marching on. the thirty-first day.
byebye sho. say hello to miyavi, okay?
(someday I will do a pretty miyavi layout for kurseth.)
(and damn twinkle. went offline after I said hello. wah lao.)
marching with SHO! @ 2256 boys be suspicious - nightmare
marching on. the twenty-ninth day.
last few days to give sho-kun some love. ahaha. next month it's miyavi! indeed, I didn't give kurseth my picspam, but hey hey, here's the next layout! miyavi! ahahaha. since the united states celebrates the 40th anniversary of star wars by changing a number of postboxes to r2d2 models, I shall pay my tribute to the film that I watch again and again. but then again, I always watch 4-6 only. never bothered about the anakin parts. but this miyavi getup is based on anakin, I think.
it's an idiotproof header. and I just wanted this theme. it's not very well done, unfortunately. I promise you I will make a good one for may. after all, may celebrates the 4th anniversary of this mad blog. it's been that many years, people. from the days I wrote only 1 little paragraph of 3 sentences mainly to bitch about my juniors, to my madness and pain and angst and obsession of jc, through the politics of moe, the crashing of my computer, the start of uni and MORE obsessions, I've come such a long way. my blog, that is. heh.
oh well. my therapy, after all. never expected to regain some sanity via something like that.
and I can't believe I'm listening to flame. yes that japanese boyband from so long ago, that jiabi and I were fangirling over the twins. and I liked the better looking one and she liked the not so good looking but cooler one. I don't even remember their names now. haha. but since it was uploaded on one of the communities I thought I'd take it. I wanted some of the songs on that album anyway. heh.
and nightmare is seemingly good. no noise at all. the band's fine, yomi's good, underlying angst and altogether cool. gazette has a bunch of more fun songs, but ruki gets noisy lah. and let's not talk about dir en grey. I hope the next single is better. I hope. in fact, I can only hope.
beyond all that. let's get wikipedia-ish. I'm forever linking and linking and linking and then I land in strange articles. my goodness. crystal was talking about shaney saying something about resacralisation and we hadn't a clue what on earth it was, so crys said she'd run an email to shaney. but meanwhile we both went searching for it, only to find a strange load of articles. and there's no proper article for it on wiki! but I spotted a link to friedrich nietzsche (yeah yeah the guy who said God is dead and we have killed Him) and decided to clicky for fun. will somebody tell me exactly how to pronounce his name? I think dr. s has said it before but for the life of me I can't remember and I'm too lazy to find out how to read the phonetic symbols provided on wiki. and anyway I couldn't really get through the philosophical aspects, so I spotted the influences bit in the box below his face and spotted a name.
wagner. and I was oddly thinking about wagner just now. the ring operas, in particular. so there I went. clicky wagner and then clicky his operas. and read through his messy life. as they all seem to be. why can't these musicians/writers lead better lives. my goodness. and then I found that wagner had written this obscure opera based on measure for measure. it's called Das Liebesverbot (The Ban on Love), and it's seriously like m for m. with the king running away from the palace, to using the names luzio, claudio, isabella, mariana. gosh. but the context is slightly different. but the plight remains stupidly the same. oh well. and a performance is slated for 2008 release! oh okay they don't call it releases. the north america premiere will be in july 2008. squee.
back to the darn ring operas. the ride of the valkyries! ahaha. read through the storyline and boy what a mess. it's pretty much lord of the rings with a messier family background, and gothic elements thrown in and a lot more people dying. or rather, everybody dies! my goodness. at least in lotr they don't really die. frodo just leaves to go with everybody else who's had the ring before, and then arwen marries aragorn and everybody's happy. well yes those 2 mortals will die eventually but that's another story for another day. but in the ring cycle operas, boy does EVERYONE die.
and brunnhilde self immolates! 2 new words for me. defenestration and immolation. learnt them a couple of days ago, while doing more wiki linking for my js. basically defenestration is throwing something or somebody out of the window, while immolation is setting somebody on fire. and so the linky I was looking at was about suicide methods, and so either you do self-defenestration, i.e., throw your stinking self out of the window LITERALLY, or you self-immolate. which is to freaking set yourself on FIYAH. my goodness. neither sounds really appealing, honestly. ahaha but then again I don't want to kill myself, so nothing of this type would ever sound appealing.
and then I caught sight of the word yggdrasil! yes that's the virtually unpronounciable title of the bump of chicken album that sister and I have been laughing about since she got that album. it's the name of a tree in the opera. supposedly the tree that connects all the 9 worlds of norse mythology together. so it's the world tree. ha. but ygg is apparently 'terrible', and drasil is 'steed'. so how did a horrible horse become a tree? I haven't a clue man.
the next word that caught my eye was ragnarok. but for the life of me I couldn't find where on earth I'd seen that word. so I linked on and realised it was this anime. detective loki ragnarok. oddly enough, there is nothing about that anime that would have caught my eye. neither the plot nor the drawing nor the illustrator. but somehow I remembered that title. my stupid brain. remembers the oddest things. unimportant things, usually. sigh.
my goodness. my linkages.
oh this song. 届かない。cannot be reached.
届かない星。届かない欲しい。
でも、如何して欲しいですか。
全然分からない。
and I suddenly realised that I'd written something on the 26th. just that I forgot, and didn't download it back into my computer. I'd updated in school. so anybody interested in my nonsensical school ramblings please scroll back down. I've added it in.
oh, and on a totally unrelated and strangely rubbishy note, the charming handsome girl from my TC class recognises me! and said hello during lecture. AHAHA. so random. and so full of nonsense.
and titus andronicus is done! rather unfortunately, it's in japanese. so I shall go read the story and then open up the script and read it as the play goes along. and all the young men look like punks! and oguri shun looks like the ultimately buay song punk. my goodness. and oguri was the very reason my sister wanted to download it in the first place. sigh.
and I should go sleep. it's late. and I'm always late for nm2102. which is bad. all bad. let's see what he's got for tomorrow. not bad. advertising. took the bus home with jacob and tried to explain my major. but then I realised I don't exactly know everything about it either. AHAHA. should start lurking around the cnm pages instead of knowing the soci dept page inside out huh.
and I really should go sleep. 寝ます!
marching with SHO! @ 0028 hades - dir en grey
marching on. the twenty-eighth day.
wow. how did I miss 3 days. 2, rather. let me think. oh monday I had such a long day and refused to type. and then I was supposed to do a whole host of things. then yesterday I was also too tired and refused to type.
great. my refusal to type. haha. anyway nothing much really happened beyond usual school, but yesterday I sent vicks off to lecture and was supposed to head for as7 to do js, but I was too lazy. so I decided to get myself some civilisation before heading for more civilisation with my buddy. so I ran an sms to denise, and she was still in school.
then we went to do something stupid because we're young only once.
my goodness. I think neither of us believe we did that. and I'm still wondering, why on earth does the central library carry jc yearbooks?! what on earth is the purpose? what value do these yearbooks have? I mean, keeping the different hostel's yearbooks are okay, since every school has their own set of yearbooks that they keep. but jc yearbooks? and they are actually given to the damn school. my goodness.
and yes so we went to look for twinkle there. but it seems the victorians don't want to share their yearbooks. and then denise went on and on about looking for annabel chong. my goodness. and then the esplanade is full of the 251 posters, and buddy is still wondering how they're going to stage it, since nobody's going to show anything, presumably. and then denise fished out the commencement books, but my dear, there are only names in it. nonetheless, we looked for his name.
and then there we found it. second class upper. and the funniest part?
directly below his name, was yet another harry tan.
what a joke. and I still think the name cheesily old fashioned and horribly english. oh and harry doesn't stem from harold -- it actually stems from henry. which is another joke. I mean, no offense to all the henrys I know (all of whom, by the way, are my friend's daddies), but I think it's such an old name too.
and of course, it reminds me only of henry higgins.
just you wait, henry higgins. AHAHAHA. (you'll be sorry but your tears will be too late!)
I watched too much of my fair lady, honestly. and the way she sang it was worse, because there was no 'h' sound. so it was more like juz youuu waaiyyt, 'enry 'iggins, juz youuu waaiyt. youll bee solly, but your teahs will bee too laaiyt.
