it's finally begun.

can't wait for it to start, can't wait for it to end. after tomorrow I will feel a little better. after wednesday, I'll feel much better. in fact, I'll be almost free by then. nm2220 is a waste of time, and I've actually read half the 2219 readings already. unbelievable. although actually while the 2219 readings are long and inky, they're not difficult to sit through. which is all good, really. after doing a project with the dean's list boy, I'm so not screwing up the exam.

well you could make it this semester

like no. I always think about it you know. but somehow I have this bad feeling now that even doing something stupid like that wouldn't help me wake up. I'll continue to dream, to believe oh that was just a bad dream and we'll get on with life.

and I realised it's been 3 months. and a week, if you like. I can't believe it's been 3 months of inactivity. and I can't believe this stupid semester passed so fast. and I am still asking stupid questions. I am still asking. I don't even know why I do this anymore. I hate asking starter questions. I freaking suck at it. I don't like starting conversations. I hate small talk. I'm one of those who can give you long long answers to your questions, but if you ask me if I have any, I probably don't have any. at most I have a couple. and then there's nothing left. I don't know why I do this. I don't know why I bothered.

but yes I was in the mood and I bothered.

sometimes I think this has gone on for too long. so long that I've like half forgotten, so long that I thought I moved, but in actuality I didn't quite. in fact looking at it now, I didn't move an inch. I just pressed pause. I pressed pause because I needed a break, I pressed pause because I wasn't quite mentally prepared. but I think to myself now, I'm still in the same state as before. in fact maybe it's worse, because I am losing emotion. my reactions are failing, my brain is failing, I'm running from a lot of the philosophies I used to know.

but they seem to come back under these conditions. they come back. and I don't know why.

speaking of the question why, I found The Prisoner. I shall watch it and try to have a critical mind. I have a feeling it's going to come off nonsensical and ridiculous the first time round, but I hope I'll get past the 1967 tv quality and watch it proper. and watch the general self destruct upon being questioned why.

I should go sleep.

and for the record, I don't know why I'm letting myself fangirl over yasu, when yasu isn't a tad good looking. but he beats like rain. hahaha mabel and I were laughing too much about how ridiculous this rain craze is, and actually we talked waaaaaay too much. jinx don't desert us again. we become potatoes talking to one another.

indeed, sleep I must.

I have been busy mugging. yeah right.

I hate this period of time. this point in time where I need to wait for the exams to start. and I always think to myself, why don't they try like having the exams like immediately after the term closes and then see how we fare, without all that mugging and apparent camping in school.

somedays I think that I probably should start reading my 2219 now, but I don't want 2219 to stay in my brain while I do my 2101 and laj. I'm still talking gomi for laj too. which sucks. but I haven't a clue what to do about it. I just hope that through all that gomi that has been corrected and corrected, that I remember those corrections.

I'm just tired of having to study.

I'm still like carrying on life as usual somehow. I'm still on msn, staying out for dinner, I'm getting jda's discography now, still updating my journal, still shopping online, still sleeping late. and I am so like falling asleep at my computer even.

and still hooked on yasu. I'm like counting down to the release of aishitenai. but it's still another good 4 more days. I haven't been hopping like this for quite some time now. but yasu and his big band jazz rock shall kill me one of these days. and because I'm so hooked on the damn song and I insist on it, here's acid black cherry with the song black cherry, and all its innuendo cheekiness.




hiaks. you don't really want to know what he sang though. and I suddenly want my hair to look like that. but I can't because it's obviously too short now. or rather, the short layers are way too short.

I have a lot of virtual clutter to clear after the exams. I have to clean up my folders, clear up the mp3 player because it is GASP running out of space, burn off all the videos I've promised to burn since er, since. then there's piles of un-renamed pictures simply because I saved too many at one shot and I'm waaaaaaay to lazy to rename them properly. they're all properly categorised and folder-ed, but goodness me some of them are just stashed into the main folder and so many are still like spxf002293.jpg. which sucks.

then there's the physical stuff. there's my incredulous table that has been messy for as long as I've had a table. there's all the stuff on the floor. there's all my accessories (yeah they're in a box but now I want that box for my beads), which also means I want to tidy up the beads and stuff. oh and my cupboard is in an incredible mess. it's so incredible I'm wondering how it happened.

and for once, my notes are actually in order. and I mean for once. because my notes have always either 1. stayed a mess, 2. got cleared up and organised just before the exams, 3. got cleared up and organised only after the exams. number 2 doesn't apply because my notes have more or less been pretty much in order since the beginning of the semester. well at least no more chinese worksheet in english file anymore. that was a joke, in my opinion. a sad one after a while, but a joke nonetheless.

it is bleeding hot out there. I think that's what makes me sleepy. hot boring saturday afternoon. gosh.

