november thirtieth

I really seldom do this. it's the last day of november. but I don't really care. because oh my he's online but I guess...never mind. but I wish someone I wanted to talk to would come on. I'm so bloody dependent on msn sometimes it's so stupid.

and then I'm trying to plan my timetable for next sem? and it sucks because there's a module I want to take but they haven't confirmed the exam date. so I wouldn't know if there's a timetable clash! stupid people at the admin side. argh. how on earth do you conduct a module preference exercise when you claim that your module timetable is a tentative schedule at this point in time?! it's so ridiculous I can't believe it.

so do I decide to jump into the same river as crystal, having 2 exams on the same day, one in the morning and the other at 5pm, or do I do my compulsory modules backwards? I suppose there's no harm in doing 2102 before 2101, although I think perhaps fewer people would do that. but to hell with that. I've gotten over the 'nobody's taking the same module as me' thing. I already have such a module anyway. but I really want to take 2208...because I need that if I want to take 3208. wail. and then 3217 looks cool but that means I must take 2219 and 2220. but they're alright modules. they offered 2220 this sem and they're offering 2219 next sem. but I suppose I'll try for 2208 this sem, then next sem do a 3208 and a 2219 or 2220, depending on which they offer. or maybe all three, if they offer. yup that should work. 3 nm modules, 1 jap lang module and 1 more ulr module. that's next next sem.

I seem to have it all planned. but not everything goes according to plan. like today's stupid exam. I can't believe it. I was dyslexic plus goldfish memory plus alphabet fail. I shan't talk about it. it's so stupid I can't believe what the crap I was doing. and I'm really sorry to number 415.

but I'm still curious as to why jiu rong is not with us in mpsh.

but that's really really irrelevant.

oh wonderfuls. my sister turned the air con on. the weather's so freaking cranky today man. it poured on me when I walked to the bus stop to go to school (of the days my daddy doesn't send me, it must rain like nuts today), then the sun shone on my way home, and now it's like so warm and humid and all.

and there's an odd pimple coming up on my cheek. and it hurts. wail.

how? I feel like disturbin' somebody. oh crystal! oops that sounded so odd. and she not replying. heeeyyyy....and now her comp has a problem. greato. and I still feel like disturbin'. but I'm always so irritating. and it's not as if...ARGH. this sucks.

why did I land myself in such a state?

oh priceless, priceless. I think it is SHOOOOO cute. AHAHA.

oh he went off. I always do this sort of stupid thing. always. it's just that people don't know. I'm not vocal about it. I don't know how to, I suppose. I'm just not that way.

say you love me...mutter it @ 0037 anata no tame no kono inochi - gazette

november twentyninth

somehow I feel like maybe I'll die for tomorrow's paper, yet I think I wouldn't. I don't really know why I'm feeling like this. I think I'm tired out. and I just can't wait for it all to be over. I'm feeling more and more depressed and tired and my head's spinning now and I'm feeling more and more like telling the world to go away and all. and that's not a good sign.

but somehow I think I ought to go study the readings. or rather, read through the readings again. I really ought to. and I shall. but here's a little something from one of my readings. quite cute:

John Dewey (of this august institution), "An idea has no greater metaphysical stature than, say, a fork. When your fork proves inadequate to the task of eating soup, it makes little sense to argue about whether there is something inherent in the nature of forks or something inherent in the nature of soup that accounts for the failure. You just reach for a spoon."

WAHAHA. just get the damn spoon right? right.

I wish he'd come online. but that's just me being stupid again. and I wish I weren't this stupid. this silly. this...obsessive. ugh.

say you love me...mutter it @ 2221 jyojyoushi - l'arc~en~ciel

november twentyeighth

DIE. english sucks. the paper sucks, and looking at the answer key, my answers probably suck too. and I was so bloody sure of some of them. MAN. I am deluded after all. and cnm is going to be a memory test. my poor brain.

me wo tojite gokkan no umi e...MINNA SAN!!

no lah. kidding. but seriously aw it sucks. but whatever, because as my sister says, it's all over and you can't take it back (like dang!). oh never mind I suppose. now I'm supposed to study new media like nuts so that I remember as much as I can via photographic memory and then sit for that 2 hours which will probably pass pretty fast. faster than today, at least. today was so slow. the past 2 exams were so fast because of essay writing. time stress. today I had so much time. and perhaps it is not a good thing, like crys says. not at all, looking at the answer key. sigh.

I have nothing else to say. but I don't seem to want to sign off this entry and close. we continue counting down to monday, I suppose. but somehow while exams are a lousy feeling, to a certain extent, the results are worse. unless you know you're going to do like damn well then it's alright, I suppose. holidays are a good thing, but not with impending results like this. crappy, you know.

gah just study, and it'll be fine. deshou?

oh my gosh this is so amusing. so so so amusing. I was watching mtv asia just now, and they showed an old mv of tackey & tsubasa. and the song quite nice, so I went to get it. I took the entire single, and I was wondering what on earth made the file size so huge. then I realised that instead of the usual 3 songs or so, they had multiple language versions of the main single, venus. what a laugh.

they have venus in japanese, CHINESE, korean and THAI.

AHAHAHAH I just couldn't bear it. their chinese ain't that bad, but you need the lyrics. the thai is funny! but I can't really judge, because my thai is bad too. but what I'm wondering is -- why do they sing chan rak ther venus? as far as my thai goes, 'chan' means I, but that's what the girls use. the guys use 'pom'. but I'm not sure if it's universal for certain phrases or something like that. but it's still hilarious. like why did they even release so many versions?! so they want to appeal to korea, taiwan and thailand? oh my gosh what a laugh. that's why I said, gackt's missing ONE last version of juuni gatsu no love song, and that's the thai version.

and honestly takizawa hideaki is beginning to be seriously synonymous with yoshitsune. I see him and I think oh YOSHITSUNE! AHAHA. and then I laugh and laugh and laugh.

oh and here's a clip for the tsuyoshi fan: it's a bad one, by the way.

ah well. my sis blames it on gackt. which reminds me of the ruki video. because spikiegirl got the barks comment by ruki for christmas up online, and then it's just a simple videorecording of ruki talking. the camera never moves, and focuses mainly on his chest upwards. so somebody commented, asking what's all the smoke on the screen? AHAHA. because of the camera focus, you can't see his hands. but I assume ruki has a cig there. and that's like where all the smoke's coming from...

what's with all the nicotine. who on EARTH invented the cigarette anyway? who on earth decided on smoking anything? opium, tobacco, nicotine. who decided to grab a bunch of leaves together and set them on fire and breathe in whatever came out of that combustion? it's such terrible busines.

oh well. the world today. completely suicidal. en route to catastrophe.

sleepy time. wake up early to save an nm catastrophe.

say you love me...mutter it @ 0029 venus (chinese version!) - tackey & tsubasa

november twentyseventh

I am really really really not supposed to be here at this hour. I have four, oh no three now, minutes to do this. not very possible but I don't care. I have english tomorrow and I'm going to die of it. but I'm not here to declare that.

I just downloaded and watched the pv of utakata for like the 3rd time. and it rocks. not literally. it's a rather melodramatic piece from kagrra, and it's, well, very kagrra. whatever. but it's very well instrumented, as I've said before, and there's immense use of the strings and then there's this koto sound at the back. well they do like to use some traditional sound. but what I didn't envision was this:

shin was the one playing the koto.

