I is a little annoyed with self. but it is not something that the reader should concern his/herself with.I need more sleep. my eyeballs are falling out. AGAIN.I don't know why I'm updating. and I'm hungry. hungry, sleepy. terrible combination.I found yellow hair, crystal. but I'm lazy to save the pic and put it up here. and you can't see it because it's member locked.bag arrived with clothes. finally.
still annoyed with self over that.

crys if you're selling some of your clothes count me in.

and actually I hate the snapshot thingy on lj. wordpress has it too and it sucks.

I am killing myself with onitsuka chihiro music. why am I doing this.

I should stop whining and go to bed. seriously. sleep.

I almost forgot I had to hand in podcast assignment today. PHEW. spotted my last blog entry and suddenly remembered. 

all kok leong's fault.

anaemic boy completed the report and then he decided not to turn up for tutorial and "hoped somebody printed the report". meimei is on her way to killing him. hahaha seriously. and he didn't even tell us that he wouldn't be coming, and arrange for someone else to print the report and all. it didn't help that hotmail server just died for some reason, and he didn't upload the final version on the yahoo groups. so clever. and then because our appendix DID end up being thicker than our actual report (like duh, what can you squash into 10 pages?) we decided against stapling it. so we ran downstairs to co-op to get it bound. 

like thanks man.

and now I'm in the training room, so smart, suddenly realise must hand in podcast. I wonder if it safe to leave my stuff here and run and hand in my stuff. or see if vicks comes over and take care of my things. or ask random kid to take care of my stuff. or just freaking run. there's a guy who left his laptop and all behind...if that helps at all. 

you know what? get it over and done with. I will be back. 

done. my goodness. I can't believe I actually forgot. and I went to the cnm office to hand in the 2219 report together with the rest and it didn't cross my mind to hand in my podcast assignment while I was there. my brain has so not woken up yet. 

speaking of sleepy brains. after hearing the listening comprehension questions for the 2nd time this morning, I am convinced that it's not that my jap lang is that horrible to the point where I haven't a clue what on earth they are saying, but it's just that under exam stress and at 8am in the morning, my brain fails to startup correctly and is unfortunately still in sleep mode. which sucks. it shall cease to happen. I insist. I know for lessons I always get the back part wrong because I lack concentration. by the 4th or 5th question my mind begins to wander off into outer space and then voila! I don't catch the last couple of questions. I've tried curbing it and it sucks. 

listening to in rainbows now, for the fun of it, since the playlist was right there on imeem. it sounds like if radiohead split up, they'd go into muse and coldplay. hahaha hope that doesn't offend gwen. because that was like my first thought after like half the album or something. but of course it is merely the first disc (since that's all you can download for whatever price you wish), and honestly the vocalist is muse-ish. or perhaps it is more accurate to say that the muse vocalist is radiohead-ish.

whatever.

I will revert to something else later. not my cup of tea but at least I'm still listening to it. and not completely turned off or bored to death. and I am so lazy to do it project. but must do. it's just missing my part, and I don't want sin yee to go harrassing chings again. since I offered to do this shat, I shall complete it.

shat.

I tried not to laugh. the reason is amazing. as good as xuan-san's reason for going for SEP.

and there's nothing embarrassing about chinese drama. say until so paiseh. or maybe it's because of the reason. hahaha

and I must sleep. there was more I meant to say, but I've decided against it because I have less than 5 hours more to sleep, and tomorrow may be a long long day. and then there's the festival thing on saturday. it doesn't end late, but if we end up somewhere like that fateful day along adam road...

whatever.

I'm so glad I finished podcast. and it's under 1:30. yay. next is kaiwa, and then there's still the it project. I should bring it along tmr. then maybe can type up some more. shall upload it instead. lazy to take out pencil case. gosh.

and my next tc skit is a roar. qin yan-san has nonsense potential too. oh dear. (and yes auntie eugene is very suanable.)