I swear jinghui and jinx were short of taking their chairs and throwing them at me.

for the record, I am picky in the sense that I don't eat a lot of what other people eat. I don't eat
chili & friends (sambal, asam, black pepper, ginger, garlic, wasabi ETC)
sweet and sour stuff (like those pork/fish at the mixed veg rice stalls)
kang kong/ eng chye (and the usual veggies that nobody eats like celery. ugh.)
orange vegetables (carrots, sweet potatoes, pumpkins)
YAM. (no yam cakes, yam rice or even ou nee)
egg yolks (not because they're fattening or gooey. I just dislike the taste. oh and yes that means no yolk mooncake!)
peppermint (that includes sweets, mint ice cream and I hate toothpaste.)

but I do eat
all meat (yes mutton and duck and venison included)
all seafood (yes cockles and oysters and squids included)
innards (mostly piggy parts)
frogs
snails
beansprouts, green peas, lady's fingers, capsicum, pickles, onions, olives (black preferred), broccoli
chicken feet
century eggs/quail eggs/salted eggs

and that's all the weirdo things I can think of. of course I do eat normal stuff like salmon, prawns, chicken, cabbage, kai lan, blah blah blah.

oh and I have no qualms about herbal soup. yes that means add all the wolfberries, angelica, ginseng, chong cao whatever you want into my soup. go ahead. but herbal tea tends to be a no no. somehow they put weirder things in tea than soup.

and yes I eat raw fish. and the like. so that's fish roe plus sea urchin included. heh.

somehow I think jinx has half fainted somewhere along the way.

I think some people must be wondering what the hell I eat then. or as jinghui says, my food side of life must be really pathetic. for the record also, my mum doesn't deep fry anything, and the max is stir fry. we went through several years of microwaved dishes, and when it's just my sister and I, everything's boiled. or steamed. and yes my fish is steamed virtually without anything. usually just a few ginger slices (that means sans tomato, brown beans, sour plums whatever) and a bit of soy sauce. my veggies are eaten green and crunchy thank you. sometimes my mum just blanches them in hot water and tada we're done.

my mother wants to buy me a kid's dish however. because of my incredulous habit of separating my food. that's why my mum doesn't cook like veg plus pork plus mushroom plus fish. non. they are to be cooked separately. even if they aren't, I'll freaking separate them. on top of that, I'll pick out everything I don't eat and put it in another corner (how does a round plate have a corner?) of my plate. so my mum wants to buy the alphabet plate/roti prata plate so I can put my food into the compartment thing.

so now that probably I've become a weird child, I shouldn't go into the drinks part. or let's just do it for fun. keep a record of all this crap I eat/drink and avoid like plague.

I don't drink common stuff like
coffee (mocha is pretty much all I can take)
100 plus original (yes the flavours okay. but I drink h2o. don't ask why.)
bandung (rose syrup ok. milk ok. together? forget it.)
alcohol (refuse. it stinks so bad to me.)

but I'm fine with
lime juice/dragon fruit juice/tomato milkshake
mild herbal tea (chrysanthemum plus ginseng/wolfberries etc)

and because I'm really sleepy, and I think I ate too much, I shall go off now. oh one more thing!

when I was small, I ate yong tau foo dry without sauces at all. now I add sweet sauce.
when I was small, I ate macs without sauces at all too. now I eat mayo. and maybe bbq sauce.
I have never eaten laksa.
I have no idea what are the differences in the dishes from the indian and malay stalls. because I almost never buy from them.

gomenne, watashi no karen na tomodachi. futari no tolerance ni tsuite, hontou ni arigatou. =)

first off, there's a new kid on the facebook block. I was like oh SNORT. but whatever. suddenly jc seems like such a long time ago. in fact, everything seems like such a long time ago.

