and I mean days. probably like more than a week. mostly because I wanted to finish all five but only had 3 concrete ideas. I'm sorry that two of them are rather crappy. but here it is anyway.
[five times takki used his laptop]
pairing: takitsuba (some hints of tsuyoshi/koichi)
genre: rubbishy
notes: I'm lazy to write references. just read as is. don't ask me why I picked this title out of the pile
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lovespiral had. perhaps after watching my powerful 8gb of ai love junior and boys be...jnr I might have more garbagey ideas. or I go for another dinner with nore rae and yingxuan. part of it is inspired by our breakfast porn talk.
five.
tsubasa and yamapi waited outside the doctor’s office as takizawa was seeing the doctor. tsubasa had hopped into takizawa’s house to hear a wailing hide-kun sprawled on the floor in this unglam pose. he had supposedly been practicing dance steps for an upcoming performance even though tsubasa didn’t remember him having one, and had somehow managed to trip over himself and fell down and then couldn’t seem to get up again. so tsubasa had to give yamapi a call because takizawa was too heavy for him to carry by himself.
“what on earth was he trying to dance such that he would injure himself, the silly boy,” uttered tsubasa to himself while waiting. pi merely shrugged, suggesting that he might have tried some enbujou stunt which obviously didn’t quite work out.
just then, takizawa limped out.
“so what did the doctor say?” asked tsubasa concernedly. takizawa made the most piteous expression he could muster and said, “he said that you might have to take care of me for the rest of your lifeeee~~”
“no, seriously.”
“yes seriously!”
pi shifted uncomfortably. “maybe I shouldn’t be here…”
“no I need you to help me carry this thing home,” tsubasa declared firmly. “it seems you can walk without much help though…so what, you sprained your ankle? and how long is it going to take to heal? and you have an upcoming performance, yes? how are you going to perform if you’re in this condition? huh?”
takizawa motioned for pi to somehow get him out of this sticky situation with mummy imai, but pi stared back at him blankly. takizawa groaned inwardly and said, “imai-okaasan we’ll talk about it when we get home okay? it’s tiring standing here like that…”
tsubasa wasn’t particularly sympathetic but managed to get pi to help drag takizawa back into the car all the way home. tsubasa got takizawa changed and tucked in, and takizawa was being such a child, whining about how he had trouble walking now and would need tsubasa to help him with everything from getting a drink to getting to the toilet.
he didn’t notice that pi had distractedly started fiddling with his laptop, until suddenly pi said, “I thought you were practising your own dance? how come it’s tsubasa’s con dvd inside your laptop?”
takizawa froze.
“and pray tell,” tsubasa asked in a dangerous tone, “which track was he at?”
takizawa waved frantically to pi to shut up, but pi didn’t understand.
“pride the end. I should think so?” pi moved away from the screen and started playing the video.
takizawa buried his face. tsubasa walked over and stopped the disc. then he calmly told pi, “thanks for helping me today, pi. but I do believe you’re tired and you need to go home. I need to settle some ahem,” tsubasa glared at takizawa, “domestic affairs.”
pi woke up at the word ‘domestic’ and nodded. he took his stuff, waved bye to a dangerous looking tsubasa, and to a slowly but surely shrinking takizawa, and then ran right out.
but then pi could still hear takizawa wailing his name five metres down the road. pi covered his ears and continued running home, praying hard that tsubasa wasn’t going to paralyse takizawa for trying to dance tsubasa’s dances AGAIN when he couldn’t…
four.
a wail of a yume monogatari began singing. a weird voice moaned through the room, wailing the lyrics of the popular tackey & tsubasa song. tsubasa glared at takizawa – although hide-kun had agreed to get rid of that constant zou san, zou saaann~~ ringtone, he had replaced it with this weird moaning version of yume monogatari.
takizawa ran to shut his phone up. apparently takizawa had a new program installed on his laptop, and he had been using the program to distort almost every single sound possible to distort. everyone in the jimusho was complaining about it. takizawa went round recording any rehearsal he stumbled upon, any performances he watched on tv, and distorted them nearly beyond recognition. he had turned hey say’s songs into chipmunk sounding songs, transformed kisumai into a bunch of slurring drunkards, given yamapi a deep bassy voice, and turned kame’s voice back into the ducky voice he used to have. then he would happily turn all these horrid recordings into his ringtones and change them from time to time. it was driving everyone nuts – it didn’t matter whether you were the victim of his lousy recordings or not.
finally he decided to distort his own voice. or so everyone thought. and so tsubasa had declared.
and just when everybody thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did get worse. there was a sudden shout of tuneless biroudo no yami through the next room, and that, was coming from tsuyoshi’s phone. koichi was shouting some better left unknown phrases when that happened. tsubasa was about to scream at takizawa for sharing his lousy files, but takizawa knew better than to stay in the room.