I swear more than half my friends in uni come from laj classes. or at least I first knew them from laj. thereafter some of them popped up in my nm classes. but that's completely besides the point.

sleep, my goodness. it's 0122h.

allow me to revert to a normal blogger type for a while. and this entry is a tad long, plus a little video (that all gackt fans and actually everybody should watch) so it's stuffed under a cut.

1. I need to finish podcast. I have neither time nor energy tomorrow, and thursday. and it is due on friday. no I don't do things like rush on friday. okay I've done it before but I don't want to do it again.

2. laj midterms suck. okay the grade isn't like omg I should go kill myself, but it ain't looking pretty. sigh. oh and it didn't help that the last test was a mess, and I forgot one word completely for today's (complete mental block man. suddenly.).

3. I need to do it project also. it's just missing my part, and of course, the mmorpg part. for all her kan-cheong spirit is worth, she didn't seem to have looked at what was to be done properly. and I thinketh she doesn't like me. but who cares right.

4. I think I ate too much today. or maybe I laughed too much. or maybe both. and actually for all the fantasies were worth, I suddenly realised that those were exactly what we used to do. what we used to do back in secondary school, thinking of what-if scenarios and developing them and making them worse. but of course there wasn't always a hentai slant to it. we seriously should stick to eating in the arts canteen. 安全の為にから。

5. my maple syrup things have arrived. the betwo stuff have finally shipped out. and I insist on meeting up this sunday to get my maple syrup things and my bag. like finally. speaking of my bag, I was hoping that stacy would ask jenice where she bought her bag from during ta class (since we were practising asking each other such questions), but she didn't. because I sincerely believe it's the same bag. haha. don't ask me why I want to know where she got hers from.
oh and because crystal talked about how much she spent on sprees, I decided to count mine. I'm going to faint from the deficit I suffer this semester. yes I am given allowance by the semester. OH WAIT. I'm not going to suffer a deficit. suddenly remembered...hiakhiak

6. I just borrowed 2 books for the fun of it. okay 1 of them is really for the fun of it. he's anti copyright and I just wanted to read his arguments. it sounds like fun. he doesn't write awfully anyway, so it's alright. the other was introduced by lieutenant dr. park this morning. sounded dystopian-ish, and I just had to borrow it, since it was available in the central library. 2 more books are available by the same author, and they sound awesome. I'm serious.

7. completed drug party! and gackt isn't the one on drugs. you-kun is! and this is the most hilarious part: YOU IS OFFICIALLY ON CRACK. you should watch this, regardless of whether you know who the heck these people are.

keep? repeal? no I don't really want to talk about which side I'm on. aileen asked me to sign the keep one just now, but I decided against it. but I didn't sign the repeal one either.

honestly thinking about it, it's really tough. firstly the law's not all that fair. if I'm not incorrect (pardon me if I am), it applies to gays alone (i.e. men only) and oddly the second half of the law is about humans having sex with animals. like how did that get associated with one another.

I'm against the act alright. I'm no gay lifestyle supporter. that's true. but the law doesn't keep anything from happening either. you keep the law, gays continue to go about their lifestyles. you don't keep it and the same thing occurs. if the parents in singapore seriously want to keep their kids from choosing another sexual orientation, then it has to be part of upbringing. because I sincerely believe that when you teach your kid well enough, or instill certain values in the child's mind from a young age, even if the world turns against him/her the child will remain as steady as ever. but of course if your child never really had 1. an opinion of his/her own, 2. weak-willed or 3. lack of a stable moral and support system, then prepare for the kid to crash into eternal confusion.

kill it or leave the damn law. it doesn't really make a difference, from what I see. does it really help to keep the law, and label the gays as a bad influence on the next generation. is it truly for equality that the government even looked into repealing this particular code, or was it purely economically driven.

personally I'm fine if you leave the gays alone. I mean, they're people too. fine if you don't like what they do, but making it criminal doesn't make a difference.

and at the end of it, que sera sera. like what vicks said, whatever is to come will come. there is nothing that we can control. not that we sit back and do absolutely nothing, but there are some things that need not be done. already the outcry against keep377a.com tells you that the rebellion is greater when you push for something that looks potentially oppressive.