I found a lovely website that translates all things janna da arc, and that explained the presence of proper acid black cherry translations. and yasu wrote a short novel. it's such a kid's story you know, that little novella. but yet the way it was written was pretty cute. it's like pandora's box, extrapolated version. it's such a fairytale, and it takes quite a bit to believe yasu really wrote that. (especially since the 2 singles put out by acid black cherry aren't the cleanest in the world.)

I watched the 2nd acid black cherry pv just now. yasu's not pretty, but he's awfully cheeky. I was so darn sure that woman that the two gangster bosses were fighting over was going to turn out to be yasu. so sure. who else could it be, anyway. terrible, that boy. first he pretended to be some rock idiot otaku. now he's become a drag. so what's next, yasu? but the pv style was a joke too man. it was in that silent movie style, where the frames aren't sufficient for a smooth action, and a little jumpy and static, with messages written in white words on black background popping up now and then.

I watched it on a site that has a bunch of jpop/jrock pvs and news and such, so I just went to check out the main page. and it told me that tetsu's getting MARRIED. so I was like omg to who?! I didn't recognise the name, so I went on a name hunt on the usual pages. wikipedia didn't spit out anything good enough, wiki.theppn didn't either, so I finally copied her name into the japanese wikipedia.

oh dear.

I scrolled down to stuff she's acted in (from the little results I got from the former 2 sites, I saw she acted in the waterboys special and battle royale 2, both of which I didn't watch), and a title caught my eye.

hana yori dango.

she was the girl that doumyouji's mother sent to enter the teen japan competition to beat tsukushi, and in the end while she was really good, she didn't know how to entertain the kids at the final stage like tsukushi could, and in the end they all just simply played together. and it's really, really (and unfortunately) funny to think of her marrying tetsu.

besides the age difference, that is. but of course, I've only watched her in that one show, and I have no idea what she's like off screen. but the moment it hit me who on earth the girl was, I just burst out laughing.

continued scrolling down that tabloid page. and OMG nobody told me 贺军翔was in yukan club!!! ACKS. but no I'm not going to run and watch yellow hair and an attitude problem looking boy. nuh uh. UH and he has his own japanese official website now. my goodness. eh this is getting too far huh.

and now I'm hooked on black cherry. last night it was spell magic. today it's black cherry. yasu, yasu, what have you done now.

off for dinner.

after spotting those thin long straws last sunday, I couldn't help but buy them today. they're of higher quality than those I used to buy though. maybe that explains the extra 50 cents I had to pay per pack. I don't rightly know why I like folding straw stars really, but I like those stars. when I was small my mum and sis liked to buy the star papers and we folded like bottles and bottles of them. hundreds, it must have been. and then one fateful day somebody taught me hold to fold a straw star. I think it was mizugin. we folded like huge black ones in class. I think the class thought we were mad. then again, I think the class had always thought us both mad. we were the ones sitting at the back of the class, copying japanese lyrics furiously, falling asleep in class almost constantly, reading comic after comic, and the funniest one was when we were reading sailor moon, because we seriously ran out of stuff to read. miz had her huge dictionary to look for ancient kanji, and I had my daily rant of jrock performances. then miz would take random manga pictures to reproduce, and somehow she could only draw everything but the hair, so the drawing in of hair was my job.

those were the days. the days of manga, jrock rants, drawing, sleeping, and straw stars.

so many straw stars. I have like 5 boxes of them, I think. and that's just the thin straw ones. I think the evil looking thick black ones are with miz. those were painful to fold. those black straws were as thick as macdonald straws. after I found a steady supply of the thin straws, I took them. there was no turning back, until my supplier closed shop, that is. and that ended my thing with straw stars. the next year shiyun was folding some, and I helped, and realised that I'd lost quite a bit of skill, and had to practice with a few stars to get it back. today too, my first star looks a little squished and odd, but the second one wasn't too bad.

why am I talking about my straw stars obsession. so let's move on. although I like my cute white straw stars sitting peacefully in front of my printer now. heh.

a new band discovered! or rather, the discovery of a old band member. I was thinking why acid black cherry has only one guy, and that one guy, besides looking a lot like kirito, looks familiar. I finally went to check out the band information and found out why.

