15

today is the fifteenth of october.

the day dedicated to all my obsessions.

the day I understood what madness was. the day I realised how mad I was. and how mad I can go.

the degree of madness. hysteria? women's disease. or is it?

it has been 2 years since the original 15th october. an incredible day it was, really. and thereafter, I dedicated all my obsessive behaviours and obsessions to that date.

I am a mad child indeed. complex? perhaps terrence is right. and I supposedly said it myself. hmmm.

welcome to the celebration of obsessions.

the party begins. now.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 1729 lust for blood - gackt

saturday, october 14

writing an essay like this sucks. having a word limit kinda sucks too. yes it ensures that we don't do that 10 page econs full of nonsense essay stunt, but hey.

stupid daniel.

and harry's roomie (he was like oh man why do you call him that) is daniel too. and then vicks' eu1101e lecturer is also called daniel. so many daniels. argh.

and I'm so tired. and I felt like puking just now. now better. must be the 2 glasses of water I drank down like vodka shots. oh no crystal we're not drinking milo like vodka shots. the cup is bigger, for crying out loud.

suddenly thought of milo, hoh boh.

oh no. and then we still said that his next child can be called horlicks. evil us.

and I'm going bonkers by myself in my house. and I mean bonkers. I'm not thinking straight, I'm beginning to laugh to myself, I'm turning the music louder and louder, and listening to all the fast and noisy tracks. yes I have many tracks like that but I'm really going off my rocker soon. like totally.

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had a bath, ate my dinner, ate a banana, watched a little tv, and now I'm much better. back on earth. unfortunately victoria's not online. or perhaps it's a good thing. but dreamweaver is still distracting. but hey I've got 88 words on the darn document itself! congratulate me. AHAHA. as if that's the best thing that's happened to me, right? perhaps it is.

anyway since my buddy is watching this space very closely, and crystal is busy cursing me (and my luck, apparently), we shall talk about yesterday. I sound schizo whenever I say we. somehow. oh well. yesterday I had consultation, yeah? if you must know, yes it was good. because I don't have a freaking teacher staring at me, waiting for an answer and hoping for a real intelligent answer. I suppose that is the difference between all these TAs and my teachers. consultation used to be stress period, especially when I failed my econs like crap and then going for michelle's consultation was horrible, but necessary. just to push a little more. I'd rather ask k lin anyday, but meida and I decided to be kind to michelle, so we went. and the consultation with mrs low was kinda silly, since I had mrs yow around. but mrs low is terribly nice anyway, so since meida went, I went with her. norvin could go for his consultations himself.

and then the literature consultations were more painful. although gp was worse, because clarence yeo actually made it a system for me to write one stinking essay per week for him to mark. argh. and he bet me 50 bucks that I couldn't find a topic sentence in my entire essay! FINE. and then he asked me how I passed year 1. FINE. hurrmph. well for all that nonsense my gp's fine, no modules in CELC. AHAHA. that shouldn't happen, really it shouldn't.

anyway, the lit. meida and I were nice enough to go to rehana (even though it was obvious she gave up on my class) and tried to do stuff and actually did ask her about our prelim papers. as in we asked on our own accord. so it wasn't so bad. I never had consultation with ms k though. I think that might have been a little stressful, especially since ms k isn't the most patient nor the most forgiving. heh. and then maril forced me through mr wee's consultations. and I mean force. because the first few times I signed up willingly, then I had one with mae, and then after that I didn't want anymore, but maril forced me to. and so she happily picked up the pen, and scribbled our names into the consultation sign up timetable box. hurrmph!

and anyway yesterday crysie and I went for our all painful 8am lecture (although we were erm, 20 minutes late?). maril went off to 'revive her friendship' with kayjal (which is a good idea in my opinion) and so crystal and I figured meida and mae would be in the library, and thus we went. mae and crys went for their history tutorial with ota(h) at(sushi), making mae terribly happy. and then apparently they had some mock press conference activity, and because ota said that everyone must talk, especially those who usually don't, and mae heard crystal talk for the first time. and mae was so shocked that crystal could talk, that she totally forgot what crys said. AHAHA. and I bet crys hadn't a clue what she was talking about, and she probably doesn't remember what she said.

and then crys went to get something from hostel, and then all 4 of us made our way to mae's favourite history department to watch mae and crys fill out this form that looked somewhat like my english module one. I don't know why they want to infringe on our privacy by asking us so many, well, unrelated questions. the history one even asked for your other modules, and your full A level grades. which is useless, in my opinion. like why on earth do they need that?! but never mind.

then mae and meida went on their way for gek class, their all powerful 3 hour class. so crystal followed me into the soci department. we got stuck at the teacher board, becaue crys wanted to see a picture of harry, but his picture wasn't there, so we went walking down the corridor to find his office. only to find that it wasn't there. and so we stuck around the teacher board again, and I pointed out dan, anne and kah meng, and then suddenly anne came out of her office and walked past us toward the exit, and while she passed us, she said

now now don't say anything bad about us teachers...(meaningful look)

AHAHA. that was so hilarious, crystal and I just burst out laughing. then these 2 students came in and asked general office where a particular lecturer's office was, and the lady at the counter directed them there. so I decided that instead of standing around and wait for anne to come back, just ask the lady at the counter. and so we did. but while the lady showed the other 2 students the way, and wasn't really sure if that was exactly the right office, when I asked for harry, the lady told me the unit number immediately. oooh. scandalous. and then she told me it's on the 2nd floor, but we were on the 3rd, which explained a lot on why our amount of catwalking on the 3rd floor amounted to nothing. so we went downstairs, and crystal was like WHERE?! WHERE?! and she wanted to go down further when I said to try this dark little passageway, this dark little moley hole.

and true enough, the first door down the little moley holey was his office.

we tried the door, and it was locked. so we just stood there, against the wall, waiting. then daniel soon came. as in harry's roomie is daniel soon. AHAHA what a bad pun. he stared at us weirdly and happily opened the door. but we didn't go in. neither did he ask us in. so we were stuck there, waiting. and then crystal was getting tired and was beginning to whine and wail and whine and wail and then suddenly she started like going MR HARRY! oh MR HARRY! and I was like shut UP crystal, that doesn't help. and she was poking at me to check my mail in case there was some last minute change but I was trying to convince her that the idiot doesn't check his mail so it shouldn't be.

and then he appeared. and all crystal said was: oh my GOSH I thought he was a STUDENT.

I snorted and sent her away. and thus my consultation started. it was terribly amusing looking at the mess of a room those 2 guys had made, with the liverpool banner over daniel's wall, the foster beer bottle collection on the top shelf, the odd books here and there, the english-thai dictionaries on harry's table, the weird books on harry's table, including the one he introduced me to read, which was like UH huh. textbook, stationery everywhere. surprisingly, nothing under the table. and the dustbin's outside so at least it doesn't stink inside. I wouldn't be surprised if it did. but no nicotine smell. very good. then harry came back from buying a drink and I continued pretending to take out my assignments.

and for the next hour or so it was very funny. from their lousy hokkien, to daniel's penguin abusing games, their gossip, their complaints about horrid meetings and idiotic heads of departments, it was simply hilarious. and then harry was so irritated with the fact that dan goh had changed the 4th assignment to another presentation, making that 3 presentations in a row, when we actually don't even have that many tutorials left. and so harry was absolutely stumped as to what to do, and everything he suggested I said no. AHAHA. he suggested horrid things, I swear. and I was like no, if you do this, then this this this. then if you do that, then that that that. and he was like ARGH. and finally he said

okay lah, I know. just make everybody cook something and see whose tastes the best.