OOOOOOOOH. now there's a difference for ya. I never knew that! and I love shin to bits. I don't really know why. I used to love nao and izumi, now it's just izumi and AHHH shin. and then at first glance, I should love uruha of gazette, but oh no I just went mad over reita and ruki. then only aoi, and then finally uruha. perhaps I'm tired of the uruha type. whatever.

and soci today. oh no. but oh whatever already. and I spotted the male geisha! wee! for the last time this sem, I assume. unless I run into him somewhere. he...just sticks out. he tall. okay maybe I'm bias too. so add that up and he sticks out like nobody's business.

and then after helping to collect the papers, the tutors bunched up at the door and after some discussion and questioning, happily flung the doors open and made a quick exit. wee like runaway NOW NOW before the students get up and kill us all. that sort of feeling. terrible bunch. bananas. AHAHA.

ack! 2303. sleep.

say you love me...mutter it @ 2303 utakata - kagrra,

november twentysixth

one down, four more to go. and actually to me, after tuesday, all will be fine. it's literally after tuesday, I would have

度过危险期

heh. as if I'm in some sort of comatose. perhaps I am. this period of staying at home, eating entirely homecooked meals, can't go out, study everyday. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. examination comatose. but then, my blog is still alive! because I'm tired of studying. I'm supposed to mug soci like NOW but I'm so lazy to!!!! oh gosh. I'm actually tired of looking at it. but the problem is that it's a closed book exam, so even if I vaguely remember, I can't refer to anything! so I must ensure that it is vividly in my mind. stupid male geisha, tell us not to memorise anything. that is virtually impossible boy. if we don't memorise at least some terminology and key words in the definition, daniel is going to kill us.

indeed, his seekrit plans for nus domination.

on a totally unrelated note, I checked the lyrics of carry? again and read them properly. and I'm right! carry is actually supposed to be CARRIE, a girl's name, for crying out loud. oh gosh ruki RUKI you've turned a girly name into a weird english word that can't fit into the context you've written. but then again, ruki's english isn't the worst really, so I shall stop condemning him. carry? is completely in english, by the way, and here we go (it's been edited for grammar):

The dearest fiancé is me
It whisper[s] in [a] sweet voice
You are having [had] already died...
I did not find a translation [an explanation]
Me reflected in a mirror
Her [She] who looks at it and cries
Please let me know someone
I am in such a figure [predicament...]why...
Carry...can you love such [as] me?
Carry...may[be the feelings are] in a side [inside] all the [this] time?
Carry...? Do not already cry...
Carry...I do [did] not go anywhere

[you are already dead] (this line repeats incessantly)

Who made me [as] such figure?
It is a [has] already [been] many [days] (I don't know! he didn't complete!)
To die, if it was such a[n easier] thing [to do] is easier
It is a too pitiable and is too unhappy [thing to do]...
I am not a ghost
It gives without seeing [makes] me [unseen] by such [human] eye[s]
I have really become[...]what?
The head [mind] is likely to be [probably going] crazy
Please help me...it will die
Doesn't it understand? You are already dead...

It remembered at last, at that time I was dead?
At that time it jumped down from [a/the] building and died
Carry...I love you forever...
Carry...good bye dearest you...

wow I'm so touched. the bridge and final chorus doesn't need much editing. well here we go. yes you can technically understand the story out of it, but the grammar sucks. but there is this front part of the song that's rapped, but it doesn't appear in the lyrics at all, and assuming it's in english (it sounds nothing japanese), it is impossible to comprehend and transcribe. oh well too bad then. but I find the story kinda 叶子-ish. except that the guy in that mtv got knocked down by a car and didn't know he died, so he happily went back to selena but then found that he was a ghost. in carry? it's better still -- he's supposed to get married but for some reason he threw himself down the damn building and concussed and then when he became a ghost he didn't even know why. man.

but it's a nice song. one of those that growwww on you. and I'm beginning to love it to death. the unfortunate part of the lyrics! oh well.

on another unrelated note, I'm getting ulu to translate the thai for me. because I'm just curious. heh. she will kill me when she knows the context I tell you. but I don't care!!

and lastly, I'm going to do a meme. it's ripped from yuting. I haven't done one in ages! sick of quizzes already...so here we go:

I'm tired. it's the exam coming syndrome. and I can't wait for it ALL to be over. I'm like just counting down, doing nonsensical things, then tomorrow one will be over, suddenly monday will be over, tuesday, then wow thursday, then monday once more and it's all over. it's come to a point where you know it's coming, you know the feeling of it coming, come, doing, done, gone, and somehow you don't really feel it so much anymore. that initial emotion isn't quite there anymore. and we're even doing the usual things -- planning what to do after the damned exams. and then we realise we all have the same plan -- to do nothing.

irony. to do nothing. but indeed, we're all tired. it hasn't been particularly stressful in the sense that we've a lot of stuff to do, and we've absolutely no free time, buried in activites, homework, numerous tests, mock exams, no. no that's not how it's been happening. well if you're in hostel then it's a different story. but for the usual dude at home with no cca, that's not it. we had time to have fun, we ran round the school, tried all the different food, mourned the closure of the arts canteen, sat idly at the fragrance garden, accompanied friends on their way to lecture, did co-op shopping, raided the milo truck, came late for lectures, skipped them at will, didn't do anything for tutorial preparation. and some oddly found a lot of time to contribute to school forums and blogs.

and then suddenly we were hit by the wave of term papers and projects. and we cleared them, one by one, sometimes 2 at one shot. we had numerous meetings, rubbish ones, proper ones, desperate ones. and then we were all done and were pretty proud of ourselves. and then what happened next?

oh we realised there was something called reading week coming up, and after we got past the euphemism, we realised it was to tell us to embark on our roadtrip of studying. woe to you if you started exams on saturday, because that meant less time. and therefore woe to me who starts on saturday, freaking tomorrow at freaking 9am. and now they schedule 1pm exams on saturdays too. and my dad wonderfully said that the university should have technology advanced enough to plan a timetable based on our module choice, and not that we have to choose our modules based on whether the module exams clash or not.

and I told him calmly, that it IS possible, but then we'll take 2 months to finish our exams. or perhaps more. I don't know. perhaps the departments will have to come up with 3 different papers for 3 different sittings. something like that, to make it work faster. it is madness. and I won't have it.

on a more normal note (yes I'm not very normal now), kagrra's latest single is very nice. the instrumentation is lovely, even though it remains absolutely kagrra-ish. but that can't really be helped. at least it's pleasant and all. the agitated screams of maggots, by darling dir en grey, sucks. well the guitar blah behind is something new, as in they're rhythms previously not explored by diru, which is quite catchy, but so long as kyo keeps up his roaring and distasteful screams, it's not going to work. I am not adverse to screaming in the studio. totally not. it's how you do it and when. not like ASM. the title is oddly hilarious. it's a grammatically correct sentence that makes little sense. of course nothing beats this:

...he told me that she thought that he said that the little old lady who tried to carry the golden retriever disguised as her son into the 601 bus was told off by the commuter holding a fainting bald eagle by its left foot and by the nurse who was tending to it but was struggling with the oxygen tent that she had brought along as part of her first aid training...

now THAT is absolutely hilarious. but it makes perfect grammar sense. and that's ripped from my english textbook, by the way. but back to diru and ASM. if you thought the song was bad, the pv's worse. and the lyrics are well, let's not talk about them. so there. for all my love of dir en grey, this is really terrible. clever sleazoid sounded like a bad omen, ryoujoku no ame cleared my doubts about their trashy sound, because ryoujoku no ame is like one of their best songs ever. and then ASM had to come along and dash my dreams and assure me that diru loves this 1 good 1 bad alternate release of both singles and albums (yes you can find that pattern there too). with this in mind, let's hope their new album, which is slated for february 2007 release, will be good. because in my opinion, withering to death completely withered when compared to vulgar. it had nice songs, no doubt, but that was also because it put their good singles inside the album.

and then we have the rounded argument that kyo's screaming more and more because he's going deaf. YES we ALL know kyo's going deaf. but we don't really know if it's going to get worse this way. so is it the music that's killing his ears, or his screaming that's making the music kill his ears? oh bother never mind.

how did I churn out so much of diru? for all my love of diru, right? oh well. it's channeled into all my love of gazette. and I'm torn between starting the year reita or aoi. or ruki even. I'm sorry that uruha isn't in the race (and kai never will. I just don't like him don't ask why).