acid black cherry is actually the solo project of yasu, the former vocalist of janne da arc. the last time I saw janne da arc was in the previous computer. my sister had quite a bit of it. and so remembering that janne da arc wasn't all that horrid, plus the wiki.theppn page said yasu was back at his harder rock side, I decided to try. at the very least, yasu's voice isn't a turnoff.

and obviously, it's turned out pretty good. not the best, but at least it's not too bad. the very first single really really rocks. super addictive sort. can't wait for the next single to come out. it's coming out on the 28th, I think. so many things this month! laruku's album comes out on the 21st, and now this. soooo exciting.

and I has to go back to schools on tuesday. ARGH. oh well whatever. go back then go study, I suppose. I finished my 2101 readings today! so proud of myself. I've summarised all the stuff too, just that I need to type it all out. somehow I'm so lazy to type. it seems so much more gruelling to type than to write everything all out. I don't even know why either. I have 5 more sides to go too. oh dearie me.

instead I am refreshing facebook, updating here, squealing about acid black cherry and talking to jinx. and my sister, who's really just next door. (but then again, we've done stupid things like chat on msn in the same freaking room.)

it is time to sleep. nemuritai...

EDIT: it is such a bad sign, when alice nine became such fantastic friends with jealkb. and now we mark their downfall into pure pop idol fandom with their entry into winkup december 2007 issue. tsk.

not really. but then again it depends on context, people, whatever.

I'm supposed to rant all about today like how many stinking hours I actually studied and it was fun talking to irene and rae and I went out for a good dinner and laughed at eugene like all the time and jinghui almost left fuji-chan behind and I'm so full and tired now.

but looks like that rant is done.

I'm so awfully tired somehow. there's oral exam tomorrow. somehow it sucks, but somehow I've reached a point where I'm not really bothered anymore. I'm tired of school. I need to finish it and then yay.

I don't know what to say even. I'm just updating because I just think I should update. somehow when lj tells me that I haven't updated for more than a day, I just have this urge to update. but then sometimes I click post an entry, and there's nothing to write. and then I'd close it again.

more stuff arriving at the end of the week though. wait. it's practically the end of the week.

and I didn't even know miyavi had a new single coming. I've just lost track. suddenly one nightmare single, one D album, one laruku single, and now a miyavi single. just released today. it's pretty good. and it has mata yume de aimashou!!! that's all I'm really excited about actually for now. I saw it as the third track and woke up. hahaha after hearing it from that concert I was waiting, waiting...

so tired. maybe we're better off being masochistic imo-tachi.

yeah it's that time of the year that I don't want to face, not directly because I have exams coming, but because of all the studying I am supposed to do for those exams coming. and I don't like mugging. but I don't have a choice, otherwise prepare to fail. which sucks both ways. so now that I'm stuck in a lose-lose situation for the 3 weeks, I might as well do something out of it. but nooo I'm here on livejournal, I'm constantly clicking 'check mail' on my yahoo email account, opening and minimising my msn, refreshing my facebook homepage, and the biggest tell tale sign that the semester is ending and I'm running away from the exams:

I'm looking at next semester's modules.

like wth right. but it's true. whenever I'm so sick of all I'm supposed to do, I'll go check out and plan my next semester modules. (makes me wonder now, what I'll do when it's my last semester of university.) it doesn't particularly make me any happier or less stressed or anything like that, but it's something that takes my mind off all this.

but you know, that shouldn't be what's happening right now. because I'm actually done with my final projects. more or less. the 2220 newsletter has been submitted and emailed, and the 2101 is coming along just fine. so that's supposed to rock. but somehow it doesn't. well yes I'm immensely proud of my 2219 and 2220 actually, 2101 okay, but I don't know what's going to happen finally.

humans are such. a wish to control the world. a wish to control the unseen, to know the unknown, to, as my definition of theory goes, to understand what's happening, how it's happening, and ultimately, how to predict what will happen, that is, to control the future.