I was like okay ah, arson you responsible hor.

SNORT. he gave me that yeah yeah I know that was a disgusting suggestion look. and then he said never mind, he'll get some inspiration somewhere. then he went back to his mail, I went back to my notes. and then daniel asked if I needed help, and I was like er, no, it's okay I'll ask harry. and harry was like uhm yeah, just ask if you need. and I said yeah no problem, go check and reply your mail, because you don't. then it sparked off this incredible defense from BOTH harry and daniel as to WHY the poor poor TAs don't check their mail, don't get to reply, blah blah. EXCUSES to me, really. but I didn't say that. I was like UH huh UH huh and giving very dubious looks. AHAHA.

anyway harry's great at giving examples and analogies, which is good for me, because that's how I work. don't just give me strange chunks of words. I don't always get it. it's easier with examples and pictorial stuff. for me, that is. I don't know how I did abstract math though. then again, my maths was completely memorised, which is why I barely remember anything now. but hey I can still differentiate! not bad eh. heh.

and then he asked me why I looked so tired, and I told him I went for an evil 8 am lecture. and then he asked why it was evil. and I told him because it makes me wake up at stinking 6 plus in the morning and that's evil in itself. and then he was like HURRMPH you're just the student, because apparently when he started teaching, he had an 8am lecture, and that meant waking at 530 and getting to school by 730 in the morning. and that was real evil because he can't be late. AHAHA. his problem ah, who asked him to be teacher?? I'm just evil.

and then he commented that he didn't expect us to find this holey moley place of his, because, well, it's holey moley. and so I told him what happened, and that it's REALLY holey moley. and then he was like uh yeah it's like the hellhole place. the exact words. I said NO hellhole is as1 first floor, where everyone smokes, with that lousy sign rewritten with liquid paper that smoking is strictly allowed and not prohibited. and he was like AIYAH, it's not that bad...and I insisted with the dark stairwell, the horrible smell, the bushfire looking area and everything and he was like

okay, so I should quit smoking right?

YES, I said.

and he looked half amused and half shocked that I said yes so affirmatively and then smiled and said

thank you.

but anyway it was an incredibly amusing experience altogether, because both harry AND daniel are two nonsense idiots. and they tried so hard to keep gossip away from me by using very lousy hokkien, but it obviously didn't work. and daniel wanted to tell harry so much, because apparently daniel's student would be coming in soon after me, and so oh well. and then daniel wanted to drag harry along to guild house to eat some don't know what lah. apparently there's some good food there that daniel ate the day before and wanted to eat again. sounds like my mother and her fish porridge. ate one day, thought it good, and wants it again the next day. gosh.

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actually today's the 15th already. I took two days to type that entry because my STUPID wireless keyboard kaputed on me. and I mean kaput. it just suddenly decided against working, and even though I changed the battery, it doesn't work. so luckily we kept our good old wired keyboard, and so now I have a keyboard that works, and will continue to work so long as there's electricity supply. good right? some things ought to stay traditional, really.

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so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 1553 mizu kagami - cocco

thursday, october 12

welcome to the 12th of october.

yes it's thursday, my off-day from school. and I did some video watching. and what a day I chose. last night I was having dessert with buddy, waiting for an old friend from my sec 4 days, shu hui, and then my phone vibrated and I flipped it open.

my sister messaged. siew hua's mother just passed away. the wake's tomorrow only, leaving on saturday, cremation on sunday.

ouch.

and then whenever a message like that happens, I always ask myself what if I were the one who sent the damn message. like literally, what if I was the one whose mum passed away. and it's scary in a sense. and then I was telling buddy, and she asks herself the same question too. and we wondered what we would do, because we seldom handle death in the family. and I've never handled death among friends. but I always remember when I was sec 2, an email came in from may, my dear ex-classmate, and her 2nd sister had passed away from brain cancer. that was absolutely surreal. it didn't click in my head actually, at that time, what had happened. it didn't click at all. then after that was yikai, then it was my 2nd granduncle, then it was tian min's mum, then jun hao's dad, then tricia's grandfather, then lian hong's mother in law.

it's scary in a sense. really it is.

and then today I decided to watch yuuki. yuuki is a one hour mini movie on the supposedly real life story of this guy who had a terminal disease which was incredibly rare, and it caused him to lose his eyesight, his skull began to disintegrate, and eventually he died. and while he was battling the disease, he had a band of friends whom he met at a place in australia, and these friends were all backpackers from japan, and all came together in this little place in australia. and so yuuki spent the remainder of his life encouraging these friends to live life bravely, and to continue to chase their dreams, and to cherish each day they live, even if it is not an extraordinary day. and then after you watch everyone inspired by yuuki, and living their lives as per normal, and trying their best to visit yuuki and bring happiness into his life even though he went blind, one of his friends suddenly receives a call, and his face falls. and as he calls each of the other friends, and their faces fall, you can really feel your tears fall as you suddenly realise that yuuki must have died. and he had.

and what an upsetting show that was. even though I knew the ending.

I guess it's somewhat like sekai no chuushin de, ai wo sakebu. it's the way it's been filmed. you know they're going to die, but you hope that something will happen, some miracle of some sort, that the person can live on, albeit difficult, because they're weak, or disabled, but at least live on till old age or something like that. not like that. we wish and hope.

奇跡. that's what we hope for. a miracle. the yuuki's doctor told yuuki's mother that a doctor shouldn't say this, but it really is alright to belive in miracles. and I think so too. the doctor said that everyone ought to continue praying and perhaps God would create a miracle. how true.

oh well.

on a different note, I've completed my download of kagerou's 2005 concert. yeah the one with a superbly long name. rakushu enjyo saishuu koen. thereabout right. and it is the oddest concert recording that I have. why is is odd? it's odd because the people who edited the concert video cut out the fan noise as well. you know, concerts are always this amazingly noisy affair especially before it all starts, and the fans are screaming for their darling idols to get on stage and start doing their thing. but this concert has cut out about 98% of the noise. either that, or they've taken the recording from the plugged in mics only. and those mics are good enough to pick up only certain sounds. or at least only sound that's directed into it. the rest is noise, and the noise can be cut. so it's really odd to watch these 4 rockers on stage, performing and banging away, then the audience is there, not huge and violent but still there, nodding and jumping and singing along, but you don't hear the fans. you barely hear them. you think that you're watching an mtv that's filmed at a concert. you wouldn't think you're watching a concert. the sound is too studio-effect sound. it's too clean. weird, huh.

weird.