I feel like talking to somebody online like NOW. but there's no one, I suppose. let me confirm my suspicions.

I was wrong. crystal's online. heh. how nice. just the person I want. or at least, just the person I can rant to about tomorrow's paper, because she's taking it too. xintian suddenly im-ed me this afternoon to tell me she's only studied 3 chapters of soci and she's going to die for it. and then I thought, but hey she's doing ssa1201, so she shouldn't die that badly, right? because they overlap after all. at least the stinking theories do, as far as I know. and actually she's a good girl. she's one of those who takes time for stuff to go in, and sink in, and clear, but she'll do just fine. because although it takes time, she TAKES the time. so...it's not that bad.

and I think I shall sleep at half past 10. I'm already feeling tired. and that's good, because I purposely dragged myself out of bed earlier than usual for this very purpose. to make me sleepy earlier, so I go sleep earlier and then I'll wake up tomorrow. I'm not falling asleep on my paper tomorrow. and because it's somewhat like lit paper 8, I fear that happening.

and after taking a day to think about hedonism, perhaps I am not that far off after all. there is something wrong with me. and I want to know what the squiggles mean. squiggly! but I seldom see preaw online. I wanted to ask boy just now, but I realised that I couldn't copy and paste it. and then I felt like kicking myself for closing the conversation window.

2 more minutes! upload this entry!

say you love me...mutter it @ 2228 rose - anna tsuchiya

november twentythird

I've let out most of it to poor dear vicky, but like a glass of water, there's always a little left at the bottom of the glass.

had a bunch of deja vus and flashbacks just now. and there was more I wanted to tell that male geisha but I didn't know how to put it properly. perhaps it is hard to pit yourself against someone who's researched and read more than you, and has a decade ahead of you to do all that. perhaps it is too hard. which is why it was hard to go against vio. already it has taken me nearly 2 years to realise the full effects of his lectures, which I thankfully retain till today; to open up the archives of utopian literature and understand the sociology behind them, the philosophical approach, the evility of it.

perhaps it is all accumulative. the dark literature. the dark music I listen to. but why did I choose to go down such a route in the first place? how did I land there anyway? why did books take such a stronghold in my life? my first books were so dark -- roahl dahl and his world of witches, matilda the genius, willy wonka the eccentric man. then I seemed to have thrown them away in secondary school, forsaking all to survive school, survive band, but yet another type of literature surfaced -- my lyrics. the despair of dir en grey overpowered the cheesy gackt and the typical laruku stuffs. and then in jc somehow the dark books came back.

and then I find that my school library has very odd dark movies. I just found one, originally written by murakami ryu (yep the guy behind coin locker babies), and it is weird. at least in american psycho the murderer is egged on by his images fueled by the mass media. the one in audition doesn't really seem motivated by much. it's just...weird. battle royale was more sad than horrifying; kill bill was actually funny. slashy, yes, but the music was more hilarious.

and my choice of music is oddly darkening. but I always had a fascination for fast minor key music. till today. and now I discover I have an odd infatuation for the japanese scale. try it -- c minor, f minor, g major. or you can try b minor, c major. similarly, e minor, f major. it is more uncanny than you realise.

and I suppose it's time to clean out my brain once more. I thought I'd cleaned it after the A's. looks like there's residue. more residue than I thought. and of course, it built up when I was working, because there wasn't that much to occupy my brain, and I turned to watching people and thinking a lot about that. what a bad idea.

but I don't know whether I'd rather have it this way or otherwise.

perhaps this way is better. but that is no longer the point, because it already is this way. don't think of what it could have been. should we stop thinking? time to sleep. stop thinking. sleep.

and joseph conrad eh? apocalypse now. wonderful.

say you love me...mutter it @ 0138 linda ~candydive pinky heaven~ - gazette

november twentysecond

took a bunch of nonsense quizzes because I was so tired of typing yoshitsune. I swear he is THE most unfortunate chap in japanese history. I'll copy the quiz results then I'll talk about his misfortune.

Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it's only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information.

The way you think about things makes you a Concrete Thinker. This means your intelligence is grounded in a clear understanding of what is happening around you. In situations where others are confused, things are crystal clear to you. In addition, you have the unusual combination of strong verbal and numerical skills. You are able to solve equations and then use your verbal skills to explain those solutions to others.

uh huh. how nice.

But research shows there's a lot you can do to improve your memory. And if you do, it can help you function in more ways than you'd think. There are 6 main types of memory, which help us interpret and store different types of information. You scored highest in reading memory.

That kind of memory allows you to interpret the meaning of a reading passage, and store a general sense of it for later use while you continue to read along. If interrupted, you're better able than others to recall what you've just read. This type of skill also makes it easier for you than others to remember specific facts and details that you pick up from reading.

okay that's pretty true. =)

Others may take their environments for granted but not you. Because of your visual/spatial intelligence you really see the world around you. This strength often helps you better appreciate the beauty and detail in everyday things. From shapes in nature to the structure of a fine automobile, a countless variety of things hold your interest.

Having this particular kind of heightened awareness can allow you to form accurate mental images of existing places and objects. In extreme cases, one might call this strength a photographic memory. Being visually/spatially intelligent also means that you likely have a vivid imagination that can be put to use in a variety of creative or professional endeavors.

oh that's nice too.

You're an expert on what makes people tick. Without ever being bossy, you use your refined read on people to choose the members of your social network and help others decide who is trustworthy.

When you connect with people who have skills that complement yours, powerful networks can be formed.

ah quite nice too.

That means that based on the standard measure of personality traits, you have a quiet determination and sharp mind — you're very focused and buckle down when it comes to work. You are the type of person one looks to in a crisis. While others may provide emotional support in a situation, your clear and logical thinking allows you to solve the problem at hand.

You are adaptable and can work independently or on a team. You are a careful thinker and get all the details before making any decisions. You don't jump to conclusions and stick with the facts provided. In other words, you're the go-to person for the real story, not the spin or gossip. While others may view you as a bit stubborn at times, they begrudgingly respect your ethics and straightforward approach.

The reason employers and recruiters might be on the lookout for you is that only about 7% of the U.S. population shares the unique characteristics of your personality type. Research shows that businesses succeed when employers create a good balance of personality types in the office. And since only 7% of the U.S. population shares your type, that means employers are looking for you.

oh very nice. very very nice. but I'm not in the united states. AHAHA.

but anyway. those were from tickle. haven't taken stuff from them for some time, and I remembered why today. because they're so long and so, well brain requiring. yes my brain is nearly dead after all the yoshitsune. and I happen to own the episodes of historically accurate and important battles in yoshitsune! woot! how fortunate.

and the misfortune of yoshitsune, as written in ivan morris' the nobility of failure. I don't know what's so noble though. here goes:

from his wild childhood years in the mountains of kurama he seems to have developed as a high-spirited, impetuous, headstrong young man with little respect for established order and authority.

the accounts describing the dynamic part of his career before he lapsed into the elegant passivity of the later legends suggest that he could be blunt, irascible, and tactless in his dealings with fellow commanders.

in battle he was brave and resourceful; but he insisted on taking the lead and doing everything his way, leaving little possibility of glory for the other generals. overconfident, unwilling to accept advice, exceeded instructions, acted with a degree of independence, infuriating his brother.

if he had been more submissive like noriyori, his half brother, he could never have been a hero but he would undoubtedly have enjoyed a longer and more successful career.

he had a warm, spontaneous nature, which is said to explain his popularity among the ladies and courtiers in the capital and priests in the temples.