we live in a land, (or at least I do) where people are excited easily over gaining some form of liberty. however their concept of liberty, may be questionable. but because of their excitability, nothing can stop them from gaining that form of liberty. perhaps we are that oppressed. perhaps we should believe in mill. perhaps. the harm principle seems to work here, all of a sudden.

may Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

it's been such a long time since I was so emo. it's been such a long time since I decided on a rant like that, and it's been such a long time since I last wrote long long long long entries. sure, nobody misses them, I suppose. I'll try to keep the sentences short. try. so yes this may get very long, depending on how much my brain can handle, how random I get and so on.

and I suppose the most telltale sign of my emotion is always the music I listen to. the music I have an urge to listen to, that is. no thankfully for my family it's not like noisy angst-ridden rock music. somehow it falls back to the classical side of things. but I was pretty pissed this afternoon that there was no proper playlist on imeem that had the full phantom of the opera soundtrack in 1. complete form, 2. in tracklist order, 3. complete time. a lot of them were shorter than the original track, and honestly, there's a life beyond think of me, all I ask of you, and music of the night. beyond the romantic and slow heart fluttering tracks lies more emotional and heart wrenching tracks.

but I wasn't supposed to talk about being pissed at the difficulty in finding a proper playlist.

you know somehow I think I should start writing again. typing isn't the same. I think I should start writing again. I'm always so lazy to do so, obviously, and my hands cramp so easily now. I don't even bring foolscap around anymore. and I feel like going to kbox. it's so cathartic. yeah it sounds funny, right? but it works like my piano. I play whatever I want and it releases me. but while I can sing for 5 hours, I can't play for that long. my hands would cramp again. no it's not because I haven't played for a long time -- it's because I've never played for long hours ever.

and I realise that I'm actually upset with myself. I've left my brain in disarray and I didn't clear it up. I've left myself lost and disoriented and didn't tidy up. thanks jinx for sending me on my long bus ride. it was good, really. it beats sitting in the library by myself attempting to do work that will not happen. I need to stop and take stock, I need to stop and reflect. I need to stop and ask why. I want to stop.

you know there are a lot of times when I look at my archives. and I realised how reticent I've gotten. I fail at talking now. and I don't even know where to start from now. maybe it's true. that my table is reflective of my mind. it's a complete mess, a mess of both necessities, essentials, frivolity and whatever. there are so many things on it. some important, some not. some needed, many more not. a lot of frivolous things, a lot of things that don't belong on a table. on a study table, that is.

and a lot of things from the past.

there are days I feed myself some form of happy pills. but the effects don't last long. and I'm running out of them. I'm running out of them. I've been trying so hard to pick some up, from anywhere. and it sucks because I know this stupid feeling. I actually know it. I told myself to get rid of it but it didn't go away. I thought I finally threw it out. I didn't. it's making things worse actually, picking up happy pills from places that are not meant for my access. it's not so bad this time, certainly. but the point is that it's still there.

why am I prying into territories that I should not.

and you know while it's easy to choose to runaway, it's not easy to actually do so. the further you run, the more tired you get. the faster you run, the worse the pain gets. but while one should face things, one must know how to in the first place. or it will hurt again. I think I'm very afraid of pain. and it's not as if I really lived a sheltered life or anything like that. indeed more sheltered than some others, but it's not because others protected me, but that I protected myself. that I shielded myself, that I avoided anything that might be thrown and injure me.

I didn't catch it. I dodged.

perhaps that's why I continue to be weak and dependent. everybody thinks I'm steady and stable, almost completely unaffected by anything, never really upset/angry/moody, but I guess it isn't so. in fact I don't have to guess. I know it isn't so.