'all humans want to be god.'

that inevitably crept into my mind. it's been such a long time. but I don't really think I want to go down that road anymore. I'm itching to do so (yes I am and I know it) but somehow deep inside I know it's not advisable and seriously,

'it looks like a bad trip to me' -- bad trip, onitsuka chihiro

そうね…以前がない、未来がない。

I shouldn't be thinking about this. I'm supposed to continue writing out my japanese vocab list from memory. which is half failing me, because I didn't study the reference words from lesson 14-16 at all. I've never seen these words, and the further I go on, the more ridiculous our vocab gets. and that sucks.

can't wait till friday. can't.

I wonder if either realised the meaning of the blue fairy.

and I hope she's fine. no, actually I think she's more or less much better now. but I hope she'll understand and accept and move. don't sleep forever. it sucks to live in a dream, but it sucks to live in a trance too.

I will type my document after I've finished fighting with biblio. I hate biblio.

on an unrelated note, I know why shou's gold pants are ugly. THEY ARE TOO TIGHT.

and I am upset by gazette's latest photos. they've redrawn uruha's eyes and it sucks. it's so gross. ruki's hair looks like a wig. and aoi looks like he hasn't slept for days and is presently undergoing cold turkey.

but because I didn't have anything really good to say, I didn't comment on that post. but uruha, URUHA. what have they done to lovely uruha the dear darling.

but of course, there's that lovely photoshoot of reita I saved. =) because he finally has other poses besides the one where he puts his hand below his nose. I don't like that signature pose of his because instead of looking cool and pensive, reita looks more like "guh something stinks around here". for example, my default icon. typical you know. sheesh.

and yaozong is king of random questions. actually they weren't very random. there was somewhat a central theme. which made me go hmmm, but I didn't ask him outright. but I think I got a neckache from turning around to talk to him.

and I shall end off rather emo-ly.

啊!多么痛的领悟
你曾是我的全部
只是我回首来时路的每一步
都走的好孤独
啊!多么痛的领悟
你曾是我的全部
只愿你挣脱情的枷锁
爱的束缚任意追逐
别再为爱受苦

(oh! what a painful revelation
you were my everything
but every time I turn back, every step of the road
was such a lonely road
oh! what a painful revelation
you were my everything
I just wish that you would rid yourself of the chains of passion
the control of love, and chase your own dreams
don't suffer because of love again)

多么痛的领悟。醒了吗？可能我们的痛都应该先解决，不然会痛上加痛，悲剧连连，泪似河流。

DECADE 1998-2002
SFCD-0053～54　￥3,150 (tax in)

DISC-I
1.アクロの丘
2.Cage
3.Schweinの椅子
4.予感
5.304号室、白死の桜
6.Deity
7.羅刹国
8.audrey
9.脈
10.理由
11.JEALOUS-reverse-

DISC-II
12.ain't afraid to die
13.FILTH
14.Bottom of the death valley
15.逆上堪能ケロイドミルク
16.鬼眼-kigan-
17.embryo（Single version）
18.蟲-mushi-
19.Mr.NEWSMAN
20.umbrella
21.CHILD PREY

DECADE 2003-2007
SFCD-0055　￥3,150 (tax in)

1.OBSCURE
2.かすみ
3.THE IIID EMPIRE
4.DRAIN AWAY
5.砂上の唄
6.audience KILLER LOOP
7.朔-saku-
8.dead tree
9.Merciless Cult
10.鼓動
11.C
12.THE FINAL
13.CLEVER SLEAZOID
14.GRIEF
15.AGITATED SCREAMS OF MAGGOTS
16.凌辱の雨
17.REPETITION OF HATRED
18.CONCEIVED SORROW

ahem yes it's a best-of album, which usually equates cashgrab, but I refuse to believe that. there's that huge debate/quarrel at jrocknyc and at the end of it, I think it's not too bad an idea, especially for the legions of new fans who can't get their hands (or at least not legally) on older works. they've chosen a fantastic list (uh refer to bolded ones), and not all are singles. this isn't a single collection, at least.

that aside, 2101 sucks. and I've attained my phd in procrastination.

oops. but yeah I'm hungry.

and I don't know how to churn 500 words out of an introduction which probably carries almost nothing in the first place. like what am I supposed to rant about man? so I decided to exercise my ranting here.

the problem is, there's nothing to rant about.