having been deprived of parental guidance and affection as a child, he evidently hoped for a close relationship with yoritomo, but it was not to be; he turned for support to hidehira, but he passed away so soon. affectionate, trusting, naïve and pure, yoshitsune was temperamentally incapable of the realistic calculation and planning that are necessary for mundane success and he was no match for manipulators like yukiie, goshirakawa, kajiwara and yoritomo.

yoshitsune’s impracticality and political innocence were disastrous weaknesses that led to his downfall; but from a Japanese point of view they count among his most admirable qualities, being natural concomitants of the sincerity that denotes the true hero.

and to top it all off, here's the conclusion to the chapter:

yoshitsune lives securely in people’s imaginations as the ideal japanese hero (unlike his villainous brother) whose person and career, especially as developed in the legend, embody almost every characteristic that appeals to the national sensibility.

in battle he was imaginative and daring, in private life spontaneous, trusting and sincere.

but above all he was loved for his misfortune and defeat – a peculiarly Japanese type of pathos marks his career from the time of his early youth when he wandered alone through the streets playing his melancholy flute until his last years as a hunted fugitive, the innocent victim of men more powerful, realistic and cunning than himself, abandoned by everyone but a handful of outlaw followers, and finally betrayed and forced to kill himself at an early age.

his brilliant success during his fighting years was a prerequisite for his greatness, since it made the subsequent collapse all the more impressive and poignant.

as Japan ’s quintessential hero, he maintained his prestige through the centuries by the nature of his tragic failure, which established his name as a byword for emotional identification with the loser.

and in the end, yoshitsune was also disallowed to die just like this, but carried on in a legend that eventually told of him escaping to Mongolia and returning as Genghis khan.

I thought the genghis khan thing was funny. like AHAHA. and that's quite enough. time to sleep.

say you love me...mutter it @ 0124 ahou sai -AHO matsuri- - miyavi

november twentyfirst

mise s*clusive moved to CINELEISURE, freaking NINTH floor.

NO WONDER CANNOT FIND LAH! WAH LAO EH.

who the HECK goes all the way up so high?! gosh mise has become this exclusive place like that. confirm. because in a place like that, it takes a jrock/johnny/kpop fan to pass info from one to another to another to know the freaking location. or at least it takes some searching on the part of one fan of another fan to find it. and it's been there since july. gosh I'm feeling so backdated. no wonder it was virtually missing. and it didn't help that the website closed for revamping. hurrmph.

shalls visits when exams are done. HURRMPH.

I suppose the rent at heeren went too high, so they holed themselves up at cineleisure instead. and the 9th floor too. goodness you need to take the lift up there! the escalators can't even get there!

argh my internet actually died on me. and I mean died. like totally didn't want to move. as if I'm the one on wireless, when I'm the one with the base! hurrmph! what is this?! and daddy happily asked me last night if changing the antennae direction of the router would make the internet work better. I was highly dubious but turned it anyway. and of course nothing improved. gosh.

oh my goodness. I just messaged vicks telling her that tomorrow's thursday and I'm so doomed because my exams start on saturday and I feel like screaming. then she replied, kindly telling me

my dear, tomorrow's wednesday, not thursday.

oh like somebody save me. I'm suffering from some odd disease here that's eating my brain cells. and mummy was saying yesterday that she thinks her brain cells are dying, because she's remembering less and less, and I told her sarcastically that mine are too. oh see what's happening now. crappy.

and then now I understand why vicky needs a dictionary (aka her pillow) when she does readings. it's not just a plague of the literature readings, even my samurai and geisha readings are filled with mad words I've never seen in my life, like what on earth is fastidiousness? seigniorial? transmogrified?! vitiated??!! like HUH??!! so I turn to dictionary.com obviously, as much as harry has turned to wikipedia.

and then I had a long comment conversation with crystal on her lj. yeah it's like the longest ever, because whenever I'm tired of typing, I'll refresh the page and hey she's replied to my comment! and it went on and on and more ridiculous with every comment, with the shogun avenell, samurai joseph and his fly slashing sport, to harry the male geisha. absolutely hilarious. and very priceless. I think we've read too many readings. the story is always the same, this guy comes into power, exterminates the entire clan of the previous guy in power (sometimes he leaves out one) and then he rules, but everybody's unhappy, then somebody revolt, or the one he left out comes back to assassinate him, or his own children boot him out and then either he dies or he goes into exile, only to come back for revenge, or his children will do it for him. and the rebellion stories are worse. they're really the same. why they fight: they aren't happy with the present state of the country. who they fight: the freaking government. how they fight: they gather everybody, then charge from all directions. the result: they lose anyway. somehow or another. damn jialat.

so anybody wants to take gek2022? it not hard if you like this stuff...

AHAHA. but then again, I'm still left with one more tragic hero, aka dearest yoshitsune. and whenever I see/think/hear the name yoshitsune, takizawa's face appears in my head. gosh. in that red garb and all! don't know how they fight! oh yes, they do standing broad jump! that wonderful stunt that enables to leap from one ship to another, somehow avoiding all attempted slashings by the other soldiers onboard, and in the midst of battle, they don't seem to get any dirtier. hmmm. and while jumping, somehow nobody shoots arrows. is it an ethical thing? but it can't be, because the fight between the minamotos and the taira marked the beginning of unethical samurai fighting.

I HAVE read too much of all this.

back to soci! I'm still trying to understand harry's mail, even though it's half from wiki. heh. and I shall try to formulate a reply by tonight, and then finish up that yoshitsune reading tomorrow, type it in, and tomorrow night I must start on english! my goodness that's one huge chunk to do. I think I've been running away from that because that is THE most boring module I have. believe it or not. english. I feel sad for myself.

and I'm still wondering how I thought that tomorrow's thursday. I thought of that for a rather long time, you know. and began to panic slightly because I know I must start on my english soon. which of course, brings us to the next problem,

why am I still typing here?! STUDY!! GO!!!

oh wait wait! I finally managed to get gazette's part of the psc tour! AHH it's nice! and I think it's the lighting that's caused it to look so bad on youtube. and I ripped the subbed backstage file from youtube. that is so cute. and I read like a few gazette interviews today. what a laugh! and reita rocks to the max.

wait, I was supposed to study. SHOVE OFF. NOW.

say you love me...mutter it @ 2348 miseinen - gazette

november nineteenth

it's been another few days. and I kept OFF the computer yesterday! be proud of me. AHAHA. and I've finished all my geisha readings, and halfway through RE-reading my samurai ones! yeah I read the first 4 readings, then left the 5th one behind and didn't bother about it. so after I'm done with my underlinings, I'll type it all out tomorrow! and after I'm done with typing I'll throw it aside and start on my english. I can't believe I'm studying this systematically. yes yes I know my shit about timetables (I actually drew one up OKAY) but hey I'm following pretty much closely. and I actually left a WEE bit of space for some issues that may occur. not bad, eh? AHAHA.

and then and then. and then I find out that the psc tour dvd is actually a limited release! WAIL! I wasn't too keen on it because actually all I would have wanted at that time was miyavi and alice nine, and perhaps watch some kagrra. and then now I've discovered gazette, started to appreciate kra a little, and then there's all the hilarious backstage clips, and that stupid keiyuu and miyavi pairing which absolutely rocks! and and and I want that dvd! but the second hands are going at freaking 8000yen and I'm like NO I'm paying that much. even dir en grey's blitz 5 days is going for 7000yen only. and mind you that's 5 freaking discs and some bonus stuff. yes I know the psc tour is 5 freaking bands, but no no no 8k is no no no. oh and for those who don't understand yen, 8000 is freaking S$120. and then plus shipping and blah blah blah it'll go up to S$150 even, depending on where it's coming from, which service the felle's going to use, and how I'm going to pay. man. oh and 8k is the cheapest, apparently. there are a couple of copies out there circulating for 8500yen. just kill me.

