28 February 2008 @ 12:25 am
byakuyakou II.
watched the first episode last night, and I felt like I was reading coin locker babies again. 2 dysfunctional children growing up under weird but not entirely ridiculous/improbable circumstances and turning out for the worse. the fear, the insecurity, the insanity of their growing up life is just magnified as they grow older but never really grow up. and after listening to bokura barairo no hibi so much (and singing it today), it really makes me well, emo.
and after so many years, I still don't really know what's wrong with myself. do I need so much catharsis? that I love emo dramatic songs. that I love upsetting shows. not sad, as in when everybody dies of some cancer, but upsetting whereby even if they live, you know they might as well be dead. but then you realise that death wouldn't solve anything. I always look for tragic imagery, from ruined houses to dead trees. after years and years of jrock, I realised that I've lost all angst along with them. jrockers are pure emotional people. seldom really angsty. just emotional. not that it helps that I've been supporting one of the most pained bands in jrock. or at least in my opinion, their pain really comes out in their songs. both music and lyrics wise. all the hurt, all the pain, all the disappointment, all the regret, all the despair. in fact it seems to be dir en grey's mission to bring their pain around the world.
and last night I walked into 就算是淚不流，情掏空 ，妳也不會懂，不會懂。是否早就忘記所有愛恨情愁，忘記了所有的傷痛。
that totally didn't help. not after watching 1.5hours of byakuyakou. it's funny how japanese writers manage to do this to me. byakuyakou is based on a book, and I'm assuming the book will be even more heartwrenching because there would be more detailed descriptions of the characters' thoughts and circumstances. plus, according to nlb, they're in the process of bringing it in, and I realised the book comes in 2 volumes. like wow they squashed 2 volumes of a book into 10 episodes. then there's completely dysfunctional murakami ryu, eccentric murakami haruki, and very interesting endo shusaku. I remember I stumbled upon endo completely by accident, but I ended up reading like most of the translated books. souseki natsume caught my eye only because I read about him when I was doing my jisatsu js project. literally. because souseki was a friend of general nogi, I think. something along those lines. that book I read of his was quite poetic. so japanese fiction man. oh plus I suddenly remembered I read dazai osamu too.
ack I'm disturbing myself.
I really need to sleep, because it's late and I've like gone out almost the entire day. hope rin's fine, because my mum says it really really sounds like an infection, and it can get serious. but since I'm still throwing things into nore's shared folder, I shall load spell magic and laugh at it. again. black cherry is sorta funnier but if you ask me, fuyu no maboroshi wins hands down. yasu when's your next pv? I want to know if you lived or died! sounds bad huh.
bah.
and after so many years, I still don't really know what's wrong with myself. do I need so much catharsis? that I love emo dramatic songs. that I love upsetting shows. not sad, as in when everybody dies of some cancer, but upsetting whereby even if they live, you know they might as well be dead. but then you realise that death wouldn't solve anything. I always look for tragic imagery, from ruined houses to dead trees. after years and years of jrock, I realised that I've lost all angst along with them. jrockers are pure emotional people. seldom really angsty. just emotional. not that it helps that I've been supporting one of the most pained bands in jrock. or at least in my opinion, their pain really comes out in their songs. both music and lyrics wise. all the hurt, all the pain, all the disappointment, all the regret, all the despair. in fact it seems to be dir en grey's mission to bring their pain around the world.
and last night I walked into 就算是淚不流，情掏空 ，妳也不會懂，不會懂。是否早就忘記所有愛恨情愁，忘記了所有的傷痛。
that totally didn't help. not after watching 1.5hours of byakuyakou. it's funny how japanese writers manage to do this to me. byakuyakou is based on a book, and I'm assuming the book will be even more heartwrenching because there would be more detailed descriptions of the characters' thoughts and circumstances. plus, according to nlb, they're in the process of bringing it in, and I realised the book comes in 2 volumes. like wow they squashed 2 volumes of a book into 10 episodes. then there's completely dysfunctional murakami ryu, eccentric murakami haruki, and very interesting endo shusaku. I remember I stumbled upon endo completely by accident, but I ended up reading like most of the translated books. souseki natsume caught my eye only because I read about him when I was doing my jisatsu js project. literally. because souseki was a friend of general nogi, I think. something along those lines. that book I read of his was quite poetic. so japanese fiction man. oh plus I suddenly remembered I read dazai osamu too.
ack I'm disturbing myself.
I really need to sleep, because it's late and I've like gone out almost the entire day. hope rin's fine, because my mum says it really really sounds like an infection, and it can get serious. but since I'm still throwing things into nore's shared folder, I shall load spell magic and laugh at it. again. black cherry is sorta funnier but if you ask me, fuyu no maboroshi wins hands down. yasu when's your next pv? I want to know if you lived or died! sounds bad huh.
bah.
mood: 
sleepy
sleepymusic: acid black cherry - spell magic
bored![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
cheerful
blank
crazy
sad
determined