涙さん、止めてください。お願い。

I haven't laughed in ages either.

perhaps it's time I sat down at the four-seater swing again and ask myself what the heck am I doing. I used to hate reflection and evaluation, but these few years have taught me why people do it. I think it isn't so much of looking at what we did right and continuing and what we did wrong and improving. it's also going through what on earth we were doing and why we were doing it. it's painful to live in a know how but no why world. it's worse to know that you're living in it. and I suppose I knew that sort of pain would come, which was why I used to hate it.

there are 5 million deep issues in life that I need to talk about to myself. to dig deep and ask every why question possible. every question will inflict a deeper pain but once it's done it's over. it's just like how we've hurt ourselves before in the past, and sometimes scars are left behind, but now after like half a decade or even more, you don't remember the pain anymore. you remember it was really pretty bad and you didn't know how you got past that, but you did. it's the same emotionally, I suppose.

I must stop saying I suppose and I guess. because I know the answer. stop sounding like you're not sure.

I think I've let out enough. it sounds completely disjointed and messy. it is also getting late and I ought to sleep. but I paused at this song that I haven't listened to in ages.

Song to Life [Canto Alla Vita] - Josh Groban and The Corrs

Dedicated to the one who guilty or innocent
Lost in this sea
Yielded to the stream
Who didn't ever be a winner

Dedicated to the one always keeping a hope
In front of a sorrow
In the cold of a room

Dedicated to the one searching his own freedom

I sing to life
To all its beauty
To every wound of it
To every caresse of it

I sing to life
To it's tragic beauty
To pain and to strife
Let all that dance through me
The rise and the fall
I lived through it all

Dedicated to the one who always made it dry
Like possessed, slipped through fingers
It was always already over

I sing to life
Reflected into your eyes
Easy and endless
Promised land for us

I sing to life
Sweet and even fierce
To this journey of ours
Which still puts us in chains

It calls us...

Don't ever doubt ( x 2 )
Don't ever leave it alone
Alone
... still ...

I sing to life
Sweet and even fierce
To this journey of ours
Which still puts us in chains

It calls us...

---------------

uh yeah it's odd that I put a non-japanese song (it's 90% italian really) but whatever. I ought to sleep. my head hurts from the burst of floodgates. and I think all the water went out and my eyes are so dry. okay okay time to sleep.

for some strange reason, I'm hungry. SLEEP!

but before that, thanks to jinx for today (I'm sorry I dragged you from the 151 back out). thanks jiaxin and gwen for commenting and offering some love. =) thanks vicks for asking how I've been and putting it really succinctly. yes I'm alive but not really living. and thanks my buddy for being concerned. I know you're reading, I know you give 5 shits.

神様、本当にありがとう。私の孤独と戸惑いの感じをちょっと消えた。

then again, perhaps I've never been that strong.

I'll make this short, and then go do work. because I must.

I realised my semester feels meaningless. there has been no thinking involved, no reminiscing, no reflection, nothing. it's a daily cycle, and I just do work, get distracted, go back to work, distracted, and there's no end to it. I want rest, I want respite, I want refuge, but there is none.

and I realised there aren't humans to listen to me anymore.

maybe you don't understand what I mean.

but I've basically run out of them. gwen was talking about days when she can't stand the multitudes of acquaintances, the immense number of hello-goodbye meaningless relationships, and basically how small talk sucks. so moving on from there, I find that if I chop out all the small talk people, and all the serious talk but no time people, all the don't talk very much albeit serious and no time, and all the randomness people

there's nobody left.

神様、あたし弱くなっているな。助けてください。一人じゃないと分かってるけど、孤独を感じてるよ。

あたしの愚かな病は段々酷くなっていくばかり。

I've finally understood, why I am so tired. finally.

and I cannot stop thinking of this little tune. the lyrics have nothing to do with what I'm feeling (I suppose), but the melody lingers. it's just a small section from the phantom of the opera, from the song raoul I've been there, that sings

Yet in his eyes
all the sadness
of the world . . .
Those pleading eyes,
that both threaten
and adore . . .

maybe it's just the tune. maybe.

welcome to the 15th of october, the day I celebrate my obsessions. as I promised jinx, the following rant will go through one of my longest standing obsessions -- visual kei japanese rockers. here's the post to tell of what happens when men undergo that gruelling 4-6 hours of hair styling, extensive makeup and designer clothing that you have probably no idea how to wear. here's also a post that may turn people who have problem with men in make up, french curls and dresses, so off I can't describe.