and it's really time to study. took my time to go through the livejournals and my mail. shall clear my hotmail another day. yes it's getting a little much but it's alright. I've cleared a third, anyway. back to studying. mail is to be checked tomorrow, since

In case you think I ignore your mail as well. The answers to all your questions will be given to you on Monday.

yeah man.

say you love me...mutter it @ 2141 black spangle gang - gazette (lovely song)

november sixteenth

it's been a few days. and I'm still a sucker for tokyo shinjyuu. like oh man, right? but it's such a nice song. and oddly it falls under the either you love it or hate it category. I thought it should be everyone loves it! but apparently not. hurrmph.

my opinion's not the world's.

a brief run through: monday was more madhat gek project rushing, our last nm tutorial, which was rather amusing actually, and of course going out to celebrate ying quan (and preaw)'s birthday. that was quite a laugh. and then we ended up at the balcony, which is a nice place, and quite cooling, despite the lack of aircon. but I'm glad we didn't go to the aircon part. it stank absolutely of cigarette smoke. sheesh. at least in the open air part, the balcony, literally, there was lots of ventilation and plenty of fans, so PHOOOOOOO goes all the smell! including the terrible ethanol smell, by the way. yes I have a problem with ethanol smell. I remember there were a few times when my class was stuck outside the biology lab, waiting for the lab technicians to sterilise the lab with ethanol. plooey the smell was terrible. I know there were some who loved the smell to death, and they kept breathing it in deeply, as if they were on glue sniffing or something. but I couldn't stand it. and when we finally went in I nearly fainted. there's just something about it.

and then on tuesday it was last lectures for nm and gek. no more avenell, crystal. and I guess I'll have to go back to school one of these days to go collect my film analysis paper AND my philo term paper 2. sheesh. all the way. and last night jiu rong still asked me if I'm coming to school today to study, and I told her that yesterday would be like my last day in school till the exams. unless I have reasons to go back, like collecting my papers. and if need be, I'll schedule some consultation on that day or something? don't waste my trip, that is.

anyway, tuesday. and then crys and I were totally rushing gek man. in the end we flushed out about 3100 words, pulled our like 12 sources worth of biblio together, printed anxiously and raced to avenell's mailbox. yeah they call them 'mailboxes' at nus, not pigeon-holes. AHAHA. I still don't remember what tkg called them anymore though. hmmm. never mind. and then after that I died outside lt 11 and slacked with meida. then mae and crys' lecture ended early and we had fun doing the feedback thingy on cors. AHAHA.

and then yesterday I finally decided to go for philo extra tutorial. pretty glad I did, because loy talked a lot of good stuff. a lot of technical terms and techniques used for the exams, so that we know how to tackle the questions correctly. loy rocks, really. uncle-ish he may be, but loy still rocks all the same. just that he has more verbal diarrhoea than crys and I put together though...he can't stop talking! and then he gave us a whole new dimension to Ps and Qs. everything is in terms of P and Q. yes he gave us a logic lesson yesterday. and logic is MATH. so if P therefore Q, if P then Q, if not P then not Q, all P are Q and all not P are Q and WHATEVER. it got a little confusing after a while but after sitting down longer and thinking about it, it makes more sense. loy just talks too fast. but that can't really be helped. he didn't have that much time in the world.

and then after killing my brain at philo, I sat down at coffee club express to do some filing. and eat cheezy mushroom. yays. then I headed for the soci consultation lecture, which was quite a laugh in itself. some good points though, and dan really sucks. anne seems to know what she's talking about more than dan, just that she can't express herself quite well enough, because her english isn't the best. but even through her weird english, you can still tell that anne is better equipped than dan. dan is just this idiot who knows how to talk like he knows what he's talking about, but sometimes he obviously doesn't really know what he's saying.

oh whatever. and then meghna asked this question (madhuri was already in a bundle laughing) about power and authority and using the four theories to explain it. but the way she phrased it sounded like an essay question, and dan was like

huh? you want me to write an essay for you now?

and we all cracked up. like what was that?! oh well. after that I met up with the nm bunch for dinner and studying, and then the stupid library chased us all out at 9pm instead of 930 as stated, and so we got stuck on the weird bench on the stairs leading to the forum benches. it's quite a nice place, except that they just repainted the central library and the paint still reeks of that...paint smell. gah you know what I mean. and I hate that paint smell. I don't think I've met anyone who likes it. I think. that'll really be creepy. like eeks.

and I'm supposed to be typing my soci notes. so that I can find all the weirdness in them and then email holey moley for answers. AHAHA. and I must email early, because the boy doesn't check his mail. I'm assuming that he's checking it more regularly now that he's expecting more. but if he's flooded, he takes time to reply too. and amidst the consultations, replying is hard. so must email asap! hurrmph. before exam still must consider so many things. my poor head.

and then the stupid school admin has sent funny things way ahead of time again. like pre-allocation exercise. yeah it's important, because I want my modules. and I don't want to throw too much away. but why send the stupid mail so early?! man. but I guess they can't send it in december either. either people don't check their mail, or by the time they check, it's time for bidding! sheesh. the holidays are kinda too short. bidding starts once more on the 26th of december. hurrmph. bidding.

and now I must embark on my sociological journey to the exams, so that I can clear that crap and embark on my journey into the hana to yanagi no sekai...karyukai is easier to say.

say you love me...mutter it @ 1333

november twelfth

I finally figured out what's wrong with my mp3 player. and I am irritated no more. it's my windows media player. it's too upgraded, and therefore too smart. good and bad, really. it's bad because it doesn't seem to be able to create playlists in my player, and so everything goes by artist or album or genre and stuff like that. and of course, bad because it didn't tell me it could do this! I just realised it last night somehow, I don't really remember how anymore. and it's good because it's works like how itunes works with ipod. just change the file info, and everything goes in. except the language. there's still something stupid about it. but heck already, at least my files go in.

and then I realised (a little to my shock and horror) that presently I have used up 10gb (how did that happen?!) of my 19gb (1gb goes to the system and whatever nonsense) and now I have 1976 songs. my present computer stores 541 songs in my folder, another like 550 in my other folder, and so I assume my hdd has like 800+ inside. I'm too lazy to open my hdd to check. and anyway I'll have to unplug my player which is charging. all that file transfer and checking and trying has eaten up a bit of battery. heh.

so now I can listen to my tokyo shinjyuu on constant repeat! yay! I've been wailing about it recently, because I can only repeat it at home, and infuriate my sister, I suppose. AHAHA. because my sis was like HUH this song AGAIN?! oh well. teehee.

yes yes I'm supposed to do gem project. gem project. gem project. argh. unfortunate as it seems, he is NOT my dearest dr avenell. crys you can HAVE him. and poor dear crystal. avenell's married after all. AHAHA. and his kids watch funny things! but I suppose a lot of kids watch funny things nowadays.

listening to punk en ciel's round and round. yeah that's the messed up version of l'arc~en~ciel. it's the hard rock sound, with hyde on guitar, yukihiro on bass and ken on drums. unfortunately, it's tetsu on vocals, so the hard rock suddenly loses some touch. somewhat. because tetsu's voice isn't hardcore enough. how unfortunate, but too bad.

ah very smart. now my mediasource organiser has suddenly decided to work. so I don't have to rely on windows media player anymore. great, right? gosh. these things really pms, don't they?! and I was on the verge of running to jurong east again. thank goodness I don't have to now. it's like so darn far man. I'm so lazy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

oh my. daniel goh's married. who the CRAP decided to marry him?! AHAHA. poor woman. married a man afraid of loneliness, highly cynical, too intelligent for his own good, egocentric and elitist. poor thing.

but I hear the arts faculty mourn still.