and then after watching the upsetting yuuki I meant to watch something lighter. but it didn't finish till just now. so now I also have wallace and gromit! yes that silly pair of scientists. with silly muddle head wallace and cute but exasperated mutt gromit, the film is absolutely hilarious.

absolutely.

and I'm feeling kinda famished. didn't eat much today, contrary to popular belief. AHAHA. or rather, contrary to what my good friends know about me. yes I must eat, eat I must. but sometimes I eat less. and then I had 1 packet of milo for breakfast, and 2 slices of bread with margarine for lunch. that's much for some people, I know. but it's horribly little for me. hurrmph. but mummy's cooking now. so hee.

and you know while I usually love fridays to death because 1. it's the weekend, 2. I see maril mae and meida, 3. I actually study and so I'm proud of myself. oh and 4. there's no tutorial, 5. my sister comes home. but tomorrow 1,2,4,5 will be right, but 3 will be replaced by this awful thing called consultation (which I'm beginning to have more and more bad premonitions about), plus the mid term take home examination release of questions, and then there's the wake service at night. and then saturday I intend to go again in the morning, then there's spa in the afternoon, and then I must really get started on my soci. and then I meant to finish my soci essay in time to go to norvin's house on sunday evening. I don't know if that's possible now. the only problem on the guest list is marli, really. but then again, I'd rather have her than fiona. but it's odd anyway.

just finished watching wallace and gromit. terribly amusing. terribly. AHAHHAHAHAHA. can't help it. it's so good for a brainless thursday night you know. absolutely fantabulous. =) CHEEEEEEASEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

okay that sounded positively crystal. now vicks greets me on msn with a SPONGEY! and crystal goes CHEEEEAASEEEE! which are both bad. and then buddy tells me my blog is not understandable. I don't understand why it isn't. maril reads it and she's fine with it. I'm most certainly fine. crystal doesn't complain. yifang even checks here to see if I'm like going to be in some vicinity so she can call me or something. and vicks has never complained! buddy you EXTRA. AHAHA. in fact vicks says it's okay most of the time! hurrmph! buddy better buck up! AHAHA.

and my butt really hurts. and my whole head is full of the wallace and gromit music. and I must sleep. 8 am lecture, 12noon consultation with the very intriguing one. yes buddy the idiot smokes. and boy does it stink. and his office is in as1, aka the hellhole building. yeah the place where everyone smokes, despite nus being the SMOKE FREE campus. bullshit. seriously.

sleep!

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 2337 shikenkan baby - miyavi

tuesday, october 09

tired. somehow.

and I finally found and downloaded that karen mok song. there's something about some of her songs. not all, though. so I didn't go on some strange discography streak. and I'm getting sleepy again. I knocked out quite badly on the bus. I thought I was better, considering that I knocked out on the way to school on monday, which I don't usually do. and then I fell asleep on the way home on monday. then I slept some more when I got home. then I slept at midnight. and then today I thought I was good, since I didn't sleep to school, and I survived 2 lectures pretty okay. but when I boarded the bus to go home, oh my I just settled in there for a while, tried hard to stay awake, and then knocked out cold. gosh.

tomorrow should be better. in fact the next 2 days should be good. I'm sleeping early tonight again, because I'm already feeling sleepy (again), and then tomorrow I actually only have school at 4-6, but I'm going early to have lunchie with crystal and vicks, then I'm off to study. my functionalist theory still sucks. the rest have kinda stuck, considering that conflict theory is written all over 1984, and feminism is written all over THMT. and symbolic interaction makes quite a bit of sense actually. but I never remember functionalist. and then anne is going to talk functionalist tomorrow. and it's everybody's next favourite topic tomorrow. crime and deviance. I think people are all sick in their own little way. and then tomorrow I'm having dinner with buddy. so it's WAKEY WAKEY. and then snooze in on thursday. that's what I do every thursday anyway.

and then I finally advanced on the damn birds game! and after the small sparrows, the slow and fat pigeons, the ugly 'never say die' black crows, the soaring kites (?) and then the next level introduces another set of hardy birds which don't seem to want to die. these...I don't know. GEESE? I haven't a clue. peasants maybe. but they don't fly, do they? oh no I'm confused. this is one crappy game. I need a bazooka. really. and I need to learn to aim for double birds. since the shotgun is capable of it. why not.

argh the more I play the more reckless I get. and therefore the more poo I get into. crap.

maybe let's just end off with the lyrics of this karen mok song. and my other favourite one too. see a pattern.

so I guess that's it. it's so hard to translate from chinese to english. harder than you think.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 2337 24hrs - karen mok

monday, october 09

tattling on harry works. he replied. AHAHA. kidding. it's monday after all, and he ought to check his mail. even though I think we should all check our mail everyday. at least I think nus half expects the students to, since they bomb every single thing imaginable (and not) there.

and somehow or another I think I'm really falling sick. and yonghui coughed so hard today that yingquan insisted she had contracted tuberculosis. the evil boy. and pretty boy can talk. he's beginning to become more and more normal. he's talking normally, responding normally (all of a sudden), and even asking jiu rong which question she's doing for chinese studies, presumably for inspiration because the damn essay is due soon and he hasn't done it, which is stinking normal. and so he has reached some point of normalcy. and certainly not the 'undead', as gladys pointed out the last time. AHAHA. but pretty boy he remains. he walked past the canteen, and crystal was like 'the dangly earring boy? WHERE?!'

and I am not the only one who's been utterly distracted by the earring! preaw too! yay! she was like YEAH I'm always leaning forward to see the earring! BWAHAHA. and then I realised today (because he was right in front of me) that his dangly friend isn't a chain earring. or perhaps he has a few of those. it's a proper stud, with not one, but TWO thin chains hanging down. and it is absolutely distracting. absolutely. and preaw has that exact same face/attitude I have man. cool.

and I think I ought to sleep. oh no I don't think. I should. turn on the air con!

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 2329 jealous - dir en grey

sunday, october 08

okay I don't have much time.

but I thought I should tell people that I'm still alive here. I'm falling sick, which is a bad sign. as usual, though. so it's time to drink lots of water and sleep a little more now. yes that means the before midnight rule begins. here comes my cinderella sleeping pattern. and I can't fall too sick, because there's that soci take home exam DAWNING on me.

and I think harry doesn't check his email, as much as nus expects us to check OURS.

so irritating. so I shall tattle on his spongebob story. one of his other tutorial groups talked about how only girls would think of buying spongebob boxers for guys, while guys most probably wouldn't even bother looking at them. but spongebob boxers are such a fad, really. but girls tend to buy them while guys don't really want them, actually. and so poor dear harry was like

"simi eh?"

basically he said he was too old, and didn't keep up with like the latest stuff anymore, and he didn't know what on earth spongebob was. and so explanations were made, for all you know, pictures were looked at, and finally his verdict:

"then I found out that spongebob was this cheese looking thing."