but here's to the men prettier than me, to the men with better figure than me, to the men who have been bold enough to cross gender stereotypes. for mana proclaimed that if a girl can wear a skirt and look nice, why can't men?

take that, you gender equality fighters.

here goes the picspam. I am a little lazy to make it real major.

let's start off with the naturally pretty ones. such as hyde.
this is like his prettiest photoshoot ever.	here's an old one. like 10 years ago or something.	the famous maggi mee hair and blue dress. circa 1995.	for recency sake. haha. hyde, probably last year or so.
here's to miyavi. the next one in line, in my opinion.
nemurihime miyavi. ain't he pretty here.	joushou gaidou. his first tube top!	miyavi, 2006. dresses and weird skirts are his thing, honestly.	couldn't resist some s&m.
here comes the sexy ones. saga first!
		and then later on, saga got more conservative. we don't know why, considering that he has such great legs and a fantastic waistline. perhaps too many fangirls writing in to sexually assault the boy. poor things, these rockstars.
it screams OBSCENE, I know.	saga's mid riff!
sexy boy 2 is definitely, URUHA.
			and anymore is not necessary. there are two more such pictures at the top of my layout anyway.
tsk. he is too skinny. plus leg sticking out!	hide me, uruha says, for the fangirls are attacking!	onegai. uruha's an oiran here man. o_O
who should go next? daisuke it is!
one of the prettiest photoshoots.	daisuke, and himself. yeah they're both him.
let's go back to the pioneers. superbly infamous, I present to you, YOSHIKI.
Sultry. capital s.	infamous yoshiki with infamous kawai piano wearing his infamous pearl necklace.	interesting 'less makeup' shot of him	here's some sexiness for you. yoshiki has more porno poses/photoshoots than this, but I don't have them.
next is one of the leaders of the gothic-lolita movement: mana. be afraid. be very afraid.
the demure look.	tyrannical queen!	mana really really long ago. 1995?	a more recent one.
of course, we must not forget the beautiful bassist, TOSHIYA.
totchi revolutionised blue hair.	oh the pretty eyes.	this pretty much sums it up. mummy toshiya and 2 twin daughters.	as always, something semi porn gets in.
toshiya's sister. I present to you, shinya.
classic. so elegant.	oops, s&m club strikes back.	this is the performance where shinya, er, revealed too much. never wear a miniskirt to a live, boy.	lolita shinya. hello lola.

the next time somebody tells you a random japanese boy has a pretty face merely because he has a small face, double eyelids, trimmed eyebrows, is fair and incredibly skinny, please refer him/her this way. I sincerely believe that while such features may make them look somewhat feminine and supposedly pretty, there is a world above this level. there is a world of men who believe in selling their image besides their music, and the image they sell is not the stupid kimura takuya esute boy metrosexual. the image that the visual kei boys have sold is one of exquisite beauty, one of immaculate makeup, elaborate hairstyles and artistic clothes. and visual rockers seriously wear anything. check out how many dresses, ribbons, frills, lace, fishnet, pearls, skirts, shorts, curls whatever.

there are obviously more hiding in my computer, but it is troublesome to present them all. here I give a more or less brief summary of some of my all time pretty models of the visual kei scene. for the visual rockers do not merely strike one as a pretty face, but as a human being impressive as both male, and female. they are NOT androgynous because you do not have a problem identifying whether they're male or female. instead, the effect is that you identify them more or less directly as female only to find them male.

okay I'm supposed to do a picture post, eh? but not tonight. maybe like sunday night or something. when I have more energy and more liberty to sleep. it's late and I ought to sleep, but somehow I don't really feel like it. oh the new sprees are shitty too, and there's nothing interesting on the lj sprees. besides, I should stop for a while. I don't exactly print money.

besides that, there's something odd about my internet. maybe it's because my sis is taking the hana kimi photobook next door and eating all my bandwidth away. anyhow, the comp's super slow today. no idea why.