问世间情为何物，直教生死相许？
天南地北双飞客，老翅几回寒暑。
欢乐趣，别离苦，就中更有痴儿女。
君应有语，渺万里层云，千山暮雪，只影向谁去？
横汾路，寂寞当年箫鼓，荒烟依旧平楚。
招魂楚些何嗟及，山鬼暗啼风雨。
天也妒，未信与，莺儿燕子俱黄土。
千秋万古，为留待骚人，狂歌痛饮，来访雁邱处。

--- 元好问 

say you love me...mutter it @ 0048 cage - dir en grey (I still cry at this song)

november eleventh

hello everyone. I am kinda tired.

well okay I spent sunday doing philo, monday doing gem film analysis, tuesday doing gem presentation, and dragged for soci consultation, wednesday in the library for gem project, thursday studying in school, friday studying at the airport, and now I'm stuck here, trying to start on gem project and get as much as possible done because I think crystal's horribly tired and she's sick anyway.

and I'm getting half depressed by this gazette song. AHAHA. nah, I'm not depressed by it per se, but my mp3 player's acting up again, and I can't transfer the file in. so I can't listen to this song on the go even though I like it so much. wail. but it's so sad that this song was not released as a single, and nowhere near that status, so no PVs, and oddly enough, no performances of it either! like WHY?! I would love to watch gazette perform that song.

and anyway I've turned to gazette goodness. like GOODNESS. but I'm still quite picky about pictures so I didn't end up with a lot. after all I decided to only take from jrock_scans, because, well they're big and of generally decent quality. and even if you stumble upon one with not so good quality, there may be another post lurking somewhere else with better scans. it happens now and then.

and I'm feeling so lazy to do the gem project...man. so let's have some laughs here, shall we? or at least I thought it was funny...

aoi (on the left): hey reita, what say you if we go gallavanting a while?

reita: no, we're supposed to be guarding this place, remember?!

aoi: yeah, but it's so boring...let's go...come on...



*drags reita out...

aoi: this place is cool, huh? reita?
reita: yeah boy, didn't expect such a nice place around here.

aoi: (smug look) good thing I got you outta there huh.

reita: aoi, it's all your fault we're being punished like this.
aoi: (looks away) uhm, not really...you didn't mind...right? reita?
reita: (cursing aoi....)

AHAHAHA I just liked these 3 pictures. they dumped aoi and reita together in such amusing shots. these pictures are only half the original, actually, because the group shot spans over 2 pages, and so these are just one side of the magazine. ruki uruha and kai lurk on the other sides...of course, aoi may not be as cheeky as I make him out to be here, and reita may not be as straightlaced as I think him to be either, but still funny anyway. AHAHAHA. and coincidentally, aoi is always on the left of reita! and reita reminds me of shin, somewhat. and I always thought that the piece of cloth across his nose (yes it's ALWAYS there) was great against the haze. AHAHA. but of course the haze is clearing, what with that incredible downpour just now...

let's have another joke. but not pictorial. the other day xintian called me along for consultation with harry, and so I agreed. then prem couldn't make it at the last minute, and so just both of us went. halfway through our consultation, two more girls from another class came in, and subsequently 4 of us had consultation together. the other 2 girls had never been in the office before, and so they were looking around and commenting on everything. so harry quicky said that all the normal scribblings on his whiteboard are his, while the stupid ones and nonsensical ones belong to dear daniel who shares the office with him.

and so some time later, daniel came back into the office, and harry proclaimed that he told us girls that all the crap on the whiteboard are daniel's. daniel gave a HUH?! how could you say that?! and then he asked us if we believed harry, and looking at our faces, decided that that was a futile question.

all over the whiteboard has scribblings about michelle (some of them have actually been rubbed off, from my memory of my previous visit), something like michelle rocks, I love michelle, and there was one that said I heart michelle, she so chio (pretty). and so one of the girls in the office for the first time, asked daniel, "so who is michelle?", since the scribblings are supposedly daniel's. so daniel said with the straightest face ever:

who is michelle? michelle is my mother!

all of us burst out laughing! like what is THAT?! actually, those michelle scribblings (which probably have been the goofy topic of all the students who've been in that office) were written by 2 of harry's students who came in for consultation early, and harry hadn't returned from lunch or something, so they picked up a marker and started scribbling. and apparently daniel was in the room, but he let the 2 boys vandalise harry's board anyway.

I heart michelle, she so chio. michelle is my mother!

alright man. daniel soon rocks. the two of them are absolute clowns. no mistake about that.

well more icon madness this way: my lj. gazette madness.

I really should be doing my gem project. not making icons. but I couldn't resist. and poof! out came 2 aoi and reita (the 1st and 3rd one above), 1 aoi, 1 uruha, 2 ruki and 3 reita. hee. 9 icons! wee!

get crackin' about the project! now!

say you love me...mutter it @ 2354 tokyo shinjyuu - gazette

november eighth

sorry to those who read my blog over the past couple of days. let me explain that it is NOT supposed to look like that. there is something stupidly wrong somewhere. perhaps it is my fault for editing the file under 2 different programs, although I don't see why it should be a problem in the first place. and it infuriates me.

now it looks back to normal, the layout and layer formatting, that is. now what I am super irritated about is that the pictures are not loading. there's something stupid about my server that doesn't load the pictures properly and so they don't come out. I am very irritated. but I'm too tired to really do something about it right now.

in fact I've been feeling tired over the past few days. I'm feeling better now, after throwing my philo paper to loy and my gek film analysis to avenell and getting through a super rubbishy presentation this afternoon. and now all I have left is one more stupid project (ulu was like HUH project? isn't it supposed to be wrap up now?!) and of course, all the studying to do for exams. oh crap, but no choice.

I'm not so sleepy anymore because I slept quite a lot on the bus. and I can wake up late tomorrow. but I'm going to school to study. I don't believe I just said that. I think I've been saying unbelievable things lately. words and phrases you'd never associate with me. let me say one more though.

I woke up at 0930, when my alarm clock was due for 1000h. like oh gosh, right? I actually woke up earlier than I should. and I did that yesterday also. worse still, I woke up at 0745 when I should wake up at 0800h. there's just something wrong with my biological clock. I've been sleeping late, and waking early. gosh.

I'm going to try something, see if it works. hopefully now the picture should be seen below. all this infuriates me, because it's not my fault, I haven't done anything to the html code. the server's just screwing the entire thing. and dreamweaver is not cooperating.

oh but talking about not cooperating, the worst has happened, in my opinion. the stupid program that's supposed to help me dump songs in my mp3 player has decided to go on strike. it refuses to detect my player anymore. and so now I have my kra, my gazette and my koda kumi stuck in my computer. ah smart.

oh whatever I'm so irritated today.

say you love me...mutter it @ 2137 chase - koda kumi

november seventh

just this picture:

that's tora on top and saga below. and I thought of daniel goh. AHAHA.

say you love me...mutter it @ 0023 senor senora senorita - miyavi

november sixth

right. I just died for the last 2 days huh. which is good for my blog size, actually. because when the size increases too rapidly, then my blog can't be hosted in one piece on atspace, since they only uploads of files below 200kb. there's a violent girl on my left this time though. yes I'm in school again. I forgot to bring my windbreaker along, so I've hidden myself in the corner of as7 to run away from the all powerful air con.

had dinner with buddy last night. started a little odd, because I was so tired. and there was waaaaaaaaaaay to much pepper in that dinner of mine. but muddy mud pie rocks! it was this colossal looking thing at first, but it disappeared kinda easily. oops. and I don't mean melting. oh well. hee. sweet tooth me.

and then my sister happily cut and pasted alumina and the world to her laptop out of my thumbdrive. I was thinking of listening to them in school. or maybe I go download them again. they shouldn't be too far down the livejournal. AHA found the links! let's hope they work. and stupid msn can't install here, so I have to contend with the webmessenger again. yes that slow response program. ah well. the woes of using stuff in school. the school computer adminstrator is king.