and my whole class was like NO, spongebob is a SPONGE, not CHEESE. which is why he's called SPONGEbob, not CHEESEbob! oh my I tell you we were all rolling on the floor soon. and poor boy was there like utterly bewildered by the violent reactions of my class (and probably that other one too). but it was funny anyway. cheese. and he went on to defend his point, because spongebob is yellow, square, holey, yes he looks cheesy. I mean, cheese-y. AHAHA. but we still continued to laugh at him, and he didn't want to talk about it anymore. poor kid.

and I have this odd feeling he's a '78.

oh whatever. oh and today did quite some recordings! gervais and gang FINALLY got their team together and got a song out, although we sincerely believe it's mostly gervais' effort, seeing that he was the one doing the piano playing and guitar playing. poor roger was trying so hard to catch the melody. so they were tinkling in the mph, while I stayed in the office to continue laughing at jon and gab's suicide song. they seriously need a better title. what is SUICIDE SONG?! and then in the end aileen and I concluded that while the chorus is more optimistic and all, the melody is even more melancholic than the verses, and so that totally defeats the purpose! terrible. I think I should let them see yuuyami suicide. that's something like their idea too.

but so tired today. shall go sleep. and I found the bird shooting game that foofoo introduced us to! so fun! it's called damn birds, and it's on mofunzone.com. and anyway the story goes like this:

you are a statue in a park. you stood there for years and watched the birds pooping on you until one day your patience comes to its end and you decide to take revenge on the Damn Birds. and luckily you're a statue with a gun ;)

oh SNORT. but so fun!

sleep!

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 0017 planetarium - ootsuka ai

friday, october 06

for the benefit of ky who's been lost in the united states for too long, here's a breakdown of what's she been missing out. the 'we live in singapura' left her a little clueless and unclear, so here's to clear it up.

or do you prefer current affairs? I'm really bad at it, but the most current thing that's happening now (besides taiwan screaming for ah bian to step down, that is. they've been chanting 台湾加油，阿遍下台), is that indonesia is cooking their forests again. yes the haze is BACK, and the PSI is increasing like mad. and it really stinks. yes it's midautumn festival, where everyone wants to admire the moon, but the haze is so bad, it's hard to see the moon really. and gosh it stinks to go out, and so it's getting stuffy in the house too, because all the panels are shut fast.

back to we live in singapura.

ky didn't watch VR man. how sad. then did you watch masters of the sea? otherwise you wouldn't understand the crushing cockroach margaret chan either. but those were really old shows, like when we were in lower primary? thereabout? on channel 5. perhaps you didn't watch channel 5 too much huh. I don't know.

IR. integrated resorts. aka singapore's impending casinos. the construction is to start really soon, and they are to complete by 2009. at the height of the debate, singapore was divided between those who felt that opening a casino would decrease moral standards, increase gambling addictions and may introduce vices and turn us into sin city like vegas, and those who thought the casino a fantastic source of revenue. so lee hsien loong said that the cabinet would talk about it and then reach a consensus. so when they did, pm lee flung the cupboard door open and happily announced that we WOULD have the damn casino, and in fact we're gonna open TWO of them. wah. so smart. one IR will open at marina bay, very close to the esplanade, so the gahmen is in talks with various show groups to come to singapore to perform regularly at the IR to pull in the crowd. another one will open in sentosa, with a full theme park. apparently the gahmen is talking to disneyland again! oddly enough actually, because disneyland would have opened in singapore instead of hk if the gahmen didn't stubbornly want to build something of their own. and then disney opened in hk and singapore came up with casinos. fantastic.

IMF. IMF and world bank meeting 2006 in Singapore! oh dear poor dear ky didn't know about this amazing event. okay the international monetary fund and world bank came to singapore for their annual meeting. so since it's an international event thing that singapore always gets so hyped up about, they embarked on this project: the 4 million smiles. now, the 4 million smiles is one stupid project. ideally, every citizen should send in a lone shot of themselves smiling the best they can to 4millionsmiles.com, and then the gahmen has people to put the smiley pictures together, and so they can proclaim that they have 4 freaking million smiles to welcome the IMF and world bank delegates from all over the world! how nice. I don't know how many photos they collected in the end though. but beyond the 4 million smiles came a problem. the agreement that the IMF signed with singapore years ago when they decided their meeting in 2006 would be in singapore, they agreed that they would not allow activists and demonstrators into singapore. but just before the meeting commenced this year, world bank complained. they said that all other countries allowed these activists and all, so why not singapore? but you know lah, in singapore is a freaking CRIME to demonstrate, so they shoo-ed all the activists to batam, where they were all housed in their cheapo resorts, which leads to hossan's next line about want to protest, go indoor. make sense now? yes.

PARF. what the HECK does it stand for? it's Preferential Additional Registration Fee, and it's actually a rebate. "The PARF rebate may be used to offset the Additional Registration Fee (ARF), Registration Fee (RF) and Quota Premium when registering a new car." that's ripped from some website. basically, the law in singapore says that a car MUST be scrapped after you own it for 10 years. so if you decide to scrap your car before the 10 years is up, you can get a rebate on the extra fees that come along with your new car. there was some debate but I don't remember anymore. I suck at current affairs.

lim how doong. it's actually LING how doong. so sorry. and here's another rip. from wikipedia."Ling How Doong (Chinese: 林孝谆, born c. 1934) is a Singaporean politician. Presently he is the chairman of the Singapore Democratic Party (SDP). In 1991 Ling won 51.4% of votes against People's Action Party's (PAP) candidate, Dr Seet Ai Mee, who had obtained 48.6%, and Bukit Gombak became one of only four constituencies held by the opposition. In the 1997 General Election, Ling lost his seat to PAP's Ang Mong Seng by over 30% of the vote, and Bukit Gombak returned to PAP control.

He is perhaps also remembered for his "Don't talk cock!" - a Singapore slang (Singlish) for "talking rubbish" - rant to Chiam See Tong in the Parliament when Chiam criticised some of Dr Chee Soon Juan's actions."

yes that don't talk cock! outburst was rather controversial, and is remembered till today really. I remembered it! it was televised on the news and what a joke it was. especially since chee soon juan started talking all the rubbish in the first place. oh well.

singtel shares. okay I'm not too sure about this. hiaks. and nothing comes up for web results. yeah I do think it had something to do with them restructuring and all. singtel can't go bankrupt. even though lee hsien yang has resigned as CEO of singtel, it's still happily running what. my handphone still can use. ahaha. I guess that's all singaporeans care for, really. at least the bulk of them. so long as the nation runs, never mind their silly dramatic antics.

okay end of it! =) I shall talk about harry and spongebob next time. I think that's classic too.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 0017 sabiiro no shi - kra

thursday, october 05

I'm seriously not supposed to be here. but I love to blog. I love to type. I love letting whatever I want (and more) out of myself, because I don't seem to be able to contain much anymore. it's a chicken and egg thing really. I don't know if I'm letting out more because I have more avenues than before to do so, or that because I have so many avenues to let out that I let it all go.

then again, I never do really let everything go.