3 days later, koichi came to tsubasa.
“those ringtones are disgusting. and those two don’t seem to be doing anything about them,” koichi started. tsubasa nodded frustratedly. “but it’s okay, I’ve got the help of someone higher up, so we’ll get this settled in a few days. endure, and the pain will subside soon, “ended koichi poetically as he rushed off for a rehearsal, leaving tsubasa half in hope and half in confusion.
koichi’s message came indeed, a few days later. they were to meet at some uptown restaurant for dinner, and everything would come to light, so said koichi. tsubasa was still in his half-half state, but went for dinner anyway.
at the restaurant, koichi was already waiting. and he was with higashiyama. tsubasa sat himself down, and higashiyama started, “okay let’s not take so much time about this. I dragged those two into my room and found out where those awful recordings of their present ringtones came from.”
koichi and tsubasa were confused. “isn’t it their own voice?”
higashiyama laughed and shook his head. “nope. it’s the two of you.”
two question marks popped out of their heads.
“they’re actually both of you singing in your sleep – neither voice was actually distorted by the program, as both of you thought.”
two exclamation marks popped out their heads now.
“so that’s why hide-kun has been leaving his laptop on for the entire night! he was actually recording the sounds I make when I sleep!” exclaimed tsubasa, a little too loudly though. koichi remained very silent. it was perhaps better not to know what was going on inside his head.
higashiyama continued, “anyway the two of them know that I was kindly asked by the two of you to investigate this, so they’ve probably gone somewhere to hide from your wrath. or so I assume.”
tsubasa and koichi had a wicked smile on their faces. “oh don’t worry,” smiled koichi dangerously, “firstly, the two of them are too famous to run too far without nobody noticing. secondly, they can’t live without us for too long…”
“they’ll come back. to face the ahem, music,” smiled tsubasa wickedly. higashiyama concluded mentally that it was dangerous to be in a johnny’s duo – there was no other place to hide.
three.
tsuyoshi whistled lightly. “takizawa-kun’s got a pretty nice place huh?” tsubasa nodded happily. tsuyoshi had wanted to see takizawa’s place for ages now, and finally he had the time. takizawa didn’t have any objections, so tsuyoshi came over for a little tour. tsuyoshi excused himself to go to the toilet, and tsubasa offered to prepare lunch.
“nee, tsubasa-kun. there’s something in your toilet you should know about.”
tsubasa looked up innocently. “something I should know about?” he followed tsuyoshi into the toilet. tsuyoshi then pointed to this harmless looking little gadget sitting prettily inside the flowerpot positioned next to the sink.
“oh you mean that? hide-kun thought that plants in the toilet were nice, so he placed the plant there. as for the gadget, that’s supposed to record the conditions in the bathroom. it’s connected to his laptop, and some program will tell you like how much water it needs, whether the artificial light is sufficient and things like that. it’s pretty sophisticated sounding but I was thinking maybe I should get one like that and place a plant inside my toilet too.” tsubasa explained, rather excitedly.
too excitedly. tsuyoshi sighed. “no no no, you should get one in your toilet, then connect that to takizawa-kun’s laptop as well, then he can tell you everything your plant needs,” tsuyoshi suggested sarcastically. “oh my gosh don’t tell me you’re actually considering my suggestion,” tsuyoshi said upon seeing tsubasa’s contemplative face.
“and why not? it does sound like a good idea…”tsubasa trailed off.
tsuyoshi sighed again. “listen tsuba-kun. this gadget here is really, a camera. either takizawa’s been an egocentric, or he’s freaking taking YOU in the toilet. and you know what sort of pictures only the bathroom would produce,” tsuyoshi explained patiently.
tsubasa merely laughed. “and why would hide-kun do that?”
“in case you do NOT already know, your other half is not exactly the most beautiful minded.”
tsubasa continued to laugh and walked out of the toilet. “you think too much, senpai. you’ve filmed too much of 33pun tantei, and now you’re making your own stories up,” tsubasa said as his hand casually brushed past takizawa’s laptop, pushing the mouse and bringing the screen back to life.