AHAHAHA. I'll never forget the time rehana set pygmallion for our unseen paper and half my friends were lost because they couldn't understand eliza's horrible english. yes they actually typed it the way she speaks it. which is a complete disaster, really.
okay enough enough. get on with the entry.
and then after we were done in the library, we headed down to city hall, since she was willing to walk despite the pain in her pointed pumps and I needed to get there anyway. and I was already just past outram park when vicks called, so sorry dear. and we simply walked around and turned totally superficial and began touching cloth and looking at accessories and stuff.
ha. but I wasn't in the mood for shopping and so I just drifted in and out and didn't look much. should call me out on one of my seriously frivolous days. one of those days where I'm willing to walk into every darn shop and then buy anything possible. yes there are days like that.
but they only surface during holidays, I think.
and I really should be doing js. my goodness. that's what I woke up earlier for. because last night I nearly died at the computer and so I decided that it was better to sleep and then get up today to do work. and then denise was going to sleep too, so without online entertainment, I was bound to like fall BAM in front of the comp. so might as well sleep.
and sleep I did. and now it looks like it's going to pour. rainey shaney poo! why does it always rain on odd wednesdays? does shaney really mean rain is going to come?! AHAHA.
but the sky is seriously dark. OEI GIRL DO JS!
marching with SHO! @ 1255 jewels - alice nine
marching on. the twenty-sixth day.
stuck inside as7 again. oh well. this time on my own accord. ahaha. and talking online to meida who's in the next lab. fantastic right. and stupid webmessenger doesn't even blink when the window is updated. so I haven't a clue when people talk. got to constantly check it and keep it open. hurrmph. somebody should do something about the dumb program. it's good and all to have msn online, but when it's so irritating, I don't really know what's the point.
and I'm beginning to like that last diru track that everybody loves out of their new album. yes as much as it is such a shitty album, there are 4 nice songs inside. conceived sorrow, ryoujoku no ame, the pledge, and this song, which has a superbly long name.
namamekashiki ansoku, tamerai no hohoemi
that's the title. don't ask me for the japanese version of it. I'm lazy to go look for it. and I'm horribly sleepy. and I got back my japanese language midterms. and I am convinced that either these people really study damn damn hard, they have good memory, or that they are seriously very very fake beginners. not that I didn't expect all that to happen, but you know, when the average mark for all of otsuka's classes is actually 40/50, there's something stupid going on. my goodness. and I heard from xueying that the cohort did pretty well. hurrmph.
and I likey my japanese classes a lot. as in the people in class. it's sad that it's the last TC next week. and then kojima asked us ureshii desu ka?
she should have asked, kanashii desu ka?
oh well. but it was rather funny, because of course everybody said they weren't ureshii, because everybody loves the class. and then she asked why, and most of us said something like the class is nice and fun blah blah. and then somebody (can't remember who now), decided to say that kojima is very kind...ahaha.
I am tired. and I'm supposed to start on the js project. actually my head is rather full. nm2208, js1101. hurrmph. and the constant onslaught of japanese. I find that my grammar is getting slower and slower and slower. my goodness. I was like going huh? in TA just now.
perhaps I should sleep a little more. then I won't feel so half clueless with all the silly particles. and I should go read my particles again. and I should practice from my main textbook. then I will see sentence patterns as I read, instead of reading the sentence patterns and trying to apply them to the various sentences inside my homework.
and then my sister said my homework is ridiculous. aiyah, it's just questions set to test us on our understanding of certain grammar particles. my goodness.
sleepy. very sleepy.
battling irrationality. ha. there is no such thing. supposed irrationality finds its rationale in other places. of course, these other places are probably considered irrational as well, but then who's to say what IS irrational?
who defines reason.
ha.
I think I should stop looking at msn nicks. disturbing me. but I put mine to disturb (rather literally) some people. heh.
I want to go home and pretend it's the holidays.
嗚呼届かない離れてしまう
穢れのない 優しさに 涙と眠りたい
背負った茜の空はただ響く
泣き叫ぶ声はもう…聞こえない
届かないの星。
and I should consider doing proper work instead of slacking here.
marching with SHO! @ 1843 conceived sorrow - dir en grey
marching on. the twenty-fifth day.
I must try to sleep early tonight. my eyes are popping out of their sockets. seriously. I feel them falling out soon. sounds graphic. never mind.
and the guys finished my twinkles last night.
and interestingly, there are no blue twinkles. samuel was shaking the bottle furiously, looking for a blue twinkle. but there was none. and then I thought of steph's presentation during nm2208, and how she hates blue m&ms. twinkles, for those who do not know, are basically imitation m&ms. and so samuel is a fan of the blue one, and couldn't find one.
and so with a few tips of the bottle, the twinkles are finished.
and now I shall put a song I wanted to put. although it causes great laughter from all of us, because I played it too fast the last time, but I think the lyrics are fantastic.
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colours of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
----------------------------------------------------------------------
He placed everyone of us on earth and He knows us by name. He knows what we do, He knows how we feel, He knows the number of hairs on our head, He knows we're fallible, He knows our problems, He knows our depravity, He knows our weaknesses.
He sees the depths of our hearts, and He loves us the same.
we're really...just human. mere human. small human.
"I am battling irrationality everyday" versus "silent lucidity".
oh dear. these two.
"before i am hypnotized i must go -- yes, the only thing i want is... just one love."
1 love - hamasaki ayumi
it is this sort of lyrics that kill people. which idiot decided that pop songs shall be about romantic love, and that we are horribly stunted without it, and we shall lead miserable lives without it. indeed the world will not live on without love, but love in a general sense. you will get by without romantic love so long as you have another sort of love in your life.
suddenly decided to look at realism. to see exactly what it is. I only have a vague idea of what it is. so I went to see the exact meaning of it.
and I seriously fit, I suppose.
Realists tend to embrace what they believe is actually real, despite how unattractive reality itself may be. Most realists arrive at their understanding of reality through critical thinking.
AHAHA. that FUNNY. critical thinking.
and here's the fantastic epistemology thingy. constructivist epistemology, aka, social constructionism.
Notably, this rather relativist theory tends to contradict itself as a true affirmation: because this view also becomes "constructed" / made up itself in someone's mind, rather than extracted from reality. Then, it's "true" because people "wants to think it's right", not because it's been proven irrefutably that it is.
oh that's even FUNNIER. so now they've gone an entire round to shoot themselves in the foot. hmm. but it is true. if the world is imagined, then what you think now is imagined too.
perhaps I do not live in my imagination as much as I used to think I did.
and my eyes are really going to pop out. so I'd better finish up my work soon. and then do my japanese homework, since I'm meeting vicks during my break.
then it's HYD!
marching with SHO! @ 1852 slap that naughty body - anna tsuchiya
marching on. the twenty-third day.
I don't know what to say. I'm tired.
and I felt like an idiot messaging him just now somehow.
twinkle wrinkle. so I am getting my wrinkles because of twinkles.
is that it?
stuck on another ayumi song.
sometimes I wonder why I like ayumi. so out of character for me.
talking to denise about randomness. and told her that randomness does not truly exist. which is true. to me, at least. I know some people think that you can really have equal chance of everything, unbiased dice.
and then now we're talking clothes. and I thought of the clip that was shown during js lecture. you know the stupid part about singaporeans and their idea of fashion is that they follow anything that's popular. whereas in the clip, they showed that the japanese youths would flip through the magazines and look for a style that suits them, or merge a few styles to suit themselves better, and then stick to it. and if something goes wrong, just throw it away.
singaporeans? nah. never. they'll follow anything that's popular, that's supposedly fashionable and go. it doesn't really matter if it doesn't really look all that nice on them, or that it's kinda mismatched, or that they seriously look disastrous. just wear.
and it's amazing.
and I have been commissioned by my buddy to do photoshop. so I must exit this thing. although utorrent has been turned off, I'm not letting my computer suddenly restart on me again. hate it when it does that.
marching with SHO! @ 0129 pride - hamasaki ayumi
marching on. the twenty-second day.