I talk in circles. whatever. I meant to blab yesterday but I was so stoned yesterday and then in the end I didn't email lian sze when I was supposed to like on tuesday. then I forgot yesterday. so they only got to her today, which is bad in itself really. I'm this really disgusting girl who just doesn't get things done properly. terrible.

and anyway yesterday was a good day. not the best, but still good. argh and my email's really being a bitch at attaching. okay that was horribly random. yesterday, right? yes. yesterday was soci day. literally. I like odd weeks because then I get harry in the morning and daniel in the evening. good deal? I suppose. avenell and anne isn't too bad either, actually. but next week no avenell, unless crystal and I start cracking and actually have something to consult him about on wednesday. otherwise, there'll just be no tutorial next wednesday. which sounds good really, but it's a rude call to poke at crys and I that we've got yet another project to do and we're both like praying hard (crys is probably praying harder than I) that we don't screw this one. it's like my 3rd project for crying out loud.

okay just checked out what harry said. because yesterday he was telling us that we weren't doing our little disastrous presentations for nothing, because we have a proper graded presentation assignment at the end of the module. and sure enough:

For the last tutorial assignment, students will form a small group of between four to five members and will conduct a very brief ethnography of either a religious or pop culture event. The groups will then present their findings in tutorial to the class. Each assignment will constitute 4 per cent of the total grade.

oh like crap? crap. no not my krabba. AHAHA. I love my krabba. I feel like buying like 5 more krabbas or something. then my whole house would be full of krabbas. my computer table would have one, my sofa would have one, my bed would have one, the study room bed would have one, my piano would have one, my mother can have one too! WEEE I love krabba.

oh that was TOTALLY out of point.

but we had fun yesterday at tutorial. a lot of fun. my group was a little awkward because we had totally NOT coordinated anything, and so we were basically pretending that we had stuff and we were good. in actual fact I think only shiqi and the indian girl (I seriously do NOT know her name, because she didn't come for the first tutorial) deliberately brought something special. xin tian, ben and I just started looking through our bag, and janice kinda already thought of what in her bag was possible I suppose. but whatever. it was still funny. especially ben and his 'pen' theories. I didn't think of it then, but suddenly it's come to me.

pen is envy.

oh dear it's been overdose of utopian writing. which is why I always tell myself, that was stupid, girl, stupid. which is synonymous with that was stupid, winston, stupid. and then the evil boy turns the dials up. HIAK. but never mind the THMT part, we carry on. anyway ben went on with his 'bamboo' thing. basically what he was saying was that the chinese way of writing the word 'pen', which is 笔, incorporates a set of strokes which represent bamboo, and bamboo in chinese culture represents a gentleman. I tell you he raised so many eyebrows on that. except one girl. she said that apparently back when she was doing higher chinese, she had this passage in her paper about bamboo and gentlemen, and that bamboo was supposed to represent the upright and just man, and also strong in character so as not to bend and sway when situations turn awry. cool right? we were all like HUH?! and actually ben didn't really want to say all this, but janice was egging him on:

why?? I give you chance to impress the class! get to know more girls!! see I'm so nice to you!!!

oh my gosh it was hilarious. and then we got ben to use the oil blotter. can you believe it? he's never used oil blotters. but then again, ben's complexion isn't horrid. no that doesn't make sense. never mind. but he looked a little scared of the wax paper, and then harry came by and asked, "you mean you've never used them before??" and then ben shook his head, and then harry muttered something like oh man I use it like all the time...AHAHA. and then xin tian had this wonderfully glossy shiny shiny PINK bottle of strawberry flavoured lip gloss that even I wouldn't touch. and we asked ben if he wanted to try. ben is the very unfortunate only male in my group, and since one of the discussion questions includes getting a member of the opposite sex to try the stuff we brought, here goes nothing. poor ben. ben had only one reaction.

*mortified face* SIAO AH?!!!

so darn hilarious. and harry said, "actually ben, you should try the lip gloss. I think you'll look quite good." I swear he was just trying for a reaction, because ben's face was pretty priceless. AHAHA. but not as priceless as harry's yet. because later, the next group came up, and the tkgs girl I've been thinking about WHAT ON EARTH IS HER NAME came up. her name is huili, by the way. and I suspect she's from 4/4. I'm too lazy to dig for my yearbook. so ky if you get some memory jolt tell me. so huili came in front to present her item, and her item was 2 pretty hair clips. it's the butterfly kind, the medium sized version which girls usually use to clip up their long fringes. and huili's had a lovely rose on them. one was maroon-ish and the other purplish. and so she explained about how girly it is, and how guys wouldn't want to use them, because the colours are so female and the rose is, well, pretty self-explanatory. and harry happily suggested that the only guy in her group (there are only 5 guys anyway, so it's practically 1 per group really) wear it. he looked so shocked. but he's lucky, because my class, with one of the best vibes and with also the best mind coordination I've ever experienced so far, decided pretty much unanimously:

"no, sir, YOU wear."

now it was HARRY'S face's turn to change colour. and change look completely. he was like

"DON'T WANT LAH, his hair longer, right?"

don't ever try fighting a class of at least 15 girls.

"don't want, YOU wear. your hair can..."

"huh cannot lah, my hair is so short! how can you clip..."

"CAN..."

he relented. AHAHA. so he gingerly took the purple clip from huili and pleaded for mercy once more. and once more no mercy was shown to him. and just when he said that his reputation was going to go down the drain, huili's groupmate whipped out her little camera. his face was utterly priceless. all of us were so excited and were telling him to HURRY and put the damn clip on and he was like HEY THERE'S PAPARAZZI HERE!!! but we insisted all the same.

and so he reluctantly looked at the clip, pressed it open, attempted to clip like barely any of his hair, then stared at it and said

how on EARTH do you use this thing?!

we laughed our butts off. in the end huili helped him to clip it on, and FLASH went the camera! AHAHA what a joke. so since he was shown no mercy, he decided that the best thing to do next was to play along. and so he left the damn clip in his hair, crossed his legs neatly, put one hand close to his mouth in that OH SO GAY way, and smiled sweetly. and then after everyone had finished puking (for people like gladys, that image would have made her cry), he asked innocently,

do I look cute?

that was it. and that was it for him too. he had that 'OMG I don't believe I just said that' look. and then he was like, how do you get this clippy thing off? we girls were like just erm, unclip it? and then he was like pulling at it and was muttering something like I'll have to like pull it off...which is actually another way of getting clips off, actually. gosh. what a good laugh. fantastic.

and then after went for lunch at GECKOS with crystal. we actually met at the canteen, then after sitting for like 15 minutes laughing at harry and bitching about alastair (again), suddenly crys said she wanted to eat at geckos, and since I was meeting my el group at the forum (which is just THERE) later for project, hey why not? so we got up and left that awfully crowded and stagnated air place to adjourn to the wonderful smelling geckos! albeit a little hot. but we had good lunch. good stuff. their mashed potatoes rock. oh forgot the meatballs again! never mind, next time. heh. foodie me.