“tsubasa. it IS a camera. look at that yourself,” sighed tsuyoshi one more time, pointing to the screen that just came back to life.
tsubasa was about to say that there was nothing suspicious on the desktop, until he saw the folder smack in the middle of the wallpaper. “bathroom pictures, eh?” tsuyoshi allowed a little smile as he gently double clicked on the folder icon.
the thumbnails loaded. it was the bathroom they walked out from just moments ago alright, but nothing incriminating. tsubasa was about to laugh at tsuyoshi for being paranoid when tsuyoshi reached the bottom of the folder. “’imai-san’. very smart, this takizawa-kun. folder within a folder. he figured that someday this might happen huh.” and tsuyoshi double clicked it.
tsubasa squeaked, shut the folder window and threw a cloth over the laptop in embarrassment.
“I told you that other half of yours is dirty up here,” tsuyoshi pointed to tsubasa’s head. “I hope that camera fixture hasn’t been there for long.”
tsubasa’s face turned from deep red to pale white. “it’s been like 6 months…”
tsuyoshi raised an eyebrow and began to laugh. “oh WOW so takizawa’s got this ultra porno collection of you now huh. he must have missed those bathroom shots you two took when you guys debuted or something…”
tsubasa was about to utter something along the lines of killing takizawa when something else struck him. “nee, tsuyoshi-kun. why were you so sure it was a camera? unless you too…?!”
tsuyoshi scratched his head distractedly and mumbled, “uhm actually there’s one in my toilet too…”
tsubasa blinked. “to take pictures of koichi?!?!”
tsuyoshi waved his hands. “oh no no the one in my toilet belongs to koichi; the one in koichi’s toilet belongs to me.” tsuyoshi realised how normally he had just explained that. and how tsubasa’s face had turned a paler shade of white, and how speechless tsubasa had become.
“tsubasa? tsubasa! OEI DON’T FAINT!!”
two.
tsubasa woke up to find takizawa all dressed and ready, as if waiting for somebody to arrive in his house. tsubasa pulled himself out of bed, and asked why takizawa was already happily out of bed and looking like he was all dressed for work, when it was their off-day.
“oh you’re finally awake!” tsubasa raised an eyebrow. “we’ve got a friend coming over today, so maybe you’d like to get changed? or of course you could stay this way it won’t be his first time seeing you in just your pants anyway.”
“who on earth is coming today?”
“remember I was telling you all about this new website that shows you all the coolest info commercials of all time? and of course, you’ve seen some of the stuff around here because they’re irresistibly made of awesome and they’re all going cheap if you buy them online!”
“that’s their marketing gimmick, hide-kun. honestly like why on earth do you need a uhm, mouse wiping machine when you can wipe it yourself, or a multi-level vegetable chopper that chops up to 7 vegetables simultaneously when you can’t cook to save your life? besides, you haven’t answered my question.”
“yeah so as I was saying, I was watching all those info commercials, and so I sent an email enquiring about a lot of their products, and so the company said they’ll send a representative over today to answer all my enquiries! what fantastic service! and he’s somebody we already know! so I emailed him personally and he said no problem!” takizawa grinned excitedly.
“…so who’s coming, exactly?” tsubasa asked suspiciously.
“remember vegas ajioka? from that utaban episode? you know the one they forced us to fit into this teensy weensy bathtub and we had to pretend it was all uncomfortable and squishy even though we do that all the time? and then he was the one who showed us the mirror washing product that you paid for at the end—“
“YOU MEAN THE ONE WHO BLEEDING MOLESTED ME ON NATIONAL TV?!”
“uh…” takizawa had completely forgotten about that in his info commercial excitement. “well, yes, but uhm,” takizawa tried to find a way out of the sticky mess. tsubasa immediately grabbed his handphone and dialled the first speed dial number available.
“moshi moshi? tsuyoshi-kun? hide-kun is trying to kill me. he’s actually invited that guy from utaban, you know that bathtub episode, YES THAT ONE, yes THAT GUY…YES HE IS COMING OVER and I don’t know what possessed hide-kun to…yes yes…”
the doorbell suddenly rang.
“TSUYOSHI-KUN! OMGOMG he’s here! what am I going to do now?! what? orh! TAKIZAWA STALL HIM I’M GETTING OUT OF HERE NOW.”
“but I can’t…actually I promised him that you’d be here and so he promised me that he’ll come…” squirmed takizawa, feeling the tsuba-panic turn into tsuba-wrath.
tsubasa was about to explode on takizawa but decided against it. “listen I’m climbing out via the window, he’s already here so you just think of some excuse as to why I’m not here and I’ll deal with you after he’s gone, understand?” tsubasa ordered as he grabbed the bedsheets and prepared for exodus ala rapunzel.
but takizawa grabbed the other end. “nooooo I promised him so you can’t go…”
“no way am I staying here to be molested AGAIN and this time without witnesses besides of all people, YOU!”