I am half bored to death. and terribly sleepy. and then nobody's replying me online. wail. basically 2208 lecture was cancelled today and so I thought of starting the js section I'm supposed to do.
and then now I realise that the bulk of our outline is actually about the second half of the project, which is how the different age groups are affected by different factors and therefore kill themselves over several different reasons. and I am in charge of the first half. which has virtually nothing written by us. ha. and so much for it being the first half, and being a heavy topic.
heavy is right. because I have to decide how to approach it now. hurrmph. sometimes I wonder why I'm trying to be so enthusiastic about all these. okay okay I know why I'm trying so hard. because I'm trying so hard to 1. get things done, 2. have a better attitude, because my attitude sucks.
but I'm so tired now. talked online too long last night. and then crystal has stuck herself in the library. I meant to call her earlier. then I forgot. I keep thinking that she has some 2 hour tutorial. heh.
and I was right. twinkle is having his tutorial now, which is why he's not responding. I make him sound like a computer program which hanged. not responding. end now? send error report? AHAHA. I must be going cuckoo by myself in here.
and actually I think I should try doing my nm2102 now, since there's spss here and all. because I have this feeling that my copy has kinda expired. I think. and even if it hasn't, it's definitely going to like expire on me halfway or something. I know things always do that. and because I use the comp late at night, so the next day comes and the program expires when the next day comes.
should I? I shall. give me 20 minutes.
and I'm back. and I'm still bored. but hey I actually finished the spss assignment. and I'm beginning to understand a little of what on earth I'm doing. that groups thingy. I didn't know what on earth it was. and I found another function on spss. I sound like some computer geeko now, running through spss and looking for new and fun functions to play with, when all spss is, is really an annoyingly huge and complex statistical analysis program. ugh.
and then I'm listening to gazette via youtube. and after listening to shadow VI II I, I listened to filth in the beauty. and now I'm loading anata no tame no kono inochi. I feel like watching the pv per se since I haven't watched it before, and I've seen so many shots from there, but I think it's not healthy to watch it in school like this. AHAHA.
seriously I don't watch healthy things. my poor brain.
ah it wasn't all that bad. but they don't look very nice. so I shall not download the pv. but I love the song muchlies. and it's still another 45 minutes more to lecture. I'm supposed to sit with xueying. and although I'm alright with her, somehow I'm just used to going for the laj lectures myself and shutting up by myself there and chanting whatever takeda asks us to chant.
loading zetsu now. getting myself into the japanese mode. AHAHA. what nonsense. gazette only teaches me kansai dialect. I'm supposed to be learning tokyo dialect! and worse still, I'm supposed to be learning the polite forms. gazette doesn't use polite form. but miyavi's worse, of course. he uses the most vulgar form. AHAHA. not that he swears and curses, but that's just the term for it. sounds funny, though.
going to join crystal at gas chamber. =)
marching with SHO! @ 1519 zetsu - gazette
marching on. the twenty-first day.
finished watching suicide club. and now I wonder which friend of hang's watched it man. gosh.
and one review said: it doesn't make any sense. and it doesn't make any sense even to the japanese. so you can't say it's a cultural thing.
and it's true. it doesn't make any sense. but perhaps the whole point is that it doesn't make any sense. people just kill themselves, some by themselves, some with a hell lot of people, but it doesn't make any sense to others besides themselves. and perhaps that can go down into my term paper, that different people have different reasons for deciding that their lives shall end, and while trigger factors remain very real, there are also other things that may cause it.
so let's stop the suicide. I will get started on it soon.
now for a dannyboy episode. ssa today. as usual, dannyboy threw the original tutorial sheet out of the window, and refused to follow it. but that's no matter to the class who's used to him. today another boy joined us. he came for makeup class. and the poor child.
basically dannyboy passed round the usual blank sheet of paper to mark attendance, and the boy, terrence, said he came for makeup class, so he didn't know if he had to scribble his name on the attendance sheet. daniel said oh oh do write your name. and then dan asked, "who's your tutor?" terrence's reply?
sh-sh-sha-shane.
AHAHA. I don't know why the boy is so jittery. but anyway the tutorial went on. so daniel announced that we were to do family and gender today. and he passed out these sheets of paper, which turned out to be a fake form for child adoption. daniel proclaimed himself the state, and that there is one LAST baby in singapore up for adoption, and he will group us into fake families to fight for this child.
and so danny proceeded to list off his families, and putting our names to them. there was the gay couple, the lesbian couple, the cohabiting couple, blah blah blah. minrui had to be a divorcee who married another divorcee and both have children from a previous marriage. and seeh hui ended up being one of her kids. what a joke.
as for myself, danny decided that I shall be a divorcee, 32 years old, with a son from that broken relationship. and terrence, the shshshshane boy, shall be my son. and how old will he be?
"your son...shall be 20 years old. umm."
so what, I give birth at TWELVE?! is that it?! stupid dannyboy. yes he proclaimed that he failed maths, but OEI UNCLE YOU CANNOT COUNT IS IT?! my whole class went EHHHHHH???!!! and then he started counting, and realised what was so wrong. he gave me that hehheh smile and said, "okay okay, he's 10. that works out, right?"
well indeed that does. 22 is a little young by today's standards but hey better than 12. never mind that 9 year old girl's story okay! but anyway the discussion went on. so he started by letting us have time to think about what makes us want to adopt the kid, how we're an ideal family for the kid, and how we're better than other candidates.
and then after that he went through group by group. and it got hilarious with the homosexual couples, because the cohabiting couple insisted that it was going to be weird if the gay couple adopts a girl, or the lesbian couple adopts a boy. and they were rather adamant about the gay couple NOT adopting a girl, because it's so wrong.
daniel's response? "erm, let's look at it again. they are HOMOSEXUALS, so the girl's pretty safe, I assume. can you imagine if they had adopted a BOY??"
like OMG we all couldn't take it. that was terrible, the image conjured. but we went on. and so we continued arguing for and against our cases, and dan always concluded one group by asking each group what makes them better than another group.
so when it got to me, danny suddenly asked, "eh so how come you're divorced ah? I didn't give you a reason." I said that we quarrelled real badly and that's how we separated.
"huh...so if you quarrel real badly with your son you're going to dump him is it?"
I was like DIRTY LOOK and daniel relented.
"okay okay your husband cheated on you, okay? better?"
"thanks man. that's not very nice to know either."
smile. "SO WHY do you want to adopt the kid...?"
idiot you know, this daniel soon. idiot. michelle, can you hear me? please do something about your son! AHAHA.
poor terrence. he was like, "does he always do it like this?" I said, "yeah his tutorials are just like this. good in a way, bad in another."
I felt like telling him, "stay with shaney. it's safer."
and then the funniest part? jittery boy didn't know how to ask me. instead he went back up to daniel and asked
"sorry sir, what's your name?"
I think daniel must have had such an amusing lesson today. I did. despite having to give birth at 12. I suppose he didn't want to make anybody particularly too young to 'contribute', but hey get the math right, at least.
and I suppose I ought to sleep. it's been 5 days though. I hope it's an even week thing. I know he has term papers to mark, though. wah lao and he gave crystal A-! my goodness. but then again, I know why my paper did so horribly anyway.
and I will not forget the way he said "tio boh?"
because it reminded me of yook meng, obviously.
they will ruin me you know, my obsessions. one day they will.
marching with SHO! @ 0156
marching on. the twentieth day.
nm presentation was fine. better than I thought. smile everybody.
and we ended early. so vicks got her civilisation earlier. and I still fail to understand why they even bother teaching soci kids about quantitative analysis. it was so hard to find articles for vicks to understand. nm is so much easier to find such articles. simply throw a virtual stone into the ejournals and they'll pop up.
maybe that's a good thing about majoring in something like e lit and lang. there's nothing to survey. AHAHA.
and then I didn't get started on js. which I should, really. the weekend, the weekend. but I need to get my midi recorded. ARGH. deadlines irritate me to no end.
and I just downloaded sweet memories. the original version. smile. so here's to another old fashioned ultimate japanese and ultimate 1980s recording. as if roppongi shinjuu weren't enough. that was is ultimate 1980s disco arrangement okay! sweet memories isn't all that bad. and she has that oooooh sweet voice. and she still looks pretty, even though she's past 40. I guess that's why matsuda seiko was such a chart topper. but I prefer ayumi anyhow. ayumi broke matsuda's record of the most number of #1 singles consecutively on the oricon charts. cool right.
buddy asked me if ayumi was still around. like duh. and then we saw the poster for A best 2 (white) at the mrt station. AHAHA.
and buddy went through a heart attack today. why didn't you scold him anyway??!!! I would have screamed so loudly the entire school would hear me and then I'd cry there. AHAHA. drama a bit lah. make a scene! ahaha. no wonder vicks was saying singaporeans have no reaction.
ahaha. but my buddy isn't typically singaporean LEH.