el project meeting was funny too, really. rachel being her usual random drama self, hannah the resigned to taking care of rachel self, laremy very to the point and getting things going, but also very naughty yesterday (but then again, all of us poked fun at rach the whole 1.5 hours or so). but fun anyway. and then we were laughing, because laremy said that we're one of the more fun project groups he has. then rachel was like oh yeah right, maybe you only have 2 freaking groups and we HAPPEN to be the more fun one. and I was like oh NOOOO maybe he has only ONE group, so we've got to be the most fun one!! and we all cracked up and laremy had that 'I was trying to be nice here okay...' look. AHAHA.

and of course soci lecture was decent. dan, remember? although it's true, according to vicks, that dan's 'losin' his touch', but he's still not too bad really. and his shirt is too tight to be tucked out. he doesn't understand, does he? the last time he tucked in too much and resembled a salsa dancer, then after that he looked alright with a nice short sleeved shirt MEANT to be tucked out, then suddenly he's back with nonsense clothes again. but of course, everyone has their own rights to being fashion disasters. and everyone has their own opinions on what fashion disasters are. it's just that most have the same opinion, and usually I have a differing one. whatever.

and so after a fun day, and also finally trying the goldfish biscuits! and yook meng was right. the green ones DO taste a little funny. I think it's got something to do with the colouring, because basically the rest all taste the same despite them being of different colours (the rest are red, purple, yellow and orange), just with colour differences, but the green one just tastes weird. so I suppose it's the colouring.

there was something else I wanted to ramble about. and now I don't remember anymore. I'm always like this. oh I suddenly remembered. I finally went to check out the excerpt played at the beginning of MASK by dir en grey. I've always wondered where it came from, because I don't recognise it at all, but it sounds like a real speech, and not something that diru came up with. so I googled whatever words I could hear out of it and here are the results.

it's actually a speech made on september 11th (this date is terribly significant, isn't it?!), 1941. charles lindbergh, made a speech against america going to help out in the second world war. this was before pearl harbour got bombed (it was bombed on 7th december), and so I suppose there really wasn't much reason for america to poke her nose into the war. charles lindbergh is one of those geniuses who dabbled in nearly everything, and had hell lot of women. he was an aviator and a scientist, so he kinda reminded me of howard hughes, the one biographed in the 2004 movie, the aviator. but no it's a different guy. he made this speech on sept 11, 1941, entitled Who Are The War Agitators, and said that the 3 parties that aggravate the war are the british, the jews, and the roosevelt administration. so the excerpt used in MASK is from the third section, when lindbergh talked about the americans. the exact line:

While its members have promised us peace, they have led us to war heedless of the platform upon which they were elected.

oh boy, right? read all about lindbergh at wikipedia. quite a drama life he had. and then I'll post about MASK next time. when I look at the lyrics again and try to find a connection. as much as japanese enjoy pulling words out of dictionaries, like the song I'm listening to now (it's miyavi's kimi ni FUNKY MONKEY VIBRATION), kyo also enjoys pulling out stuff that are totally random, some are famous facts, some not so, but they all hail from many different cultures and ideas and strung together. very interesting.

and it's time to sleep. it's my all famous 8am lecture tomorrow, which will render me half dead for the rest of the day. and friday is the day to spend quality time with all my jc friends. so that's maril, mae and meida. and sadly, crystal again. AHAHA. okay lah not sad lah. AHAHA. =)

tanoshi ja NAI YO!!! watched too much of kimura takuya being jack sparrows. must get crysie to watch. HIAKS.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 2335 君にファンキーモンキーバイヴレーシヨン (kimi ni FUNKY MONKEY VIBRATION) - 雅~miyavi~

tuesday, october 03

what a tiring day. and it doesn't quite end. as in the work is never finished. I had 10am lecture, then finished the twilight samurai film for gek, went to library for project, rotted and tried to study for my 1 page essay and then headed home. doesn't sound so bad, right? especially since yesterday seemed so sucky. and official school was till 4pm, while today was till 2pm only, and while the nm lecture wasn't too good, the gek one was so relaxing.

but there are tell tale signs. I knocked out cold on the bus.

well no I didn't bang my head to anybody's alarm this time, but I got my favourite seat near the front with loads of leg room, hugged my bag, looked out of the window, and before I knew it, I'd fallen asleep. good gracious, right? oh well. it used to happen a lot when I first started school. then after a while I think I got used to school and started to think a lot about some stuff and then I didn't sleep on the bus for a couple of weeks running. and then today I knocked out again. yesterday I tried sleeping, and I did, but not much. today I just went blank for slightly more than half the ride. and because I went home at peak hour today, that's actually quite a long time. but it was good. just not good enough. still sleepy. but not as sleepy as I would have been I suppose.

finally done with all the surveying nonsense. gosh. and then soon it's all the typing. double gosh. and then I just completed my 1 page assignment for soci. sheesh. and then the take home exam is coming round the corner, or as harry puts it, "the mid term take home exam is dawning on us", so that's more typing. it's another 4 page piece of nonsense, just like my philo. oh dearie me. and then I need to get my philo done by thursday. yes loy's given me a lovely deadline, but there's quite a bit to work out. I guess I don't put things across very well without sounding oddly cynical or evily sarcastic. and I think I need some drama. must learn to write my points. write everything properly with manners. I think I lack manners. perhaps I need that book from vicks after all. I think I should have thrown it out of my matric package. and I have a good mind to throw out the matric package anyway.

beyond that. gladys told me that tomorrow harry should be covering only his 'gendered' objects. the odd thing? my group hasn't made a single noise. which is frightening. did they forget me? oh dearie me. but I'm darn sure it shouldn't be too hard to find something stereotypical on ourselves actually. hmmm. I really think so. after all, most of us are kings and queens of crapping, so I suppose we can all find some crap to come up with. and then she said he wouldn't touch the incredible readings he gave us because he wants us to try another shot at presentation. gosh. but I suppose we'll put in more effort this time. and I think basing a presentation on a reading wouldn't be so hard, because his previous one involved mad theories we don't understand and a very open and historical situation. which was a completely bad idea. totally, in my opinion.

but somehow I've this fear that he may suddenly decide against doing the same thing for both tutorials and switch around a bit because he's tired of the same crap we silly students come up with for the gendered objects. ARGH. I'm feeling so paranoid. but then again, looking at the tutorial handout again, it seems not. perhaps he has learnt that one cannot squeeze too much into one tutorial. and gladys said he 'let them out' earlier. yes, let them out. as if harry has enslaved them in the stupid gas chamber classroom. crystal calls those seminar rooms gas chamber rooms, because of the round little window by which you can peer in (and realise it's the wrong class without going in). and then nm lecture went through poorly designed objects, including the door into those gas chambers. the idiot thing about the classroom door is that there's a nice metal handle which goes diagonally upwards toward the right, and CAN be pulled down. so by natural instinct, you pull the handle down to open the door. however, the idiot who designed that decided that when you pull it down, you are actually closing the door instead. so to open the door, just pull the damn handle. don't try pulling it up or down. I see harry's face cringe whenever he sees somebody do something like that. the 10am slot tutorial gets a lot of late people, and then we watch them fight with the door every 2 weeks. it's not that we forgot you know, it's just that it's too natural. and when you're late, I doubt you think very much. instinct is stronger.