okay I'm really like supposed to start on my film analysis before my online nm tutorial nonsense starts. and then I'm finishing it TODAY, so that I can start on research for my gek project which we have to present in 5 minutes on wednesday. I think we hope to go last or something so that hopefully some other people have already like gone in front and overshot time or something along those lines then crys and I will stutter in front. yay? yay.

crap I think my school server blocked yousendit. I really think so. it not getting anywhere. man. oh never mind then. we shall just live with anna tsuchiya and more anna tsuchiya, since that's all the music I have inside my thumbdrive.

yawn. I'm so sleepy. I don't really know why. I got woken up by my sister this morning, then I slammed my alarm clock quiet, snoozed my phone twice, then I tried getting up. and then I flopped back. got up again, and flopped onto my snakey stuff toy this time. oh man. by the time I finally crawled out of bed it was pretty late. but I wasn't late because I woke up a bit late. I was late because I took too long to eat breakfast. sounds like maril now. AHAHA. but seriously. I reached the terminal at school at like 1008h, when I had tutorial at 1000h. and it's my last english tutorial! but oh whatever. and the exercise we had for today was so short, by the time I got to class they had already finished the exercise and had moved on to revision already. like oops. heh.

sleepy schreepy. wail. and I'm feeling oddly claustrophobic in this corner of mine. wail. and I'm feeling wail-ish today. I'm wailing. whaling. AHAHA we had a good laugh the other day. about wailing and whaling, that is.

you know the guy next to me is like the millionth person who has a problem trying to plug the thumbdrive into the stupid computer. sure, the external usb ports are oddly angled diagonally and placed in the opposite direction (the side of your thumbdrive which normally faces up would face down in school), but I don't know why people struggle so much with it. and in fact, they struggle so much with it that they'd rather go through the trouble of finding the one at the back of the cpu and poking it in there. it's just ridiculous somehow, since there's like 2 lovely external usb ports for you to use. and they even have a pictorial sort of tutorial to teach you to use the damn ports! AHAHA. unfortunately they don't tell you to turn your thumbdrive about, because I think that may be why it doesn't go in.

and I've just done a simple synopsis of the two movies. they're so simple that each movie is summarised in one LONG sentence. long sentences are my forte, no? AHAHA. that's according to vicks who survived my philo essay and decided that I write sentences that are way too long. like one paragraph has only 3 fullstops kind of thing. and she can't bear it, because I suppose one gets lost in the forest of words.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

just done not too long ago with the stupid online tutorial thingy. gosh. I hate discussing things at length on msn, especially when the stupid log has to be handed in as well! the soci one was madness, because there were 6 of us, and then the nm one is weird, because we're all like strangers in a sense, and we need to be more formal, and then we're all like so straight to the point, we need to do this this this and okay thank you all and good night.

wow, right?

AHAHA. and as I thought, my tutor's too lazy to randomly place us in groups, so she just grouped us according to the class list. so I got pretty boy/dangly boy in my group plus the china girl with the cool eye massager. yeah somehow I just remember her for that.

and then dangly boy's display picture looks like ueda. it's a bit small, and you'll never know who it really is, but it sure looks like ueda. and then it makes even more sense. about the earring, that is.

that's ueda tatsuya from kat-tun. and that's his earring, closer up. AHAHA. dangly boy's earring isn't so long though. ueda's earrings are always quite nice. heh.

and I should concentrate on my film analysis! it's freaking due tomorrow! get rid of it! get rid of it! quick! and then I'm seeing holey moley tomorrow too! xin tian sprang that on me. I didn't expect that at all. hee =)

say you love me...mutter it @ 2314 kumoji no hate - cocco

november third

right. let's see if this works. perhaps with microsoft frontpage my blog layout will work. the scrollbar crap, that is. I don't know why it doesn't work on my dreaweaver. and I don't know why my entries don't automatically justify margins. I suppose it's not part of the 'style'. AHAHA. css, that is.

okay basically I'm stuck in as7 trying to do my philo paper (again) but I'm so lazy. and then I'm like freezing here, despite having my superb 'weatherman' windbreaker on. then again, that's because my hands are exposed, and my hands are the only part which are cold anyway. and my fingers are freezing. just now somebody turned the aircon speed down, and now it's back up, and cold like anything man. and this stupid thingy has spellcheck! oh my goodness. I totally don't need red squiggly lines all over. it's as if I'm typing my essay. but boy do I type this essay fast.

as if I would.

oh whatever. let's just see if it works. in fact right, to a certain extent, actually frontpage resembles dreamweaver now. tabbed browsing, side toolbars, and an asterisk next to the document name to remind you that you haven't saved this document. so suspicious. and then the three different views are also in tabs, and the font blah blah toolbar including style number all there. hmmmm. to a certain extent, the interface is best like this, but yet it looks as if it's a copycat. but of course dreamweaver colours and buttons are better.

I'm picky and bias! AHAHA. and hungry. yeah I'm hungry again. and then that victoria has gone to buy lunch. oh man they've squiggly lined vick's name also. oh whatever.

and I suddenly realise that my philo paper is going to overshoot the page limit by like double. yes and I mean it. oh no. which means a lot of cutting is to be done, and I hate cutting. because at the end of it I just feel like my essay is incomplete.

oh and after reading maril's soci essay, I think I know why I get a C. I seem to deserve it after all. WAIL.

and I'm cold, hungry, and all alone...WAIL and double wail.

and oh man I'm sitting next to (or rather, this guy plonked himself next to me) this guy who's like super rough with the computer. he's the sort that bangs the mouse a little against the tabletop just because the cursor didn't move immediately, and then he keeps shifting in the chair and it creaks and squeaks, and then he clicks incessantly, probably because the computer is not responding fast enough. now he's calmed down though. no doubt it'll start again some time later. hurrmph.

trying to type my philo post, since I'm so unwilling to continue the essay. and I have this odd feeling that I'm going to sound really sarcastic and really really cynical. just feeling that way today anyway. somehow. I don't know why. the evilness of an 8 am lecture. it was the last lecture today too. so that's it for the 8 am-ness. so glad. I will NOT ever take another module with an 8am lecture again, unless I'm forced to desperacy. I'll rather have a 4-6 lecture. hurrmph.

bad mood, eh, myself?

finally completed yet another comment. but that leaves me with still one more to go! but at least. and I should continue my essay now, really. I shall turn up more irritating comments when I get home, or perhaps after lunch, depending on whether those 2 girlies are going for lecture or not.

and I think I just had an evil thought. I sound like the rulers of oceania. laws are made and changed accordingly to benefit the government constantly, and they justify it by saying that it is good for the people, for as Mill states:

His own good, either physical or moral, is not a sufficient warrant. He cannot rightfully be compelled to do or forbear because it will be better for him to do so, because it will make him happier, because, in the opinions of others, to do so would be wise, or even right. These are good reasons for remonstrating with him, or reasoning with him, or persuading him, or entreating him, but not for compelling him, or visiting him with any evil, in case he do otherwise. To justify that, the conduct from which it is desired to deter him must be calculated to produce evil to some one else.

which basically means that it's okay if the citizen themselves don't benefit, so long as they fail benefit themselves for the sake of benefiting others, the law can be made, and you can psycho those citizens to accept the cost of the law upon themselves by telling them that it may actually make him happier and good in the eyes of others and the law.

disgusting right??!! stupid mill!!!! I'm beginning to dislike mill now. at first it sounded pretty okay, then now it's beginning to sound more and more shitty, and more and more like 1984. eeew. ugh, rather.

I suppose that loy is successful after all. he was saying that he doesn't want us to go away with merely memorised theories that plato, descartes and mill have come up with, but more like a mind that thinks through exactly what they talk about, whether is it being applied, how practical is it, and whether there may be a flip side to it. and of course, apply that to everything that happens in life in general.

eh, sounds psycho also right. life is difficult to live like that, but I thank God that He's given me such an ability to think in the first place. seriously. ignorance is not all blissful, really. knowing some things may hurt you, but sometimes it's good for you too. if you don't think about anything you do, anything that influences you, when people question you, and shake your beliefs, what are you going to do?