BESIDES that. I have an inspiration for a new layout! yay! because when I have inspiration, the layout takes less time to make. and that's good for me, because I don't have all that much time. I think. ha.
so as much as vicks is rushing and pushing herself to finish all her term papers and projects, I think I should too. to finish my nm2208 last project, clear up my 2208 portfolio, finish js1101 project, then I must do the arrangement for spirit flux (and then throw the vocals to samuel), and then and then.
and then it's time to study for exams. WAIL. time to seriously clear readings. clear readings, chant japanese. something like that. my exams looks something like that too. ssa first, so start clearing the HUGE pile of readings and remembering stuff from there, then it's laj, so it's chanting time. then the next day it's js, so reading clearing starts again, but it's not all that much. not as thick as ssa, trust me. then it's a few days to memorise my nm2102 textbook. AHAHA.
and then we're back to false freedom. yes indeed it's supposedly freedom because we don't have work to do during holidays. but then soon enough we'll throw ourselves back into the school cycle and then it all starts again. 3 month siesta. I shall work, I suppose. I should, actually. AHAHA. otherwise I'd grow mouldy again. eeeks. but I'm still puzzled as to how the fungi went away. it suddenly appeared, stayed for nearly the entire semester, then went away as suddenly as it appeared. hmmm.
and my sister's done with bathing! I shall go bathe and sleep. my goodness. oh and I reported the lost book today. gosh. I'm going to owe the library so much money. I think I'll just pay for the darn book. after all, I lost the super old edition. 1998. my gosh. just pay the loss.
that's that then.
marching with SHO! @ 0058 sweet memories - matsuda seiko
marching on. the nineteenth day.
yeah I've skipped a day. because I was so busy.
and actually I have nothing to say.
or I suppose I do, but not now. and honestly I should sleep.
and the final nm2208 project hasn't been too bad so far. huong has turned out to be as secretly evil as I am, and sherwin is going to die badly for that. I think he must be regretting his decision to find slightly more vocal group members. got more than he bargained for, I suppose.
and then I'm taking on the front part of the js project. don't ask me why I did that. but I did and it's too late. so I'm going to try starting on it after tomorrow. try.
and somehow I miss twinkle. I'm really obsessed, I suppose.
and I've finally finished ONE tube of twinkles. gosh I'm really bad at eating sweets and stuff like that. chips are gone in a flash, but sweets are taking so long, even though I have a sweet tooth, and I go hungry during certain tutorials.
I feel like I'm forcing words out of myself.
and somehow I've survived talking online to a few people at one time. usually I can't take it. I suppose these people are alright. and I'm taking to talking to denise. =) but I still want to talk to zonghan. I'm not done with talking to him. and I likey talking to him too.
I'm beginning to sound like some strange small kid.
I take time to throw my little tantrums after all. besides, I've never seriously thrown one ever. never knew how to, I suppose.
and it's really late today. my goodness. and I'm still sending the stupid no ni saku hana no you ni to yuting! come on, msn! move faster! my goodness.
and I'm still listening to aisho. there's something cliche about the song but I like it anyway.
yawn.
nm presentation. vicky consultation. buddy dinner. js try to start.
alright man, my day.
ikuzou. (e...dame dame, nemurimasuuu)
marching with SHO! @ 0218 aisho - koda kumi (look at the TIME!!!!)
marching on. the seventeenth day.
I don't know why but I'm feeling like terribly sleepy today. there's this odd lethargy that I have today. I didn't sleep little, if you were wondering.
exams in a month. my gosh.
sleepy. not really tired.
crystal was highlighting holidays and being all proud of herself for doing that. she can't wait for holidays. victoria wants a term break NOW so that she can finish her term papers and projects.
holidays. but when they come, that means twinkle will disappear.
and accordingly, my nick will drop the toothpaste.
or no more darlie, according to ah huei. ha.
and I must bring some foolscap on monday. then I can write to buddy while sitting at the bench. but then again, I don't know if I have time to do that on monday. rather busy on monday. there's jap vocab test, I think, plus js readings to do. and I have only 2 hours for that. then after js it's lunchtime, and rotting with crystal time. then it's ssa and then it's time to go home and rest. oh not really. it seems that all three of us have died for nm. ha.
and I think sherwin's idea of using triangles and circles is FANTASTIC. because come to think of it, besides being easier to draw, this also makes it possible for all of us to contribute to the drawing. then we wouldn't tax one single person. so poor thing. but the story must come out! nobody has emailed! gosh. we're going to do this monday night thing again is it?!
AHAHA. I shall be nice and come up with a story tomorrow. then I'll tell them to start drawing circles, triangles and squares. yays! (as if I'm all that hardworking and leader-ish)
and I finally thought of what about the name michelle that makes me laugh already. just did.
who is michelle? michelle is my MOTHER!
AHAHAHA. my goodness. that was superbly hilarious. talk about my impressions of dannyboy outside class. that was the second one. and what a joke it was. and still is.
and next week is the last episode of hana yori dango 2!! AHH!!
oh crap. I'm supposed to burn DBSK for joanne. OOPS.
but now I want to bathe and sleep. so there.
marching with SHO! @ 0052 aisho - koda kumi (I just love this song)
marching on. the sixteenth day.
finished the heart of darkness today. "the horror! the horror!" gosh that line sticks. and I THINK I know who's the dude on my guestbook. she left another message. my dear if you're reading this, please mail me or something, or we'll both be unknown forever to one another. I've basically eliminated a lot of the kids (as far as my memory goes) and narrowed it down to 2 girls. and those 2 girls are friends. so I don't know which one.
but I have a feeling it's that one. which one? my pride will not tell.
the horror. ahaha. I think I should read the book all over again. I was partly confused here and there and I fell a little asleep on some parts. thus I didn't catch everything that I'm supposed to. and how do I know that? because I'm a cheat and I run along to sparknotes and read every darn thing they have there to offer me.
how the crap did I survive lit man, sparknotes. HA.
and I read through like 2 months worth of my blog entries. well my guestbook dude referred me to a little entry in september (which is when my soci tutorials JUST began) and she was the poor child who offered to answer questions, but nobody wanted to ask any to begin with, inducing a response from harry, saying that that's how he feels when we give him silence.
5 lessons. all it takes. frightening. and then I find that I have a lot of wails about not seeing him again and not seeing him around school and a lot of fangirlish squeeing. and a lot of gladys squeeing too. and an almost equal amount of dan goh appearing. and dannyboy guest starring in my consultation entry.
oh well. but the legacy lives on. not all that twinkles are stars. heh.
and anyway, after I'd finished the horror! book, I was so provoked by the last parts, from kurtz crawling away from the steamer, to his death, the horror!, exterminate the brutes! to finally the Intended's mad mourning even a year after kurtz' death (not to mention that she's only his fiancee, and not even his wife). and then I wanted to scribble something down somewhere. unfortunately I hadn't brought my trusty notebook with all my nonsense inside. which was crappy. so I stoned a while more, and then I thought, hey let's write to buddy. and so I pulled out my foolscap stack and began to look for an empty piece.
and there weren't any.
I was like WHAT?!! and thus I put the foolscap back into my file. utterly disappointed in myself for being such a goondoo in my attempts to make my bag lighter, only to find myself without any resources. if kurseth were around she would have foolscap, I assume. but if kur were around then I wouldn't have finished the text and then I wouldn't have felt the way I did and then I wouldn't have even wanted to write.
but I found some rough paper, and decided that I shall just write something on instead, since that was like the only piece I could use already. so I picked out my pencil first, but somehow decided to put that back and pulled out the red pen.
and thus here goes yet another strange poem:
the red pen
why I picked out the red pen
I know not why
perhaps it is the mixed emotion
the myriad of colours that turned
the colour of blood
the colour of vigour
the colour of passion
the colour of love
the colour of anger
the colour of danger
what did we turn our lives into
when it is all red
but we know not why
or rather
we know not which
the colour represents too much
too strong?