in fact, I have no idea why I'm typing away here either. there's obviously nothing of interest to be said.

since maril reminded me indirectly about deadlines, I should go compile my deadlines from next week's to the end of school. then I will get a much better idea on what I'm doing and what I'm not doing and what I should be doing. what a fantastic idea.

and since ky asked about potato salad. well my 2219 group met today for meeting, and then while xueying and I went for tutorial, the rest got lunch. then after our tutorial they were just eating, and kokleong and joreen had ordered potato salad. I think kokleong more or less finished his, while joreen shared some of hers with xueying and I. after that we went for tutorial together (yes we forced kokleong to go for tutorial because he'd only come like ONCE. actually I really remember he came twice. but never mind.) and did the usual 'discuss in your groups and present later'.

so kokleong, the brains of the group, went a little berserk and insisted (rather excitedly) that all the inefficient employees should just freaking get sacked. and no matter what we talked about, he'd link it to cutting employees. and he was being super drama and excited when usually he's quite quiet and serious. so joreen attributed this madness to the potato salad, because actually joreen xueying and I were laughing rather uncontrollably at kokleong's odd behaviour. and in the end actually my entire group spent the entire tutorial laughing away, and somehow we managed to come up with decent ideas that my tutor approved of.

HAHA. looks like potato salad works for anaemic boy, eh?

stupid potato salad. be careful when you order potato salad from olio okay. it may cause some sort of high-ness. be forewarned. and the stupid potato pieces were so huge, joreen and I were half mashing the potatoes from trying to cut them into smaller pieces. I think actually all 6 of us were a little crazy today. for some strange reason. but I'm beginning (yes slow I know) to pretty much like the group. it's sad that it's joreen's final sem, and the rest (besides xueying obviously) are graduating this year. there's still that odd fear of anaemic boy but it's not so bad now.

off to do the deadline chart. should try a kokleong stunt on that. AHAHA

my player died just as I crossed the road, and I hadn't fully awakened from my bus ride. so I sat at the four-seater swing downstairs in shade, some wind, and quiet. and I think I just like swinging. from the sarong that suspended from the ceiling to the half-a-tyre swing to four-seater swings, I love them all. four-seater swings remind me of the days I spent alone, quietly in my grandmother's house, uninterested in the boys' computer gaming, uninterested in television watching, uninterested in talking to my other girl cousin who was my age. utterly uninterested. I would instead, sit on the four-seater swing by myself, thinking about the day.

I've always been a little odd huh. itsumo ne.

and I like to rock. literally and not. it was so nice, sitting outside st. james that day, swinging away. although the other huge seat in a cylinder looked inviting too. it was odd company that day, but the swing was good enough. never mind almeida's fears that the swing would come crashing down because we were so violent, or that we would eventually swing into the palm tree behind us or land on the road.

four-seater swings make me think of secondary school days too. I remember they initially nailed the swings to the concrete ground, only to find that we were so violent, the nails came out and the swing wasn't stable anymore. so they proceeded to cement the swing base to the ground. I don't think it came out after that. even if it did, I had graduated already. and it was on that swing that we terrorised some of my friends who thought they would fly off, and it was on that swing that eventually made adibah write her 8 pages of lame crap prior to syf.

my goodness.

but I don't want to go on reminiscing. so we'll dig into somebody else's memory. dangly earring boy, for example. jinx's friend managed to dig out a link to the alumni, and tada we found him. orz to jinx but I simply burst out laughing.

like WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED THEN.

okay yes we were laughing about how dorky he could get. but this is FUNNY. my goodness. hilarious sort of funny. in fact, for the record, I'm still laughing. I don't know what I'll do the next time I see him. I hope I don't laugh into his face. it tends to happen. for a moment I wanted to juxtapose the pictures, but 1. that would be an invasion of privacy, 2. that would be mean,

3. that would kinda resemble a before/after advert.