I really think I'm a worst case scenario person. somehow or another.

say you love me...mutter it @ sometime before 3pm knock down - anna tsuchiya

november second

I'm hooked on another anna tsuchiya song. this time it's knock down. it's just addictive. or perhaps I'm just tired of stupid philo. it isn't as bad as I thought, the first part that is. and now I'm beginning to see where yong hui's idea can fit. oh no. I thought it wouldn't fit. now I realise that actually it could fit all along.

but I'm quite determined to make this paper better than the other one. I suppose after watching my soci look a bit the shitty, my philo needs some help, or it'll get stuck in b-. my english should be fine after they moderate the second test, and I do decently for the exam. my nm...I hope the project's alright! that's all we depend on, actually. it's quite scary to think about it that way. the most unsafe one is still gem, because we haven't done any assignment, the assignments are all due like next week onwards, and the paper is an essay paper! oh no, right? I suppose.

oh dear. I'm beginning to get hungry. perhaps it was all that dinner talk with my sister. I didn't eat lunch. heh. not hungry lah. didn't do anything anyway. I mean, it's different when you travel all the way to school and walk around and use energy to keep yourself awake and alert. and of course it's different when you don't have to cook for yourself. I decided against arson. but anyway I think I'll end up eating maggi mee or something like that. my mother tried to put wonderful cooking ideas into my head, but I decided against food wastage.

or perhaps I just put myself down too much. I'm just lazy, actually. hiak.

oh and congratulate me, because I trimmed my nails last night. I had to, because they're simply too long for playing the piano. now they're oddly short. I trimmed off about 2/3 of the length, so now I'm left with just a third of the original length. but yes they're still long. when you look at my fingers palm up, you can still see the white parts peeking out from behind. so technically they're not short. but they're so much shorter. can you imagine the original length? no you can't. AHAHA. then I'll let it grow this month and trim again just before the exams, because I doubt I can write fast in such long nails. it doesn't happen. then after that it's free growth! but I think I'll end up trimming them AGAIN for sf retreat, because that's like super activity time, and then my nails would chip like nobody's business. and that's bad.

why on earth am I planning my nail clipping schedule?! do philo! philo! and loy was still looking around hopefully for some philo freaks in the class, in hope that somebody was inspired to continue to do philo. instead he was answered with this uneasy laughter and dubious smiles. poor thing. but he expected it anyway. and I'm beginning to find loy and dan goh more and more like skew lines. but that's none of my business, right? right.

and megaupload is annoying me. to no end. more than my alphabet emoticons. AHAHA. and sister wanted them. but they do annoy in more ways than one. but I won't get rid of them. somehow there's this odd attachment to it. and I like having the full set. yi chuan only has a few letters and it's so odd, because they'll suddenly pop up.

and I'm almost done with hard luck hero! just 4 more minutes! and then I must go get ready and meet my sister for dinner. and I think I should print the scores first. two copies in fact. I think it's going to rain again. it looks like it.

and I am not going to waste time tomorrow. I shall finish the philo essay outline today (by hook or by crook), and then I shall bring it along to school tomorrow and start writing it. and I shall finish the damn essay by tomorrow, by hook or by crook too! I'm not dragging this anymore! I'm on the last point of my outline already, anyway. just think a little more, girlie, a little more. we're almost there. I suppose then that will take up certainly enough time while waiting for mae and meida.

sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first. sometimes, the first thing you want never comes. I know that waiting is all you can do, sometimes.

that's from strange and beautiful, by aqualung. was going through my yahoo! mail the other day and found that the mail from maril is still stuck in there. and yes, she sent me this song because it was such a stalker song. man. that evil girl. secretly evil too! but then again, we all are, I suppose.

oh but even if I do complete my essay by tomorrow, I still must stash comments on the stupid blog. argh. if I finish the outline early today I shall stash at least 1 comment. then if I can't stash 2 today I'll stash the other one tomorrow. ON! then it's done with philo! yay! and then it's time to start film analysis. but I think that one not so bad. but must plan my structure. hmmmm. so irritating, this sudden slew of essays and project deadlines. but they'll keep coming, and they keep me moving after all.

and I guess I shall stop here. and I shouldn't update later, because I'm like supposed to finish my philo? AHAHA. I shall abstain from dreamweaver for the night. not much, eh? and I insist my mother's addicted to that korean drama! gosh. she can't stop watching it, and she can't stop laughing about it. and then when I get home at 7 plus, she'll fill me in on what happened so far when I didn't even ask! sigh.

I should stop sighing too. come on, get movin'!

say you love me...mutter it @ 1814 knock down - anna tsuchiya

november first

welcome shota! ahaha. today was my last tutorial with holey moley. everybody give me a big wail. but it's not the last time seeing him, anyway, so perhaps there's nothing to wail about. and let's see if we get him again next sem. but looking at my horrid soci results, I don't know if I want to take a ssm from soci. but then again, the rest don't look good either. actually soci should sound pretty okay, because at least I've taken the exposure module and I know those stinking theories, but oh gosh soci again?! but I guess it's better than poor vicks who's taking it at the same time. I suspect it's the same good old ssa1201.

but it like kinda sucks. next sem it's going to be monday lectures, 4-6pm, evening exam. the exam date is fine. oh wells. if we guarantee holey moley, I'm sure crystal will be very very willing. too bad for gladys. AHAHA. I'm so evil!

and pretty boy/dangly earring dude is a gackt fan. explains so much. and I think that malaysian girl is too, which is why they seem to get along well, and exchange dvds...that gackt dvd looks terribly familiar. old too, actually. vanilla era. hmmm.

and then had my last soci lecture. yay! no more daniel. ahaha. and we were such daniel fans to begin with. or at least gladys and vicks were. I mean, he wasn't too bad. and then as the weeks go by you get more disillusioned and now vicks has decided that she hates him. and he was looking very gay today. and being absolutely egocentric.

like yes dan, we know you're terribly smart, okay?

he's like doing self promotion. and he still says that he's not trying to promote himself. yeah right. oh well. I wonder what made him and loy stick. or maybe they only know each other through a mutual friend. loy is such a nice guy. or at least humbler. hurrmph.

and speaking of loy, I'm supposed to be doing philo now. I've been pushing it back because of soci, and so I should be doing it now. but I'm so tired and I don't feel like doing anything really. which is bad. and I've got to go see harry again, because my mid term really sucks. thank God for moderation, but even then...argh. and actually all the engine kids did damn well. prem was the funniest. she got the same grade as I did, and then she went up to harry and said:

you see, every page has red scribblings, very painful you know?!

I couldn't help but laugh at that. and so did all of us, actually. and I think I will miss my soci bunch. they've been cute and really fun, even though we only see each other every fortnight and we do all discussions online. but we're all such lovely people. sigh. and shiqi even sent an email to say that we've been nice to work with. well better than hilarious. AHAHA vicks will kill me.

but I think sweeter still, is my nm group. we girls are all going out next tuesday, despite having had our last in class tutorial on monday, and our project handed in and gotten rid of yesterday. why? because we're going to get a present for yingquan who turns 21 on the 14th of november.

the same day yook meng turns 28, and siok hoon 25.

and the same day my gem project is due!!! AHH!!! but the most distressing thing is philo. so I should just freaking get it over and done with, right? right.

and perhaps I should sleep early, as vicks recommends. but somehow I don't want the day to end. sigh. time and tide waits for no man. I think as the term rolls by I get more and more disillusioned.

how did I get an obsession in my first semester? oh dearie me.

say you love me...mutter it @ 2358 and she said - l'arc~en~ciel