“but it’s a promise! it’s bad to break promises—“
“I don’t care I’m going!”
“it’s dangerous to climb out! you could think of an excuse and go out by the front door!”
“and you think I’ll make it through the front door unscathed?!”
“I’ll protect you!”
“no you can’t! you didn’t do anything on utaban so you won’t do anything now!”
“I will!”
“you won’t!”
“I promise!”
“that’s not enough!”
“I…”
the two of them stopped tugging at the bedsheet, because said visitor was standing right in front of them.
“hello my dearest tackey & tsubaasaa.”
“how on earth did you get in?!” takizawa asked, open-mouthed.
“ah! a multi lock picker! it picks any lock! door locks, cupboard locks, small locks, large locks, (certain combination locks too,” he whispered) very useful for morning house visits because sometimes the occupants need to be woken up. but it seems like the two of you are wide awake! AHA and I see tsubasa-kun is ahem, shirtless.”
the last thing tsuyoshi heard over the phone was his name.
one.
takizawa slammed the laptop shut as tsubasa walked in. again. tsubasa had been noticing this really odd habit of takizawa almost every morning when he walked into the jimusho. sometimes tsubasa would try to spy by peeking through the crack of the door joint, but all he could see was takizawa smiling idly to himself, sometimes overcome by some perverse expression, and then some other times he looked like he was going to cry. but then it was usually the first two expressions. then the moment tsubasa walked in, the laptop would be shut. takizawa would then bounce up and avoid all questions pertaining to the laptop’s contents.
tsubasa constantly tried to find out what was inside the laptop that takizawa looked at every morning. he even tried hacking into the laptop, but to no avail. he ordered a pile of juniors to try, but nobody could crack the password.
the chance came one morning. finally.
tsubasa had this ingenious idea to get takizawa off the laptop. he had sweetly (perhaps too sweetly) prepared breakfast for his dearest aikata-kun, and of course, takizawa had totally fallen into the trap and ate all of it. what takizawa didn’t know, was that tsubasa had cruelly smashed two laxative pills to powder, and had rolled it in with the breakfast.
and of course it doesn’t take a genius to know what happened.
takizawa ran out of the room like a crazed man, clutching his stomach tightly. tsubasa had checked that they didn’t really have much to do that day – just a new dance for an upcoming performance on shounen club. so tsubasa immediately sprang into the room, and sat down behind the terminal, only to almost suffer a heart attack.
about 15 minutes later, takizawa came back, horrified to find tsubasa seated at his laptop, looking almost equally horrified. “oh no crap crap YOU SAW ALL THAT?!” takizawa clutched his head wildly, entirely unprepared for this to happen. he had guarded himself so well – tsubasa should never ever have had and never ever will have access to his archive of more than 200 pieces of fanfiction. and NO it didn’t help that he had neatly categorised each and every piece of fanfiction by their rating. it totally DID NOT help that he was reading from the R archive that morning.
“you’ve been hiding 247 pieces of YAOI FANFICTION in your laptop?!”
takizawa looked for a hole.
“and they’re all starring yourself…” tsubasa continued scrolling.
takizawa’s stomach began to churn. again.
“I gave you 2 laxatives to see this huh,” tsubasa mumbled to himself.
takizawa looked up. “you WHAT?! you gave me TWO faeces inducing chemical chunks just so you could access my laptop that you’ve been trying to hack for months?!!”
then takizawa realised tsubasa was frowning. “oh fine now you know okay? my gosh don’t give me laxatives like this it’s bad for my job…OEI STOP LOOKING AT THE STUFF ALREADY!! look, they help give me ideas about you and how I can er, be a better er, boyfriend to you and…”
“really?” tsubasa cut him off.
takizawa nodded very earnestly. very very earnestly.
“THEN EXPLAIN WHY OUT OF THE 247, 131 OF THEM DO NOT HAVE ME AS YOUR OTHER HALF.”
takizawa resumed his hole finding.
“takkixyamapi, takkixtoma, takkixshige, takkixsenga…” tsubasa’s eyebrows were twitching harder and harder, and arching further and further as he went on.
“…takkixtaichi, takkix…OMG OHNO?!”
takizawa found his hole. better known as the toilet bowl.
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I hope that wasn't too rubbishy. after a while I don't find them funny anymore. but I thought I'll put it up anyway since it's not any better lying about inside my laptop.
it's a long long day tomorrow. oh my gosh daigo really sings 80s style man.
bored
blank
, literally.
drained
sleepy
bouncy