HAHAHA that's ultimate mean. but besides that, I think the poor child has suffered much in uni. maybe he asked for it, arming himself with japanese styled longish black hair, dangly silver earring, super skinny skinnies, pointy shoes and the list goes on. (oh by the way crystal, the blue cardigan? certified female.) not to mention the kayashima-ish vest with little badges and the scarf today.

then again, there's only so much attention you can scream for in a brownish uniform.
aha yes the dangly earring that made you famous
pray tell why is the bottom the female sign
no
thats a male sign!!
haha
nooo the circle with a cross below is female
haha i know
mine's circle with arrow
its so small....i didnt know anyone wld go notice that part
but the point is its a circle with arrow....hahah i can prove it
issit
i swear it wasn't...
hmmmm
maybe i really really should change my glasses
ahahhahahahaa
haha i will show you the next time you see me wearing ok
now i see wad kinda ideas you and yr frens are getting from my clothes and earring hey I didn't mean it that way man. (but I really remember it that way.) the poor child has been thought of as gay and weird and unfriendly for three semesters running I suppose. even kayan asked me after I said hello to the boy.
aiya actualli i know yr opinion is prob the mainstream
for ppl who dun realli know me personally that is
but den again tahst why manny ppl call visual kei artistes gay and such
ahahah actually u've turned out more normal than i thought
ahahhahahahhaa
u're definitely nowhere gay
haha how so...
i thot i'd onli add on to yr perception...cos i can talk so much but male celebs...johnnys or jrockI would like to say one thing: don't doubt the visual kei fans. they look at people completely differently. we've seen both ends of the gender spectrum and we know the difference, we appreciate the difference.
and now it seems the only thing I can say is to tell jinx to show him some lurrrve. AHAHA.

本当に、そんな変じゃないよ。青春は、熱く奥で果てたいよ！約束だよ、指きりげんまん。

that's exactly what happened this morning. perhaps the boys focused a little too much on measurable objectives. yes they are important but there were other things to address. as to my sister's question on how they arrived from their initial discussion (which was what the committee was looking for) to what they had in the end, I suppose the only answer is that they just wanted to create maximum impact. but that isn't the point at all, after all. as much as they hope for a successful run, success is difficult to determine sometimes. and smooth running does not guarantee the sort of success we ought to look for.

the underlying assumption was that they don't know how.
but it obviously looks like they know how but don't know why.

or at least, they're not convinced why. but I was just thinking. perhaps we live in a more orwellian world than we thought. that perhaps all these years taught us more hows than whys, and that we never really ventured in a why. maybe we didn't like to. maybe, ironically, maybe we didn't know how to. in fact I think that's it. perhaps we never knew how to. nobody taught us, and therefore we never learnt by ourselves.

that's how the unfortunate critical thinking idea came about, I suppose.

and that is how the society goes here. we need to be taught to think. oddly enough, we've learnt hell lot about reflection and evaluation, but everyone either hates it, or avoids it like plague. either that, or they don't bother about it. it doesn't seem to exist. and perhaps there is a lack of looking ahead into future reflections. but that could prove a little difficult.

昔の事、難しい事。

it's so late. time to sleep.

indeed, a new layout. and a new layout deserves a new entry.

the unfortunate thing is, I'm still not happy about some of the text formatting. I can't seem to get rid of the comment numbers in the archive. it annoys me to no end. I fixed the rest up properly, more or less. the colour's fine. in my opinion.

and it is waaaaaaaaaaaaayyy brighter than before.

well yes, welcome to urupoRn, I mean, uruha from gazette. he's got legs too sexy to be male, double eyelids half drawn in, foundation the same colour as his legs and forever in man shorts. okay I picked the man shorts pictures.

IN ANY CASE. I have finally changed the entire layout and I hope, jinx finds it happier now. heh. I'm finding it so bright now man.

oh and you have no idea, absolutely NO idea how much my sister and I fussed over this header picture. we were like nooo this colour very weird, no it's not balanced, no the words should be there, no the font is not right, no since he faces this way, must pick another picture that faces that way, no the brush is wrong, no the colour is off blah blah blah blah blah. my goodness. and all the shift shift NO too much already shift back! sort of things.

off to bed. so late. will tweak again another day. so tired.