I don't think so
for emotions as weakening as they may be
are in actual fact strong in power
that is why I picked the red pen
that is symbolic
of everything I ever felt
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
don't ask why I'm feeling so poetic these days. after my great inspiration for self destruction I couldn't stop. uh yeah, that one took some inspiration and a little planning. it didn't come out as naturally as you might think it did. when reality hits hard came out so fast, because I sound more like I'm talking more than anything else. this one too, scribbled out in this cursive mess. and all in red.
then more scribbles came out.
嘘には罰を (punishment for your lies)
此処に一人。(here alone.)
誰か分かる？分かるでしょう？(do you know who I am? you know, right?)
想い出せない。全然分からない。(the answer cannot come out. I don't understand at all.)
and the last one: "the horror! the horror!"
the first and third scribble is from kemono michi by cocco, the song which I have been listening too much of, I think. the second one is from the pledge by dir en grey, which I had listened too much of and became emo and depressed and upset with myself and so I cut it. the fourth one is a little tricky. the first sentence is from 304 goushitsu, hakushi no sakura by dir en grey and the second sentence is from an old nick of mine, when I was trying to study and had such a headache and then it happened that I was trying to figure twinkle out properly from the msn conversations but I couldn't quite. and of course the last one is the horrifying quote from the heart of darkness.
sister picked up the book just now. she was like "eh what book is this? the heart of darkness? JOSEPH CONRAD?! you very bored ah?!"
I was like uHhhhh yeah. what a laugh.
I assume no stars tonight.
marching with SHO! @ 0015 juunana sai - gazette
marching on. the fifteenth day.
just read the nm2102 forums. hiak. as much as dr chung insists that the telephone survey is a proven formula, and stinking FORTY questions along the lines of "please state if you strongly agree, agree, slightly agree, neutral, slightly disagree, disagree, strongly disagree" (which has annoyed me just by typing it all out), and that it's perfectly legal and is a good practice,
I'm sorry dr chung. I love you mucho but this seriously doesn't work.
oh well. but the spss file shall still go in. I'm so burdened by all this. as in there's like much to do and stuff to be done and I'm like ARGH about it.
my attitude still stinks after all.
blah. and then now I must finish the spss file, then after that think about the nm2208 storyline thing.
but before all that happens, something must go down my blog memories. that's last night's concert, obviously. the concert rocked, but not really because of olivia. well it was a concert by "olivia and friends" and the friends rocked to the max. you can't go wrong with a bunch of crazy jazz musicians who just want to have fun performing the music they love so much in any instrument possible that they know how to play. the saxophonist put his alto sax down, picked up his soprano sax, put that down too and got himself a flute. the pianist plonked beautifully on the extreme ranges, tinkling away, striking bass notes with finesse, and then abandoned the piano. picked up a pianica (which I haven't seen in yearsss yearssssss yearssssssss) and started to blow jazzy stuff out of it. my goodness.
(you haven't a clue how much air it takes to do that)
and of course there was the drum squeaker. who was absolutely entertaining. the power bassist whom reita should bow to. the guitarist who plays somewhat like kaoru -- just sits there calmly and quietly, focused, and does his thing, as if he's just learnt it, but plays like WAH TOTAL EXPERT!
and I pity all bossa nova drummers. period. they have amazing stamina and rhythm feel. same with that senor (I can't put that twiggly line on top of the o) percussionist. my goodness. the stamina. the stamina. I can't bear the tambourine for even like one song. that super fast beat tambourine rhythm, that is.
and yeah I liked that matsuda seiko song too. sounds vaguely familiar though. and yeah yeah it's one of those 80's songs where we have that "we used to be together but now we're not, but I wish we still were somehow" sort of stuff.
I haven't watched a good concert for some time now. I'm really sorry to my buddy who needs to beg and drag me to concerts yet I simply went for one last night.
but hey I didn't pay a single cent. oh stop it, stupid obsessed woman. you just wanted to see twinkle. and you did.
I must be crazy. and why do I like being crazy? I don't know. is this a way of maintaining my sanity? it's an insane way of maintaining my sanity, which manifests itself in an insane amount but in sane methods. did I make sense? to myself, yes. to others I don't know.
and then I ran into linda. my goodness I run into her at the oddest places. the last time I ran into her when I was at the career fair, when vicks and I were all ready to spring surprises on the moe people. and she was there. and then before that must have been like tp open house. I'm amazed we actually still recognise each other. AHAHA. seriously. the amount of makeup on her face seems to have thickened. and for that split second I didn't remember her name, and all I could manage was a oh erm, hi! and er, yah! going in! yes! bye! I hadn't much clue what I said and I barely looked at her.
flustered me. don't run late for concerts. it's bad business.
and somehow I feel like writing something emo. but I don't know where to start. I've lost my random feeling spurt thing. it comes back a little now and then to haunt me, but it fleets fast.
here we go, I suppose.
when reality hits hard.
when reality hits hard is it really about reality? when reality hits hard what on earth really hit? perhaps we really never know what hit us. or more dangerously, we did and we called it reality when what really really came and made us really really upset was actually a fantasy it was perhaps, a little whim that hit first a little fancy pansy, a little rash moment when we forgot all else when we ran away from reality so called. but actually we didn't we didn't we made the fantasy reality but when everything went wrong we said OH we had a fantasy we had a little brash fleeting moment and oh dear it's so ephemeral it was just a silly whim, a little crush, a display of dumbness and then we claim rather loudly reality hit. and when reality hits it hits so hard everything else became fantasy but in actual fact, the fantasy was your reality so who decides on reality why is another's reality your reality what about your own when the fantasy hit and you made it your reality that's when reality really hit and that's when reality hits hard.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
how did we feed fantasies to the point it became real? did it become real? I made mine real. I made mine look real. it happens, it happened. therefore it is real. no no not that I think therefore I am crap. it happened. things move, things happen. and that is reality. and so when fantasy happens, it is converted to reality. and when that fantasy converted reality crashes and slams straight into your face because there was something stupid about it to begin with, reality's hit. the reality of the fantasy.
this is not good. I'm supposed to be doing work.
but somehow I hope for the bright orange blink. and somehow I know it will not come. I await my fantasies to become reality.
I await.
and stupidly I do. but who is to say that it is stupid? futile, perhaps, but why do I say it is stupid? which part of my intelligence did I insult? or maybe it is my silly pride, that wants to be cool and calm and collected in the face of every wind and storm that comes my way, but actually I falter and I fall and I cry and I wail and there's pain involved but oh no, I say that going through all this stupid and crazy that we should never ever embark on.
but I do, anyway. like everybody else.
you are terribly cursed then.
unfortunately, I know that. and like what I told him, cursed as it seems, I cannot imagine life if I couldn't think like how I think now. life would have been much different. he says life precedes thought, and while it makes sense on one hand, it works conversely too, actually.
and I'm REALLY sleepy now. I was sleepy in school only because it was getting boring. but because I didn't fall asleep on the bus at all, it means I was feeling fine physically.
baby, the stars shine bright. the ultimate sign of feminity. literally, and not so. or at least that's what I think.
marching with SHO! @ 0110 aisho - koda kumi
marching on. the fourteenth day.
the usual phrase. I shouldn't be here. I'm supposed to be working on my nm2208 learning journal crap. I finally like sorta completed the assignment 1 html. but guess what? I just completed assignment 6's presentation yesterday, so guess how far behind I am in doing this shit.
okay fine no need to guess.
and I'm still feeling somewhat sleepy. this is bad. I think it's the lethargy and the weather all put together. bad bad bad. all bad. and then I ate good breakfast. waiting for lunch. saved a shitload of pictures from jrock_scans. bad bad. played about with photoshop. not so bad, because 1. practicing, 2. the images were for my nm2208 learning journal. heh. but of course, I've stashed uruha and nao and saga there on top of ruki, so that's kinda not so good too. ha.
and I find that I have nothing left to talk about here.
but the new koda kumi single is not bad. I'm rather glad she didn't end up in morning musume. otherwise I have no idea what she'd be like now. oh well. and then I think of the music station interview with her and yamapi and how it was such a laugh. because koda kumi and her friends were squealing about yamapi being just next door and all, while yamapi was all alone in the next room, and was excited upon hearing chatter in kansai dialect next door, hoping that he could find some friends to chat with or something. then in the end yamapi dropped something or something along those lines and shocked the girls half to death. what a joke man. the stupid things that happen backstage.
you know when we watch all these artistes make a fool of themselves and do crazy silly things backstage or anywhere offstage we say that they're AWWW so cute! but you know, as humans we all do things like that, and being backstage all these years, I know we do the dumbest things alive. from taking pictures in the toilet, screaming at one another while changing, running here and there and doing nonsense things, throwing stuff around backstage, playing with the props, posing with the curtain, whatever. we do crazy stuff before going on stage. and we've never said that we're cute. AHAHA. or each other, for that matter.