I'm having a really odd msn conversation with my cousin though. we leave offline messages instead of talking properly online. I don't know why he signs in and out and in and out. he didn't use to do this. maybe he has too many deadlines to sign in. or pgp has cut their network. hiaks.

and I think we all went mad this morning for 2220 meeting. it was a good one though. it might just be one of my best projects this sem. the only problem? the darned lecturers obviously don't really know what they want. either that, or they can't decide on whose ideas to follow, and they're too embarrassed to insist on their own ideas. like whatever.

don't talk about the furry friends. (it's actually fluff friends, by the way.)

and deming's got black nails. reminds me totally of delon. somehow I think that's just it, that dangly earring boy reminds me of fairy godmother. well no delon had no dangly earring per se (I think the dm would have ripped it off his ear) but it was there, his classmates made him try hoop earrings as well anyway. and now black nailpolish. oh totally parallel. they're as tall as one another and oh their eyes are as small as one another too. hahaha.

I'm not so sure about nice hands. or the eyelashes, for that matter. heh. (dress alert!)

speaking of which, the boys are coming out. norman's regained his pink i/c already, and the rest are just waiting, waiting.

and I've heard too much about facebook today.

plus I'm half hooked on text twist. of all the games right.

let's go play a bit before sleeping.

oh shyte the 500 words. neh mind. tomorrow PIA.

something is poking at my head again. ugh.

I finally finished typing up the 2 chapters. my goodness. and being sick sucks so bad. and this is the don't know what time I'm sick this semester. it's a sign. and now that the student online feedback is coming up, I shall take the chance to scream at 2 ladies who have helped make my semester more miserable. but I will commend those who made up for it.

but that paragraph was so random.

I smell something cookin' in the kitchen. that was random too. I don't really remember what I wanted to say anymore. in fact I don't even know why I'm here in the first place. when I have nothing to say. when I have other things to do.

and even more randomly...

hmmm am i higher pitched than expected....or friendlier or more 'human' than expected i gather

I didn't know what to say. but it's kinda true.

脆弱的身体有温柔的声音随伴。

I can't believe I'm entertaining myself this way.

but one thing is true (and I finally agree with denise properly on this point):

話するの後で、本当に全部神秘の感じは消えた。

after reading so much about video games, I want to play one too. a non violent one, don't worry. =)

I have so many signs that I need sleep. so many. I can't believe they're all appearing suddenly.

dandan ishi ni natteru.

sleep.

and it feels good to say you're busy (when you're not). totally agree.

but I still say I'll be proud of myself this sem. look how far it's gone.

2007.08.30 nm2219 reaction paper 1
2007.09.18 nm2101 annotated biblio (turnitin and hardcopy)
2007.09.14 nm2220 news story
2007.09.21 nm2220 news release
2007.10.11 laj1201 omise 1st draft
2007.10.18 nm2219 reaction paper 2
2007.10.25 laj1201 omise final draft
2007.10.26 nm2219 written report
2007.10.26 nm2220 podcast assignment
2007.10.31 it1001 project
2007.11.02 nm2219 project/presentation
2007.11.07 it1001 presentation
2007.11.09 nm2220 group project
2007.11.13 nm2101 literature review (turnitin and hardcopy)
2007.11.15 laj2201 oral exam

throw in the 3 midterms, plus the pile of japanese homework. oh and 3 japanese skits for tc.

but then throw it all away, and honestly I've had time for myself. perhaps too much time for myself.

indeed I continue to hold my masters in procrastination, my thesis on delay and last minute efficiency continues to hold. it's a little less now, but still there anyway. I've stopped screaming about how many stinking deadlines I have because actually they're lousy excuses after a while.

and for some reason, we love trying to prove that we're the busiest, we're in the deepest shit, we're piled up to way above our heads. but what's the point? so what if it's true? it's not that fantastic. don't we always wish we were more free, that we had fewer things to do. but nooooo, we like the 'sympathy points' (great translation, jinghui). and humans are odd like this. we enjoy this comparing session with other people, to see who's busier, to see who's more punk, to see who's more obsessed. anything. it's not just to see who's more intelligent, or who's more rich. it's everything. who can use the least amount of time to write term papers, who carries the most library books about, even who drinks the most milo from the milo truck (by the way, it's back!).

and seriously, it's time for bed. I must attempt reverting my body clock to a more decent routine. this is impossible for exams.