and I'm downloading yamapi's first performance of daite senorita. yes I am determined to watch him knock over his mic and scramble after it while desperately trying to cover up his lip synching. and I'm having it high quality. HDTV, in fact. crystal's standards. heh. we were with kurseth and then I told crystal that I got kill bill 1 and 2, and so we could watch it soon. crystal insisted on HDTV quality and I just stared at her with that 'stop it you numbskull do you know how huge hdtv files are' look. and anyway I told her they were around 700mb, so actually the quality's quite alright. so she asked, "avi is it?" and I was like yeah, so the quality ain't that bad really. so crys was like okie! and kurseth was AHHHH talk english! this is horrible!! AHAHA.

and somehow I think I should go sleep now. I need energy for harry's tutorials. two hours in the morning takes its toll on me and I tell you, that boy notices who's stoning. I mean, he's a soci major after all. that's why I always say that people who study people are potentially dangerous. including me. =)

speaking of studying people. suddenly remembered this. went into nm lecture with fiona to reserve seats (which is kinda wrong, because it's always gladys with either me or huiling, never fiona) and then spotted pretty boy about 4 rows down, with his usual clique. nm clique, that is. I realised that the rest aren't together besides for nm. or at least I always see them all apart. except that dawn is with him sometimes. beyond that. we had a break at close to 11am, and then pretty boy went out of the lt. he came back a little late, and thus was rather noticeable. gladys and fiona saw him and gladys said, "oh gosh he looks like the undead." I burst out laughing and told them he was in my nm class. fiona was like is he weird??!! I was like uh, he's rather quiet, but he can talk. and he talks pretty normal. I heard him talk before class started, and he was the idiot who made the entire back row move at the first tutorial because he said he couldn't hear the tutor. so yes he talks, he's not dead, and hey that's the 2nd stripy jacket I've seen on him! it looks better than the red one though. but I think it's the same design, just different colour.

never mind. then I went to perk point at central library to meet my project mates. after we were done, we stuck around to study. I was feeling hungry by then, so I decided to head for the canteen. and then he came in as I walked out. I didn't bother staring at him, and headed real fast for the canteen because I was getting awfully hungry. and thinking of buying pasta salad made me even hungrier. and then I bought my pasta, turned around and saw dawn queueing at the next stall. she saw me too, and I don't really know exactly what expression I had, because I saw her pretty straight in the face and she had this odd little smile, like she recognises me but doesn't know from where sort of expression. and I seriously haven't a clue what my face looked like then for her to produce such an expression.

and so I went back to perk point with my food and my lychee drink. I happily sat down, put my notes in this strategic position as I reported what I bought to my project mates and started reading my stuff as I poked at the pasta. then ying quan said hey that's the guy from our nm class. he was there, sitting on a chair in the middle of an empty space all by himself. I was like uh, yeah that's him alright. like duh, I recognise him ANYWHERE. nobody misses a pretty boy like this. hiak. we all went back to studying (or so I thought), when ying quan suddenly said

"oh boy he's just sitting there by himself and listening to his mp3 player. what a fantastic way of procastination."

I looked up, and what the crap yq was right. he wasn't even sleeping. he wasn't reading anything. he hadn't a laptop with him. he wasn't even smsing. he was just sitting there, stoning, not falling asleep, and listening to his mp3 player. power pack. jiu rong raised a couple of eyebrows too. and I agree, what a fantastic way of procastination. he just sat that placidly listening to his player for like an hour or so, then he picked up his bag and left. weird boy you know, seriously.

and in case you're puking from this long entry, I've just one more thing to share. I think because of the layout of this month, I'm typing more. because previously, I gave myself very little space to type in the matsujun layout, so after typing the same amount, the space taken would be at least twice as much, which frightened me, so I would stop. but here I've so much space, I type on and on. anyway, last thing is something courtesy of harry. he gave us video links, remember? one of them was a mrbrown show, and it's the talkingcock in parliament one. I was too lazy to watch the ruby pan one, but he sent the link to the hossan leong one. so fine I watched it. and it had subtitles too. hossan sang. and here's how it went:

we live in singapura - hossan leong
(talkingcock.com, mr brown show)

sang nila utama
saw a lion, alamak
name the village singapura
then run very far
years later, ang moh came
stamford raffles was his name
posed for statues very nice
we kena colonise!

singapura very strong
big guns all, pointing wrong
japanese, came on bikes
invade us from our backside
war is over, ang moh back
singaporeans no respect
commies come, make a fuss
singapore independence!

david marshall, lim yew hock
national anthem starts to rock
yusof ishak the big man
guess who's PM?
malaysia say, come join me
two of us be same country
then not happy
then make PM cry
PM lee lead country
build jurong and HDB
made the country clean and green
opposition cannot win
JB jeya no more funds
chee soon juan won't eat his buns
lim how doong, what a goon
"don't talk cock" in parliament!

kick out of malaysia cup
michael faye pain in the butt
s-league, tea dancing
ah bengs love modern talking
mcdonald's hello kitty
everyone drink bubble tea
crushing cockroach margaret chan
james lye is the VR man
reclaimation, tuas causeway
malaysian water buay ho sei
mahathir's friend datuk anwar
mahathir says he's chow ah quah
NDP, aunties rush
everyone it's fun to flush
bubble gums are all banned
ask your friends buy from thailand

driving car, not funny
bid on cars with COE
ERP, road tax
PARF until I want to barf
IR locals have to pay
foreign talents are OK
housing estates upgrade by
contractors who go pok kai
IMF come must smile more
want to protest go indoor
LRT, not so fast
newater, they laugh at us

baby bonus, maid levy
singtel shares give out for free
jack neo, kit chan
sexy pastor ho yeow sun
beckham parties with models
has affair but no one knows
s-league, go world cup
can come true if they don't suck
mahathir then abdullah
bar top dancing at the bars
budget airlines start to pah
stop speaking singlish lah!
gay is okay, say PM
SM lee go be MM
PM lee the same name
here we go all over again!

we live in singapura
it's not perfect living
but at least it's interesting
we live in singapura
though it's kind of crazy
we win other country

we live in singapura!

oh hiaks. yes I'm not one for political puns and commentaries, but this was funny. and the tune's good too! I've got it on my itunes. yes I'm so addicted to it. the song goes on and on and the chorus is so catchy I can't stop listening to it. and you must watch hossan leong sing it. his actions are priceless too. oh gosh.

time to sleep. seriously.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 2359 aka tonbo - kra

monday, october 02

right. I am back with a layout that finally looks like something I would have. after the johnny goodness, miyavi marks the return to the jrock goodness. and yes it marks the return of 'the blog with a picture of a guy who looks like a girl', to attempt quoting my buddy's friends who peer at my blog.

today is my brother's birthday. for those who have forgotten my brother, he turns 24 today. and I decided kindly to wish him. I'd decided since morning, really, but somehow failed to message until afternoon. and after lunch vicks told me it's his birthday. and I told her DUH I know, since I was the one who found that out anyway. we looked at each other rather sombrely (is there such a word?), and then started laughing about wishing yook meng. AHAHA.

it's the first day back at school after the holidays, and I think the term has finally taken its toll. it sounds funny, doesn't it? that the effects of the term are only seen after the holidays. because we were supposed to recharge during holidays, and then start school with a bang.

but of course, it didn't happen that way.