I have this strange feeling that my mummy's done with cooking lunch. but I am not hungry. and somehow I have this weird feeling in my stomach again. like this morning. not good. BAD. I have limited vocabulary. ungood. very ungood.
man that book will never rub off me, will it?
lunchtime. jaa ne.
marching with SHO! @ 1249 aisho - koda kumi
marching on. the thirteenth day.
I just made another liang ping episode today.
the zonghan I know, is not the zonghan that buddy knows. and it feels like the time I asked mr wee if his sister were liang ping. which is a total joke now. and I'm sorry to maril because she asked on my behalf (since I didn't have so much guts then somehow). but we had a good laugh, because I think we shocked mr wee half to death, knowing that there were these 2 other siblings out there in the world with a name so close to his own. his sister's name is actually liang ying, if I don't remember wrongly. so put mr wee, his sister, liang ping, her brother, and gosh they could be mistaken to be a family.
and then this afternoon I felt like I was squeezing an answer out of a confused zonghan. AHAHA. he was like "UHHHH if you really want to know, I played the violin when I was 8". what a laugh. poor child. I likey talking to him.
and now I'm beginning to wonder if he said he knew for the fun of it. as in he's trying to play with my reaction. hmmm. I haven't a clue. that sounds more like something I would do, really. AHAHA. I'd pretend I know something I don't.
actually that's an old habit. a bad one, because I was a young proud child who didn't want to admit that she didn't know a lot of things.
my goodness I'm talking to too many people online at one shot. and I am having the longest conversation to twinkle yet man. and while the liang somethings and the zonghans have no relation, I find twinkle having a relation with a totally off person.
so now I have free tickets to olivia ong's concert tomorrow. and I'm seeing twinkle to get my tickets. and I didn't really want to talk to him at first. then in the end I did. so now I'm going to see him to get the tickets, and I'm going for a concert. and then my buddy asked me for dinner, but oh well. sorry darling, too late.
and I shall sleep.
marching with SHO! @ 0104 drain away - dir en grey
marching on. the twelfth day.
okay tonight I am not insane anymore. or at least tonight it's not going to be unleashed. I will go sleep early and get well. I will not stay up for dumb reasons. I shall stop observing dumbass things.
however, the book still lies inside my bag. it's a little difficult to get through, and a little slow, but I'm moving through it somehow. it's not particularly attention grabbing and the craziest part is that it's actually a monologue. I didn't expect that. but anyhow, the story is beginning to move. it's annoying me as much as it's annoying marlow.
yes, I want to see kurtz. come on. faster!
on another note, crystal and I rotted at as4 benches to await ssa lecture. and then after a while this girl who takes ssa and nm with crys plonked herself at our bench. then her friend joined her. and BOY are these two girls FUNNY. I had such a good laugh. one is a lit major and the other a "going to" soci major. the friend was complaining about how tough french was, and they decided that english was better because it's a less expressive language which uses less words.
what nonsense is that?! english is easier on us because we grew up with it, not because it's seriously any easier. unless somehow you're more inclined toward germanic languages or something. and then after that they were bitching about dannyboy, which was another laugh. crys' friend was super freaked out because dannyboy would smile in his spastic way and wave in that equally spasm spastic manner and then he'll call her in class and listen in on the groups' conversations and respond accordingly.
sorry darling, but dannyboy's LIKE THIS.
there's nothing to be freaked over. the friend got him last sem for ssa as well, and she was like YEAH HE'S OH SO FREAKY! and actually they'd decided that the boy was pervy (well I don't know about that seriously) and then later they thought a little more about it and concluded that perhaps it's just his look and actions, but he doesn't really mean any harm.
sigh.
the poor kid. and he's not even in school. for the week, I think? he didn't turn up for lecture (I think. shaney sat with eugene.) and he sent an email saying he wouldn't be in, and if we needed help during his usual consultation hours, we are to drop shaney an email and
"he will entertain you."
AHAHA. the circus music begins playing, really. but that's really awful of me because shaney's a nice kid. seriously.
and I've finished my nm2208. gosh. thank God for jenny! she's really good at pushing lazy me along. and so tomorrow I shall present a really really really really SUCKY gazette poster.
I never knew such a poster could EVER exist. my goodness.
and I want to sleep. wrong. I NEED to sleep. I'm not helping myself get well when I barely recover and I eat macdonalds, drink pokka lemon tea, continue eating twinkles AND sleeping past midnight.
totally. I shall pack my bag and run to bed.
oh and the shiroi ringo is in the house! my sister's apple laptop finally arrived. but she needs the office for macintosh before she fully weans off my desktop. yeah the computer's practically mine, especially since she didn't live at home and had her own laptop.
well not that I can't stand the fact that I share the comp. it's just that both of us usually need it, and we're only free at night. so it gets hard to share the comp, not that we are about kill each other just because we have to share. we're civilised sisters. very civilised.
righto. oyasumi!
marching with SHO! @ 2313 way out - cocco
marching on. the eleventh day.
I have only one thing to say tonight.
I AM BLOODY INSANE.
I know it. I must be a nut.
manifesting my insanity in sane ways. that's how I unleash my madness.
marching with SHO! @ 0116 kemono michi - cocco
marching on. the tenth day.
I am in this strange state of depression. this odd rut I can't seem to pull myself out of today. and I have a splitting headache from I don't know where. okay not really all that splitting, but it comes on now and then and it's annoying me. not to mention that somehow I'm still feeling a little sick and feeling some lack of sleep (although I think that's my escapism side of me at work).
I'll go drink some water or something.
just finished watching hana yori dango episode 8. episode 9 is inside the computer but I'm not watching it just yet.
and I suddenly have an urge to read heart of darkness. I'm darn sure he did it for literature. (it's part of the old set text list for paper 1) and what the crap?! it's in the esplanade library. which I just went to the other day with buddy.
fantastic. I'm always like that, you know. somehow or another.
I shall make a trip there. perhaps tomorrow, if I think I'm crazy enough. actually not very crazy. it's easier to go from church to the esplanade and back home again than to tumble from school down and then home.
but why do they hide a little book barely over 100 pages long all the way in the esplanade library, the library thought to contain only books on the performing arts and such. (but of course there is more than that.)
ratchada, eh? literally the heart of darkness.
there are some days I question my sanity. today is one of those days.
and I am feeling so bored. when I'm not supposed to be, obviously.
I should go try those numbers I took. go. have integrity.
oh crappy me. in the end I finished watching hana yori dango. or rather, whatever episodes I had. great. and now I'm going to suffer the wait for the next episode. I desisted the urge to watch them all at one shot like this because I hate waiting for drama episodes like this.
dramas. songs. the catharsis that nobody realised they went through by listening and watching all this stuff. after listening to what my mummy said, I think it's true after all. and it seems I suffer this now and then.
like we pinch ourselves to prove reality, we hurt ourselves to prove our existence.
indeed. how sad we have all become. and I finally found out what saraba means. it means farewell. saraba.
marching with SHO! @ 1752 saraba - gazette
oh and before I forget. buddy wanted to send me this song, this really ancient song last night. she said when she heard it, she thought of twinkle and I.
Ben - Michael Jackson
Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You've got a friend in me
(you've got a friend in me)
Ben, you're always running here and there
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's one thing you should know
You've got a place to go
(you've got a place to go)
I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(a friend) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben
haha. I kinda understand why she thought of us. but no my dear buddy, somehow it isn't like this. somewhat yes, somehow no. thank you for thinking of me all the same.
marching with SHO! @ 1756 Q - alice nine
marching on. the ninth day.
I AM VERY PISSED.
okay first of all, it was such a hot day. then somehow my nose broke down. then some idiot guy boarded the bus and talked SO LOUDLY I wonder if he's deaf. but then again he can't be, because the girl who was talking to him was talking at a normal volume, and sometimes I couldn't actually hear her above the bus noise and my mp3 player. which means the boy isn't deaf. just bloody loud.
and then I decided to start on my nm2102 telephone surveys. as apprehensive as I am, I decided to go start because it's due really soon. so FINE. I pick up the phone and then what happens?
the bloody phone isn't working. WAH LAO.
never mind. looks like I'll have to use my handphone, yes? and so I do. I dial and I get a whole range of nonsense and I think half of them just say that they're not free and want to sleep because they don't want to answer a telephone survey. like I so don't blame them but it irritates anyway.
and then I'm like GREAT and so I've dialled like 8 numbers in 10 minutes flat which is less than the amount of time the stupid survey actually takes. so now I've taken yet another 2 sets of numbers from the department and I will have to carry on tomorrow. my goodness.
and who the SHIT decided to use telephone surveys in a society that doesn't like picking up house phones and doesn't like answering phone calls because they think that the caller is selling something?! and I'm darn sure like half the time we're getting people who either don't cooperate, or get darn nasty. and some people have apparently been scolded and utterly cursed in hokkien. like yay.
actually after a while I don't really know why I'm pissed (because somehow I think it goes beyond my kaput phone and rubbish numbers) but I am anyway and just to inform you, I've typed the above like so damn fast, it's barely taken me 2 minutes even. everything just decided to pour out.
and then poor crystal had to take the brunt of my pissified mood. heh. sorry girl. blahhhhh.
baby, the stars are shinin', but not bright. and sometimes I wonder why God let the stars shine so bright. what purpose is there? and what is to become of all this? should there be something that comes out of this? or should I stop it? and why do I want to continue anyway?
I don't know anymore, actually.
the fundamental question is always why. and I don't fancy why questions. but they must be asked, and they ought to be answered. of course they are always asked, but asked less as time goes by. the problem is that they're are never answered. or at least, answers don't come by easily.
what have I done to myself.
marching with SHO! @ 0039
marching on. the eighth day.
I don't have anything to say. I'm just so bored. I'm waiting for people to talk to me. I just want to talk. but I don't know what I want to talk about. I want zonghan to come online so I can ask him. YES twinkle's online but I haven't a clue what to talk to him about. so I shall forget about it, unless he suddenly pops up in conversation. but I think he's running out of things to talk to me about too. oh well.
I didn't want to probe, and I don't want to. yes it's out of character for me anyway. and I don't want him to close. I barely even know why I want him to open.
I must be a crazy girl.
that must be it. I'm just bonkers like this. and I'm having this strange odd feeling that I'll talk garbage if somebody decides to talk to me right now. but yet I must let something out. I have something pressing on my heart but I don't know what. perhaps it's a bunch of things. like tc conversation memorisation, nm2102 telephone survey, overdose of chatterbox today, tiring lecture day, disturbing emo-fied twinkle, I don't know anymore.
on another note, vivien's 5 months pregnant. gosh.
just as kayan celebrates her 21st year in celebration with friends and family like any usual 21 year old student in singapore, vivien celebrates her 21st year with a big bang. she'll give birth around july, and then celebrate her 1st wedding anniversary in september.
crazy man. but nothing beats the 9 year old girl and 14 year old boy.
listening to the 2nd dir en grey song I memorised. and I suddenly realise recently that it is very simple japanese. as long as you know some chinese, and you've taken laj1201, I think you can translate most of this. of course there is no ja arimasen (it's not all that formal) but most of it would make sense already.
and I think as much as I laugh at crystal going holey schmoley at the little time left we have of the term, I think I am worrying about that partly too. sigh. every hana yori dango episode tells me that week after week is ending. every episode. because it comes out every friday night. and then I'd promptly go get it.
called vicks to release something within me.
and now I shall sleep.
alas, a night without the stars.
marching with SHO! @ 0125 filth in the beauty - gazette
marching on. the seventh day.
had dinner with buddy. good one it was. better than our last one. we were both so tired the last time. today wasn't so bad, even though we were both sick and carrying bloody heavy bags. I spat out everything on twinkle I remembered (which is a lot and I remembered it gosh) and then we bitched about geri (it's been so many years and we continue to bitch about her) and all in all it wasn't too bad really.
and then it seems that zonghan may be a mutual friend. AHAHA.
the world is just too small. but then again I don't know yet, since he isn't online for me to ask him today. some other day then. so long as it doesn't turn into a liang ping episode I'm fine. that was hilarious actually. and I really didn't dare ask mr wee. thank God for maril! AHAHA and I saw maril today! she looks so tired man.
gosh, seishun amigo. haven't heard this in ages man.
and that crazy joanne actually finished watching nobuta wo produce on youtube in one day flat! I took like 5 days or so, I think, because after a while my eyes couldn't take it. oh well different people are different. she starts school today though. forgot to ask how it went. but orientation is orientation.
boring shit.
unless you're the type who really likes it.
and there's still the awful chemical smell in my hair. and I don't know why. I've washed my hair properly the past 2 days but there's still that smell. not so strong, but still there. hurrmph. yes aileen, it HAS TO BE AMMONIA! sheesh.
but I'll never forget biying's potent chlorine gas. never.
and I think I ought to sleep, despite the mocha effect being there. yes I drank mocha at like 9pm and I'm like wide awake now. okay not really wide wide awake but not dying like I usually am by this hour. which is why I'm updating, really.
and atspace is finally done with their server maintainance! gosh so now I can use my ftp in peace again! and my malice mizer is done! okay it's actually sister's malice mizer. oh whatever. it's on this comp. and I should really burn all the stuff away man. my comp is going to die from all this stuff.
sleep lah! my goodness.
marching with SHO! @ 0110 jewel - hamasaki ayumi
marching on. the sixth day.
die harry, die.
he suddenly popped up for a conversation last night. and so I opened the window, wondering what he was going to say this time.
to find myself in a conversation with 4 others already in it.
never mind. there was harry, 2 ex-students, grace and zonghan,
and dannyboy.
and I have tutorial with danny tomorrow. fantastic. and he gave me funny smile again today. I think this is really bad.
and danny dressed like a cleaner today. vicks thought he was, then realised that this cleaner uncle looked really familiar. and then she realised it was daniel. AHAHA. and he really really looked like the cleaner uncle man.
and I am oddly hungry. but I ate normally today. and I is sick. wail. so it makes you wonder why I'm still up. I don't really know why myself, actually. I just decided to connect myself with civilisation today.
and I discover that I do remember econs after all. AHAHA. some of it, that is. like the difference between quantity demanded and demand. oh what a laugh. I hope siok hoon understood man. it's so much to cover in like 2 hours plus. not to mention that I'm sick today. and I drank SO MUCH WATER. everyone who knows my drinking habits will be amazed. I finished 2 bottles of water today. and the 3rd one is almost done, actually. I didn't finish it so fast only because I didn't want to end up wanting to pee on the mrt.
and I suppose I should sleep. really I should. eyelids closinggg....
marching with SHO! @ 0040
marching on. the fifth day.
since I stashed it on my lj, it ought to appear here too.
just when I thought he looked decent
he turned up looking wasted a fortnight later
just when I thought he sounded awesome
he turned out being more dysfunctional than I'd believed
just when I thought he knew what he was doing
he said he didn't know what to believe in after a while
just when I thought he was confident, up one level
he seems to be broken somewhere deep inside
just when I thought he was really well educated
he spouted the f word faster than you could react
just when I thought he wanted to stay and be of permanence
he just told me he's going to leave
just when I thought he was addicted to tobacco
he turns out to enjoy thai sticks too
just when I thought he was really of an abrasive nature
he suddenly turns the tables and begins to talk
just when I thought he was insightful
he seems to me more like one who has thought too much and answered too little
just when I thought he was all calm and stable
he is actually en route to self-destruction
ah well. I think I talk too much to twinkle. the craziest part? he started it. as in I wasn't the one who went to clicky on his name and insist on talking to him. that's what I did with yi chuan I think and it didn't go very far. partly because our frequencies are kinda off. I think. but never mind.
once there was a troubled boy, all because he liked to destroy all the things that bring the idiots joy -- well what's wrong with a little destruction?