I was late for el tutorial. but that's no matter, because I wasn't terrifically late anyway. I was only on time for one el tutorial. there's just this thing about monday morning tutorial, because I'm not really late for tuesday's lecture and wednesday tutorial even though they all start at 1000h. and anyway I made that incredible uphill run to my classroom, and then the test papers came back, some stupid mistakes but still okay. I made my way to central library to meet crystal, and there she was grumbling about her german notes, just like before. and kurseth was there too! later we got ourselves a banana milkshake and sat down at some pavillion and talked crap. sounds okay? yeah I guess.

met up with vicks for lunch, headed for as7 to print her notes first, and discovered the whole pile of lecture notes up and ready. obviously these lecturers made full use of their holiday. so print print print, then we actually made our way to the treehouse macs at engine school for lunch. after that we headed back to fass for more lessons. I went for nm tutorial. not late, but feeling a little tired out already.

yong hui looked okay, really. then it was only after jiu rong and preaw settled in, did I spot them in the last row. which is odd, because we don't usually sit in the last row. never mind. ying quan came running in at 1400h sharp and settled down. then the tutorial began. my tutor isn't the most friendly one, and she isn't the most accepting one. she decided that we shall do the last tutorial from before the holidays, and caught most of us offguard, because the tutorial for week 7 had already been uploaded, and suddenly she wants to do week 6. no matter. we do. we discuss.

and then presentation time. yes she works like this without fail. sigh. she asks my group to present some stuff. let's put it very very painfully frank. my nm class and english doesn't click properly. their english isn't the best. it's not awfully horrid, but they do have problems expressing themselves properly and sometimes get really stuck because they're sorta nervous presenting in english to the rest of the class. that's awfully natural too, really. and most of us are freshmen. I get freaked out too. so yong hui, our ever faithful secretary, decides to present, since she's the one with all the points written down. she doesn't phrase her words quite right (and honestly I don't think she should have said a particular phrase but it's too late to take it back), and then a slight misunderstanding ensues. of course misunderstandings are alright, but things turned a little ugly when my pretty boy suddenly discovered a loophole and questioned.

gosh he suddenly shot out from nowhere and really scared yong hui, I think. and then ying quan, being the one who never wants to lose an argument (which is NOT a good thing I tell you), retorted, but he didn't do it properly, partly because pretty boy's point is very strong, really. and of course, partly because most people who can't lose arguments retort too fast, without much thought, and since pretty boy's a senior, he's not fazed by this. so pretty boy shot poor yq down, and my tutor supported pretty boy. fine.

then the tutorial went on, the mood a little weakened already. somehow it shows. it really does. when unpleasantries like this happen, there's this odd reticence in the class, and the faces begin to show discomfort. she asked other groups if they had any comments on the same question, and was obviously met with complete silence. and the questions go on, and then she asks my group again, on a particular website that was stated on the tutorial questions paper. well, nobody in class had gone anywhere near that website, and so yong hui was like huh, help!! to the rest of us, but nobody could help. and so my tutor went on this 'this is not the way, and you are going to get yourselves into such a mess' and so on and so forth. it's her way of telling us that she's really exasperated, that this class is far from ideal, and that she wishes that either we wake up and do something about this module or just die an evil death for the exams. sounds vaguely rehana-ish, but I think rehana was nicer about it. and rehana was less snobbish about it.

anyway yong hui kinda broke, because I guess she's tired, and the holidays were really busy for her, and coming back to school wasn't exactly the most exciting she knew on earth. and she was upset because she felt that the tutor's remarks were directed at her. well, kinda, but really nothing to take so hard for. but when you're tired and not feeling the most gracious, I guess you break. and that's what happened, and it's quite odd to see that from her, because she's usually the most easy going and fun girl. after all, jiu rong is the perfectionist who's pretty firm on her own stands, ying quan argues for the sake of it, I try to keep up, and preaw needs translations since we enjoy speaking chinese so much, yong hui really is the more sane and pretty self sacrificial one in my opinion. she does her work, she takes down notes, she does our meeting minutes, she really takes the effort to listen to yq even. I'm rather tired and sometimes he needs a slap, in my opinion. and I switch off from jiu rong sometimes, because I don't understand and it's like zoning out time. yes I know I'm not the most cooperative. fine.

and so...hmmm. so after a weird and uncomfortable nm tutorial, I adjourned to my philo tutorial. which was a little weird too, because the class seems to change every week. there are a few key people who don't change, and then the rest seem to be new. and then somebody I remember from some other week doesn't appear, or appeared the other time and then disappeared and hey hey that person's back. something to that effect. yes we are given the choice to decide which week we wish to appear in, but it's just odd. and then shaz came in late and I was thinking she really isn't here yet, right? because after not seeing one another for 2 weeks I think sometimes my memory fails. and then she came in and confirmed my suspicions.

and speaking of philo, loy finally returned my draft. he's done that comments thingy I hate very much (mr wee and yook meng used it and UGH it is), and so I have up to thursday 2200h to get it done. which is rather nice of him. it's quite a good extension, considering the original deadline was today, 1600h. but because I handed in a draft, and loy couldn't rush it out in time, I get an extension. but that also means that I have to amend my essay, because there are quite some important comments to take note of. and I'm glad I didn't withdraw my draft. I nearly did that, to get it off my mind. but it's not a good reason to do such things.

I'm sorry this entry seems so long but I just felt like getting it all out. because the term is really taking its toll on me as well. I slacked too much, I presume. as usual. which is bad. because if it's usual, then I should get out of it faster. but I'm not. I'm like stepping into quicksand. sucked in totally. and I have this odd feeling that wednesday's soci tutorial is going to suck too. somehow or another. better ask gladys after she's done with hers tomorrow. the readings are stinking long. not as long as gem but still long. and then there's still so much to do.

I'm going to tidy up my nm stuff and go to bed. tomorrow must finish up all my soci readings and do that 1 page assignment crap. and then look through the tutorial and see if I can try to make it less disastrous. and hopefully harry lets vicks in. and hopefully vicks does come. it's nice to have someone who's close to you in class, I've decided. I'm feeling so drained already. I like tuesdays because there's no tutorial. and then I love thursdays because it's day off. then friday is weekend. no tutorial too.

false freedom. I won't forget that. false freedom.

this is so sickening. so retch-y. and then aileen's sick. oh dearie me. she can't eat and she's been puking her medicine. and I don't even know what crap illness that is. her sinus has gotten worse, because of an infection I think. that's what I gather. God we're all breaking down. God we're all breaking. help us all. we the silly humans have tried to fight against You and obviously it's not working. in fact it's pure stupidity. and God help us all.

so I hate blood and I won't be just like you @ 2345 kodou - dir en grey