I don't know why but I thought of that line. that's from the fallen by franz ferdinand. destruction. destructive luurrrve. AHAHA. crystal and I laugh too much about that. really we do. destructive love.
what has love become today that mankind has warped it so? where did the gentleness and happiness in love go to? why is it destructive, selfish, painful? maybe we've got too much bad dramas going on.
well I shan't go on too long here, because I must complete my very destructive love greeting card. it looks nice when it's big. but when I stash it as my little msn display pic, it seems like a river of blood flowing from the one killed in the snow. ugh I watch too much drama mama things too.
To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
Auguries of Innocence - William Blake
blah. twinkle it's your fault now, really. and I am falling sick. so I should quickly finish up my work and run to bed. oh and I'm going out again tomorrow. sigh. I hope I will last. somehow I think it's all because I sleep too little.
because I talk to twinkle, who disappears suddenly.
and I, always,
Watching the stars till they're gone
like an actor all alone
who never knew the story he was in
who never knew the story ends
The Last Song - X Japan
I'm getting too emo today. time to do work. oh gosh destructive love!
marching with SHO! @ 2228 no way - anna tsuchiya
marching on. the third day.
oh the shock and the horror that sho's HUGE face appeared on screen, eh kiayun? AHAHA. arashi's not all that bad after a while, although I still think ohno's face looks OH NO (because he just has that ooops what did I just do mummy save me face) and aiba is still...below johnny standards. we won't elaborate too much on that.
realised I hadn't read ky's blog for some time. so I went to check it out just now. and she cut her hair. not short, but...well it depends on how good your hairdresser is. I've done that stunt before and trust me, while it looks decent for now, check it out again 2 months down the road.
but hers is rebonded, so I suppose it'll probably look fine. just that there may be some un-evenness which will cause it to go a little out of shape. but if the ends curl out stupidly, the best thing to do is to actually wash and blowdry, and comb it real nice and then sleep on it. or basically use the damn hairdryer to blow it into shape, because heat is probably the only thing that works. no water doesn't, stupidly enough.
then again, that was MY hair. my silly hair that's growing out of shape right now. but I insist on letting all layers grow out before cutting. then again, I think I ought to bear with this mess until my exams are over. no way am I going to fight with power layering during exams. not to mention that the stupid exam venue can be VERY cold. but by that time, it'll probably mean that my fringe will run past my face (and therefore cease to have a fringe per se) and the longer layers will go past the middle of my back. hmmm. yes my layering is so powerful. it runs from my cheekbone down.
the more I look at this layout, the more I laugh.
it's not me, somehow. yet it is somewhere. the sho is shocking, the orange is crazy and there's an exclamation mark in the signoff. but yet there's that dull brown background and this odd simplicity in the layout. then again I churned this out in an hour or less and TADA.
and I remembered what I wanted to say yesterday. yesterday this strange boy from my TB class came for my TC class. and no, he didn't realise he was in the wrong class at all. I recognise him because he's this awkward tall guy from china who dresses rather fashionably but doesn't know how to walk normally. he walks with this strange gait. and his eyes are always oddly watery. and he is almost always late for my TB class.
but anyway he came in for TC and happily sat down next to me. everybody stared at him, because he's NEVER appeared in my class and my entire class recognises each other. so we thought he was here to make up for his missed class. but my sensei walked towards him and asked him
e-to, sumimasen, onamae wa? (erm, sorry, what's your name?)
after he replied, she looked through her namelist and asked
li-san no kurasu wa, KOKO desu ka? (is your class HERE?)
he thought for a while and said yes. then she said
kono kurasu wa san ji no kurasu desu. li-san no kurasu wa NI JI desu. (this is the three o'clock class. yours is the two o'clock one.)
I tell you I've never seen somebody bolt up so upright and fast before. but my teacher let him stay anyway, since he would have to make up for the 2pm class he missed already. and TC class was cute, as usual. there's always some cute people in all my classes. and we're all so good natured about our silliness and engpanese (since we don't suffer from japlish) so it's fun that way.
somehow this sem seems more fun.
then again, I don't know how to compare. but now I have that 2102 telephone survey to do. wails. it's not that it's super difficult or something, I'm just lazy to do it. and then I went to look at the 2101 work schedule (since I'm going to do it next sem if available) and realised it's somewhat like sc2101 as well. but worse, group project. sheesh. group research project. hmmm. oh never mind. that's worries for another sem. I'm one of the few goondoos who do 2102 without 2101, but there's always people who need to get them done the wrong way around.
bah don't know lah.
I'm sleepy today. and I don't really know why, because I woke up on my own accord this morning before my alarm went off, and I'd slept pretty much enough for the night. but anyway I'm supposed to be labouring over my assignment.
but now it's time for dinner and then it's SPA!
marching with SHO! @ 1750 document '97 - suga shikao
marching on. the second day.
say hello to sho. *waves* that's my attempt to be a little less emo. yeah I was emoting for a couple of days (say thanks to dir en grey this time) and so to counter that, I decided to make sho my next poster boy. uh yeah, oddly enough I didn't make a layout in advance, and I suddenly realised this on the last day of february, and decided hastily that I shall do sho. there were a few nice pictures of nino, some tsubasa, koichi, a plenty of kat-tun (and confirm lah, dangly boy is a fan of ueda!) but I somehow decided on sho. oh and that power background behind sho-kun is actually the cover of the nlsg tour pamphlet. yes gazette and arashi have zero in common, but hey I like that cover picture a lot. I shall attempt to do photoshop stunts like that.
and speaking of last month. ::february 2007::
yeah. and sho always wears this little knowing smile on his face. I don't know why or how but he always does. but at least he's got a cute little knowing smile. and he just has this quiet and pleasant look.
not like dannyboy. I'm sorry I'm going on and on about the boy. I have no idea why either, but I keep running into him. every few days I'll see him. yes I know I'm always walking past as1 (that's not entirely my choice you know) because either my classrooms are on the way or it's the only sheltered way (since it's been pouring like nobody's business), or these couple of days I've found myself on that auspicious bench at as1.
well today I was heading towards the terminal from library, and the only sheltered way was that treacherous (it looks like it's spelt wrongly) path down to the old arts canteen, past holey moley corridor, down as2 to lt11 and take the stupid overhead bridge. and then because I was on the phone and saying hello to two million people (I ran into a lot of folks today) along the way, plus trying to take care of my no-friction slippers, I was rather split in attention. so when I made my way down the stairs after the arts canteen down past soci department I was taking such great care of where I was stepping. and then I saw dannyboy walking up. and then he spotted me.
and he gave this cheshire cat grin and a SPASTIC WAVE.
you know, the spasm kind. *handhead*.
on a completely unrelated note. just read my guestbook.
SOMEBODY FROM MY SC1101E CLASS LEFT A COMMENT. dude, what were you looking for that landed you at my blog (at an archived page, I believe)? I love finding out how people get here, because my server doesn't tell me anymore. it used to tell me what link brought people here and the percentage of people who used that link.
back to dannyboy. I ended up giving him a amused smile. crys asked bemused or amused. I didn't really know what sort of smile I actually produced, and she said I probably ended up looking cacat.
like NO, I don't really think I looked cacat. heh. but whatever.
and I've found out why people are all about chizuru. chizuru is the second track of gazette's latest single, hyena. and while hyena is this wild jump jump track that I don't fancy much, chizuru is a more ballad type singing song. and after hearing it a couple more times, basically chizuru is something like reila. gazette musica people will understand. it's got that reila pattern in it, which makes it somewhat beautiful. but reila has a more despair-ish tone to it, I feel. that sort of "reila, why were you silly to kill yourself" sort of mood. I don't know what chizuru is about, but the title means 'a thousand cranes'. (yes it brings to mind like songhe rice. yes yes I know.)
and honestly I should sleep. I haven't even previewed this layout properly (because I did it in such a hurry) and so I should go about uploading the stuff and checking it proper.
I don't even have a signoff quote! oh dear.
marching with SHO! @ 0112